by Kate Lloyd
“What’s this?” Beatrice pointed out a drop of blood on the ground and a two-inch tear in Heath’s back leg. “Looks as though Heath got caught in barbed wire.”
“He may need stitches. I’d better run him to the veterinarian’s office.” Stephen clicked on Heath’s leash. “I didn’t notice under all that mud.”
“You should call first to make sure they’re still open,” Beatrice said.
While Mark washed off Heath’s leg, Stephen called the local vet, who told him to take the dog to the emergency veterinarian’s office in Gordonville.
I unhitched Autumn and gave her the other carrot I’d stashed in my pocket. “Here you go, girl.” She chomped into it.
I had thoroughly enjoyed driving her, and my confidence in my driving abilities had been confirmed. Still, visions of Stephen and that Englisch man fighting, Heath biting the man’s arm, and then spotting Jake driving his dat’s buggy barraged my mind. More than ever I was determined to visit the Millers on Sunday to see him and to find out how his father was recovering. I figured my mamm had already dropped by to leave food and offer assurance.
Beatrice strutted over to me. “Looks as though you’ve had quite a time of it.”
“Our ride was more than I’d expected.” Because Stephen hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t mention Stephen’s scuffle with the Englischer or the man’s accusations against Heath.
“I wonder why Heath ran away,” Beatrice said. “He never has before.”
“Maybe to chase the vandal?” Mark said. He unhitched the buggy.
Stephen said, “Or something as simple as following the scent of a female dog in heat.”
Mark chortled and then swiped the smirk off his mouth.
I was grateful Stephen didn’t invite me to go with him. I’d never hear the end of it from Beatrice.
I stepped into the barn to look after Autumn. I offered her fresh water and fed her a scoop of grain to compensate for all her exercise. She munched into it, and I searched for and found a currycomb. As I brushed her dusty coat, I felt the presence of another person in the barn. I whipped around, almost expecting to see Jake, of all absurd notions. But it was Mark who had followed me.
“Let me help you with that.” He located another currycomb and started working on Amber’s other side, his long arms far more proficient than mine.
I’d been enjoying the solitude, but I had to remain gracious. “Denki, Mark.”
“Anytime.” He looked at me over Autumn’s withers. “I don’t mean to be pushy, but is there something you don’t like about me?”
“Not a thing.”
“Other than my age? What difference would five years make? In fact, a younger husband can take care of you longer.”
“Are you talking about marriage when we haven’t even been out on a date? I’m not ready. Please don’t rush me.” I wondered if he found me attractive because I was evasive. Maybe the same reason I’d wanted to seek Jake’s attention after he left.
A tangle of recollections snaked through my mind. Jake holding me in his arms as though he’d never let go. Our embraces in his buggy. But then my shock and bewilderment when I returned from Ohio to learn he’d gone away. I’d been tempted to hitch a ride or take the bus to New York to locate him. I’d held little dignity where Jake was concerned.
Fortunately, my parents suspected I was thinking about chasing him and stopped me. What kind of a man would marry a woman who’d grovel after him? Men were supposed to select their spouses, not the other way around.
Yet Jake told me he adored me, and I’d believed him.
My thoughts wandered to how the rumor I’d given birth to a child in Ohio had practically decimated me. According to the grapevine, my aunt and uncle had taken the child in and were raising it as their own. No way would I have abandoned my baby if I’d had one. In hindsight, maybe I shouldn’t have thwarted Jake’s more amorous advances. If I’d gotten pregnant, he might have married me. If not, I’d still have a child. Someone to love me more than anyone else in the world. Yet to deliberately raise a boppli without a father would be selfish.
Beatrice poked her head into the small barn. “How ya doing?” She seemed to feign a look of surprise. “Oh, I didn’t notice you, Mark.” Did she wish to be our chaperone?
“Stephen seemed to think you’re a fine horsewoman, Eva,” Beatrice said.
“I’m not as good as most.” I continued my chore and tried not to get flustered.
I felt Beatrice’s eyes assessing me. “My supper invitation still stands, Eva. You took off with Stephen too quickly to eat a meal at the end of your shift.”
I was hungry, my stomach growling, but I was also exhausted. “I have food in my cabin. But again, I thank you for your offer of hospitality.”
“As you like.” She humphed and left the barn.
The setting sun’s peach-colored rays illuminated the dust motes in the air. I noticed again what a handsome man Mark was. I understood Sadie’s attraction, but I felt more like his older sister. I wondered how he would have acted in Stephen’s situation with the Englisch sheep farmer. Would Mark have turned the other cheek as a righteous Amish man should? Would he have retrieved Heath through gentle conversation?
SIXTEEN
That night I awoke to a scuttling sound. A mouse in the roof space above the ceiling? As I drifted back to sleep, a tapping noise aroused me through the sheaves of slumber.
I imagined the intruder had returned to break in, but then I decided a perpetrator would try the door first. Maybe he’d found it locked and was about to throw a rock through the window.
Fully awake, I felt like a clock with a dead battery, its hands frozen in place. Until I heard rapping on the window. Pushing myself into action, I put on my bathrobe, grabbed the flashlight by my bed, and tiptoed to the window to see the silhouette of a man’s face. I heard my name.
“Evie, it’s me.” Hearing Jake’s voice sent a thrill through me.
“What are you doing here?” I moved closer and recognized his symmetrical face, illuminated by the main house’s porch light. His blond hair was cut short—Englisch. His square jaw was indeed cleanly shaven.
“Please let me in.” His voice sounded urgent.
“Nee, I can’t. Someone will see us.”
“Nee, they won’t.” His face pushed closer to the glass. “I walked in from the road without my flashlight on.”
I’d waited an eternity for this moment, but I cautioned myself. I didn’t break the rules anymore. And I didn’t trust Jake.
“Please,” he said. “I must talk to you.”
I stood frozen for a minute, my mind a battleground of indecision. This might be my one chance to speak to him in private. “Okay, for five minutes.”
Through the window, I scanned the big house, cloaked in darkness. Not a glimmer in Beatrice’s bedroom. No barking. Maybe the veterinarian had given Heath a sedative. Still, usually Minnie yapped.
As I cinched my bathrobe, Jake stole around to the door. I unlocked it, turned the handle, and cracked it open. He slipped inside. Being this close to Jake was almost unbearable. I caught the scent of his skin and work clothes. A mishmash of conflicting memories bombarded my mind, making me dizzy.
I took another look at the big house, and then closed the door without making a sound. I hoped.
“How did you know I’d be here?”
“Olivia told me.”
I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but I remained at a distance. “Why did you come?”
“To talk.”
“About?”
“You. Me. Everything.”
I was glad it was too dark for Jake to see my face or uncovered hair. A conflict of emotions flooded my chest, making it hard to breathe. “You shouldn’t be here.” I wanted to ask him about the woman I’d seen with him, but instead I said, “You sent me only two letters—with no return address—and left one phone message, but you didn’t tell me why you left. All I knew was that you’d gone to New York, and you never said a
nything about your plans for …us.”
“I didn’t include a return address because I didn’t want my dat knowing where I was and trying to force me to come home. And then I heard you had a new beau and a child in Ohio.”
“All lies. I never loved anyone but you. No baby. And even if I had one, why…”
I got the distinct feeling he was lying to me, so what was the use of talking about this now? I was tempted to cover my ears. “Are you married?”
“Nee. There’s no one else. Never has been.”
“Why should I believe anything you say?” My words bulleted out as a wave of antagonism surged through me.
“I’m being honest with you, Evie. I’ve never cared for anyone but you.”
I warned myself not to be naive. “I heard you just moved back home because of your dat.”
“Yah. My mamm knew how to reach me and called as soon as his accident happened and begged me to return. Not exactly an accident, because his mule is an ornery beast. Dat should’ve sold the ill-tempered animal years ago. He was in a coma in the trauma unit at the hospital.” His words burbled like water from a hose. “When he finally woke up a couple days ago, he couldn’t speak or hardly move. Mamm was frantic, but she demanded he be released this morning. She claimed Dat’s eyes were pleading with her to come home.”
“I didn’t know about his injury until Olivia told me, and then someone here said your dat was awake enough to be transported home. I’m very sorry. Truly, I am.” I tried to imagine what it would feel like to lie unconscious in a blanket of clouds. Some days after Jake left, I’d wished I could. And never wake up. Depression and gloom had surrounded me like a shroud.
Jake shifted his weight. The floorboards creaked. “We thank the Lord he’s still alive. No one thought he’d make it, yet alone wake up after five days. Not that he’s completely aware.”
“That doesn’t explain what you’re doing here right now, Jake.” My voice cracked when I spoke his name. A tumult of emotions cavorted through my chest.
“I had to see you, Evie. That’s all I know. Olivia told me you were still single and living here, starting a new life.”
“Since you were in the area anyway, you thought you’d stop by?” Sarcasm snaked through my voice.
“Look, Evie, if you throw me out on my ear, I wouldn’t blame you. I’ve been a coward.” He moved closer, until I could feel his breath against my cheek. “I didn’t light that barn on fire. But everything else said about me was true. I pushed all the boundaries during rumspringa and never repented. Two days after I sold my car, the young man who bought it—he was only sixteen—hit a telephone pole and died. I felt responsible. Well, I was responsible for his death. He didn’t know how to drive worth a hoot. I shamed my parents. And my dat never let me forget it.”
I had no answers for him.
He ran his fingers over his cropped hair. “I couldn’t stand living at home anymore. Remember when my older bruder died? A few months after the barn fire. Dat never got over his death and took his anguish and wrath out on me. And he kept bringing up that barn fire and calling me a liar. Dat believed I was guilty and worked me like a beast of burden. So when my friend in New York told me about a job, I took it and went to live with him. I’d intended to return after a few months, but I couldn’t face my father. Or you once I heard you were dating someone, and then that you’d had a baby.” His voice sounded strangled. “I shouldn’t have believed those rumors. I should have come back to see for myself,” he said, his lips barely moving. “And courted you, if you’d have had me.”
I continued to hold my swirling thoughts in. Part of me was glad to see Jake suffering as I had. Yes, his father had been domineering and strict, but Jake was blaming his dat for his skipping town? I should want Jake to leave, but I was still hooked into him as if I were a helpless minnow.
“Guess I’d better go before I cause any more trouble.” He stepped toward the door. “I have a favor to ask.” He massaged the back of his neck. “Would you stop by the farm and see Dat?”
“Why would he wish to see me?”
“Mamm said he’s only murmured one word since he woke up. Your name. Eva.”
“Maybe he believes I’m the cause of all your problems, and he hates me and wants to chew me out.”
“I have no idea what he thinks, but Mamm thinks he believes you and I are getting married.”
“What on earth? Where would he get that idea?”
“I don’t know. His thinking’s all ferhoodled.”
“You want me to lie to him?”
“Nee, but at least see him. Please?”
“I’ll have to think and pray about it.” I hoped Bishop Harvey would stop in at the café and advise me. I already knew what he’d say—“Stay away from Jake Miller.”
Jake paused at the door. “Was that you I saw driving a buggy with an Englisch man today?”
Seeing me with another man, he’d probably experienced a slice of jealousy and a sense of possession.
“That’s why you came?” My voice rose in volume. “What I do is none of your business anymore.”
I still wanted to ask about the Englisch woman in his dat’s buggy, but I wouldn’t lower myself. I’d probably find out about her all too soon.
SEVENTEEN
I woke up the next morning with words in my head, spoken by a minister in my parents’ district a couple of years ago—“One sin leads to another.” I remembered his proclamation with clarity. He’d glanced my way, and then his gaze moved around the room. “None of us is without sin, but we must learn from our mistakes and sin no more.” Then he read the Scripture about a woman who was nearly stoned for being an adulteress. Ach, he’d thought I’d committed adultery? That I’d been with a married man? Beatrice seemed to as well when she spoke to me about The Scarlet Letter.
But on that Sunday two years ago, sitting on the women’s side of the neighbor’s living room, I’d promised God I would turn my life around forever. Yet last night temptation had arrived to lure me back into its clutches.
With the morning light seeping through the cracks around the shade, I renewed my vow to submit to the teachings of the Bible and to the Ordnung, and I asked the Lord for forgiveness. Beatrice had requested I not allow a man in my cabin, and I’d agreed. Yet I’d been disobedient.
Once I showered and dressed, I made my way to the café. I could hear and smell spring in the air. Pairs of singing birds flittered past me, choosing future nesting locations, I assumed. I noticed a variety of unusual birdhouses in the nursery and surmised Rose had fabricated them. I’d heard she constructed them and was in the mail-order business when she and Glenn met.
I wondered what it would be like to have the freedom to create your own enterprise. In the districts in our area, a single woman could own a business, but the moment she married, it would be considered her husband’s. I knew that idea was scriptural, as the married man was the head of the household. Still, it irked me that men made all the decisions. Ach, I wasn’t ready to be baptized until I came to terms with the Ordnung. Maybe staying single was my best option. No, I wanted children.
As Sadie and I prepared to open the café, Beatrice breezed in. “Everything ready for opening?” she asked me.
“Yah. Olivia’s brother delivered her baked goods, the bread arrived, Sadie has been slicing meat, and I made corn chowder.”
Beatrice sampled the soup without enthusiasm. “What ingredients are in here?”
“Corn, chopped onion and celery, and chicken bouillon.”
“No real chicken?” She rummaged through the refrigerator and extracted a couple of chicken breasts. “I’ll dice some up right now.” She put a pan on the stove top, turned on the burner, and drizzled in olive oil. “So much better with chicken.” She cut into the poultry like a pro. “And next time use genuine chicken stock instead of bouillon. But this will be fine once I put in the chicken.”
She scanned the dining area. “Don’t forget to write the name of the soup on the chalkboard.”<
br />
“I was just about to do that.” Her suggestion was a good one, but it irritated me. I assured myself that once the Yoders got home with their baby, Beatrice would be too busy to come into the café. And it wouldn’t hurt me to show gratitude for her suggestions.
“I appreciate your help,” I said, but she didn’t acknowledge my thanks.
An hour later I was delighted when Mamm arrived. She embraced me as only my mother could.
“How did you get here?” I asked.
“I caught a ride with a friend who’s buying roses, so I only have twenty minutes.” She looked tired—her skin chalky and her cheeks sleep creased. “I’ve missed you so.”
“I’ve missed you too, Mamm. Didn’t you get my phone message? I’m coming by to pay you a visit on Sunday.”
“Yah, I got your message.” She hesitated. “Of course, you know we always want to see you, but I think we should entertain you in the daadi haus, so please come to our little door.”
“Seriously? I shouldn’t use the back door to the kitchen like I usually do?”
“If you wouldn’t mind.”
“You can’t eat in your own kitchen anymore?”
“We could, and we do sometimes.” She worked her lower lip. “When invited.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She sniffed. “Everything’s as perfect as can be expected.”
“So why the long face, Mamm?” I took her hand. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Nothing. Everything’s fine.”
“Then why are you so sad? You look drauerich.”
“Your dat had looked forward to retiring, but things aren’t working out as expected. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining.”
I knew Mamm would reveal her thoughts in time. No use prodding her. Still, why hadn’t she just called me?
Mamm scanned the room. “Is there a spot where we can speak in private?”
“Right over there.” I directed her to a square table by the koi pond. The trickling waterfall would camouflage our conversation.
Mamm seated herself at a two-top. “You must have heard about Amos Miller, Jake’s father.”
