“I guess that means it’s my turn.” I decided to go for bold tonight. To take what I wanted and enjoy every moment with him until the sun came up.
He blew out a breath, and I knew he was readying himself for the big it’s not you, it’s me speech that I had no fucking desire to hear so I offered up a little distraction by removing my thin white t-shirt and dropping it to the floor. Along with my bra.
“Rory.” The way he said my name on a strangled groan was exactly what I wanted to hear.
Next went the button on my shorts before I lowered the zipper. “I don’t want to talk about it Kane. I know you don’t love me and I don’t expect you to, but give me tonight. Please.” I stood before him completely naked, totally exposed and waiting for him to accept or reject my offer. Me.
“Rory,” he said, his voice tortured, just before his mouth crashed down onto mine and I clung to him in a desperate need to imprint his taste on my mouth. My memory. His hands began a slow journey from my hair to my neck, sliding hungrily down my back to squeeze my ass, sending fire exploding from my core.
I fell under the spell of his kiss, like a drug, it pulled me under and held me under his command. The onslaught of the kiss stirred a need, a kind of restlessness in me that I couldn’t control as my hands went to his body and frantically ripped off his shirt, his pants, kissing a fiery streak down his chest. If tonight was all I could have, I wanted it all. A groan escaped when my tongue dipped inside his belly button and I realized it was me, his musky masculine scent shot to my brain, fuelling my need to have all of him.
“Rory,” he groaned when I took him into my mouth, hand reaching out to tug on my hair. The pain made my eyes sting but the feel and taste of him on my tongue was different, earthy and warm and something uniquely Kane. The moment his hips began to move my body tightened and grew heavy with arousal. I knew if I slid my fingers between my own thighs they would be wet and sticky.
I moaned around his length, taking him as deep as I could until it pulled a groan from him and his hips began to move faster, thrusting in and out of my mouth as his hands cradled my face. I should have felt something other than aroused but my whole body zapped and zinged with burning arousal. Making him moan and curse turned me on. Big time. He called my name over and over but I was mesmerized by his taste, licking him from the bottom of his sack to the tip.
“Rory, enough!” He tugged my hair until I stood and his lips collided with mine again, turning so we fell on his big bed, his body cushioning mine. “I’ll come in your mouth later, right now I need to bury myself in you.”
I shivered at his harshly spoken words, crying out when his mouth wrapped around my nipple and sucked. He sucked and bit and I felt my body prepare for the impending orgasm. “Kane, please...”
He ignored my pleas, transferring his attention to my other breast and nipple before kissing and licking his way down my body. The man was on a mission to please me and I was all in, but I needed more than his wicked tongue, more than his talented fingers. “You’re so wet Rory.”
“I need you Kane. Please.” I was all out of pride, unable to hide just how badly I wanted him. Hell, I needed him and we both knew it.
“I love to hear you beg.” He flashed a heart melting smile and I had to close my eyes against the feelings that smile brought forth.
I kept them closed, unable to dare staring too deeply into those silver blue eyes as he sank slow and deep, invading my body with as much precision as he’d invaded my heart. Then he began moving, driving in and out of me like he was on a mission. It felt too good and I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to shut out those emotions. I only wanted to feel the way he made my body feel. And it felt good. “Kane,” I moaned like it was the only word I knew.
“Rory, yes. Fuck yeah!” His hips moved faster and faster, plunging so deep I imagined, just for a second, we had become one.
I didn’t have anymore time to think fanciful thoughts like that because my orgasm barrelled out of me, sending me up into the atmosphere while Kane pounded harder and faster until his own orgasm exploded out of him on a roar. I couldn’t help but cry out on that last thrust that wrenched a few more shudders out of me. “Oh, god!”
“Rory, Rory, Rory,” he growled as his body continued to shake and vibrate before he collapsed onto me. “What’s wrong?” He looked so distraught, cupping my face lovingly as he brushed soft kisses against my lips.
“Nothing,” I told him as tears streamed down my face. They weren’t sad tears, though this moment did feel bittersweet. The tears were emotional from the intensity of our lovemaking, because though Kane would never admit it, that’s what had just happened. “That was just…intense.”
He smiled, not looking fully convinced, but perfectly happy to end this emotional point of the night as he removed his body from mine, leaving me instantly bereft. “It really was.” He smacked a kiss against my mouth and disappeared into the bathroom and moments later I heard the shower begin.
I was happy for the reprieve from the overwhelming emotions swamping me tonight and I fell asleep before he even returned to bed.
When I woke up next the sun cut through the curtains, slashing across my face. The house was silent, in fact the only sounds were the birds outside putting on a concert. I sat up, wondering if Kane had left sometime in the night, only to crash into his angry silver blue gaze.
“These were delivered this morning,” he held up two proofs of my first book. Tessa said they would arrive soon and I felt a smile tug at my lips but his scowl stopped me. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
I blinked in an effort to focus my eyes and brains on him to figure out what had him so bent out of shape. “What are you talking about?”
From the edge of the bed he pushed the proof closer so I could see, but what was I supposed to be looking at? “Now do you see? DO you fucking see Rory that this guy looks just like me? How could you?”
“How could I what Kane?” Anger and frustration seeped into my tone at his vague anger.
“This guy is basically me! I’m a doctor, Rory, a father. I can’t have my image on some…some-,”
“What the hell…? Tell me Kane, for once what you think.”
He sighed impatiently and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t mean anything by it except I can’t have people associating this,” he held up my proof with such contempt, “with me.”
This should make it easier, I kept telling myself that. His contempt and his anger should make it easier to say goodbye, but it only compounded my hurt because I knew what Kane was doing. Grasping at straws to find a legitimate reason to end things between us because I went and fell in love with him. Well I wouldn’t make it easy on him dammit.
“Just be honest Kane. You’re not all that upset about the cover. Which I had nothing to do with, not that you care. You’re freaked out because I’m in love with you, and now you’re looking for a way to end things.” I slipped from the bed, completely naked and unashamed since I couldn’t possibly get any more vulnerable or exposed. “Message received. Loud and clear. Feel free to leave whenever you want.” It took a few steps to close myself up in the bathroom, locking the door while I filled the bath with rose scented water.
There was no point holding my tears back, because if Kane hadn’t left yet then he deserved to hear them. These tears belonged to him, after all.
Kane
“Hey, I-,”
“Syd your father is here to pick you up!” Rory cut me off to summon my daughter to the door, not even giving me a chance to get out more than a swift greeting. She walked away leaving the door open just a crack and I got the message loud and clear.
Do not enter.
I shouldn’t be surprised since that’s how things had been between us lately. She was never rude or mean, just coolly civil. She didn’t act like a spurned lover, instead she acted like I didn’t exist. The only real clue I had about how she felt was the sadness in her eyes I caught glimpses of when I picked up Sydney each evening
. Unbelievably she had offered to watch her until school started in a few weeks.
“Hi sweetheart, how are you?”
“I’m good Daddy.” She wrapped her arms and legs around me and turned to Rory. “Bye Rory, see you later!”
“Good night kiddo.” Her words were barely above a whisper and she closed the door without a word to me.
“Daddy I think Rory is sad.”
My daughter’s words caught me off guard and my hands stilled, sheets still clutched in them as I tucked her in bed. “Did she tell you she was sad?”
She shook her head, pigtails bouncing from side to side. “No but I can tell. Her smile is sad and so are her eyes.”
Yeah, I noticed too but it wasn’t really my place to say or do anything about it. I was, at least in part, the reason for her sadness and as much as I wanted to make it better I didn’t think I could. If she really was in love with me then she would have certain expectations that I wouldn’t be able to meet. She would want more time than I had to give, romance, marriage and maybe even children. I had a thriving practice and a rambunctious daughter to worry about and adding a woman to that permanently wasn’t on my agenda.
“Daddy we have to do something!”
“No Sydney, we don’t. If Rory wants to talk about it she will.”
“This is your fault Daddy, I know it is!” She folded her arms and turned away from me. “Good night.”
I pressed a kiss to the back of her head and quietly walked out of the room. There was nothing I could do to appease the women in my life, so I grabbed two beers and decided to sit under the nighttime sky to clear my head. I smiled as I stepped on the porch and found Rory there in yoga pants and an oversized cardigan.
“Hey.”
She said nothing and I thought she would ignore me until I heard the tinny sound of music from the buds in her ears. It was the perfect opportunity to take her in, to watch as her head bopped to a beat while her fingers flew over the keyboard. She was so deep in her work I don’t even think she realized I was there, watching her.
Some time after I opened the second beer, she pulled out her ear buds and stretched her neck and shoulders. “Hey,” I said again, casually.
She froze and turned to me, gaze blank as far as I could tell with only the moon and the stars for light. “Hey.” She quickly shut the laptop and picked it up along with a bottle of water and I knew she was escaping.
“Wait! Please.”
“What do you want Kane?”
“Can we talk?” I had no idea what I was saying but I couldn’t let her go without at least trying to make things better between us.
“We have nothing to talk about.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You can’t help how you feel, or don’t feel.”
My heart rebelled at the emphasis she put on her words but I ignored it. “It doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.”
“Well I don’t want or need you to be sorry Kane. Good night.” This time she went inside and slammed the door behind her, a clear signal that I wasn’t to bother her again.
* * *
I made a huge mistake. A giant one and it only took two weeks to realize it. Life without Rory was terrible. Dull and boring. Even Sydney had been pouting and whining about the time Rory spent away from home instead of with us and she placed the blame squarely in my lap. As she should.
I threw away something really fucking good all because I was scared. Terrified of letting myself fall in love again, only to toss away a woman who was sweet and kind and generous, almost to a fault. From the first day, she’d jumped in to help Sydney despite my gruff welcome and she was always there when my daughter needed her. More than her own mother had been. And I was a complete asshole to her.
I had no excuse beyond fear and cowardice and she knew it. Her last words haunted me everyday when I woke up each morning, at night while I tried to sleep and every damn moment in between. She was right, her book cover had given me the excuse I needed after her declaration of love to pull back. To pull away. And in the process, I hurt her and made her think I didn’t respect her work when I did. A hell of a lot.
Unlike Tracy, Rory was a hard worker with a determination to succeed in whatever she did. She made time for Sydney without complaint and she had given herself to me so fully and completely that it humbled me.
“Daddy are you even listening to me?” Sydney’s voice was filled with irritation at having to repeat herself.
“Sorry honey I zoned out.”
She sighed with all the angst of a teenage girl. “Just say you’re sorry. Rory will forgive you, she loves you.”
And just like that, I felt confidence surge and swell within me. “You are absolutely right little girl. You must be some kind of genius.”
Her eyes rolled skyward. “Daddy.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her offended tone. “It’s true. You’re right, she will forgive me. I just have to make her want to forgive me.”
For the first time in days Sydney looked at me and smiled the way she used to, before I disappointed her. And myself. “I want Rory to be my new mommy.”
Of course she did. How I could look at their relationship and not see exactly what had been happening? I have no idea except that Rory had so completely transfixed me. She was all I could see. “I’m not sure if we’re there yet Sydney but I’ll do my best.”
“I know you will Daddy.”
I was glad to see one of us had faith in me. “Thanks sweetpea.”
Rory
It turns out that heartbreak is a good motivator. I woke up every morning at ten and by noon I’d eaten breakfast, worked out and showered so I could start writing. And boy did I write. Pages and pages of words for hours on end, I wrote until my shoulders ached and my back was sore. I took a break for lunch or to run errands but otherwise I spent the last days of summer holed up in my half of the house turning my notes into a novel. It was a damn good one if I did say so myself.
It helped to pour my feelings into someone else’s tumultuous love story that had a much different ending than my own. I liked that I could recreate my own doomed romance with Kane and rewrite the ending, giving Mia and Davis a drive -off-into-the-sunset style happy ending. At least I would once they got over one final hurdle. And I could do that if my phone stopped buzzing on the counter. Pushing back, I made my way into the kitchen and snatched the phone off the counter.
“Hello?”
“Rory girl where have you been, I’ve been trying to call you all day!” Tessa’s rushed and breathless words sent a shiver of unease down my spine.
“I was writing, what’s up? Is there something wrong? Oh please don’t tell me something is wrong.” I leaned against a stool, holding the counter with a death grip while I waited for yet another thing to go wrong in my life. “Tell me.”
Tessa tsked. “Oh, such a fatalist we are! Honey things are fucking fantastic! The advanced copies have gotten rave reviews, pre-orders are through the roof and they’re talking book tour for book two!”
I…couldn’t believe it. Surely I’d fallen and hit my head and this was all an elaborate dream, wasn’t it? “Are you sure?”
“I know you don’t know me that well Rory, but one of the things I never joke about is book sales. This is good news honey, be happy.”
“I am Tessa, more than happy. I think I’m in shock.”
She let out a loud laugh, gasping for breath. “Good. Excellent. That’s what I like to hear.” Her tone turned serious. “You didn’t hear this from me but the editor loves what you’ve done with book two so far. It’s better than the first so I hope you have more than three book inside that pretty little head of yours.”
“I do,” I answered automatically, still feeling that this wasn’t real life.
“Then you and I will have a long and fruitful relationship. I just wanted to deliver the good news personally. Get back to what you do best, tortured artist. Ta ta,” she said and disconnected the call before I could even get ‘goodbye
’ past my lips.
After that call, I really wished I had someone to celebrate with but even Syd was out of the question. I couldn’t keep using the little girl to fulfill my emotional needs because it wasn’t fair to either of us. I would plan a girls’ night with her soon but today was for me.
Without any friends or a man of my own, dinner and dancing were out of the question because I hated going out alone, so I settled on a quick shopping trip. It still wasn’t the same, so I promised myself I would join a book club or a gym or something to meet some people. Now that my job required me to spend endless hours on my own I needed to make more of an effort to meet people. To get a life away from the Royal family.
After a quick stop at the market, I lugged my bags inside and locked the door before cranking my music. Today was a day to be happy and focus on all the good fortune I had, not on what I didn’t have.
And what I had was a lot. More than I ever had in my life before so I was determined to appreciate and celebrate every success.
Even if it killed me.
* * *
“We should go to the park today!” Syd rushed inside looking adorable in a denim overalls and a white tank that looked eerily similar to the ones I wore.
“Why the park when we have such an amazing backyard?”
“I want to play, and one of the moms stopped by and said they were having a birthday party today.”
I stifled a groan because I knew we would go. Just as I knew that mom had stopped by to make sure Kane knew there was a party, not his former lover and next door neighbor.
“Did she invite you Syd?”
She bobbed her head up and down in a way that had me thinking maybe the opposite was true. “She said we should swing by.”
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