“No,” he answered. “He was hit head-on by a drunk driver.”
“Oh.”
“I’m so sorry,” Allison whispered. “I’m so sorry about the way my son treated you.” drugstore run for condomsk. His
Ceejay opened her eyes and focused on the documents Noah had placed in her lap. A cashier’s check made out to her for ten thousand dollars rested on top of a handwritten letter and the thick insurance policy. Somehow she managed to slide the check aside to read the words Matt had written. Big mistake. The pain grew worse.
“I need air.” She stood, letting the pile in her lap fall to the floor. “If you’ll excuse me...” She placed one foot in front of the other and made it out the front door. Not far enough. She kept on walking until she reached the middle of the orchard.
Lying down on the soft, cool grass, she stared up into the canopy of leaves and the small peaches, pears, and apples growing on the branches above. Her mind should’ve been spinning. Instead it remained blank and still like the eye of a hurricane. Any minute now the storm would tear her apart.
The tiny orbs of fruit weren’t easy to count in the twilight. Good. A challenge was exactly what she needed, because she didn’t want to think about Matt, Noah, or anything at all. Maybe tomorrow she could do that, but right now, it was all too big, and too much to handle. Taking refuge in numbers felt far safer than examining how Matt’s death and Noah’s betrayal affected her.
“Ceejay!” Noah called.
“Go away,” she shouted back. No good. He came to loom over her, forming a dark silhouette against the gathering dusk. She began her inventory of the peaches.
“Talk to me.” He set his cane on the grass, lay down beside her, and reached for her hand.
She snatched it away, but not before the warmth of his skin registered against hers, making her heart ache even more. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“What are you doing out here?”
She pointed to the trees. “Three, four, five...”
“Is that how you deal with everything? You count corn rows and fruit?”
“No. Sometimes I count bricks or cracks in the ceiling, even stars. Maybe you should give it try the next time being around people sends you into a panic.” She glared at him. “Do you think that awful letter and a check make everything hunky-dory in my world?” Her breath hitched, and she clamped her mouth shut.
“No.” He turned on his side to face her. “Why didn’t you ever try to find Matt after he left?”
“Why would I look for someone who’d made it abundantly clear he didn’t want me or his baby?”
“Child support.”
“The guy stole everything I had! Why the hell would I expect financial help from him?”
“It’s the law.”
“He didn’t have anything I wanted.” She shook her head. “Matt used me, and I was the naive little fool who let him.” The sympathy in his eyes had her focusing on the trees above. “I didn’t want the contact. A check each month would’ve been a reminder of how disposable I was to him. Why put myself through that?”
“Matt’s actions had everything to do with him and nothing to do with you. You aren’t disposable. How old were you when all this happened?”
“Nineteen.”
“I eyes were riveted on hery?pe’m sorry. I—”
“I don’t want your pity.” She sat up and wrapped her arms around her knees.
Noah propped himself up beside her. “You think I pity you?”
She glanced at him. “Don’t you?”
“Damn, Ceejay, do you really think you’re the only one who gets wet when it rains?” He rapped his knuckles against his fake limb and then his skull. “Take a good look, sweetheart. I’m more likely to be on the receiving end when it comes to the pity dole.”
“I don’t pity you either.”
“Don’t you? Who would want a guy like me? I’m damaged goods. I don’t even have a job.”
“You can always find a job, and a missing limb doesn’t make you undesirable.” Her head started to throb.
“No?” His scrutiny became intense. “Could you ever want a man like me?”
Not a question she wanted to answer or even admit to herself—not while tonight’s revelations still burned. He’d lied about who he was, about why he wanted to get to know her and Lucinda, and that betrayal, right when she was beginning to trust him, scorched her from the inside out. “I’m not going to stick around Perfect much longer.” Ceejay pulled at the grass around her feet. “The money Matt left will make relocating a whole lot easier.”
“I didn’t ask if you planned to stay. I asked if you could want a man like me.”
“You do realize your timing sucks, right?” She scowled at him. “You should’ve asked that question before I found out you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie.”
“Yes, you did. You said you came for the carriage house.”
“No, you said that. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Once I met you and Lucinda, I decided to take advantage of your assumption, that’s all.”
“Right. Matt took advantage of my assumptions too.” She rested her cheek on her knees. “I assumed he was an honest man. I assumed he meant it when he told me he loved me. Instead of telling me who you were, and why you showed up at my front door, you decided to take advantage. You’re no different.”
“It’s not the same at all. I’m not—”
“Do you think my money and car are the only things Matt stole?” She blinked back the angry tears. “While my college friends were out dating and partying, I was juggling school, work, and caring for a newborn—always exhausted and always broke.” Always alone and heartbroken.
“Wait.” She raised her head to glare at him. “Why the sudden interest? Why are you people showing up now? Lucinda is four years old.” He didn’t respond. Could she sink any lower, feel any more like dog poo on the bottom of somebody’s shoe? “Matt didn’t tell anyone about me, did he?”
Noah shook his head. “None of us knew you existed until I went through his things and found the envelope.”
“It’s time you left.” Ceejay shot up. “Last time I checked, the post office still delivers large envelopes. Y son of a bitchs . His ou should’ve put it in the mail, because coming here was a waste of your time.”
Noah struggled to his feet. “Don’t blame Allison for any of this. Lucinda is her granddaughter. She only wants the chance to be a part of her life.”
She kept walking. Allison’s SUV was still parked in front of the house. She walked around to the back. Taking the stairs off the kitchen, she headed for her daughter’s room. Lucinda must be wound up tight about now. It’d be a miracle if she could get her settled down enough to sleep.
The sound of happy voices stopped her outside Lucinda’s door. No, Jenny wouldn’t...reaching for the doorknob, she braced herself and walked in.
Jenny and Allison sat on opposite sides of Lucinda on her bed. Her daughter had been bathed and dressed in a summer nightgown. Her favorite book lay open on her lap, and Boo-Bear was nestled against her chest. Even Sweet Pea had insinuated himself into the happy tableau. He lay stretched out on the rug by Lucinda’s bed, barely lifting his head to acknowledge her. It was all too much, too sweet, and too happy.
The moment Lucinda saw her, she got up and started jumping on the mattress. “Mommy, Mommy, Allison is my grandma, and you know what?”
Her stomach lurched. “What?”
“She’s gonna spoil me rotten. That’s what she said.”
“Yay.”
“You know what else?” Lucinda cried. “Noah is my uncle.”
“You don’t say.” She sent her aunt a silent plea. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one night. It’s way past your bedtime. Say good night, and I’ll tuck you in.”
“It is getting late.” Allison rose from her place on the bed. “I should be going. Is there a motel or a bed-and-breakfast nearby?”
“Nonsense,” Jenny waved a ha
nd in the air, “you’ll stay right here. We have plenty of room if you don’t mind helping me put fresh linens on one of the spare beds.”
“Are you sure I’m not imposing?”
“I’m sure. We’d love to have you.”
Ceejay sent her aunt an angry scowl, but Jenny ignored her. Wonderful. Betrayed by her own aunt.
Jenny kissed Lucinda on the cheek and headed for the door. Allison followed, stopping beside Ceejay before she left. “I know this has all been a shock. I hope we’ll have the chance to get to know one another...”
Guilt stabbed at her as she looked into the older woman’s warm brown eyes. None of this was Allison’s fault. Still, she had no words to offer. Hurt flashed through Allison’s eyes as she hurried off after Jenny.
She was being petty, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. Having the past thrown into her face with no warning had stirred up the cauldron of emotion always simmering just below the surface. She wanted to scream. She wanted to fling things against the wall to watch them shatter like she’d shattered the day Matt walked away with her ability to trust.
Instead, Ceejay tucked her little girl into bed, sitting with her while Lucinda talked herself out and fell asleep. Leaning close, she inhaled her sweet little girl scent, kissed her forehead, and left the room to head for the sanctuary toward the living room. . “. His of hers. Once she was behind the closed door, the tears started. Matt. Dead. She’d always harbored the tiny hope that he’d show up one day, begging to be a part of their amazing little girl’s life.
Her thoughts turned to Noah. She’d risked opening up and had begun to trust him, even sharing mortifying details about her life. What a fool to believe he wanted to get to know her. All this time he’d been working up to dropping this bomb in her lap. She didn’t want to acknowledge the hollow ache of disappointment eating at her, but it was there. Something about Noah drew her, and she’d wanted to get to know him better. She’d allowed herself to believe he felt the same.
A knock on her door sent her heart racing. She swiped at her eyes. “Who is it?”
“Just me.” Jenny opened the door a crack. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.”
“I found your groceries by the front door and put them away.”
“Thanks.” Ceejay opened her dresser drawer and pulled out her pajamas.
“Ceejay, you can’t blame Allison and Noah for Matt’s actions.”
“I don’t. I blame them for barging into my life uninvited, and I blame Noah for being dishonest about his reasons for being here.” She gritted her teeth to keep from crying again.
“Fair enough.” Jenny leaned against the door. “For Lucinda’s sake, you might consider forgiving them. Maybe the right thing to do would be to give the Langfords a chance. Allison is her grandmother, and Noah is her uncle. Family is a good thing.”
“Jenny, they didn’t ask first. Maybe if they had, maybe if they’d written a letter, or called on the phone...It’s the deception and the intrusion without any consideration that I can’t forgive. Not today, anyway.”
“Maybe tomorrow, then.” Jenny pushed off the wall and opened the door. “Sleep on it.”
All she could manage was a mute nod. The lump in her throat made speech impossible.
Ceejay awoke in a sullen mood despite the sunlight pouring through her bedroom window. Glancing at her digital clock, she sat up. It was already nine o’clock. Why hadn’t Lucinda come to her demanding breakfast? Maybe all the excitement from the night before had tired her out so much she’d slept in.
She got up, grabbed her robe, and headed for her daughter’s room. Empty. Ceejay looked out the window into the backyard. Maybe she’d conned Noah into another sand sculpture. No sign of either of them.
The happy sound of Lucinda’s giggles floated up the back stairs as Ceejay headed for the kitchen.
“Grandma, make another one, only this time, make it Minnie instead of Mickey.”
“All right, sweetie, but you be careful on that chair.”
She walked into the kitchen. Lucinda stood on a chair beside Allison in front of the stove. They both turned. Two faces haloed in chestnut waves with identical dimples and large brown eyes. The same chin. Ceejay’s heart twisted every which way.
“Grandma is making pancakes. Mickey and Minnie Mouse.” In her excitement, Lucinda lost her balance and">Noah glared at his father. “Yous . His almost tumbled from the chair. Allison steadied her with an arm around her shoulders.
Ceejay walked over and lifted her daughter down. “Let’s go sit at the table so you can eat them.”
Allison turned back to the skillet and busied herself with flipping pancakes. “Would you like some?”
“No.” She settled her daughter into her chair.
“I understand how you feel, and I have a fair idea what you’re going through.” Allison placed a plate of cartoon-shaped pancakes drenched in syrup in front of Lucinda.
“I doubt that.” Ceejay made a point of looking at the huge diamond glittering on Allison’s left ring finger.
“Noah’s father is my second husband. I haven’t always had it so easy.”
“Then I’m sure you know what it’s like being pregnant and unmarried in a small town like Perfect,” she muttered. “I’m certain you know what it feels like to have your boyfriend steal everything you own. Not a good time, is it?”
“No. It isn’t, and there’s nothing I can do to change what happened. Lucinda is my granddaughter.” Allison’s voice shook, and her chin quivered. “All I want is the chance to know her.”
“It takes more than genetics to make a family. Matt gave up any right he had to fatherhood the minute he walked out on us. In my book that nullifies your claim.”
“We didn’t know about you and Lucinda.” Allison’s eyes filled. “If we had, steps would’ve been taken to—”
“Look, there are reasons why I never came looking for Matt or any of his family. I didn’t invite you into our lives. How can you expect me to make you feel welcome?”
“We can’t change the past, but please,” Allison pleaded, “let us make it up to you and Lucinda.”
“You have. Noah delivered the check and the insurance policy. We’re all set. Thanks.”
Allison gasped and rushed out of the kitchen. Ceejay leaned down to cut Lucinda’s pancakes for her, and the sour taste of her own bitterness turned her stomach.
“Why were you so mean to my grandma?” Lucinda sniffled.
Lucinda’s tears bit at her conscience. “You’re too young to understand.”
“Is she going to go away?”
“I don’t know.” I hope so.
Lucinda squirmed out of her chair. “Is my uncle Noah gonna go away, too?” she cried. “I don’t want them to go away. You go make it better right now, Mommy.” Lucinda stomped her foot and crossed her arms in front of her.
She sighed. “If you aren’t going to>&
CHAPTER SIX
LAST NIGHT HAD BEEN A disaster, and Noah had only himself to blame. Still, one part of his conversation with Ceejay kept looping through his mind.
“Could you ever want a man like me?”
“You should’ve asked that question before I found out you lied to me.”
He examined her words from every possible angle, replaying every moment they’d spent together. Did she mean if he’d asked her the day before Allison arrived, she would’ve answered yes? A picture formed in his mind—Ceejay in his arms, smiling up at him, her eyes filled with trust. He wanted that—and more. The sudden, visceral need nearly staggered him.
Fall back, soldier. Regroup.
He had a target in his scope; now came the hard part. What did he possess in his arsenal that could get through the Kevlar Ceejay had wrapped around her heart? How could he earn her forgiveness and gain back her trust now that she’d placed him in the “not to be trusted” category—like Matt? Like her mother.
“Noah?” His front door opened, and Allison peeked around the edge.
&n
bsp; “Come in.” Noah set the book on his lap aside and rose from the ratty old couch. He hadn’t read a single word anyway. “Do you want coffee? It’s fresh.”
“No, thanks.” She entered, clutching a long cardboard box with a UPS packing slip taped to the side. “Coming here unannounced was a mistake. I should’ve listened to Ed and waited.”
“Don’t blame yourself. This is my fault.” He took the package and gestured to the couch.
Allison perched on the edge. “Ceejay made it clear I’m not welcome.” She pointed to the box as he leaned it against the wall. “I wanted to deliver your new prosthetic and say good-bye before I leave.” eyes were riveted on her92He broke the kiss and
“You’re welcome to stay as far as I’m concerned.” He sat beside her. “I’ll bunk in the camper, and you can have my room.” He rubbed his face. “I should’ve told Ceejay who I was from the start. I don’t know how, but I’ll fix this. I swear.”
“You always were the one to shoulder every burden, whether it had your name on it or not.” Allison patted his knee. “All of this is Matt’s doing. It wouldn’t have made any difference if you’d told Ceejay who you were.”
Allison smoothed out the creases in her slacks. “Despite what Ceejay thinks, I do understand what she’s going through. I’ve never told you about Matt’s father. I tried to tell her, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.” She lifted her chin. “Maybe it’ll give you some insight.”
Noah squirmed. Personal stuff from the only mother he’d ever known was uncharted territory. He nodded, trying to look more interested than alarmed.
“I married Matt’s father when I was nineteen. I was pregnant. My family didn’t approve of Mark.” She shook her head. “That’s putting it mildly. They couldn’t stand the loser, but I married him anyway, and it caused quite a rift.”
Allison picked at nonexistent lint on her sleeve. “Matt was a colicky baby. He cried nonstop, starting up like clockwork at five in the afternoon and conking out around midnight. Mark couldn’t stand it. He’d pace and shout, slam things around, tell me to shut the baby up or else.”
Far from Perfect (Perfect, Indiana: Book One) Page 8
