by Katie Dowe
*****
She called him just as he was leaving the restaurant. “How about my place tonight?”
He sat behind the wheel and engaged the music, turning it all the way down. “Where are you?”
“I am heading out now. I had no idea you had left.”
“Dinner with a friend.”
“Oh.”
“A male friend,” he told her in amusement. “Have you eaten?”
“A slice of pizza at lunch.”
“I am at Kane’s restaurant; I will grab you something and come over. Send me your address.”
“You could have just told me that you had dinner with Kane. I know that he is a friend.”
“I could have.” He paused. “How is the assistant working out?”
“He is a gem.”
“Glad he is. I will see you at your place.”
*****
She let him in wearing a thin white silk robe, her hair falling around her face, and her phone propped against her shoulder. “Dad, I am sure it will be okay.” She indicated for him to go into the kitchen and she followed. “How bad is it?” She hopped onto a stool and watched as he took out a plate and started taking the meal out for her. She had opened a bottle of wine and he poured a glass for her and one for himself.
“I will be there on Sunday, but I am sure that you will find a way to fix whatever it is that needs fixing and I will help when I get there. Okay, see you on Sunday.”
She hung up and looked over at him. “My dad is a literature professor and is doing his doctorate on the literary works of several poets. His sent in his paper in May, but some vital information was missing and he is afraid of missing his deadline.” She grimaced as she tasted the pasta, her eyes widening as she did so. “This is so good!”
“I thought you would like it.” He sipped his wine and watched her eat. “I gather that you took your literary skills from him?”
“I did,” she said with a nod. “My mother accused him of grooming me while I was still in diapers,” she added with a laugh.
He watched her for a moment longer, his desire stirring as she used her tongue to capture the creamy sauce on her bottom lip. “I spoke to Dr. Fritz today,” he murmured. “I am supposed to go in and meet with him before we both do so.”
Caitlin lifted her eyes to meet his and took a deep breath. “Is it weird that I am a little afraid?”
“It would be weird if you are not,” he told her with a short laugh. “I am afraid myself. I have so many things hanging on this that I am wondering if I am expecting too much. I want to remain positive and of course I have every intention of doing that, but at the same time I am thinking of everything that could go wrong and I do not want to put you in danger.”
“So we do not focus on that part of it,” she suggested.
“Are you still willing to go through with it?” he had to ask her, no matter what he was feeling.
“I just agreed, Matthias, remember?”
He nodded and continued to sip the wine. “Kane expressed concerns.”
“You told him.”
“He is my closest friend, more like a brother and he has always been there for me.”
“What concerns?”
He finished the wine. “About what this is going to do to both of us. Four children means that we are stuck with each other.”
“Why, darling, are you proposing?” Caitlin asked him dryly.
“I am serious, Caitlin.” He pushed away the glass and leaned against the marble counter to look at her. “It is going to change everything and will leave no room for an outside relationship.”
“Are you concerned for myself or for you?”
“I am concerned for you. I already told you that having children is the priority where I am concerned.”
“I am not interested in any other relationship and I would like to think that we are in one.”
“We are.” He searched her face. “And that is enough for you?”
“It is,” she told him softly and wished she could tell him why but maybe one day soon. “Anything else?’
“No.” He waited until she was finished eating and got to his feet. “I just want to make love to you.”
“My sentiments exactly.”
Chapter 6
The process was explained to them in detail by Doctor Fritz, a small German doctor who had been friends with Matthias for several years now and who benefitted from the financial aid he gave in support of the research he was constantly doing in that area. He also explained gravely that it might take a lot longer for the process to catch on.
“But we have high hopes,” he said briskly as he looked at them. “We already have Matt’s sperm. All we need to do is retrieve your eggs, Caitlin, so that we can combine them so that they can be fertilized in our labs. We will retrieve as many eggs as we can to give the process a fighting chance.”
Caitlin nodded. “How long is the process?”
“The first cycle takes two weeks.”
“Is there anything I should not be doing?”
He shook his head. “You go on as usual until I tell you otherwise.”
“Gregory has already explained the process to me, so I am up to speed.” Not by any indication did Matthias reveal how stressed he was about the entire thing! He had to be calm to avoid her getting anxious. He really cared about her and wanted this to work, but after having a long talk with Gregory, he realized that there were going to be risks and a long road of frustrations and uncertainties. But he was going to be with her every step of the way. He would never forget the sacrifice she was making so that he could get what he wanted more than anything in the world! He had been having second thoughts after he had made love to her last night as he thought about all that he had read up and what he had been told about the procedure, but he had never wanted something so badly before! It was consuming him!
“What do I do now?”
“We start the first process right now.”
*****
Caitlin hated taking pills and the first step of the process was taking medication to mature her eggs in order for them to be retrieved. Matthias had asked her if she wanted to take the rest of the day off and she had told him no. They were right in the middle of various activities with the planning of the medieval theme book launch which was planned for that Saturday in the middle of the town square. She had invited her friends as well as her dad and had no intention of missing out on anything. Steve was a treasure and guarded her office like a sentinel, even against Matthias who had told Caitlin that the man was getting on his nerves.
“We decided to keep it all business when we are at work, remember?” she had said to him when he had expressed his frustrations to her. “And Steve is just doing his job.”
“He is doing more than that,” he had told her in a terse voice.
“What do you mean?” She knew he was anxious about the process they had started and ever since she had been to the doctor, he had not touched her and she had not asked him why. She knew that this meant everything to him, but she had fallen in love with him and needed so much more!
“I think he is interested in you.”
She had stared at him for a moment and laughed. “He is interested in my job the minute I am promoted.”
He had looked at her and started to say something but had not bothered to do so. Their conversation had not gone any further because he had received a call.
He was on edge and she was buried in work, determine to keep her mind off what her body was going through. It was the only way she could keep sane and not pine over him. He had not invited her over to his place since they had been to the doctor and she refused to invite herself over. She had her pride after all!
She looked up as Steve hurried in and closed the door behind him. “A quick consult.”
“I am listening.” She made little jottings on her device and did not give him her full attention.
“I have been reading the book.”
“Hmm.”
&
nbsp; “There is a section – a particularly steamy section where Madeira and Gladstone do the nasty in that creepy dungeon with the stench of death in their nostrils and the bones of animals and humans scattered around the floor.”
When Caitlin did not respond, he went on. “We could recreate that scene as a part of the launch on Saturday.”
Caitlin looked up at him. She had wondered at first if he was gay. He was always well dressed and he was always up to speed on the latest celebrity gossip as well as the way he spoke, but he had explained to her that he was the epitome of the modern man: he was in touch with his feminine side and as such he knew exactly what women wanted! “You want us to recreate a steamy love scene at the launch for everyone to see?”
“Why not?” he said airily. “It will hike up the anticipation and increase the number of likes on social media. I read the scene and I had to go and take a quick shower to compose myself and even after I did that, it did not work. I had to handle my business myself-“ He stopped as she held up a hand.
“That’s way too much information.”
“I know. Sorry,” he muttered. “All I am saying is that we should give the readers a taste of what is in there, not just something on the surface, but something that will titillate their senses and make them hunger for the book. Just picture this.” He lifted his hands and spread his fingers as if to bring to her eyes what he was seeing. “Madeira in that filmy material, showing her voluptuous body, shivering in fear as she waits in that dungeon for what is going to be her certain death and then Gladstone, who is in charge of making sure she does not escape, comes in and is captivated by her beauty and her fear brings out something primal inside him. He had no intention of being with her that way, but he cannot help himself and she looks so vulnerable and soft – he just wanted to comfort her but when he touched her, they both felt it and emotions erupted and then it happened!”
He swung his eyes back to her and saw the interest on her beautiful face and hid a smile. Caitlin was his immediate boss, but that did not mean he could not have feelings for her! He had been working at the publishing house for the past two weeks and he had sized up a lot of things. He knew that one of the editors, Gail Silvers, was having an affair with Boyd in the printing department and that most of the women who worked here had their eyes on the boss himself who did not seem to be interested in anyone. At first, Steve had thought that he and Caitlin were an item, but he had seen nothing to indicate that much. So he had decided to try and see if he could get her to notice him. He came in early and left late, not only to get his job done but also to impress her.
“I actually think that’s a good idea,” she said slowly as she stared at him. “I am going to need to pitch it to Matthias first though.”
“I think he is in his office.”
Her tapered brows lifted as she stared at him in amusement. “Is that your not so subtle way of telling me to get a move on it?”
“Probably,” he said with a grin as he got to his feet. “We have three days until the launch and if we are going to set things up, we need to do that today.”
“I will go and pitch him the idea. Now go away! I have work to do.”
*****
Caitlin steeled herself to enter his office. She was determined not to allow things to be strained or weird between them, but it was difficult considering the way she felt about him and the fact that he had now relegated their relationship to professional status! He looked up as she came in, his intense eyes wandering over her and causing the heat to start. Damn him, she thought achingly. Can’t he see how much she needed him?
“Eve said I should come right in,” she murmured, hating the fact that she now had to actually think of him as her boss and not her lover.
He leaned back in his chair and gestured for her to have a seat. In the next week, she would have to go back so that the doctor could retrieve her eggs and place them along with his sperm for the next process to start. “How are you?” he asked her softly.
“I am fine,” she said a little impatiently.
“I am entitled to ask, Caitlin.”
“Of course you are.” She gazed at him for a moment, unable to help herself. He was dressed in dark blue cotton shirt and the two top buttons were opened to reveal the strong column of his throat. She was familiar with what was beneath the shirt: the muscled chest with the sprinkling of dark hairs and the golden brown of his skin. She dreamt and thought about what she felt when he was inside her- she snapped out of it deliberately and focused on the matter at hand. Making her tone brisk, she outlined the idea Steve had pitched to her and made sure he knew that it was not from her. “I think we should go for it.”
He nodded, his eyes on her face. It was a struggle to stay away from her but he did not want to do anything to compromise the process that had started. He yearned to feel her beneath him, but he had to make sure that everything was okay. He had not explained it to her and he did not want to get into it. He also felt guilty for putting her in this position. “I think so too.”
She got to her feet and he did as well, coming around before she could leave. “I was thinking that we could have dinner tomorrow night?”
“Why?”
He frowned at that. “Because we both have to eat.”
“I have a lot of work to do before Saturday so I have to pass.”
His expression went bleak and he stepped back from her. “Of course.”
“Is that all?” Caitlin willed him to tell her that he wanted her to come over to his place or that he wanted to come to her, but he inclined his head briefly and went back around his desk.
“That’s all,” he told her coolly.
He watched her walk out of his office with a brooding expression on his face. He knew what she had wanted him to say and felt like crap because he had not said it, but the pregnancy had to come first!
*****
His mouth tightened as he walked past her office and saw her and Steve on the sofa sitting closely together, almost touching each other. It was almost seven P.M. and the man was still at work. Everyone else had left and he had come by to see if she needed something to eat or just to talk to her, but he was in there with her. He turned to walk away but decided against it and with a determined expression on his face he pushed the door open and walked in. They both looked up at him as if he was intruding and he could not help the rush of anger that spread through his body! “I need a moment with Ms. Sharpe,” he said tersely, his intense dark eyes on Steve. “Are you done here?”
“I am.” Steve looked at Caitlin. “I guess we can take this up in the morning.” He got to his feet. “Mr. Zeng.” He nodded and then left.
“We were just going over the layout for the launch. Steve thinks that there should be an actual dungeon and that can be easily created by the graphics people-“
“I don’t give a damn!”
She stiffened at his tone and put away the chart she had been looking at. “Well, I do,” she told him coolly as she walked over to her desk. “Is there something I can help you with?”
Matthias shoved his hands into his pockets. He walked forward and closed the door before coming to stand in front of her. “Are you regretting the favor I asked of you?”
Her tapered brows lifted. “Favor? Let me see.” She tapped her chin as she pretended to consider. “Asking for the use of my uterus to house four children for you would not exactly be considered a favor, now would it?”
“Let’s not quibble over semantics, Caitlin. I am well aware that it is more than just a favor. I would like to know if you are regretting your decision.”
“And if I say yes?’
He stiffened at that and his expression became blank. “Are you saying yes?”
“No,” she told him wearily, the fight going out of her. She needed his arms around her and him inside her so badly that it was affecting the way she was thinking and acting! “Now please leave me alone, I have some things to finish up before I leave.”
He hesitated a moment befor
e turning on his heels and leaving her standing there. Within a few minutes, she watched him leave with his jacket slung over one shoulder and laptop bag in his hand. He did not stop to ask her if she was leaving soon or even turned his eyes to look in at her. Caitlin rested back against the padding of her chair and closed her eyes wearily. He had asked her if she regretted her decision and she did but not in the way he meant! Agreeing to do this for him, for both of them, had changed the way he behaved towards her and she hated it! She needed the intimacy of being with him and he had taken that away from her!
*****
Matthias went to an exclusive bar where the clientele was for people like him. He nodded to several acquaintances and went to the far corner of the darkened room where a bartender materialized with his favored drink: a bottle of aged old whiskey and a glass. A crystal bowl with freshly opened peanuts and raisins were also placed before him and he nodded his thanks before he poured the drink. He had wanted to go straight home, but home was lonely and had too many memories of Caitlin there. He realized that his obsession with being a parent was getting between them, but he could not seem to help himself! He sipped the whiskey and reached for a handful of nuts and raisins. She did not understand his need for children, the lengths he was prepared to go to in order for that to happen, and even though he had explained that to her, he had not explained his irrational fear of ending up alone. The process had started, yes, but there was no guarantee that it would happen and if it did not happen he had no idea what he would do. Dr. Fritz had explained everything to him and Matthias knew that he would do everything in his power to make sure everything went according to plan, but he could do so much and nothing more. Her eggs might not mature enough or his sperm might not be viable for her eggs. They might not be a match for each other and if that was the case, he would have to look elsewhere and he had already become attached to her. He should have kept it professional and offered her something other than himself for what she was doing for him. He swallowed down the liquid broodingly. He had seen them close together and had felt like telling the fastidiously dressed man to get the hell away from her! He was emotionally involved and he could not afford to be that way. He shoved the bowl away from him and settled back to drink some more, his expression brooding.
