“We have, but that doesn’t mean she can’t do an overnight visit, Brittany.” And there was Jack with his calm, cool wit to defend me. “But I wouldn’t expect you to understand that. You thought we were still in a serious relationship while you were fucking my best friend.”
As he walked past Brittany, he couldn’t take his eyes off of me. It had only been a day since we had seen each other, but it felt even better than I remembered to have his arms around my waist as he pulled me close to him and kissed me.
As he told me how beautiful I looked, Brittany stood beside Steve and glared at us. “Get a room. I feel like I’m going to catch an STD just watching you two.”
“Well, considering I was screwing your boyfriend when you decided to screw him, you might want to get yourself checked out. Cause, I mean, I have slept with a lot of guys, so I passed on everything I had to Steve. And when you consider that I wasn’t his first, you’re probably pretty disease ridden there, Brittany. Your children are probably going to be born blind or something”, I said as I walked by her.
And that’s when Jack led me to his bedroom only stopping once to turn to Steve and Brittany to say, “Now if you will excuse us, we’re going to be satisfying our carnal lusts.”
Once we were in the safety of his bedroom, I turned to him and said, “What did you ever see in her?”
“I’m sorry. That was before I knew that there were women out there like you that flaunted their promiscuity while trying to turn me on.”
And instead of judging me, he held me closer. I may not have felt it at the moment, but he told me again that I was beautiful. And I could tell by the way he held me and looked at me that he truly meant it.
“I’m sorry that I slept with all of the guys that I slept with before I met you.”
But before I could say more, he stopped me and said, “You will never have to apologize to me for your past. It’s not what caused us to break up.”
“And what did cause us to break up?”
“Among many things, the fact that we were never really together. With all of the pretending, we couldn’t tell what was imaginary and what was real anymore.”
“I hate to tell you this, but that’s common when you’re in love.”
“I know. I’m just hoping that this time I can have something I know to be real. I’ve spent too much time pretending because I was afraid of the reality that I was masking.”
And he was right. I’ve spent too much time pretending to be in love with guys that I was no longer in love with or even physically attracted to even more. And I don’t know at what point he knew that it wasn’t working out between him and Brittany, but this was the first time he admitted that he continued the masquerade of their relationship instead of pulling the plug on what was an unresponsive relationship. Even when you know the relationship is on life support, you still hope that it can be fixed. It’s painful to watch something die, even if you know it is time for it to end.
I don’t know why I did it, but as I was with him, I asked him, “Do you still love her?”
“There are times that I miss her, but I don’t know if that is same thing as love. I miss being able to spend time with her and Steve and to just have things the way it was for so long. But then I feel like it’s trying to hold onto a life that no longer wants me, and that I have to let go of the past.”
“Do you feel that way about me?”
“No. Saying goodbye to you the other day was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. At least when I broke up with Brittany, I didn’t have to hide the fact that I loved her and was hurting at that moment.”
“I hate to tell you this, but you’ve been doing a terrible job of hiding your feelings for me.”
“I know, but you’ll find that as you grow older, it’s a lot easier to lie to yourself than to search your soul and admit to somebody else what you find down there.”
I don’t know why, but I kissed him. It wasn’t a make out session. It wasn’t passionate. And it wasn’t leading anywhere. I was kissing him – his heart, soul, and entire being. And if he fought it in the beginning, he was soon kissing me back with his heart and soul.
I don’t know how long we stayed that way. We seemed to be frozen in time. We were brought back to reality by the sound of Steve and Brittany having sex next door.
Jack looked at me and then I recognized the look on his face. It was the same as the other day when I told him that giving himself to me in an attempt to make me stay would only make him regret it. I didn’t realize how I had crushed his spirit that day until that moment.
“When we have sex, I don’t want you question your feelings for me. I’ve slept with guys that I shouldn’t have because I thought that it would make them love me more, or make them stay once I started to feel them slip away.”
As much as it hurt to admit this, I continued, “I can never take back all of the things that I’ve done, but I can finally know what it is like to love somebody and have them truly love me in return for the first time with you.”
Instead of saying anything or kissing me, he just held me. And I was fine with that.
Teacher
By
Jack Webber
There is a certain danger in confronting a former lover in the early morning hours. Despite what you might be feeling at that moment, the past plays tricks on your senses. The smell of her perfume reminds you of happier times when you were more certain about your future.
Trouble sleeping?
Lying to her won’t help. She knows you too well, so you just ignore her and hope that it’s your mind playing a cruel trick on your heart. Your mind is the only thing that you can trust right now.
You know the breakup process works better if you don’t let the woman you’re trying to get over come over for a booty call.
Responding now would only encourage her. She acts as if she has a power over you. You’re afraid to admit that she does.
Unless you aren’t trying to get over... What’s her name?
Liselle?
Unless you aren’t trying to get over Liselle. Even your mother could see what she really is. And I think that if you would admit it to yourself that you never really loved her. You were using her in a pathetic attempt to get over that one true love of your life.
As she lets her words sink in, she draws in closer to you to let the smell of her hair to tempt you, her eyes to tease you, and her mouth to taunt you.
As you turn to face her, a glimmer of victory shows in her eyes. You find yourself playing with her hair like you used to do. With each touch, she only encourages you more to give into her and her words.
I remember the first time that I saw you. You were a vision of loveliness, like an angel that had descended from heaven, a gift from God to make our lives better.
You taught me how to love and how truly great it could be to have a woman in my life.
As you start to caress her face and trace the outline of her lips with your fingers, she moans ever so slightly in agreement and starts to suck on your fingers.
But of all the things that you’ve taught me, the one thing I remember the most is the lesson that you never meant to teach me.
You meet the horror in her eyes without flinching and continue.
Steve has been my friend for as long as I can remember. I have been with him as we were discovering girls. I’ve seen the look in his eyes before. He’s getting ready to dump you.
You don’t love me. You’re just trying to beat him to the punch. I’ve learned your tricks.
She holds on to you desperately as you start to leave. She confesses her sins against you and professes her love.
You have dreamed of this moment from the time that she rejected you. All of the power that she took from you comes rushing back. And as you are about to deliver the justice that you longed for, all of the feelings of love and compassion temper your hatred.
And as she waits for your verdict, you aren’t even sure of what will come out of your mouth.
&n
bsp; Do you stick the final knife in the past that you lost and twist it to make sure that it will never come back, or do you try to make peace with it?
There was a time when I would have given anything just to have you back again. From the time I was seventeen, I always thought you would be the one to complete my education. Instead you taught me when it’s the right time to end a relationship.
So, Teacher, it’s here that I must leave you.
But seeing that I have now surpassed you in knowledge, I will give you this advice. In the beginning, your self-worth will be at an all-time low. You will think that nobody could ever love you.
Guys can smell that on a woman. You might think that by sleeping with them that they will like you. They will just be using you for sex.
When that happens to you, I hope you will remember what you have thought about Liselle. Then I hope you will think of me and realize that I saw more. Maybe someday another guy will see what I once saw in you.
And you leave her there. You know that there will still be days when you will think of her, but you will think of her differently.
Oct. 28, 2010
Jack was gone this morning when I woke up. He had left me a note saying that he didn’t want to wake me, but that he had some things to take care of. He would see me later that night. At one point, he had written “I love you” in the note, but he had crossed it out.
I waited around his apartment for him. While I was watching the TV in the living room, Brittany came out and sat down next to me. I was going to ignore her, but she started talking to me as if we were old friends.
“Did Jack already leave? He’s good at that, you know. He will say that he’s busy working on some piece or whatever, but you never know with him.”
I just looked at her.
“Of course, you really don’t know about that, do you? You haven’t been with him long enough to have him write anything for you, have you? You haven’t even been with him long enough to get him to commit to you, have you?”
“Do you mind? I’m trying to watch this.”
“That’s fine. I just thought you would like to know that while you were sleeping last night, Jack snuck out of his room and met me out here on this sofa.”
I tried to ignore her, but she continued, “I have to admit his technique has improved since meeting you. I should thank you for that, I guess.”
I couldn’t speak, and she took this opportunity to continue, “I’m sorry. Didn’t he tell you? Steve and I are breaking up. Once it becomes ‘official’, Jack and I will pick up our previous relationship right where we left off.”
I don’t know why, but I started to punch the shit out of her. I was going for her face. Somehow I ended up on top of her, and she wasn’t putting up much of a fight. I managed to dig all of my fingernails into her face and drag them across her face, before Steve came into the room and pulled me off of her.
Brittany started to get up at that point and would have fought me, except that Steve was keeping us apart as he was trying to get answers.
I had found my voice by that point and started screaming, “She’s breaking up with you and is getting back together with Jack!”
And that kind of ended the fight. The fight was now between Brittany and Steve. I just wanted out of there. I wanted to be alone.
I don’t remember driving home. I remember walking in the front door and Megan looking at me. I had been crying, but I totally broke down at that point. She held me as I told her everything that happened.
About three in the afternoon, Jack came barging into my apartment. He tried talking to me, but I yelled at him to go away.
And he did. He just left. He didn’t even try to explain.
I guess we are truly over. He now has his precious Brittany back. He will no longer feel torn between which girl to love. His mom should be happy. I’m just a distant memory that will soon be forgotten.
Present Past Perfect Future
By
Jack Webber
There are a few times in life when your past rears its ugly head in your life and threatens your future. Last night I confronted Brittany and told her that I no longer loved her. It seems that this morning, she was no so willing to let me go now that her relationship with Steve is ending.
I don’t know if she was honestly trying to get me back, or if she was trying to destroy what I had with Liselle. Either way, she decided to get rid of the Liselle problem by making her think I was getting back with Brittany. Liselle answered this declaration of war by scratching her face off.
I’ve seen her face. It’s not pretty. Brittany tried to apologize to me. I guess once the Brittany-Liselle battle happened, the Brittany-Steve relationship battle finally happened. That didn’t turn out so great for Brittany either. Steve dumped her.
Of all of the women that Steve has dumped, his dumping of Brittany was probably the most cruel. He took a picture of her messed up face after she had been crying over him and posted it on Facebook. He then changed his status to say, “I don’t know who’s the bigger bitch: Karma or my ex.”
I don’t know if it is Karma or not, but it hasn’t been Brittany’s day. And maybe I didn’t help her any. After we had talked everything out, the way we probably should have before we actually broke up, I came back from the bathroom and found her naked in the living room.
I’m not sure what naked women in your living room usually say, but Brittany started with, “I’m sorry, Jack, and I want to make it up to you.”
And I don’t know what you usually do with a naked woman in your living room, but I found myself caressing her like I used to do.
As she started to kiss me, I started to fondle her breasts. The next thing I knew, I had guided her down to the sofa. She looked at me longingly, in a way that I had never seen her look at me before, as she slowly spread her legs and leaned back for greater access.
I then stopped and looked at her and said, “There is a part of me that would like to have sex with you tonight. But it’s the part of me that is a seventeen year old boy that had been dreaming of this moment for the past four years.”
She tried to persuade me that we could get back together. Things could be the way they were, only better.
“As much as the seventeen year old me in would like that, there is another part of me that wants to have sex with you now out of pure revenge. I would do you and throw you out on the streets before you even had time to dress.”
“I guess I have that coming”, was all that she could say.
“No. Being bitter over you and what could have been will never help either one of us. So I think you should know that I’m not going to do anything with you that I know I will regret later.”
She then tried to convince me that if it was only the one time that we should follow our passions. That’s when I told her about my passion.
“I love Liselle. An uncertain future with her is more important to me than our past or my current hatred of you. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
I watched her get dressed. As she got ready to leave, I could see the tears start to form in her eyes as she said, “We should be planning our wedding right now.”
“That future was destroyed a long time ago for me. I’ve already mourned its loss and moved on.”
I kissed her on the cheek and watched her walk away for the last time.
Oct. 29, 2010
I spent all day yesterday expecting Jack to show up and to apologize. About nine o’clock at night, he knocked on the door, handed some stuff to Megan, and then left. He didn’t even ask to see me.
He left me a stupid card that said, “Read this. I will be waiting for you at the aquarium on Saturday at eleven o’clock at night. Dress appropriately.”
If he loves me, why can’t he just say so? All he has to do is come over, tell me that he is sorry, maybe with a box of chocolates and some flowers, and tell me that he loves me. Instead he gives me something to read and a stupid package.
As far as I know, he is still wit
h Brittany. And I refuse to do anything he wants me to do until he comes over and officially apologizes.
In fact, I wouldn’t even be reading what he wrote for me tonight as I go to bed, except that Megan says I have to. Apparently Jack has been texting her every hour to see if I have read it yet.
I’ll be reading it just for her. It’s not going to change anything, though.
The Little Mermaid
By
Jack Webber and Hans Christian Andersen
Far out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest eyes, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above. There dwell the Sea King and his subjects.
We must not imagine that there is nothing at the bottom of the sea but bare yellow sand. No, indeed; the most singular flowers and plants grow there; the leaves and stems of which are so pliant, that the slightest agitation of the water causes them to stir as if they had life. Fishes, both large and small, glide between the branches, as birds fly among the trees here upon land. In the deepest spot of all, stands the castle of the Sea King.
Its walls are built of coral, and the long, gothic windows are of the clearest amber. The roof is formed of shells, that open and close as the water flows over them. Their appearance is very beautiful, for in each lies a glittering pearl, which would be fit for the crown of a queen.
The Sea King had been a widower for many years, and his aged mother kept house for him. She was a very wise woman, and exceedingly proud of her high birth; on that account she wore twelve oysters on her tail; while others, also of high rank, were only allowed to wear six. She was, however, deserving of very great praise, especially for her care of the little sea-princesses, her grand-daughters.
They were six beautiful children; but the youngest was the prettiest of them all; her skin was as clear and delicate as a rose-leaf, and her eyes as blue as the deepest sea; but, like all the others, she had no feet, and her body ended in a fish's tail.
Broken Hearts Damaged Goods Page 15
