by Sandra Kitt
He was momentarily quiet when she revealed that information.
“Sounds a little dangerous.”
Diane shrugged. “What isn’t? I like being part of it. It reminds me of how lucky I am. I sometimes forget that.”
He continued to watch her.
“When do you leave?”
“In early March. Why?”
“That’s very soon,” he murmured.
“Yes, it is.”
By the end of dinner they’d finally eased into the subject they’d been avoiding. Or rather, she’d been avoiding. The truth. Her feelings about Hale. Her being in love with him. Admitting it, even to herself, seemed to have lifted a weight from her shoulders. But the bigger question was what to do about it. And was it too late?
“Would you like dessert?” Hale asked.
“No, I’ll pass.”
“Coffee?”
“It’s late. I’m afraid it might keep me up.”
He looked long and hard at her. “I doubt it.”
She returned the long and hard look. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…I know of a way that’s a sure bet you’ll sleep well.”
She stared, wide-eyed. “Do you?”
He nodded, sagely. “And the way I look at it, you still owe me an apology. I know how we can remedy that, too.”
“I…I think you’ll have to be a little more clear on what you want.”
His gaze never shifted, never faltered.
“You.”
She held her breath. And when she finally let it out, his name came out as a whisper.
“Oh…Hale…”
He reached across the table for her hand and covered it with his. His fingers were possessive and strong.
“Is that okay?”
“Yes. It’s very okay.”
“Sure?”
Diane rolled her eyes. “Cross my heart and hope to die, sure.”
Everything after that, until they reached his apartment and almost immediately began to kiss as if they’d been stranded in the desert for days without water, Diane could not recall. It would be a long time before she could remember the street where he lived, whether or not there was a doorman, how many floors there were to the building, what view was beyond the window. Weeks before she actually knew how much space Hale had, since certainly that first night they never got farther than the bedroom.
Diane fell into a delirium of pure sensation, long delayed by time and ill feelings. She and Hale could barely separate long enough to remove their clothes. And she blanked out that woman from the reception. She couldn’t have been that important.
There was nothing graceful about the reignition of the flame that stoked their desire for each other. At least, not the first time. There was just an immediate need to quench the thirst. She wanted Hale deep within her, in the most private and personal way. She wanted to lie beneath him, at her most vulnerable, open and submissive, like a sacrifice. Locked together in an intense rhythmic dance until they were both panting and drained. Weak and spent.
Only once they’d taken the edge off with a deeply satisfying release and slow, languid kissing, did they begin again. Taking their time to explore and reclaim and to please each other.
Saying she was sorry never felt so good. She apologized, wholeheartedly. Repeatedly. And Hale accepted…again and again.
He was almost finished dressing when she awoke the next morning.
She stretched like a cat, an unconscious smile curving the corners of her mouth. Rolling onto her back, Diane lay watching Hale through sleepy eyes, her arms thrown back over her head.
He was standing just inside a walk-in closet.
“Did I oversleep?” Diane asked, finally struggling to untangle herself from the sheets.
Hale turned, buttoning his shirt over his broad bare chest. He grinned.
“Morning.”
He came to sit on the side of the bed. She was so glad to see that his gaze was warm and kind of lazy.
“Had a good sleep?”
She smiled, groaning deep in her throat for effect. “I had a wonderful sleep.”
Hale bent forward to kiss her. It was light but with underlying passion, like he was holding himself back a little.
She curled her toes.
He kissed her once more and got up to return to the closet.
“Where are you going?” she asked, trying to ignore the thought that they’d just had a one-night stand.
“To work. I have a meeting in a few hours. Stay as long as you like. I’ll arrange for a car for you.”
“I thought…”
He glanced back briefly to her, but was selecting a tie. “What? You thought what?”
She felt vulnerable but in a different way. “That maybe we could spend the day together. At least have breakfast.”
He shook his head. “Can’t. Not today.”
She got out of the bed, clutching the voluminous sheet around her naked body, dragging it on the floor as she went to him.
“Hale, what do you want from me?” she asked quietly.
He looked at her pensively. “I thought I’d made that clear. The question is, what do you want from me?”
That took her by surprise.
“I…I just want to be with you. I’ve never given you a fair chance before. Well…maybe when we were on St. John. That was a very special time.”
“It was.” He nodded.
She stared at his chest. “I’m sorry I acted so badly, that I treated you so badly.”
“Anything else?” he asked.
She was afraid to say too little but more afraid to say too much.
“I missed you. You may not believe this but I think I’m a better person when I’m with you. When it’s just the two of us.”
“You got it wrong. You’re strong, smart, fearless and beautiful.”
Diane looked at him, hope oozing out of her pores. Did she seem needy? Pathetic?
“Di,” Hale sighed, putting his arms around her. She embraced him back and the sheet dropped to the floor. “Last night with you put a lot of life back into me. It was every bit as good as being on St. John. But…”
The air went out of her. “You don’t…care anymore.”
“It’s not that I don’t care. Far from it. When we make love it’s like magic. We are very good together. But I want more. Not just that part of you, but all of you. I don’t want to settle for scraps anymore.
“I want what Adam and Eva have.”
Chapter 11
She couldn’t get Hale’s comment out of her mind.
I want what Adam and Eva have.
So did she.
But Diane knew it was not going to be a simple thing of just telling Hale so. Words were not going to be enough. There was first of all the whole matter of letting him know how she felt about him. In her mind and heart the words were there. But trying to get them out of her throat and letting them roll from her tongue seemed insurmountable.
Would Hale believe her?
Diane huddled in the lobby of the science building and was oblivious to the traffic of students and faculty passing through on their way to classes, labs, meetings. She couldn’t last much longer in her present state. Confused but determined. Afraid…but determined. How was she to get from what she wanted to actually having it? What could she do to convince Hale that they were perfect for one another? As her father had once said to her, each other’s equal. Could she convince Hale that she loved him?
“That bad, huh?”
She looked up at her father. When she was a little girl and spent holidays and summers with him after he and her mother divorced, Diane used to see him as this giant. He could do anything. He was her hero. And she was turning to him now because she needed his guidance and strength to keep her on track or, as he had already told her as well, she was going to blow it.
“Worse,” she croaked, trying to keep both panic and tears at bay.
“Let’s go get lunch. I’ll treat.”
“Daddy
, I really don’t think I could eat a thing.”
“Well, I can. I’m hungry. Let’s go.”
Diane smiled at him as they walked out the exit and into a light rain. But it wasn’t cold and there was a real sense that spring wasn’t so far away. She couldn’t wait. Winter had been filled with far too much drama.
They went to a campus café and Diane had the feeling that the choice of venue was deliberate. Her father, like the students themselves, always complained about the horrible processed food on campus. But the dining hall would be busy and noisy with students and staff, ensuring that no one would be necessarily listening to their conversation and she was less likely to start crying.
Diane was pleased to see that she’d put the fear of God into her father and he was doing better about what he ate when away from home. Tuna salad on whole wheat with a small salad, coffee and a Skinny Cow ice cream bar.
She got a bowl of soup, not wanting to give her stomach any more reason to protest, other than her own emotional state.
“So, talk to me,” Adam said, digging into his lunch with gusto.
Diane didn’t want to whine. And she knew that her father, maybe more than anyone, understood what she’d been going through and how she’d gotten there. He’d always said that the two of them were alike.
She was honest with her father, open with him, within reason, about her relationship with Hale. And Adam didn’t need all the facts, the blow-by-blow. He got the picture.
“Do you think he’s in love with you?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. He gives all the signs sometimes. Does all the right things. But I feel like Hale is holding back.”
“You mean, like you?”
Diane frowned at her father.
“You know, when your mother and I divorced I was like a raging bull. It was an ugly divorce, Diane. And I stayed ugly for a long time after. I was angry and disappointed. I was never going to go through that again. Hurt too much. Tore my gut out. It seemed like, when you’re in love you’re always insecure. I didn’t want to be that insecure ever again.
“But, what are the options? You become a robot and dead from the neck down? Meeting Eva put me through the wringer. She didn’t know it, of course, but she was so straightforward and a beautiful, good woman. And a whole lot stronger than she seems.”
“She had to be, to put up with you.”
Adam burst out into a deep, appreciative laugh. He shook his head.
“Yeah, well…look. Love is a choice. Once you make up your mind about who you love you have to work on it. It’s not going to happen by itself. You have to step off the edge of the cliff because your heart tells you to, and if you’re right about the other person, they will be there to catch you.
“I figured that out when I met Eva that summer on St. John. I’d made a vow that I wasn’t going to fall in love with her. But then her vacation ended and she went back home without telling me. And that’s when I really got scared. I didn’t want to lose her. I didn’t want to think about what my life would be like without her. I made a vow to myself on St. John that I would go after Eva and convince her how much she means to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life never letting her forget.”
Diane tried to not let her father see that, despite his plans, tears were somehow leaking out of her eyes. She took her napkin and hastily dabbed. She gave her father a watery smile.
“Eva’s so lucky.”
“I’m very lucky.”
“Okay, I get it. Daddy, I need you to help me. I need a favor.”
“Anything, baby.”
“I have to get back to St. John.”
When Hale stepped off the ferry he took a moment to dig out his rental car reservation. Adam had made all the arrangements and an agency rep was going to meet him to take him to the car depot. He’d offered to stay at a hotel or even on the sloop until business was concluded, but Adam had insisted that he stay at the house.
Hale grabbed the handle of his weekend leather duffel and began walking toward Cruz Bay. He’d stuffed his leather jacket inside, only needed for the trip from his apartment to the airport in D.C. It was a relief to be back in warm sunny weather. And despite his doubts that he wasn’t really needed on-site to handle Adam’s concerns, he was glad to be back.
There weren’t that many people who’d disembarked with him, nor were there many waiting at the end of the dock. But one person stood out immediately. He literally stopped in his tracks when he recognized the beautiful slender woman in capri pants and a sleeveless linen blouse, in sandals and a baseball cap with Skinny Legs, the name of a local café, stitched above the brim. Her satisfied smile broadened as he finally continued his approach.
“Hi,” Diane said brightly. “Welcome back.”
“Hello yourself,” Hale responded.
He was sorry he couldn’t have been more original or more off-the-cuff, but he was stunned and trying to get his brain around the fact that she was really here. Even more surprising was the light welcome kiss she pressed briefly to his mouth.
“Is that everything?” she asked, pointing to his duffel.
“And this,” Hale said, patting his computer case hanging from his shoulder.
“I have a Jeep over here,” Diane said, walking confidently toward the small parking lot and a rented Wrangler.
“You father arranged for…”
“I know. I canceled it. Put your things in the back.”
Hale was beginning to feel as if he’d fallen down the rabbit hole. It was a free-fall ride and he knew he’d have to give in to it and figure it all out when he hit bottom. He just prayed that the velocity didn’t kill him.
But for the moment he grappled with confusion, suspicion and an overwhelming happiness that swelled within him because Diane was next to him, in an open Jeep, on St. John. Just the two of them. Alone together.
She pulled out her GPS, silently and expertly mounting it on the dashboard. Hale laughed lightly.
“What’s so funny? You should be glad I’m using it.”
“I think it’s funny that you still don’t know how to get to the house.”
“Who said I didn’t?” Diane asked coyly.
He looked at her profile as she backed out of the space, shifting gears with much more finesse and ease since he’d first taught her. He continued to watch her, pleased by her presence, her beauty and the woman she had now become, even since the holidays. He had no desire for Diane to lose her dauntless spirit, her willfulness, but he needed to see it tempered by respect and consideration for him.
“Daddy told me you were coming down.”
“Interesting. He didn’t tell me you were going to be here.”
“I guess he wanted you to be surprised.” She shrugged.
“I am.” Hale nodded with amusement. “So, why are you here?”
He instantly saw that she hesitated.
“I…had some time. Besides my own work I’ve been keeping on top of Eva’s recovery and a few of Ron’s shelter cases. I leave in just three weeks for Africa, and I have a symposium to prepare for.”
“Wow. It’s a wonder you have time for anything else.”
She gave him a quick calm glance. “I make time for the things that are important to me.”
Hale thought about that. He couldn’t help wondering what else was on the list. “So you’re going to be busy.”
“So will you,” she answered quickly. “We’ll probably have no time to really see each other. Daddy said he’s asked you to take care of some legal issue for him.”
“Yes, he did,” Hale said. “But as long as I’m here I intend to make the most of it.”
He noticed how skilled a driver she’d become as Diane tore up the incline in second gear from the main road to the flat parking area just below the house. Hale chuckled to himself at the way she attacked life. She held nothing back. He hoped that was true in other ways. Already he was distracted from the purpose of his return to the island. Already he was considering the possibilities
and his own desires. He thought he’d be alone for the four days he’d committed to on Adam’s behalf. Now that he knew Diane was also going to be staying at the house, it was either going to be much too long or much too short a time.
She silently led the way up to the veranda. It was clear to Hale that she had been there at least since the day before, since there were only two flights a day in and out of St. Thomas. Her own computer case was on the floor and her laptop on the dining table. There were folders and books next to it and a used cup that probably had contained coffee or tea earlier.
Diane took off her cap, dropped it on a chair and stood, legs akimbo, fluffing her flattened hair and combing it with her fingers. The motion caused her blouse to press against her body and Hale could detect that she wore no bra. Her nipples left tiny round protrusions in the front.
The telltale signs in his body of arousal betrayed him, and he quickly turned to the stairs leading to the upper level.
“I guess I’m staying up here?” He was already climbing the flight.
“If you want,” Diane said softly behind him.
He stopped, turned back to look down at her.
“I have a choice?”
“You always have a choice,” she said quietly.
He reversed his steps and dropped the bag on the floor. It landed with a thud.
“And where are you sleeping?”
She pointed blindly. “On the terrace where I stayed at Christmas. I like it there.”
“What do you think I should do?”
Her expression grew pensive and she stared thoughtfully at him. “The last time we were together you said we should take one step at a time. It didn’t seem very encouraging when you said it, but I think you’re right. Let’s not plan anything, Hale. You’re here for a reason. I have work to do, myself. And we’re here together. When things happen, hopefully it will be the way they’re supposed to happen.”
He had to admire her strength of purpose. And he realized it was a very sensible idea. He knew they were both teetering on the brink of something. One false move could end it all. He didn’t want that to happen. He wasn’t expecting this, but he realized his whole future hung in the balance
