Fine By Me: Chaos Novella (A Songbird Novel)

by Melissa Pearl

  I shoved my hands in my jeans pockets and took a step back. “Sorry to just turn up like this.” I winced.

  “What…what are you doing here? I mean, how do you know where I live?” She ran her hand over her stomach and gripped the edge of her shirt.

  “Please don’t be upset, but I asked Gavin to follow you home the other day. Not to spy on you or anything, but your car is…” I tipped my head.

  Her eyes narrowed into an indignant warning. “My car is just fine.”

  “Your car looks like it’s being held together by staples and duct tape.” Before she could argue, I quickly said, “I just wanted to make sure you got home safely. That’s all.”

  Her open mouth snapped shut, her expression melting with a brief look of affection before tensing up again.

  “I know I shouldn’t just turn up like this, but you’ve been ignoring my texts and phone calls.” I couldn’t hide how much that hurt. I let it show for a second before coming to say what I’d rehearsed in the car. “I’m not here to force you to want me or anything. I’m just checking that you’re okay. If you don’t want to see me again, I’ll be gutted, but I swear I’ll leave you alone. I guess I just wanted a chance to say goodbye.”

  By the time I was done, her eyes were shimmering with tears.

  I swallowed and quickly tried to think of something kind to say while resisting the urge to wrap her in a hug.

  With a quiet sniff, she stepped back and opened the door a little wider. “Do you want to come in?”

  I wasn’t expecting that, and my eyebrows popped high with surprise. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded, and I wasn’t about to lose the chance, so I stepped into her little apartment. She closed the door behind me and padded into the kitchen. Her legs were shiny with fresh moisturizer, her shapely calves making my heart kick out of place.

  Forcing my eyes away from her curves, I scanned the bare walls, noting the cracked paint and chips along the window sill. Her couch was dark brown, fraying along the curved edge.

  “Would you like a drink?”

  “Sure.” I grinned. “I’ll take anything cold.”

  Her lips twitched and she soon returned with a glass of soda. Two ice cubes bobbed in the middle. I thanked her and took a sip, trying not to wince. It was the cheap, nasty lemonade that I hated, but I swallowed it down anyway. It wasn’t that I was a drink snob or anything, but if I couldn’t shell out for the decent kind of soda, I’d rather drink water.

  I took a seat on her couch and set my glass down on the wooden floor. The apartment was pretty bare. No TV, no pictures, just a lonely little space with a kitchen table for two, and a small laptop with a speaker plugged into it.

  “When You Fall In Love” oozed into the room. Jenna didn’t seem to notice what song was playing, but it struck me right in the heart. I couldn’t stop looking at her while she pottered in the kitchen, slicing up some apple for us to share.

  There was something so sweet about her. Yet she was sexy too.

  She’d captured me, and despite the fact that I was still only getting to know her, she was burying a stake in my heart, claiming the land without even realizing it.

  Oblivious to how I was feeling, she hummed along to the tune, making my stomach flutter with butterflies.

  By the time she turned, I was uncharacteristically nervous and desperately trying to hide it. I’d never wanted to win someone over so bad. I’d never had to.

  “Sorry I can’t offer you more.” She set a plate of chopped apple between us and took a seat on the couch.

  “It’s great.” I smiled. “I love fresh fruit. Mom always has a huge bowl of it on the dining table.”

  Jenna smiled, but there was a sadness in her expression when she whispered, “My mom was all about fruit. An apple a day…”

  “Keeps the doctor away,” I finished for her, and we smiled at each other.

  “So, uh…” I pursed my lips, not wanting to push too hard but needing a reason for her radio silence. “Any reason you didn’t want to call me back?”

  The apple slice was halfway to her mouth, but then she let out a sigh and set it back down on the plate.

  “I’m not sure I can date a rock star. You’re too famous, and I don’t want to get caught up in that.” She bit the edge of her lip and looked down at the floor. Her toenails were painted blue and I stared at them while she murmured what felt like wooden, rehearsed excuses. “Don’t take it personally, it’s just Hollywood, you know? No one lasts in Hollywood, and I don’t want to be with a public figure. I’m a private person and dating you would be…very un-private.”

  “We could keep it quiet,” I softly argued. “You don’t have to come out in public with me. I can drive here, I can find secret spots for us to hang out. You could come to my place. The Chaos house is completely guarded and secure. We could make this work. Celebrities secretly date all the time. No one has to kn—”

  She held up her hand to shut me up, her expression buckling. “I’m also not…very good with relationships.” She grimaced. “I guess I kind of feel like I’m going to screw it up somehow and someone will get hurt.”

  I nodded, reading between the lines and figuring some douchebag had let her down in the past.

  “You know how I said the other day that I’d never hurt you?”

  “Yeah.” She looked away from me. “But can you honestly say that? People hurt each other. It’s just the way humans are.”

  “That’s true.” I chewed the inside of my cheek for a second, wondering how Dad would respond to something like that. He always had something wise and thought-provoking to say. Oh man, I’d love for Jenna to meet him.

  She tapped her finger against her glass before taking a little sip and grimacing.

  She put her soda down and gave me a tight smile.

  I snickered. “Never buy the cheapest bottle on the shelf, right?”

  Her laughter was soft. “I should have known better. Tap water would beat that crap. I was trying to treat myself, but…yuck.” She stuck out her tongue.

  I laughed and she joined me for a second until the joyful sound was sucked into oblivion.

  “I’m sorry that I’ve messed you around, Jace. I really am. I should never have called you in the first place.”

  “I’m glad you did,” I retorted. “You are…” I smiled. “I got one perfect, beautiful afternoon with you. And even if I never get another, that’s a treasured memory for me. I’ll take it.” Swiveling on the couch, I faced her head on and blurted, “But I’m not gonna lie to you. I want more. Yes, you and I could hurt each other, but not intentionally. All I want is to hang out with you, because when I’m around you I feel lighter, and happier, and like the world is a better place. I’ve never felt that way before, and I don’t know why it’s come on so fast and so strong. All I can think is that we’re meant to be together.”

  “You barely know me and you’re talking like you’re in love with me.” She shook her head. “We’re not together, Jace.”

  “Yeah, but we could be.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her, needing to break the tension.

  It worked. She gave in to a soft chuckle before biting her lips together.

  “Just let me be your friend,” I whispered.

  “I can’t,” she practically whined.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t think I can just be your friend!” She gave me a desperate look.

  Her soft words filled me with hope, like a flower blooming inside my chest. I couldn’t help my grin.

  She covered her face and let out a little whimper.

  Leaning across the couch, I gently peeled her hands away and rubbed my thumbs lightly into the palms. She didn’t pull back like I expected her to. Instead she went still.

  “Not to sound bossy,” I whispered, “but you seriously have to stop fighting yourself on this. Let yourself fall in love with me.” I shuffled a little closer so I could cup her cheek. “Let me fall in love with you.”

  She searched my face,
fear making her eyes a dark brown. “We can’t fall in love with each other.”

  “Okay.” My smile was slow as I brushed my thumb across her lips.

  The corner of her mouth quivered, her eyes giving way to a soft sparkle. My smile grew in time with hers, and before she could tell me to ignore my instincts one more time, I leaned in for a soft kiss.

  It wasn’t much, just a brush of lips to lips.

  She could pull away if she wanted, but she didn’t. Instead she closed her eyes and came back for more, her sweet tongue brushing mine in the kind of kiss that most people experienced in high school. It was new and electrifying. I felt like a teenager again, a swarm of butterflies attacking my insides while I deepened the kiss and prayed I didn’t screw it up.

  Because I wanted to kiss this girl again…over and over.

  I wanted to win her heart and soul, until falling in love was the most natural thing in the world.

  11

  Jenna

  We’d been not dating and not falling in love for five weeks.

  I hadn’t told a soul about Jace, and thankfully the few times he’d come to see me, Dorothy hadn’t been home. She was my main concern.

  If she knew I was hanging out with the drummer from Chaos, she’d go nuts. She’d want to meet him for sure, and I just couldn’t let that happen.

  Instead we met up in isolated national parks where we could hike alone through the trees and feel like the only two people on earth. Gavin had even waited in the parking lot the last two times we’d taken off.

  I grinned, remembering the crystal-blue sky and the way Jace had held my hand and protected me throughout the walk. He was so sweet and thoughtful. So gentle and easygoing.

  I could barely make myself believe that we had something going on.

  We spoke on the phone every day or night…or both.

  I didn’t want anyone seeing us together. Jace being famous was a real problem, so we didn’t get to see each other as often as we’d like. He kept inviting me to the Chaos mansion, which was the safest and most private place to hang out, but then I’d have to meet all his friends and I just wasn’t ready for that.

  I still needed to take it slow, and the phone was easy. Sometimes we’d FaceTime. That was a date in my book.

  He was so dang sweet. I loved his smile, the way it was kind of lopsided. His lips were thick and beautiful. He had a great mouth. I could see why the fangirls swooned so much.

  Even on my tiny phone screen he was hot and dynamic. The way his mouth moved when he spoke was super sexy.

  His kisses sent fireworks rocketing through my body every time. There was something so soft and undemanding about them. He never grabbed my face the way Seth used to. His fingers didn’t own me or demand anything more than I wanted to give. Instead, Jace would cup my cheeks, caress my skin. He made me feel like a porcelain doll. His hands didn’t wander and grope. He was a gentleman, and because I’d only ever known Seth as a serious boyfriend, it was hard to wrap my head around this new experience.

  I felt so unworthy of such an amazing man.

  It was a constant battle between holding back and wanting to throw myself headfirst into this thing.

  No wonder he smiled and whispered, “Okay,” when I told him we couldn’t fall in love.

  He knew it was going to happen anyway.

  A soft knock at the door made me flinch, then filled my stomach with butterflies. I bit back a giddy laugh as I practically skipped over to let him in.

  I flung it open without even checking through the window and was greeted with the delectable sight of Jace Tolson holding a bouquet of yellow roses.

  With a soft gasp, I stared at them, my insides melting to a puddle.

  No one had ever bought me flowers before.

  “Your favorite color,” he murmured, holding them out to me while stepping through the door. I took them, cradling them like a newborn.

  “They’re beautiful.”

  “Just like you.” He pecked my lips and walked through to the kitchen. “Do you have a vase or anything?”

  “I have one tall water glass.”

  “Perfect.” He winked over his shoulder and started opening cupboards looking for it.

  I laid the roses down on the scratched counter and carefully untied the ribbon holding it all together.

  “So, why’d you buy me flowers?”

  “Because you deserve them.” He filled the glass with water and I was too giddy to respond.

  He stopped me from dumping the bouquet straight into the glass. “It works better if you trim the stems under water first. They last longer.”

  I raised my eyebrows, surprised he knew this.

  He blushed and tipped his head to the side. “My dad’s a real sucker for buying flowers for my mom. He knows how to woo her before asking for a favor.”

  I was about to hold a pair of scissors out to him, but retracted my hand and gave him a pointed look. “You bought these because you’re asking me for a favor?”

  “No,” he laughed. “I bought these because I’m…not falling in love with you, and I wanted to see you smile.”

  Laughter bubbled out of me before I could stop it.

  Handing over the scissors, I shook my head and nudged his arm with my elbow.

  It wasn’t until he was placing the flowers down in the middle of my kitchen table that I finally confessed, “I guess I kind of like that you’re not falling in love with me.”

  His smile was pretty damn triumphant as he sidled up to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. As he kissed the side of my head, I wrapped my arm around his waist and gazed at those beautiful roses.

  He squeezed my shoulder and mumbled, “Okay, so my timing is totally crap after the little conversation we’ve just had, but I do actually want to ask you something.”

  I jerked away from him and looked up at his face.

  He raised his hands like two white flags. “I swear it has nothing to do with the flowers. I was buying those for you no matter what.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  He snickered at my expression, then cupped my face and kissed it away.

  Leaning his forehead against mine, he gave me a nervous smile. “My mom’s invited you over for dinner.”

  I swallowed and wriggled out of his grasp. “That’s nice of her, but…I thought we were keeping this quiet.”

  “That’s getting harder and harder to do. I mean, not from the public, but the people closest to me. They know something’s changed. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. They’re not stupid. They’ve figured it out. What they can’t figure out is why you don’t want to meet any of them. And I…I don’t know what to say to them.”

  My muscles went taut as I watched him flirt with the edge of frustration before his shoulders slumped.

  Holding in his sigh, he rested his hands on the back of the kitchen chair and looked kind of sad. “Don’t worry, I told them you probably couldn’t be there. I’ll come up with another excuse that makes you sound good but also doesn’t make them feel like you don’t want to meet them.”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind his ear, he turned and started cleaning up the flower packaging. I wanted to ask him to keep the ribbon, but I couldn’t find my voice.

  He looked so sad, and I hated that I was the reason.

  “It’s no big deal really. I mean, Mom doesn’t know you’re my girlfriend, which you’re not because we’re not dating or falling in love or anything.” He sighed. “It’s just that Chaos is coming and they all have partners except for me, and she asked if I wanted to bring a friend.” Spinning around, he rested his hands on the kitchen counter and looked me in the eye. “And I really want to, but the problem is, the only ‘friend’ I want to bring…is you.” He croaked out the final word, making me feel even worse.

  The thing was, he wasn’t trying to manipulate me.

  There were no puppy dog eyes, or underlying threats.

  He just wanted me there and was sad because he was going alone.

 
Crossing my arms, I gripped my shirt while my mind hummed with the onset of battle.

  I wanted to go.

  If it meant a night hanging out with Jace, then of course I wanted to go.

  But I couldn’t go.

  Meeting his family and friends? That’d change everything.

  It was next-level stuff, and I…

  My sister’s face flashed through my mind, her whispered plea near the end… “Don’t waste this chance.”

  I’d been so set on surviving that I hadn’t even started living.

  Except I had, without even realizing it.

  Jace was bringing me back to life. Making the idea of waking up in the morning a joy.

  I owed him.

  But more than that, I wanted to take another step.

  Would it be safe?

  My insides jerked at the panicked question.

  It’s a dinner! How dangerous could it be?

  My stomach clenched as the internal battle grew a little more heated.

  Go! Are you crazy? You have to go!

  Don’t go! Are you crazy? You can’t go!

  Go!

  Don’t go!

  My jaw shook as I opened my mouth to speak. Clamping my teeth together, I swallowed and closed my eyes.

  My brain needed to shut the hell up!

  Sniffing back my nerves, I tried to ignore the argument and let my heart do the talking, “Well, you know, since I’m not falling in love with you…in like a really big way, then um, maybe I should meet your family.”

  It took Jace a second to figure out that my sentence was basically a long-winded yes.

  He stilled, stared at me with wide eyes, and then his lips lifted the way I loved so much.

  That lopsided grin did me in and I stepped across to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. His large hands wove around me until I was secured in his tight embrace.

  Weaving my fingers into his hair, I drew out the kiss, reveling in the touch of his tongue and trying to distract myself from the battalion of nerves that were setting up ranks in my belly. I was about to face a really challenging night. I’d have to keep my wits about me and concentrate the whole damn time.