by Inez Kelley
The pulse in his temple pounded and air lodged in his lungs, unable to move. Love her? No. Love was controlling, demanding and corrupting. Whatever this thing he felt for her was different, was softer, stronger, hungrier. He swallowed, trying to find words to describe this nameless emotion.
A single tear broke over the rim of her lashes and trickled down her cheek. “It’s okay. I know you don’t. And that’s the problem.”
His knees turned to water. How could something so sweet sound so cruel?
“I didn’t want to and I’d stop if I could, but I can’t. Mami was right. She said when I wanted a man more than my next breath then it was real love. Well, I can’t breathe without loving you. That’s why I have to go. Because every minute I’m with you hurts. And I can’t stay with you not loving me.”
He wasn’t ready to let her go, not yet, not now. His left foot stepped toward her without his brain okaying it and his tongue took off. “I don’t want to lose you, Zury.”
“You can’t lose me. You never had me.” Reaching behind her, she lowered herself into the wheelchair. “Whatever your father did twisted something deep inside you that festered until it killed your heart. That’s why you can’t give it away to anyone. You’re like my abuelo tree. Beautiful and strong on the outside, but inside, you’re dead.”
She rolled backward a few inches. Lorena and DeWayne closed in, Kenny right behind them. He gripped the handles of the chair and started wheeling her away. She kept their eyes fused. “Goodbye, Joni. I had fun. Take care of yourself.”
“Wait.”
Sadly, she shook her head and murmured something to her family. Lorena gripped her hand and DeWayne patted her shoulder. Kenny sent him a regretful look but turned her and pushed her down the hall.
Jonah watched in excruciating shock as they disappeared around the corner. What the fuck just happened? She wasn’t supposed to leave him now. Not now. A new pain formed, sharper than the one in his side, stronger than the one in his head. It centered in his chest and spread outward. He dug into the back of his neck as the itch became unbearable.
Bob slid her hand under his elbow. “I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand. She just said she loved me. Why’s she leaving me?”
A tired sigh rang out. “Let’s get you home. You can think about it there. If you try hard enough, I bet you’ll figure it out.”
He let her lead him down the hall. His brain was rapidly shutting down and everything seemed muted, distant and a tick off beat. He was so out of it, he didn’t realize it wasn’t the sun shining in the emergency doors but spotlights. Cameras flashed and he squinted against the glare.
The media had surrounded a makeshift podium. A state trooper stood beside Zury, her family at her back. The officer stepped aside and Zury painfully rose to her feet to address the crowd.
“Thanks for coming. I’m okay, just a little sore.” She took a deep breath that was audible in the microphones grouped in front of her. “Last night, I was taken from my home at gunpoint. A friend was shot. I managed to escape this evening. Thankfully, my friend’s okay and so am I. But it could have been a lot worse. I was taken by a man named Eric Redbear. He’s a member of the Terran Guards, a group I contacted for help in stopping Hawkins Hardwood from cutting the timber in Black Cherry Canyon.”
She stopped, blinked, and looked up at the moon.
“I asked for help and got this. In the past few weeks, I’ve learned a lot. Things I probably should have tried to learn before I rallied against Hawkins Hardwood. Things like trees can look perfectly healthy but be dying right before your eyes. Things like with proper maintenance, and yes, I mean with cutting, we can help our forests grow and become stronger. That forestry and tourism can work together to the benefit of everyone and the preservation of those things we love for the next generation. Things like the Terran Guards don’t kill trees, they kill people.”
Her chin quivered and her eyes glistened but she went on.
“People tried to tell me that there was a reason the respected environmental groups weren’t against Hawkins Hardwood logging the land, but I didn’t listen. I was wrapped up in trying to save what I consider my home, my West Virginia mountains, my Black Cherry Canyon. Tonight, a self-proclaimed nature lover threatened to burn it all to stop the logging. He shot a man. He kidnapped me. That isn’t activism. That’s criminal stupidity.”
Jonah stood captivated by her words. He wanted to weep with happiness and scream in anguish. He did neither. He just listened and wished he could somehow redo that past ten minutes, to make everything all right once again.
Zury straightened her shoulders. “I will never stop fighting to protect my home. I want it to be the best place on this planet, a place where children can be free to run and climb, to learn about animals and plant life, study the past and look toward the future. The best way for me to do that is to align myself and my staff at Black Cherry Falls with Hawkins Hardwood, not against them.”
The pattern of flashes picked up speed and the click of camera shutters sounded like chirping insects.
“That is what we, those who love our mountains, our forests, our waterways, should do. Work with the lumber companies who have a proven record of doing things the right way. We keep monitoring them, making sure they stand by the promises they make and abide by the laws that govern them. That’s my plan. Hawkins Hardwood has numerous awards for their conservation efforts and forestry improvement. That is true activism, people. Doing your job and leaving the land better than you found it.”
Bob squeezed his arm. “Damn, she’s good.”
“I know,” he whispered.
She looked so strong up there, so at peace and yet so powerful. Pride swelled until he felt it beaming from every pore.
“Eric Redbear and the Terran Guards don’t understand that. They don’t understand that all life is precious, but the most important type is human life. And the Terran Guards should be ashamed for ever thinking differently. We are the only species who can choose to destroy or improve. I choose to improve. I officially stand with Hawkins Hardwood in their efforts to harvest the timber crop of Black Cherry Canyon and leave in their wake a stronger, more vibrant, healthier forest. Thank you.”
Questions flew but Zury merely smiled, waved, and let Kenny push her chair away. The state trooper took many questions, keeping the mass involved while she melted into the darkness. Jonah stared after her, watching her slip out of his life.
Chapter Thirteen
The word hickory comes from the Powhatan language, which became extinct around the 1790s after speakers switched to English
The seventh President of the United States, Andrew Jackson, was nicknamed Old Hickory because he was tough, aggressive and never gave in.
Jonah healed, slowly. The first two days were physically the worst. All he wanted to do was sleep and think about Zury. He kept hoping she’d call or text but she didn’t. Rain poured from the night sky in blinding sheets, beating in a steady cadence on the roof and windows. It lulled his scrambled mind into a loop.
Zury’s absence ate at him, hitting him like a sucker punch when he least expected it. A hole burned in his chest, invisible but constant, and far more painful than the healing line along his side. He paced his house like a sentry, unable to settle, unable to rest. Food was unappealing, TV had no allure, not even work could distract him. He pounced on the phone the second it rang, hoping it held a lilting voice that veered into Spanish when upset.
Hearing his brother’s voice, he sank dejectedly onto his couch. “Hey, Noah.”
“Just checking on you. Making sure you didn’t jump in front of any more bullets.”
“Cute. I’m fine. Bored out of my mind. I need to go back to work.”
Jonah rubbed his side then hefted the paddl
e from his coffee table. His car had been released today and Matt had driven it home. Jonah had waited until he left to take the paddle from the trunk. It still made him queasy to hold the damned thing but it was like a train wreck. He couldn’t stop picking it up, feeling the weight in his hand.
“Saw Zury on the news last night.”
He let the paddle fall to his lap. “Which show? The hospital press conference or the interview with Hello, America?”
“Neither. It was a promo thing for some late night talk show.”
Jonah dropped his head back. “Yeah, she’s in demand right now.”
“Looks good. She was talking up your company pretty well.”
I can’t breathe without loving you. That’s why I have to go.
“Noah, how’d you know that Courtney was the right one? I mean, when did you know that you could be with her and just her forever?”
“When I didn’t want to look for anyone else.” Contentment rang in a voice similar to his own. “I wasn’t thinking she was good for now. I started thinking she was good for me, period. Not to sound like a Hallmark card but she’s my other half, what makes me whole. I’d be miserable without her.”
Jonah rubbed his neck then chest. The itch was spreading to his entire body. “Figures. Zury and I fight all the time.”
“Yeah, noticed that. What’s weird is it works for you two. Are you thinking about proposing?”
Emptiness surged again and his belly tightened. “Zury left me.”
“Ouch. What happened?”
“She loves me.”
“I don’t get it.”
Neither did Jonah, so he stayed silent. Maya sang “Itsy Bitsy Spider” in the background, filling the void until Noah spoke again. “You aren’t afraid you’re going to hit her, are you? All that cycle-of-violence stuff?”
“What? No. She’d feed me my own dick if I tried.” He ran his fingers over the paddle, tracing the raised letters. “It’s just...I’ve never let any woman get close. But I wasn’t watching and Zury snuck up on me. I can’t stop thinking about her. When she walked away—okay, when she wheeled away—I swear to God, I felt like I was dying.” Licking his lips, he bowed his head. “I’m still reeling. It’s like somebody ripped my chest open and stomped on my guts.”
“Sounds like you just lost the woman you love.”
“The only woman who’s ever loved me did nothing when my father kicked me out of his house.”
Noah’s voice dropped to a deeper octave. “Think about that. What do Mom and Zury have in common?”
“Mom and Zury have nothing in common but gender.”
“You think? It’s time you do some deep soul searching, my brother. Can I get you started?”
“I guess so.”
“Matthew 10:16.”
“You’re not quoting scripture to me, are you?”
Noah chuckled. “Old habits die hard. Look it up. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Jonah tapped End and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Fucking Bible quotes. He’d read the damned thing years ago and there was no passage he could remember that said “if your hot Cuban lover leaves you, this is how you fix it.” God didn’t have a lonely hearts club stashed between Leviticus and Numbers.
He scrolled through his phone until he found the browser, then punched a few buttons. Matthew 10:6 appeared on his screen. I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.
The paddle slipped from his hand as his mother’s voice echoed in his ears. My Jonah, my dove. Fly. Go find your own path.
Eighteen years of pain faded away like a phantom toothache. His mother hadn’t let him go as much as she’d let him escape. There was no way his father would have let him go to college or move away or do half the things he’d done with his life. His dad would’ve kept after him like a tick on a hound dog, sucking the life out of him. He would have ended up married to Hannah Stalnaker with a half dozen kids, working at the machine shop and handling snakes. He would have been a bitter old man by the time he was forty, just like his father.
A weight lifted off his back he hadn’t realized was there. His vision blurred. His mother had gone to her grave never knowing that because of her sacrifice, his life had flourished. Her face flashed in his mind, the gentle curve of her jaw when she sang at the piano, the quick smile when he’d bring surprise flowers from the front garden, the tiny lines that appeared next to her mouth when she caught him sneaking another cookie. The image solidified until nothing remained but his last memory of her. There hadn’t been any duplicity. She told him to fly and gave him his wings. Because she loved him. Not less than her husband but more than herself. Enough to let him go.
“Damn, Mom.”
Zury had let him go, wheeling out with her head held high and tears in her eyes. She’d stood proud by her beliefs but gave him his freedom, a freedom he’d told her once he couldn’t live without. They’d both let him go. They both loved him. And he loved them both.
The itch on his neck disappeared as the realization sank in. “I love Zury.”
A quake started in his ankles and raced up his bones. He hunched over and gripped his hair, trying to quell the scream blaring in his skull. Every muscle knotted until his entire body ached. His mouth was dry and his throat tight. His empty stomach roiled and he wanted to vomit. He was in love with Zury but she’d left him. Suddenly, he understood what dying felt like.
The paddle lay cattywampus on the floor, those three mocking letters taunting him. Jonah sprang from the couch, picked it up and tossed it in the fireplace. Long matches stood in a glass jar on his mantel but he knew the fucking thing wouldn’t catch fire straight away. It needed some help.
Like a man possessed, he shredded paper and dug scraps of kindling from the wood box beside the hearth. Once he had a healthy pile surrounding the hickory, he struck the match. The summer night was warm and his air conditioner kicked on once again when the fire started spitting out heat. Jonah didn’t move, standing there as the edges darkened and the layers of polish started to smoke. It took a good ten minutes for the paddle itself to burst into flames. A satisfied smile curled his lips.
Energy crackled through his blood and he headed for his office alcove. He had work to do.
* * *
The rain hadn’t let up all night. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his head and darted from the car. He was soaked before he hit Webb’s front stoop. He leaned on the doorbell, waited, then did it again. Inside, Timber barked in a continual stream. Webb’s decked-out pickup stood in the drive so Jonah knocked, pounding hard on the door. The barking increased. The porch light snapped on as the door jerked open.
“Jesus Christ, stop it. I’m awake. Timber, heel.” The dog quieted and Webb blinked sleep-heavy eyes as his irritation seeped away. Recognizing a friend, the golden lab settled at Webb’s feet, tail wagging. “Jonah. Something wrong?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“At three in the morning?” When Jonah nodded, Webb stepped back and waved him in. He wore pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, his bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor as he strode into the kitchen. Timber gave Jonah an enthusiastic hand lick, then followed his master. Jonah trailed the dog.
Webb motioned toward the table with his head. “Sit. I need coffee.”
“I could use some myself. It’s been a long night.”
Timber shuffled under the table and plopped down, his interest
in the nighttime visit waning. Webb pulled a can of coffee from the cabinet, then tossed a clean dishtowel at Jonah’s head. “You’re dripping on the floor.”
“Thanks.” He thrust his hood back and rubbed at his hair. Nerves churned in his stomach. He was taking a huge leap of faith and had no idea if he’d land safely or hit the ground with a splat.
“How’s the side?”
“Sore, but mending.”
Once the machine started dripping fragrant coffee, Webb lowered into one of the kitchen chairs with a yawn. “Any word from the state police on Redbear?”
“No.” Jonah squeezed the dishtowel, wishing it were Redbear’s neck. “Zury clipped him pretty good judging from the blood. He’s hurt. Fucker’s got to be around somewhere but he’s like a fart in the wind, just gone. Police are still looking for him.”
“Bad pennies always turn up.” Webb sighed. “How’s Zury doing?”
“Physically, she’s okay. Mentally...she’s strong. She’ll work through it.”
Silence hung as Webb toyed with the salt and pepper shakers. His voice was low and guarded. “Bob told me what happened at the hospital.”
“The news conference?”
“That, too.” Webb shook his head with a smirk. “Plus I watched the replay on YouTube. Damn, she’s a spitfire. She was like a wrecking ball out there.”
“More like dynamite. The protesters pulled out that night. The national media is still lambasting Redbear and the Terran Guards. USANews is doing a follow-up piece on how Hawkins is working with the state park, and I’ve gotten calls from Metro News, The Colonial Post and West Virginia Now.” Jonah fixed a hard stare on his boss. “She did more for Hawkins Hardwood’s image in five minutes than I’ve done in years. You owe her.”
“Something tells me you’ve got some ideas.”
Webb poured them each a coffee as Jonah outlined his thoughts for the Black Cherry Canyon project and the Falls. Webb listened, shrewdness sharpening his sleepy expression until it could slice steel. Timber crawled out and rested his head on Webb’s thigh. He petted the dog’s head and his coffee disappeared but he said nothing until Jonah finished.
