by Lexi Archer
There were a hell of a lot of “what ifs” running through my head, and I knew down to the very core of my being that it was all bullshit. That Madison wouldn't do anything like that. That the only time that would ever come close to reality was in my imagination.
An imagination that I needed to shut the fuck down. Right now. Madison was faithful to me. I needed to get used to that fact. Both the exultation and the disappointment in knowing that she was faithful to me.
I knocked on the door again. Those thoughts still ran through my head on repeat, but at the very least I managed to push them down to the point that they weren’t in complete control. I wasn't going to call her and ask where the hell she was. Accuse her of being with another guy while at the same time hoping that my accusation was true and simultaneously a pissing her off royally.
Finally I heard somebody moving around inside. I looked in the window again and saw Madison stumbling out in a pair of shorts and one of my T-shirts. That made me feel better that she was in one of my T-shirts. It said she was still into the idea of being around me. Or at the very least around the stuff that I owned. I figured that was a positive sign.
She looked out the window, squinted for a moment, and shook her head when she saw me. Okay, so that was a little less than positive. Not quite what I'd hoped for. Rather the opposite. Talk about your all time mixed signals. Still, I was going to persevere. Madison was my dream woman. Had always been my dream woman. And I wanted to make her mine forever.
She opened the door and blinked in the light.
"What are you doing here this early?" she asked.
I looked down at the time on my phone. Back up to her. "It's 11 o'clock Madison. Not exactly early."
She blinked and looked down at her watch. "Fuck! I was supposed to be at a group project a half hour ago. They're going to be pissed off."
I felt that same mix of exultation and disappointment. She was supposed to be at a group project and she'd slept in. I figured that meant there weren't any group projects going on in the back of our apartment. And yet at the same time I was disappointed that there weren't any projects going on in the back of our apartment. Talk about fucked up.
"That stuff can wait," I said.
"Sean," she said with a warning look and a warning tone. "We talked about this. I can't just not go to my group work because you get jealous of the guys there."
"It's not like that Madison," I said, but she wasn't listening. No, she went right on.
"Damn it. I'd hoped you would learn something after last night. And now here you are pulling the same bullshit today!"
"Damn it Madison, would you just listen to me?"
Madison looked at me, really looked at me, for the first time. She blinked away some of the sleep haze from her eyes. Peered at my face. Really looked at it. And then sighed. She stepped to the side and motioned for me to step in.
Talk about another weird moment. Being invited into my own damn house. The place where I helped pay the rent. Not a good feeling.
I sat on the couch in the hazy darkness of our living room and looked around. Everything felt strange. Somehow different today. I wasn’t welcome here. At least not entirely.
I thought about what I did here last night. I'd been crazy. I'd been drunk on this fucking obsession. Now that I was here in the hazy light of almost afternoon it seemed like another time. Another world.
I felt like a completely different man. I hoped I was a completely different man.
Madison sat at a chair opposite me. Not right next to me like I'd hoped. Well, we could work on that.
"Madison, I'm sorry," I said. "I acted like a complete asshole last night. You didn't deserve any of that. I know you would never cheat on me."
Madison blinked. She almost seemed surprised. Well then. I hoped it was a positive surprise, at least.
"Why were you acting like that? I know you've always kept an eye out for guys looking at me, but it just seemed so fucking weird that you would suddenly start acting like that."
Well there was an awkward question. There was no way I wanted to explain the whole situation to her. How could I explain to the woman I loved that it turned me on more than anything to think about her getting with other guys? Committing the ultimate transgression? Fucking another man?
That just wasn't a conversation I felt like I could have with her. And so I decided to avoid it.
"That's not important," I said.
"Well I think…"
I never gave her the opportunity to finish that sentence. No, I moved forward. Got down on one knee in front of her. Pulled the box out of my pocket and held it up to her. Flipped it open and revealed the sparkling diamond inside.
We’d talked about this. It seemed like it was something we were getting close to back before we had this argument, back before I let the jealousy and obsession taking over, but I’d planned on doing it when we got closer to graduation. Only now, after the realization I'd had last night, I realized there was no time like the present for something like this. No, I needed her in my life and I wanted to lock this down now.
"Oh my God Sean," she said. "Is that…"
"I had time to do a lot of thinking last night Madison," I said. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I still don't quite understand what a girl like you is doing with a guy like me, but I know I want to lock this down for life. I want us to be together ‘til death do us part, and all that stuff."
"Oh my God Sean," she said on repeat.
Well then. I certainly seemed to have finally gotten her attention. Her hand was up over her mouth and she had a smile on her face. It was all positive and happy vibes now. None of the negativity that had been there just moments ago.
"Madison, will you marry me?"
"Are you crazy? We were just arguing last night. We were on a break!"
"Yeah, and that's exactly why I'm doing this now. That argument made me realize that I risked the best thing that ever happened to me. I never want to do that again. So what do you say?"
"Are you serious? Because if you wanted to apologize you could've just got me flowers. A diamond isn’t necessary."
"I promise you this isn’t because of the argument. This is because it's one hundred percent absolutely what I want. So what do you say? You're stalling."
"Yes!" she said, a huge smile splitting her face as she held her hand out.
I put the ring on her finger and I felt a tingle run through me from my head to my toes. And surprisingly I also felt my cock growing rock hard. Harder than it had been even when I was dealing with the obsession. Harder than it had ever been before in my life.
It appeared that the excitement of asking Madison to be my wife was enough to give me one hell of a hard on! A little surprising, but then again not entirely unexpected. This was a big moment, after all.
Madison leaned forward and hugged me, and I felt relief. Relief that the argument was over. Relief that she gave me the answer I wanted.
More than anything though, it was relief that I'd managed to get away with not answering that awkward question she’d just asked. I wouldn't have to explain the obsession, the root cause of all of the problems we had over the past couple of weeks. At least not for now.
Of course at the same time I couldn't help but think about how much hotter it would be if she stepped out on me now that she was an engaged woman. And it would be even more of a transgression if she did it when we were married.
I pushed that thought out as her lips pressed against mine. As we shared our first kiss as an engaged couple.
I said I was done with the obsession, and that was true. For now. So I concentrated on that kiss and tried to push those thoughts out of my mind without much success.
Part III
Obsession Revealed
13
New Year
I stood and did a quick twirl in my dress. Looked back to Sean who stared at me from the table and licked his lips. Music pumped through the giant ballroom in counterpoint to all the fancy dre
ss all around us.
“What do you think?” I asked as the light from the DJ equipment reflected off the sparkly material of my black dress.
“You look fucking amazing,” Sean said. “But you already knew that.”
I reached out and took his hand, and as I did I saw his eyes dart around me. I kept the smile plastered on my face, but I also felt a stab of irritation and anticipation seeing him looking behind me like that. That look could only mean one thing. Me doing a twirl in this tight dress had drawn the attention of other men.
Sean still seemed to have a sixth sense about when guys were checking me out even after we’d been married for a couple of years. He never said anything about it anymore, though. Not after the big incident that ended with us getting engaged. I also hadn’t said anything about it since then.
I figured it was innocent enough if he wasn’t saying anything, wasn’t blowing up at me, anymore. There was another reason I never called him on it, though, even considering the somewhat rocky past we had around him checking out other guys checking me out.
I kind of liked it. Like I really liked it. It still sent a thrill running through me knowing other guys were checking me out. Knowing they were watching me and getting turned on. It was something that I first came to fully realize back during that same bout of jealous fighting that ended with us getting engaged, and it had only grown since then.
“You okay honey?” Sean asked as he took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor.
I shook my head. I was getting distracted. Distracted by all the male eyes casting surreptitious glances my way when they thought their dates weren’t looking.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. “Just thinking about some stuff at work.”
“Well there’s no thinking about work tonight,” he said. “Tonight we’re ringing in the new year with style!”
He put his arms around me and I lost myself dancing. It really was just me dancing. Like most guys, Sean’s idea of dancing while we were out together was standing there and letting me grind up against him. Which was fine with me. He wasn’t the only guy doing that judging from a quick glance around the dance floor. He wasn’t the only guy getting turned on looking at me judging from the looks I got with that glance.
I almost hated that Sean had put these thoughts into my mind. It wasn’t something I was going to mention to him considering the way he went a little crazy the last time he thought I was flirting with guys. I figured I’d be risking a blowup just as big as that last one.
Yeah, Sean had kept himself under control since that crazy couple of weeks. I thought that was a good sign and I didn’t want to mess it up.
Sean moved in really close. I felt his cock nestled against my ass and it sent a fire raging through my body. Goose bumps rose all over and my nipples got so hard that I was sure I was giving a show to all the guys staring at me. Looking around I could still see them staring at me. That thrilled me almost as much as feeling Sean against me thrilled me.
“So did you see those guys staring at you when you did that twirl?”
I froze in the middle of my dance. His words were barely above a whisper in my ear. He moved in so close that his breath was like a caress against my ear.
Had he really said what I thought he just said? Was he really acknowledging the guys checking me out? Had he seen how I reacted? Was this the start of that argument I thought we’d gotten over a few years ago? Was the evening about to be ruined.
“Maybe I did?” I said.
I figured I needed to play this cool. Figure out exactly how he felt about that before I said anything more.
“I was watching them watching you. I’ve always been watching them watching you,” he said.
I could smell the booze on his breath. Was that why this was happening? Did he have a little too much to drink and that’s why he was bringing up an argument I thought was long put to rest?
Only there was something different this time. He didn’t seem angry. There was something else going on there. His cock was still against me and one arm snaked around me and pulled me against him. He was grinding against me with interest. Fuck! Was he turned on? Seriously?
I flipped around. Put my arms around his neck and pressed my front against his cock. One of his hands moved down and I moved my leg up and in an instant we were practically dry humping one another out there on the dance floor.
It felt like the sort of dance experience we never got to have back when we were in school together considering we didn’t get together until after graduation. I still kicked myself over that. The perfect man was walking around our school for four years and I was oblivious.
“Are you turned on by those guys checking me out?” I asked.
“What if I am?” he asked with a twinkle to his eye.
“Well that would be a little weird, considering…”
I stopped. I didn’t want to bring up that argument. The biggest and stupidest argument we ever had. The argument that almost ended the good thing we had before it really got going.
“Why wouldn’t I be turned on by guys getting turned on by you? You’re fucking sexy, and seeing guys getting hot looking at you is fucking hot!”
I almost couldn’t believe this was my husband talking to me. Was he seriously talking about getting turned on by guys getting turned on by me? This was so completely different from anything I’d ever expected from him.
“If you get so turned on watching guys watching me then why did you get so jealous back when we were about to graduate college?”
Sean shrugged and a sheepish grin played across his face. At least he had the good grace to be embarrassed by how he’d acted back then.
“Maybe we shouldn’t get into that right now,” he said. “Let’s just say I’ve had enough to drink that I’m not afraid to admit how turned on I’m getting watching all those guys watching you.”
I bit my lip. Looked around the dance floor. So many couples out there. So many people looking at all the other young sexy people out having a good time for New Year’s Eve. So many eyes brushing over me and then moving back. Moving up and down my body. I shivered under all those hungry glances.
“I’d pay a lot of money to know what you’re thinking right about now,” Sean asked. “Do you think that’s weird?”
“Is it any weirder than me getting turned on by guys staring at me?” I asked.
I wanted to put a hand over my mouth. Did I really just admit to that? Was I fucking crazy? Why the hell would I go and admit something like that? Part of me worried that this whole thing was just him fishing for me being interested in other guys and the blowup was about to come again. Only it didn’t.
Instead he grinned. “Really now? That’s very interesting. Because I don’t just like the idea of other guys staring at you.”
“Really now? And what else do you like?”
Sean leaned in again. His words were just a breath caressing my ear. “I really like the idea of you fucking another guy.”
I blinked. “Bullshit.”
“Scout’s honor,” he said. “Want to know a secret?”
I swallowed. This was almost more than I could take. I was suffering from overload. I felt lightheaded. What the hell was going on here?
“Sure, I guess I could go for a secret,” I said, not quite sure if I could actually handle any more revelations, but what the hell. What was one more crazy thing next to everything that already happened?
“That’s a big part of the reason why I got so crazy back right before we got engaged,” he said. “I think those accusations were party because I hoped you would be cheating on me. It turned me on so fucking much!”
I reeled. This was crazy. This was filling in blanks and suddenly things were starting to make a hell of a lot more sense. That jealousy hadn’t come out of nowhere. That jealousy wasn’t even jealousy, not entirely. It was him fishing for some sort of fantasy.
A fantasy that had wormed its way into my mind back during that argument. A fantasy that intrigued me e
ven more now that he was admitting this to me.
“So what do you think?”
“About all this? It’s really kind of crazy…”
“No, I’m not talking about the whole confession thing. What do you think about the idea of fucking another guy?”
I turned and looked out across the dance floor. What did I think of that? There were so many hot guys out there dancing. So many hot guys that I could see myself getting with. So many guys I imagined getting with ever since that argument and the idea of stepping out on Sean first occurred to me.
And now it sounded like he was giving me permission.
I locked eyes with him. “I just don’t know Sean. The idea is hot, but I don’t know if I could go that far. It all seems so crazy!”
A part of me almost thought he was trying to catch me in a trap. Trying to see if I would be willing to cheat on him. I thought back to how intense that argument got back the first time around. That was exactly the kind of tense argument that could lead to him being devious like this.
Only it didn't make sense for him to be devious like this after so many years. There were just so many things that didn't make sense about this being some sort of game he was playing, while it all made sense if I plugged in the fact that he was turned on by this. It cast our old argument in a whole new light.
I just wondered why the hell he was bringing this up now.
"Maybe it is crazy," he said. "But is it any crazier than other things we've tried?"
"Well… Yeah. Actually it is a hell of a lot crazier than anything else we've ever tried before!"
