The Little Orphan Girl

by Sandy Taylor

  ‘I’ll be sure to tell her. Now Mother says that you can come to us whenever you are ready. You can come back with me now, if you like. I will talk to Mrs Grainger and explain.’

  ‘I’m going away, Sister.’

  ‘Going away?’

  ‘Just for a couple of weeks, I promised Mrs Grainger that I would look after her friend’s baby in Brighton.’

  Sister Luke looked worried. ‘Mother Ignatius told us of the situation here in the house and we are all very concerned for you. Are you sure you want to do this, Cissy?’

  I hesitated. This could be the answer to everything but I’d promised Mrs Grainger that I would help her friend out. ‘I can’t go back on my word, Sister,’ I said.

  ‘When are you leaving?’

  ‘On Friday.’

  ‘Come and see us when you return and we will arrange to fetch you both and bring you to the convent.’

  ‘Thank you, Sister, I will.’

  ‘Did you say it was Brighton you are going to?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Rose lives in Brighton, Cissy.’

  ‘I’d forgotten, maybe I could visit her.’

  ‘Do you have her address?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Well, if you do, be sure to give her our love.’

  ‘I will, Sister.’

  ‘God willing, I shall see you in two weeks then.’

  ‘God willing,’ I said.

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Teddy was a sweet baby and so tiny. It was hard to believe that Nora had ever been this small. Mrs Cushman fed him herself, even during the night, so there really wasn’t much for me to do, except take him out for long walks along the seafront while she rested.

  ‘My health hasn’t been good since having Teddy and I tire easily,’ she explained.

  ‘That’s why I’m here,’ I said. ‘I’ll help you all I can.’

  ‘You’re a godsend, Cissy, it was so good of Mrs Grainger to let you come to me.’

  ‘Have you been friends for long?’

  ‘Mr Grainger was my husband’s friend, they worked together in London. I met Mrs Grainger at one of my husband’s work do’s. I stopped seeing her after her husband went to America to work, but I let her know when Teddy was born and I mentioned recently that I needed help and wondered if she knew a girl who would be willing to stand in while Helen was in Ireland.’

  For some reason I couldn’t see this kind gentle woman being friends with Mrs Grainger, they were so different. ‘So, you just keep in touch by letter?’

  ‘We don’t keep in touch at all now, except as I said, to let her know that I had had Teddy. It’s my husband who has kept up contact with Mr Grainger, they were good friends. It was he that told us that they had adopted a little girl.’

  My heart missed a beat. Why would Mr Grainger be saying that? Surely he was aware that the adoption hadn’t gone through? He must have told them before I’d changed my mind, that would explain it. But I didn’t want to question Mrs Cushman about it – it would seem a strange thing for me to do.

  I was treated like one of the family. I even ate my meals with them; they made me feel more like a friend than a servant. The house was just off the seafront and it was beautiful. It was a lot smaller than the house in St John’s Wood, which made it feel cosier. I loved it here but I missed Nora and I was counting the days until I saw her again.

  Mr Cushman was as kind as his wife and he adored Teddy. I made sure that the baby was bathed and smelling sweet when he came home from work, and it was a joy to see how his eyes lit up when he held his little boy in his arms.

  I fell in love with Brighton and sitting on the pebbly beach looking out over the sea made me think of home. Maybe I could bring Nora here and show her the ocean?

  Mrs Cushman said that I could have Saturday off, as her mother was visiting, so I decided to try and find Rose. I had her address written down: Number Fifteen, Standon Street. I asked Mrs Cushman if she knew where it was.

  ‘It’s not far from here, Cissy, you can walk there. Take the road opposite the pier and just keep walking. It’s a turning off to the right just before the railway station.’

  I felt excited as I started walking along the seafront. It was a beautiful day and the sea was calm, glistening under the bright sunshine. The Palace pier looked so grand, jutting out into the sea. Mr Cushman said that if you laid out all the planks end to end, the pier would reach out for eighty-five miles. I was grateful that the nuns had offered me a job and a place to live but that didn’t mean I had to stay there forever. Somehow I felt freer here; there was room to breathe with the hills rising up behind the town and the sea stretching out in front of it.

  I found the place easily enough. It was a neat little house in a narrow street of identical houses. Number fifteen was halfway along. I knocked on the blue door and waited. A woman answered, and smiled at me. ‘Yes?’

  ‘Is Rose in?’ I asked.

  ‘Who shall I say wants her?’

  I didn’t want to give Rose’s secret away. As far as I knew, her mother still knew nothing of Jenny.

  ‘My name is Cissy Ryan,’ I said. ‘Me and Rose worked together in London.’

  ‘Come in,’ she said, opening the door wider. ‘We’ll surprise her, she’s talked a lot about you since she came home.’

  ‘I’ve missed her,’ I said, following the woman into the front room.

  ‘So you decided to stay in London, did you?’

  ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘As you know, Rose got very homesick, city life wasn’t for her. Hush, I can hear her on the stairs.’

  ‘Do you know where my red jumper is, Mum?’ she said, walking into the room and then she saw me. ‘Cissy!’ she screamed, flinging herself at me and nearly knocking me off my feet. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Visiting you,’ I said, grinning.

  ‘Oh, this is great, I can’t believe it!’

  ‘Shall I get you some tea?’ said Rose’s mum.

  ‘No, I’ll take Cissy to the tea shop on the pier.’

  ‘That’s a good idea, Rose. It will be lovely on a day like today.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ said Rose, hugging me.

  ‘Well, I am,’ I said, smiling at her.

  We linked arms as we walked down the hill towards the pier.

  ‘Save your news until we get there,’ said Rose.

  We were soon sitting together at a table overlooking the sea.

  ‘It feels like I’m on a boat,’ I said.

  ‘Now I want to know everything. I thought you’d be back in Ireland by now.’

  ‘I should have been, Rose, but…’

  ‘You kept your baby?’

  ‘Yes, I kept my baby.’

  ‘I can’t say I’m surprised.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘You went on too much about not wanting anything to do with it. I was never convinced. Boy or girl?’

  ‘A little girl.’

  She smiled but there was sadness in her eyes. ‘The same as me then.’

  I nodded.

  ‘So, where is she?’

  ‘It’s a long story, Rose.’

  ‘I’m in no hurry.’

  And so I told her all that had happened to me since I’d last seen her. When I’d finished talking, Rose had tears in her eyes and she looked angry.

  ‘I don’t like the sound of it at all, Cissy. I’ve got a good mind to get on the next train to London and snatch your baby back for you. Why don’t we? There’s nothing stopping us.’

  ‘And what would I do then?’

  ‘You’d live here with me and Mum.’

  ‘But what about Nora?’

  ‘Is that what you’ve called her?’

  ‘Yes, except that Mrs Grainger changed it.’

  ‘What do you mean, she changed it?’

  ‘To Charlotte.’

  ‘She changed your baby’s name to Charlotte?’

  Saying it out loud like this made me realise just how wrong it was an
d I was beginning to feel Rose’s anger rubbing off on me.

  ‘She had no right to do that, Cissy. You’re her mother, although from what you’ve told me, that mad cow thinks that she is.’

  ‘I’ve been a fool, haven’t I?’

  ‘Not a fool, Cissy, never that. Just an innocent girl who didn’t know where next to turn.’

  ‘What should I do?’

  ‘Go and get Nora.’

  ‘But what about Mrs Cushman? I’ll be letting her down.’

  ‘Jesus, Cissy, that woman is nothing to you! It’s time you stopped thinking about everyone else for a second and started thinking about you and your baby.’

  ‘I have to go back to Mrs Cushman first or she’ll have the police out looking for me when I don’t return home.’

  ‘Okay, go and see her and then get on the next train to London.’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Promise?’

  ‘I promise.’

  ‘Go and get your baby, Cissy,’ said Rose, leaning across the table and holding my hands. ‘Go and bring her home.’

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Mrs Cushman was lovely about me leaving. ‘I can see that something is very wrong, Cissy,’ she said. ‘I think I sensed it all along. If you don’t feel that you can tell me what it is, just remember that if there is anything I can do to help you, please ask.’

  ‘I’ve enjoyed working for you, Mrs Cushman, and your Teddy is lovely. I’m sorry to have to leave you when you need someone to help.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Cissy, I will get my mother to help out until Helen comes back. She’ll be delighted for the chance to spoil her grandson.’

  I didn’t feel a bit scared as the train raced towards London because I knew at last that I was doing the right thing. I’d been a fool and I’d let Mrs Grainger bully me, but she was rich and I wasn’t and maybe I’d thought I deserved what she did to me. I didn’t think that now. Talking to Rose and seeing her anger had given me the strength to fight for my child. I had the same rights as Mrs Grainger. She might be posh and live in a big house but I wasn’t frightened of her any more.

  I had always been told to know my place, from bobbing to the Honourables to always using the back door, and when you are told that often enough you come to believe it. You come to believe that rich people really are your betters even if they are mean like Caroline Bretton or cruel like Mrs Grainger. But Mammy always told me that I was as good as anyone else. Why hadn’t I believed her? I wished she was with me, I wished she was here.

  I knew my place now: it was with my child and I would teach her to be proud of who she was and where she came from. I would tell her that she was as good as the next person and whether you are rich or poor, respect is not a right, it’s something you have to earn. I would teach my child to be as strong and as wise as the mammy and the granddaddy.

  As I stood looking up at the house I had never been so determined to get what I wanted. Nothing was going to stop me from leaving with Nora and I’d fight whoever stood in my way. I lugged my case down the basement steps and went to open the kitchen door but I couldn’t get in. It was unusual for it to be locked. I pushed at it and when it didn’t budge, I knocked. But no one answered. I put my ear to the door but there was only silence on the other side. I left my case where it was and went back up the steps. It wasn’t my fault that I had to use the front door. I rang the bell and the door was opened immediately by Mrs Cornish the housekeeper.

  ‘Cissy,’ she said, looking surprised. ‘I wasn’t expecting you back for another week.’

  ‘I tried the kitchen door but it’s locked,’ I said quickly.

  ‘Oh good,’ she said. ‘I was just about to check it, that saves me having to go downstairs.’

  It was then that I noticed how quiet the house was. ‘Where is everyone?’

  ‘Scattered to the four corners of London, I expect.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘Don’t you know?’ She stared at me. ‘You don’t, do you? She said she’d told you, she said you knew.’

  I shook my head, I was beginning to feel sick. ‘Knew what?’

  ‘They’ve all gone, Cissy.’

  And then I was running up the stairs, screaming Nora’s name.

  ‘What are you doing, girl?’ shouted Mrs Cornish, running behind me.

  The nursery was empty, the cot was gone and so too was Nanny Price’s chair. I turned and faced Mrs Cornish. ‘Where’s Nora?’ I demanded.

  ‘Who’s Nora?’

  ‘My baby, where is she?’

  ‘Get a hold of yourself, Cissy. The only baby that was ever in this nursery was Charlotte, as well you know. Are you ill, girl?’

  I started to scream like a fishwife down on the quayside in Ballybun. ‘Where is she? Where is she?’

  Mrs Cornish grabbed me by the shoulders and started shaking me. I pushed her off and slid to the floor. ‘She’s taken my baby,’ I sobbed. ‘How could she do that, Mrs Cornish? How could she take my baby?’

  ‘I know you were fond of Charlotte, Cissy,’ said Mrs Cornish gently, ‘but Charlotte is not your child.’

  ‘She is my child,’ I screamed, ‘and her name’s not Charlotte.’

  Mrs Cornish sat down beside me. We sat there in silence. And then she said, ‘I’ve never taken you to be a girl who’s given to flights of fancy. I’m listening, Cissy.’

  And so, between bouts of sobbing, I told my story. As I was speaking, Mrs Cornish reached across and held my hand. ‘I should have known that she was always going to take her, she fooled me.’

  ‘She fooled us all, she told me I had a job for life. We were all stunned when she gave us our notice. I’m only here to hand the keys of the house back to the agent.’

  ‘She’s sold the house?’

  ‘She never owned it, it was rented.’

  ‘Didn’t she tell you where she was going?’

  ‘Not a word.’

  ‘She had it all planned, didn’t she?’

  ‘It looks like it.’

  ‘You do believe me, Mrs Cornish? For as God is my witness, I am telling the truth.’

  ‘Yes, Cissy, I believe you.’

  I was shivering; every bone in my body was icy cold and my heart was breaking in two.

  ‘Let’s get you downstairs to the drawing room, the couch is still there.’

  My legs were like jelly as Mrs Cornish helped me to stand up.

  ‘Lean on me, Cissy, we’ll soon get you warm.’

  Mrs Cornish settled me on the couch and wrapped me in blankets, then she put a match to the paper and wood in the grate. She knelt on the floor beside me and smoothed my hair away from my face, all the while murmuring softly that everything would be alright, that we’d find Nora. She was like a mammy, she made me feel calmer. I closed my eyes and gave way to the overwhelming tiredness that was seeping through my body.

  When I woke it took me a few minutes to remember where I was and why I was there. Evening had started to fall and the room was dim, most of it hidden by shadows. The only light was the soft glow from the embers of the fire that had almost burned itself out in the grate. I’d been lying on my arm and now it had pins and needles. I sat up and rubbed it and that’s when the horror of the day hit me like a stone: Nora was gone and I’d been sleeping. How long had I slept? I shouldn’t have slept. How could I sleep when my baby had been taken from me? As I opened and closed my fist to make the pins and needles stop, I felt heavy and helpless. I pushed back the blanket and swung my legs off the couch. It took an enormous effort to stand and walk over to the long window. Outside, the street lamps were being lit, their light flickering along the pavements. London was settling down for the night. I had never felt at home there but on that night, as I gazed out over the houses and chimneys, the streets and alleyways, the rooftops broken up every now and then by a church spire, I felt lonelier than ever.

  This wasn’t my city, it wasn’t my country. It was a cold, grey, heartless place that swallowed up people, along with hopes
and dreams.

  Somewhere out there was Nora, somewhere within those streets and houses, behind a door, beyond a curtain was my baby girl. I closed my eyes and I remembered the feel of her in my arms, how she felt when I held her up to my shoulder, her warm little head tucked into my neck. I thought of her heart beating somewhere in the midst of this huge, cold city. I put my hands over my face and I knew it was my fault. I hadn’t wanted her in the first place. Now I’d allowed her to be taken from me.

  I turned as Mrs Cornish came into the room carrying a tray. ‘Ah, you’re awake. I’ve brought you some tea and toast.’

  ‘Thank you, but I don’t think I can eat anything.’

  ‘You must try. You are going to have to be strong to get through this, Cissy, and if you don’t eat, you will make yourself ill.’

  I sat down on the couch and nibbled at the bread. It felt like sandpaper going down my throat.

  ‘Good girl,’ said Mrs Cornish, ‘now drink the tea.’

  On the tray was an envelope, which Mrs Cornish handed it to me. ‘She left this for you.’

  ‘I don’t want to hear anything she has to say to me.’

  ‘Do you want me to open it? It might be important.’

  I nodded and watched as she opened the envelope. ‘There’s no letter,’ she said. ‘Just money, a lot of money.’

  ‘I don’t want her money.’

  ‘Keep it, Cissy. No amount of money can make up for what she’s done to you but you may need it in the future.’

  ‘Don’t you see? She’s bought her, she’s bought Nora.’

  As we sat in silence, I felt numb and helpless.

  ‘A crime has been committed here, Cissy. I think we should contact the police.’

  ‘What’s the point? Even if they believe me, Mrs Grainger will be long gone.’

  ‘What do you want to do, then?’

  ‘I want to be among my own kind, Mrs Cornish. I want to go home.’

  I had to accept that I would never see my daughter Nora again.

  Part III

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  I took the train from Paddington to Fishguard, where I would board the night sailing to Cork. Mrs Cornish saw me off at the station.