by McKay, Faith
"Yes, well,” Willa said, just as uncomfortable as the rest of them. She had the power to rattle even Queen B. It was too bad that wasn't what she wanted. “You see our point.”
"No, I don't."
"People already assume you can't do this, and your leg will only push them over the edge."
"Trust me, Willa, I understand very well what people think I can or cannot do. I also understand that they think a group of teen girls can't handle this, with one leg or two, so this is just one more thing. But I will not be part of your cute reveal, where I hide myself and then whip it out like a show piece later. Like, oh, oopsy, turns out I just have one leg! Isn't that, like, so inspirational?"
"I can't have your prosthesis take center stage on your first video,” Willa said, losing her patience. Good. So was Sadie. “This is a group, not a solo act."
"Oh, I never thought you'd put my beautiful black ass center stage, Willa," Sadie said. "I just thought I'd at least, I don't know, be on it. And not as a cleaning lady, as Gerri has pointed out. Let's make a bargain here, Willa. How about I pop out my tits?"
"Oh my god." Dee laughed. "Sadie said tits."
"Hey now," Gerri said. "I'm the one with the boobs. That's going to be my ID for a while."
"What about me?" Dee straightened her bra straps.
"You need to trust us, Sadie. Now, we designed this nice, seamless prosthesis for you—it should be very comfortable, it was extremely expensive. We had to consult your old prosthesist for measurements and had the most expensive prosthetist in the city put a rush on this design. We also had to rush order your new designer jumpsuit, which will fit perfectly.” She said “fit perfectly” but meant, “cover you up so no one can see you.” Sadie knew that.
"No."
There it was, the silence. Her mother had taught her to stand it. If they want you to take the kind of disrespect where they're saying you're less, you say “No” and take their silence or their anger instead. It'll be awful, but it's an awful they'll have to take, too. You make them deal with you, baby girl. Whether they learn to accept you or not, at the end of the day, you always gotta accept you. Remember that.
She did.
If her dad hadn't died in the military after Anthony was born, and her mom hadn't had to work two—sometimes three—jobs to keep them eating, her mom would have ruled the world.
Ten seconds of that lonely silence had passed when Jo moved to Sadie's side, and before she could wrap her head around that, Gerri and Carrie joined her.
Dee, still staring down the jumpsuit, said, "Are you going to give her an outfit and a prosthesis she wants, or are you going to make her hop around out there? Because, like, that's not cool. We'll have to all hitch our legs up to make it look more uniform, and it's harder to hop when you're this short, you know? Especially in these heels, and I am not getting shorter heels, in fact, I could use something a little higher. Are you hearing me? Who do I talk to about these shoes?"
Willa put her hands up. "Fine. No jumpsuit. You can wear,” she pointed to Sadie's leg, “that one.” It was shiny and silver, her favorite prosthesis. “Can you work with this, Marcus?”
"On it," his assistant said.
Willa bent over her phone and left them.
"Holy shit," Gerri said. "I can't believe we won against Queen B."
"Especially on this," Sadie said. "And damn, Dee. Good job in the end there. Sometimes you're just too awesome."
"Sometimes?"
"Yeah, sometimes," Sadie said.
"Better watch yourself, honey," Gerri said. "Princess Dee is a force to be reckoned with."
"You guys think I don't know you're making fun of me, but I know things," Dee said, "like where to hide a body."
Gerri burst out laughing.
"She really is like our little mascot," Carrie said. "Our little, scary, mascot."
"Oh, no," Gerri said. She'd pulled on one of her dresses, which looked cute enough on the hanger, but might as well have been a paper bag on her body. "Do you think calling Willa back in here will get me anywhere?"
"We can fix this," Dee said.
"It's like my mother talked to these people," Gerri said. "She probably did."
“What's wrong?” Carrie asked. “I can't see over here."
"Gerri's clothes," Sadie answered. "They're not, exactly, her size."
"Oh, they think they're my size," Gerri said. "This was on purpose. Cover up the fat girl. They looked so cute hanging up, with the pink and purple print." She groaned and shook her arms high above the clothing racks, like she was cursing the gods.
"I know, I know," Dee said. "That's how they get you. Tricking fashion victims everywhere. I've seen it happen a thousand times."
"What are you doing?" Gerri asked.
"You think I look this good and don't have a few tricks up my sleeve?" Dee asked. "Please."
Marcus had finished remeasuring Sadie, freeing her to get a look at Dee with a hand full of pins, pulling and tucking at Gerri's clothes.
"Just a few darts," Dee mumbled around the pins in her teeth, "whole new outfit. Promise."
Carrie came around the clothing rack separating the spaces, looking stunning as ever. A vest of gray feathers, tight purple shorts, and shoes that very few people could walk in, let alone take out a zombie in.
"It suits you, honey," Gerri said.
"Where's Jo?" Sadie asked.
"Hiding," Jo called out in a much smaller voice than Sadie would have thought she was capable of. She rarely talked, but it was always with confidence. Sadie bent down and spotted her two clothing racks over. She pushed her way into the alcove of clothes Jo had hidden herself in. Jo asked, "Is it too late to call this off?"
"If it's really bad, I promise, we'll help you fix it," Sadie told her. “I've got your back just like you had mine, okay? And anyway, I don't think Dee will go out there with you if it looks really bad. She's fixing Gerri's. It'll be okay.”
Jo's face flashed what could possibly pass for a smile.
"Could you stand up and let me see it?"
Jo grimaced. "I knew I'd have to wear stuff like this, I just didn't know. It's just so..."
"Revealing?"
"I'm okay with that," Jo said. "It's just so silly.”
"Let me see," Sadie said.
Jo quickly stood up straight, like she was ripping off a bandage.
"Wow," Sadie said.
Jo cringed.
"No, Jo, damn," Sadie said.
"No Jo?" Dee called out. "What's going on with No Jo?"
"Show them," Sadie encouraged.
Jo, who Sadie had witnessed wiping zombie guts off her pants without a flicker of a facial expression, cringed, again. But she stepped out from her hiding spot. Gerri gasped.
"So unfair," Gerri said.
"This is more like it," Dee said.
"What do you think?" Carrie asked Jo.
"I don't know," Jo said.
"Of course you don't," Dee said. "If you did, you'd have been dressing like this all along."
"Way to be sensitive, Dee," Sadie said.
"What?" Dee asked.
"You look so good," Gerri said.
"Fierce," Sadie added.
"Definitely fierce," Gerri agreed. "Black, but not in like, a dark way. Shiny. They even got you in a little glitter, there, at the hem."
"Oh! Love it!" Dee screamed, dropping a few pins from her mouth.
"Are you joking with me?" Jo asked.
"Would we let you stand beside us looking bad?" Sadie asked.
"Hells no, honey!" Gerri clapped Jo on the back, knocking her forward a couple steps with the force of it. "If Dee doesn't fix this monstrosity so I look better than you, though, I might have to hack off a sleeve or two."
Dee grumbled something through the fresh pins in her mouth; none of them understood, but they laughed anyway.
A woman dressed all in white wheeled a cart into their dressing room. She pulled back a sheet to reveal a set of five, new, brightly colored, weapons.
/> "Now this is what I'm talking about," Sadie said, picking up her forearm machete. The blade was a rainbow tinted steel, reminiscent of her favorite throwing knives, just as she'd requested.
Dee smiled, wrapping her fingers around the pink sparkly grip of her machete. "It's just so... cute."
"As weapons were intended to be," Carrie agreed.
Jo's weapon had a flower design etched into the handle with red and pink sparkles. Sadie expected Jo to hate it, but when she picked it up she smiled at it appreciatively.
Meghan's clapping proceeded her entry to the room. "Makeup!" she called, as the door opened. "Now or never!" The door shut behind her.
"I think she's really warming up to us,” Carrie said.
They were poked and prodded through makeup. The session started off with them being criticized for not getting enough sleep, even though their schedules weren't under their control. Then they were yelled at by Meghan for any number of things. She went on about the amazing opportunity they were experiencing, and how she expected them to appear more grateful. Sadie had a lot to say about that, but kept it to herself. It wasn't worth it. Not when she'd already fought for the clothes earlier, and would be killing zombies on camera very soon. It was a day for bigger battles.
After all of Meghan's impatience the girls made it on set, only to stand around and wait. It was too much time with nothing to do but think.
An older guy, something like thirty years old, was wheeled into the room in a tweaked version of the zombie cages. Controllers connected to levers worked the cameras hooked to the outside of his cage.
Gerri walked over and tapped her long nails on the plastic. "And who are you?"
"Dylan," he said.
"Whatcha doin' in there, honey?"
He leaned back from the screens and smiled down at the girls surrounding his cage. "Howdy ladies," he said. "I'm your cameraman. I'm here to shoot your video and show the world what you girls can do."
"From inside a cage?" Gerri asked.
"Can't very well watch my back while I'm focused on getting the best shot," he said. "And it's not like I'm some badass like you."
"How do you know how bad my ass is?"
Sadie covered her face with one hand. "Oh my god, Gerri."
"I've gone through the footage from your auditions, so I have an idea about you," he said.
"And what is it you think about me, hon?"
"Glad I'm not a zombie," he said. "You girls just worry about taking those corpses down, keep yourselves safe, and I'll make sure you look perfect."
"Oh honey, I look perfect brushing my teeth. I make your job too easy."
"Hey, I'm serious, kid," he said. "Keep yourself safe as you can, you hear me?"
"Says the man in the cage, come to film the wreckage," Carrie said.
"Harsh, Carrie," Sadie said.
Carrie shrugged.
"That's fair," the cameraman said. "I don't know who your parents are that they let you girls do this, no offense to your parents, mind you.”
“Hey!” Sadie snapped. “Don't talk about my parents.”
“Like I said, no offense meant. I've got three girls myself. I can't imagine watching them do this. You'll notice I'm the only camera in here? Usually we'd have at least three to get shots of the five of you, but no one else would sign up to do this, even in the cage. I signed up because, well, the money, and because if five kids are going to volunteer to dance and fight in here then damned if I can't, but, shit, kids." He took off his beaten up hat and slapped it against his leg, propped up on some of the camera equipment. "Why are you here?"
The girls had all crossed their arms and were glancing around at each other. Except Dee. "Money, fame, clothes, stylists, people to worship me and do my makeup, and like, for real, it's kind of a public service. I mean, it's sort of shameful to be this perfect and not let people see it, don't you think?"
His face softened again, though it had never been that rough. "Of course, kid," he said.
Dee smiled up at him. "I like you."
"I like you too, kid. So, be careful out there."
"What does that even mean? I'm not trying to be rude," Carrie said, "but honestly, we're going to fight zombies, in the most entertaining way possible. What can we do to be careful?"
Sadie expected him to balk at that. What was there really to say in response? But the cameraman put his hat back on and squatted down, putting him at eye level with the girls. "Like I said, I saw your audition, Carrie. All of you. You went for the biggest thing you could do, not the most practical. You wanted in this band more than you wanted to live. When I say be careful out there today, I mean, put your ability to breathe before your ability to be in this band, because no matter how perfect you are, it doesn't mean shit if you're not breathing." He tapped his palm against the cage and said, "So you be careful out there, you hear me?" He looked off behind them, slightly raised his eyebrows at something he saw, and went back to his screens.
Willa's heels and Noah's boots struck a beat on the polished floors. Jo took a step to the right, putting Sadie between herself and Noah. She'd been doing a lot of that. Sadie was pretty sure Jo thought no one was noticing it, or maybe she just didn't care. Jo was hard to read. When Jo had first acted so strange around Noah, Sadie had told herself not to jump to conclusions. They obviously knew each other, but they could have had any kind of relationship. The more Jo did to hide from him, the longer her silence dragged on, the harder it was for Sadie to see anything else in Jo. Sadie knew a thing or two about heartbreak. Not knowing the details, and not wanting to get into it, Sadie tried to pretend she didn't even notice the whole thing. It didn't stop her from wanting to drive an elbow into Noah's gut during training. It'd be easy to play off as an accident.
"Attention, everyone!" Gerri hollered. "The Queen B has graced us with her presence."
"Thank you, Gerri," Willa said, in utter seriousness. They were going to have to do more than that to get under Willa's skin. "Today is the day you become stars, Deadly Divas. It all starts now. Noah will be here the whole time, just like yesterday. I've asked Tammi to stay in the audience with me. Any questions?" She actually waited for them to speak instead of turning back to her phone or walking away, which caught Sadie off guard.
Jo asked, "When will the video air?"
"Tomorrow," Willa answered.
Sadie furrowed her brow. "It'll be ready that soon?"
"Last Chance Records has the best," Willa said. "We can produce quality in record time. Now, if that's all, I'll leave you to it. Give us your best, Deadly Divas. I know you won't let me down." The words would have almost been sweet, if someone warm like Gerri said them. Or even Carrie, with her sincere little voice, even if what she said was mostly sarcastic. But from Willa? It was more like a threat. I know you won't let me down, because if you fail, I'll let a zombie eat your guts.
"I prefer zombies," Sadie whispered.
"Don't we all," Noah agreed.
Sadie glared at him, and then quickly turned away, reminding herself that no one had asked for her solidarity against the guy. It wasn't like Jo needed it anyway.
JO
Things were going horribly wrong. Jo had brought a lot of attention to herself opening her mouth, and in front of Noah, no less. Not that she cared about that, because that would be thinking about him, and giving him the attention she was decidedly not giving him. But she did find herself the center of attention more lately than ever before. It had been so easy to blend into the background at home. In the past few days, there had been a dozen times where she'd said or done something, and found four pairs of eyes stopping everything they were doing just to stare at her.
She never used to think of herself as shy, but that was before the spotlight began to burn. It was making her nervous about the whole fame thing.
Perhaps that was why she was sitting alone while they waited for filming to start: getting a moment of solitude while she could. They were waiting for Noah and the cameraman to be ready. Not that Noah wa
s actually working—he was standing around talking to Gerri. Not that Jo cared.
Someone kicked Jo's shoe. They were lucky she was working so hard at checking her reactions. Back home, she'd have jumped up and knocked them to the ground. That was just the way things were done at home; it wasn't anger, just custom.
Jo gazed at her intruder. Sadie's hair was braided up the sides, and free and springy up top. It was sassy, as she could be. Of any of the girls, Sadie was the easiest one to be around. She was quiet, but when she talked, it was honest. It felt like Sadie was putting on less of a show than most people Jo had met recently. Well, not that Dee wasn't honest as they came, but Dee was definitely all about the show.
"It's okay to feel that way, you know," Sadie said.
"What?"
"However it is you're feeling about whatever it is that went on with you and him. It's okay."
So much for Sadie being easy to be around. "Uh huh." It was all Jo could think to say that wouldn't invite more conversation.
"My heart has been broken," Sadie said, and slouched against the wall.
"I'm... sorry?"
Sadie gave Jo another one of those looks she'd been getting, the long pause that marked the unspoken question: what's wrong with Jo? Finally, Sadie broke it with a laugh. "You're really not much for the emotional sharing thing," Sadie said. She sighed. "That's okay. I'm not really wanting to do the talking thing either. I just wanted you to know that I've been there, and that whatever you're feeling is okay. And that if you want us all to hate his guts for you, just give me the nod, alright?" Sadie paused and watched her face again. Jo realized she was waiting for a nod. Jo gave a slight shake of her head, and Sadie laughed again, making Jo wonder if she was really waiting for the nod or not. Was nothing simple in this world?
"Is everyone ready?” Noah hollered, like he hadn't just been standing around.
