by Jessica Hart
'How on earth did you organise all this?' asked Bella, impressed, as he laid the tray on the bed with a flourish.
'It turns out that Elvis is the nephew of the barman and one of the cooks,' Josh told her, wondering if she knew how desirable she looked with her hair all tousled and her skin glowing.
'He told them how I went with him to the police to tell his story, and now they're insisting on treating me like some kind of hero, although I didn't really do anything. It was quite embarrassing,' he said, remembering his reception in the kitchen with a grimace. 'And when I asked if there were any leftovers from dinner, I was made to have a drink at the bar while Elvis's uncle cooked all this from scratch.'
Bella sniffed appreciatively. 'It smells wonderful,' she said, settling herself more comfortably against the pillows. She smiled at Josh. 'You are a hero,' she said. 'Anyone who can arrange a meal like this at this time of night definitely gets to be a hero in my book!'
They ate everything, sitting up in bed and then lolling across it to pick at the last few bits, and chatting easily. It felt extraordinarily relaxed, Bella thought at one point. There should have been some constraint, surely, given what they had been doing earlier?
But no. It seemed quite natural to be lying here with Josh, aglow with remembered delight, her foot sliding up and down his calf, while they talked and laughed exactly the way they had always done before.
Afterwards they walked-or in Bella's case, hobbled- down to the beach, where they sat in the dark shadows underneath the leaning palms and listened to the soft shush of the waves against the sand. The rain clouds had mostly dispersed by now, and the moonlight cast a shimmering silver stripe across the water. Above their heads, the faintest of warm breezes rustled the palm leaves.
'It's so peaceful,' sighed Bella contently, leaning back against Josh.
'Hard to believe what it was like last night, isn't it?' said Josh.
He was trying not to think about how soon tomorrow would come. He couldn't stop touching her now, couldn't control the way his hands moved lovingly over her, couldn't bear to think that this might be the last time he could hold her like this.
'I feel as if I could sit here for ever and look at the sea like this,' she was saying, but he could feel her quiver of response.
Make the most of it, wasn't that what they had agreed?
'Forget the view,' he murmured, and drew her down into the soft sand for a long, sweet kiss that was followed by another, and then another, until the sand began to get in the way.
'You'll never get the sand out of your hair,' he said contritely, twisting it between his fingers and feeling how gritty it was.
'Perhaps I should cut it off before I go on that expedition of yours,' said Bella lazily.
Josh hated the thought. 'You must never cut it,' he said, appalled. 'It's beautiful hair.'
'I thought you would approve of the idea. It would be so much more practical.'
'Maybe,' said Josh. 'But it wouldn't be you. I-' He caught himself just in time. 'I like you as you are,' he finished.
When they went back to the room, he made her sit on the veranda while he brushed all the sand out of her hair with long, loving strokes, and then they went back to bed and made love again with a kind of urgency, as if they both sensed that the night was short and that seconds were ticking away.
The airport the next morning was crowded and chaotic. It was only a small terminal and, judging by the cacophony of languages, there were several flights leaving for various parts of Europe all at the same time.
Josh dealt with the luggage while Bella waited to one side. She felt cut off from the bustle around her, as if she were still wrapped in the bubble of enchantment from the night before. They had moved quietly around the room as they got ready to leave, saying little. There was nothing they could say, thought Bella.
'How's your foot?'
Wrenched out of her bubble of enchantment, Bella turned to see Aisling looking tired and strained.
'It's fine, thanks,' she said. Aisling was the last person she wanted to talk to this morning, but she would have to be pleasant for Josh's sake. 'It looks worse than it is really,' she said, nodding down at the professional bandage. 'How are you?'
'Feeling as if I've made the most monumental mistake,' said Aisling frankly. 'Bryn and I had the most terrible row when we got back. That awful time on the boat and then on the island made me realise that he's not half the man Josh is. I've been so stupid,' she sighed. 'I thought I loved Bryn, but I can see now that it was just infatuation. He's got quite a powerful position with C.B.C., and I think I was carried away by his good looks and all those status symbols he has.'
She bit her lip. 'I'm not even sure that he loves me,' she confessed. 'He said that he did, and that he was going to divorce his wife, but I wonder if he'll ever do it. I'd have been better off sticking with Josh.'
'Josh deserves better than being a safe option for you,' said Bella coldly. 'He's not just there for you to fall back on when things go wrong.'
'I know,' said Aisling. 'And I know it's too late. I just want to tell Josh that I realise what a fool I've been-and you how lucky you are,' she added.
The last enchantment from the night before trickled away, leaving Bella cold and exposed to hard reality. Aisling wanted Josh back. And she, Bella, was going to have to let him make that choice.
Every fibre of her being strained against standing back and letting Aisling have another chance. Bella wanted to push her away, to tell her to leave Josh alone, that he was hers and always had been. But if she did that, she would never know if Josh had lingering regrets.
More than anything else, she wanted to spend her life with him, but not if she would always be wondering if she was his second choice, a fall-back position for him, easy and comfortable but not really what he wanted. She had told Aisling that Josh deserved better than that, and she did too. Josh would have to decide if he wanted Aisling or if he wanted her, and the only way he could do that was if she gave Aisling the opportunity to let him know she had changed her mind.
So she gave Aisling a brittle smile. 'Josh and I are just friends,' she said in a cool voice. 'You know that. He told you himself that we were just pretending to be engaged for this trip.'
'Well, yes,' said Aisling hesitantly. 'But I wondered whether the two of you had…?' She trailed off delicately.
'No,' said Bella. 'We're friends, and we want to stay that way.'
'Oh.' Aisling began to look more hopeful. 'In that case, maybe I'll have a word with Josh later.'
'Whatever.' Bella even managed a careless shrug. 'It's nothing to do with me.'
In some ways the journey back seemed longer and more unendurable than being caught by the storm. At least then she hadn't had time to think. Bella almost wished herself back there, frantically baling to keep the boat afloat, when all she had had to worry about was whether they would sink or not, rather than wondering if she had just thrown away her own chance to be happy with Josh.
She was very tired. Neither of them had wanted to waste the night before sleeping, and she was afraid that if she fell asleep against Josh now, she would lose what little resolution she had.
The only way Bella could cope was by withdrawing completely, and Josh seemed happy to keep her at a distance. She longed to ask him whether he had spoken to Aisling and what he had said, but she knew that she mustn't. They were both being very careful not to talk about anything that might remind them of those long hours of sweetness.
Bella yearned to be back there in that moonlit room where time had been suspended for a while. Whenever she thought about the way they had kissed, the way they had touched, she couldn't believe that Josh didn't see as clearly as she did that they were meant to be together. But then she remembered what he had said about Aisling, and how they both agreed that their friendship meant more to them than anything. Being Josh's friend meant wanting him to be happy, and if he wanted Aisling, she would have to accept that being friends was enough.
It
was late by the time they landed at Heathrow after a delayed connection in Paris, and Bella was so tired and her foot was so sore that she felt terrifyingly close to tears.
'Let's just get a taxi,' said Josh, retrieving her huge suitcase from the carousel and loading it onto the trolley with his own small bag.
'Sure. I can drop you off on the way,' she said, so that he knew that she wasn't banking on him coming home with her.
'Great,' he said flatly.
They nearly ran into Aisling as they turned to go through Customs. She was glaring after Bryn's departing back.
'He's just walked off and left me!' she said furiously. 'He's gone back to his wife in Dorking. Apparently she "understands" him in a way I'll never do-I bet she does!' she added venomously, and then her face crumpled. 'What am I going to do? I was staying with him in his London flat, but he hasn't even left me a key to go there tonight.'
'You'd better come with us,' said Bella. 'You can always stay with Josh-can't she, Josh? Most of your stuff must still be there anyway, isn't it?'
'That's true.' Aisling looked hopefully at Josh. 'Would you mind, Josh?'
What could he say? Bella seemed intent on pushing Aisling towards him. Presumably she was worried in case he forgot their agreement that everything would go back to normal now-as if it could! Josh thought bitterly. There was no normal any more as far as he was concerned.
He wanted to shout at her that he hadn't forgotten what they had agreed. How could he forget when she had spent the entire day making it very clear that last night was last night, and now was reality, and there was to be no muddling up the two? But she was obviously determined to make sure that he didn't misinterpret how sweet and loving she had been last night.
There was no need for her to make it quite so obvious that she was afraid that he would make a nuisance of himself. Josh felt raw, hurt by her mistrust but more by the realisation that Bella had meant what she said, and that the night they had shared wasn't going to be repeated.
Fine, he thought. He would leave her alone if that was what she wanted. 'Of course you can stay,' he said to Aisling, who was watching him anxiously. 'I didn't even get round to putting your stuff away. Let's go and find a taxi.'
'I'm sorry, Josh,' said Aisling as the taxi headed out of the airport through the tunnel. 'I think I might have blown our contract. Bryn was well on his way to convincing himself that the storm was all your fault, and he certainly won't forgive me for the things I said last night. I should have been more careful, but he made me so angry! And now I'm afraid that he'll veto any move to award us the contract now. He's got a lot of clout at C.B.C.'
'Don't worry about it yet,' said Josh. 'We'll just have to wait and see what they say.'
'I'll understand if you want me to leave the company now,' Aisling said miserably.
'Of course I don't want you to leave,' he said. 'You've been doing a great job. And you were right about going on this trip. I made a lot of other useful contacts this week, which I wouldn't have done if you hadn't encouraged me to go. Even if the major contract doesn't come through, I think it will have been worth it.'
Of course he didn't want Aisling to leave, thought Bella dully. Aisling could obviously do what she liked-dump him, humiliate him, jeopardise an important contract-and Josh would still want her to stay.
The taxi waited with its meter ticking outside Josh's flat while he and Aisling got out and unloaded their bags.
'Well…see you,' said Bella brightly.
'Yes.' Josh hesitated, as if he would have said more, but in the end he stepped back and closed the door. 'See you.'
As the taxi turned round, Bella watched him unlock the door to his flat and stand back to let Aisling go in first. He followed her in without even glancing back to where she sat all alone in the back of the taxi.
So that was that. The end of the holiday and back to reality with a vengeance.
The house was cold and empty when Bella let herself in. The taxi driver had taken pity on her and carried her case to the door, but with her bad foot it was a struggle even to get it inside on her own. She would have to unpack it at the bottom of the stairs as there was no way she would ever be able to carry it up to her bedroom.
Bella limped into the kitchen and put on as many lights as she could. She had always loved this house, but all at once it seemed sad and lonely, and much too big for one person. She wished Josh were with her. It wouldn't feel lonely then.
But Josh wasn't there. He was with Aisling. Bella slumped down at the table and put her head in her hands, torturing herself by imagining them together. Were they sitting on his battered blue sofa, happy just to be back together again? Perhaps Aisling was telling Josh how much she regretted going off with Bryn, and then Josh could pull her joyfully into his arms, telling her not to worry about it just as she wasn't to worry about losing them the contract. 'You've come back to me and that's all that matters,' he might be saying right now.
Bella buried her head in her arms and wept.
In spite of her tears, she was so tired that she fell straight into a deep sleep as soon as she dragged herself to bed. She woke late the next morning, feeling terrible. Her eyes were all puffy and piggy, and a nagging ache seemed to have taken up residence in the pit of her stomach. Bella identified it eventually as a feeling of sick despair.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, it was Monday morning and she had to go to work. Somehow she was going to have to get herself out of bed and pull herself together!
One look in the bathroom mirror was enough to convince her that she was going to have her work cut out. She looked almost as bad as she felt. Bella sighed.
She had to face Phoebe and Kate, too. They had insisted on coming round to hear about the trip that evening. 'And don't think you can get away with just telling us it was fine,' Phoebe's message had warned. 'We want to know all about it!'
At least her eyes had gone down a bit by then, and she still had some colour from her days on the beach which helped disguise what would otherwise be a horribly white and strained face. Considering the oppressive cloud of misery that had been clinging to her all day and the rawness in her heart, Bella thought she looked pretty good.
Not that she fooled Kate and Phoebe for a minute. 'Bella, lovey, what on earth's happened?' asked Kate after one look at her face. 'You look absolutely terrible!'
'I don't look that bad, do I?' Bella asked Phoebe as she hugged her.
'Yes,' said Phoebe uncompromisingly. She held Bella at arm's length. 'What's wrong?'
Bella forced a bright smile. 'Nothing, unless you count my injury.' She showed them her bandaged foot. 'I'm not going to be able to wear any of my favourite shoes for ages.'
'That is bad,' agreed Kate.
'Exactly. Is it any wonder I'm not looking myself?'
'Well, come on, then.' They sat around the table where they had sat so many times when all three of them had shared the house and looked at Bella expectantly. 'Tell us all about it.'
'I don't really know where to start,' she said feebly.
'Start with the important thing,' advised Phoebe. 'How's Josh?'
'He's… He's…' Bella's throat closed so tight that she couldn't get any further. To her horror, her mouth began to wobble, and although she put up a hand to cover it, she couldn't hide the tears that scalded her eyes.
Phoebe looked at Kate. 'V &Ts all round, I think.'
'Yes please,' Bella managed to gasp. Now that she had started to cry she couldn't stop.
'I'll go,' said Kate, pushing back her chair.
There was a corner shop at the end of the road, and she was back a few minutes later, clutching several bottles of tonic. 'I brought chocolate too,' she said. 'I thought we might need it.'
Phoebe made the drinks and put a glass in front of Bella, who had given in completely by this stage and was sobbing with her head on the table. 'Come on, Bella,' she said, patting her on the back. 'This isn't like you. Here, have a drink.'
Bella lifted a blotched and tear-sta
ined face and gulped immediately. It was so strong that she nearly choked, but when she had recovered, she took another, smaller, sip.
Silently, Kate handed her a box of tissues. Bella took one and blew her nose hard. 'Sorry,' she muttered, scrubbing at her cheeks with the crumpled tissue.
'We've all done it,' said Kate. 'Right here at this table too, in my case.'
Bella managed a watery smile. 'I remember.'
'And I seem to remember snivelling a bit over Gib,' said Phoebe, 'so we know what it's like.' She pulled out a chair and sat down next to Bella. 'Now,' she said firmly. 'You'd better tell us all about it.'
'Well!' exclaimed Kate when Bella had stumbled to the end of the story. 'I don't know why you're worrying, Bella. Even if we didn't know him, it's obvious that you're the one Josh loves.'
'Then why has he gone off with Aisling?' Bella demanded tearfully. 'He hasn't even rung to see if I got back OK.'
'You know, you could ring him,' Phoebe suggested gently.
'I can't,' she wailed. 'He's probably still in bed with Aisling, and even if he isn't, I can't start hassling him for attention. I said we would go back to being friends, but I'm not even sure I can do that now.' She groped miserably for another tissue.
'Of course you'll still be friends,' said Kate. 'You can't just stop being friends when you've been as close as you and Josh for all those years.'
'But that's the thing,' wept Bella. 'I don't think I can be friends if he's with Aisling. I couldn't bear seeing him with anyone now. But if we're not friends, I won't see him at all, and I couldn't bear that either. I don't know what to do,' she sobbed. 'I just know that I miss him, I miss him, I miss him…' Her voice rose to a wail.
Phoebe put an arm round her shoulder and exchanged a glance with Kate, who immediately launched into positive mode.
'I don't see Josh getting back together with Aisling,' she said. 'They never seemed that convincing as a couple. I never got the feeling they belonged together the way you and Josh do.'
'Kate's right,' said Phoebe, picking up the baton of encouragement. 'You and Josh are meant to be together and I'll bet you anything Josh knows that as well as you do.'
