by Lyn Cote
“You don’t understand,” Jack said, defending himself. “You’ve never been hurt, humiliated. You’ve never been…left behind. Mike never made your mom cry.”
“I don’t have to have suffered the way you did,” she retorted, “in order to know what’s good for you.”
Gracie turned to face him, the seat belt restraining her. “If you let your anger and hurt from your father’s errors linger year after year—then he is manipulating you, controlling you. Not because of anything he is doing, but because of what you are doing to yourself. Let it go. Cliff made a mistake. He admits he did wrong and wants to start over. Let him. Start a new relationship with him. Please. For your own sake.”
“I can’t.”
“You mean you won’t even try.” Gracie swung away from him, hiding sudden tears.
“I can’t.” The brittle words sounded as though they came from deep in Jack’s soul.
“Then, at least tell me what triggered this. Why did this evening turn out this way?”
Reaching Gracie’s alley garage, Jack parked and turned off the ignition. He propped his hands against the steering wheel and stared straight ahead.
“Tell me, Jack. After what you put me through tonight at that restaurant, I have a right to know.”
Silence. Gracie rolled down her window and the hot, moist summer breeze wafted inside the air-conditioned car along with the voices of children playing. She waited, still wiping away a few warm tears.
“I didn’t go home right away last night.” Jack finally began to let hard-fought words come. “I decided to go through some old files and disks leftover from Tom and weed out the stuff we didn’t need. I found an old disk that had some information about how Tom got together the capital for LIT’s launch.”
“What did you find?” Gracie wouldn’t look at him. She stared at the golden fingers of dusk, interlacing the tall green maples high above the rooftops.
“I found a list of the investors—and one of them was Cliff Lassater.” Jack’s tone turned acid. “Tom knew I didn’t want any start-up money from my dad and he took it anyway and hid it from me!”
Gracie closed her eyes. Why now, Lord? Why did he have to find that just when we’d finally made progress? I don’t understand. Help me help him. “That was wrong of Tom, but why does that disturb you now? That happened years ago.”
“Don’t you get it?” Jack nearly shouted. “It’s always about him, about how he looks to others! He’s trying to buy his way back into my life—maybe to impress Gloria. He’s trying to win me over, put on a good act. It won’t work.”
“That doesn’t jibe with the facts. All Cliff has done is hire you to do a job for his Board and try to introduce you to his fiancée. That’s all, Jack.”
“You don’t get it—”
“You’re right!” Gracie couldn’t keep her voice down. “I don’t get why you’re letting something that happened years ago still make you miserable.”
“Because he hasn’t changed!” Jack roared. “He showed the kind of man he was the day he walked out on my mom—”
“You’re wrong. I get it, Jack. You don’t.” Gracie got out of the car, slammed the door and hurried through the chain-link gate into her backyard. It clanged shut behind her. Gracie felt the sound, almost an echo of the door shutting in her heart.
Why did I ever think I could make a difference in him? Why did I think he could forget the past and have a future with me? If he can’t forgive, he’ll never be able to open up his heart to me.
“Jack, this is your mother.”
The next day, Jack squinted at the clock. It was only six-thirty in the morning. “Mom?” He yawned into the phone and then a thought nudged him awake. “Is there something wrong?”
“I want to see you today.”
His mom sounded funny—stern and mad like she had when he stayed out after curfew in high school. “What?”
“Are you working today?” she barked.
“Yes, I have to go to Oak Park—”
“Come here as soon as you finish your day there.”
Jack fumed. “Mom, did Dad call you about last night?”
“No, your father didn’t.”
The phone line clicked.
He stared at the phone.
Chapter Fourteen
Outside his mother’s back door, Jack heard the rrring buzz as the air conditioner turned on. Heat from the black asphalt drive made his feet burn inside his shoes. Still, Jack hesitated. For the first time that he could recall, he didn’t want to open this door.
What did his mom want? Everything that had happened the night before, especially the way Gracie had gotten out of his car and fled from him, rolled through him like a very efficient steamroller. What now?
His stomach churning, he marched inside. “Mom? It’s me, Jack!” He bounded up the three steps into the kitchen.
His mother looked over her shoulder from the sink where she was washing supper dishes. “Are you hungry?”
Ready for whatever came, this everyday greeting was a letdown. “No.”
“Did you eat?” Her voice went on just like always, not the way it had sounded on the phone this morning.
“No, I’m not hungry.” What do you want from me?
She frowned at him and then turned to her chore again. “Cold chicken in the fridge.”
He wanted to argue that he wasn’t hungry, but the scent of fried chicken in the kitchen made his stomach growl…loudly. He hadn’t taken time to eat.
After washing his hands at the sink, he got out the plastic-wrapped plate of chicken and sat down at the table.
His mother poured him a glass of iced tea and set it down in front of him. Then she returned to the sink.
“Mike was here for supper.”
“Okay.” Jack pulled out a golden drumstick and took a bite. Was this about Mike?
“He phoned me at six this morning and told me that you upset Gracie last night.”
Oh. Jack chewed, but the juicy meat suddenly lost its flavor. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Gracie didn’t tell him what you’d said or done to upset her. But he knew that the two of you had gone to have dinner with Cliff and Gloria—”
“Mike should mind his own business,” Jack muttered. He tossed the drumstick back onto the plate.
“Gracie is Mike’s business. Just as you are my business.”
His mother’s sharp tone made him sit up and stare at her back.
“I’m afraid I haven’t taken care of my business as I should have either.” Mom shut off the water and dried her hands on the faded apron tied around the waist of her jean shorts.
“What are you talking about?”
Mom still faced the sink. “I’ve shielded myself from telling you the truth. I’ve always told myself it was better for you if you didn’t know. But now I think it’s time you knew the truth.”
“The truth?” Jack wiped his fingers on a paper napkin and tossed it on the table.
His mom didn’t move, didn’t turn toward him. She seemed to shrink into herself. “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but I think you need to know it so you can understand your father better.”
Jack didn’t like the way this sounded. “Mom, I—”
“Your father and I had to get married. I was three months pregnant with you when we married.”
His mother’s stark words paralyzed him.
“We weren’t in love.” She sounded as though she were reading out of a book. “We’d only dated casually. We were in college. Neither of us was religious then and the sexual revolution was happening.”
Jack couldn’t say a word.
“I didn’t want to have an abortion.” The matter-of-fact recital continued. “The women in my family aren’t very fertile. I was an only child of an only child. I was afraid that you might be the only baby I’d ever have. And as it turned out, I was right.” She brushed this aside. “Anyway, I told Cliff, but I didn’t expect him to marry me.
We weren’t in love, but I thought he should know.”
Jack’s heart pounded and his ears buzzed.
“Cliff insisted that we marry. He said he wanted to be a part of his child’s life. His parents had divorced when he was little and he’d never seen his dad except for a couple of weeks each summer. He said they were always polite strangers to each other.”
Jack closed his eyes. His mother’s voice had softened now. He could hear the pain there, and also the sympathy for his dad.
“So we got married.” She finally turned away from the sink and faced him. “And you were born. I thought we did pretty well. I worked. Cliff continued pre-med and helped out with child care—watching you when I worked evenings. He loved you, Jack. He still does.”
“Then, why did he leave us?” His own pained words shocked Jack. He hadn’t meant to speak them.
“He didn’t leave you, Jack. He left me. And I didn’t blame him.” His mother turned from the sink and sat down across from him. “Don’t you see? How could I try to hold on to him when he’d only married me because of you? We were good friends. We both loved you, but in the end, that wasn’t enough for him. And unfortunately, someone took advantage of those feelings. Our marriage ended and he walked right into a very bad second marriage. I felt responsible for that, too.”
Jack felt tears sting his eyes. He blinked them away.
“This is a lot to dump on you. But it’s time you knew the truth. I don’t want my mistakes to mess up what’s been happening between you and Gracie this summer. Do you know how long I’ve hoped that you would wake up and notice how much in love she is with you?”
Jack stared at his mom. “Gracie…in love with me?”
Mom shook her head at him. “She’s good at hiding it from you, but I noticed it right away, and so did Tom, I think. She’s so good for you, Jack, so down-to-earth and she has such a big heart. She would make a lovely mother. An excellent wife, too.”
Jack’s insides felt like a dozen yo-yo’s being spun up and down and in and out. “Mom, I…”
She reached and pulled over a hand-size photo album he hadn’t noticed before. “Here. I was looking at this today, remembering. I want you to look through the photos and tell me that your dad didn’t love you—and then, try to make me believe it.” She opened the album and pushed it toward him.
Glancing down, he saw a photo of his dad holding him as a baby. His father was beaming with obvious pride.
His mother stabbed the air in front of Jack’s nose with her index finger. “You are the one who’s pushed your father away. Cliff deeply regrets hurting you and was humiliated over his marriage to that woman. But in Gloria, I think he’s finally found someone he can spend the rest of his life with happily.
“Maybe, if I had been a Christian when he wanted to leave,” she continued, “I would have fought harder and longer to keep him. Maybe we could even have managed to stay married. But I didn’t. I hated the divorce and how it hurt you. But a decade has passed. God can forgive us, your father and me. Why can’t you, Jack?”
Jack stared down at the photos of his father and him. He flipped the page to one of his dad helping him walk.
“And I know you want to pay for the remodeling—” His mom sounded like she was slowing down, nearing the end. “But Cliff has already insisted on taking care of it for me. I’ve accepted his offer and will pay off the home equity loan I’d taken out. But I intend to repay him the principal over the next few years, even though he insists it isn’t necessary. Oh, and I might as well tell you that Mike proposed to me last night.”
Jack stared at his mother. It felt as if she’d hit him with a one-two punch.
“Life goes on. Mike, Cliff, Gloria and I are going on. Don’t get stuck in the past, Jack. Don’t mess things up with Gracie.” She got up and went back to the sink.
He heard water running and then the sounds of his mother drying and putting away dishes and silverware. But he felt removed from her. The yo-yo’s inside him slowed but did not stop. What just happened here, Lord? I can’t process it all.
He rose and started toward the door. “’Bye, Mom. I…”
She came to him at the head of the back steps and hugged him. “Call me tomorrow, okay?”
He nodded and headed out. He got into his car and started driving. He went over and over what his mom had revealed. He barely paid attention to where he was driving. He just couldn’t stop. A restlessness pushed him on and on, up street after street. Twilight glowed and dimmed. Night fell. Finally, he knew where he had to go.
Minutes later, he stood at Gracie’s back door and knocked. A sense of urgency bubbled in him. Gracie would know what all this meant. She would put it all in place for him.
Gracie opened the door and his heart turned over when he saw her troubled expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing.” She stood at the door but did not welcome him in.
“You look sad.” He had to hold his arms down to keep from drawing her to him. I didn’t want to make you sad.
“What do you want, Jack? It’s late.” She looked down, not meeting his eyes. She wore a pair of cutoffs and a tank top, just as she had at the cabin.
“I need to talk to you.” Hold you like I did at the lake.
“About?” she asked in a drill-sergeant tone.
“My mom and my dad.” Jack edged a step closer to the door, to Gracie.
With a long, very intense look, she held him at bay. “Your mom and your dad, not my dad?”
He thought that over. “Right.”
She stepped back. “Okay, come in.” Without a backward glance, she led him to the cozy living room and sank onto the couch. “Sit.”
Still standing, he couldn’t stop gazing at her—so petite and pale—against the blue and white sofa with yellow throw pillows. She folded her shapely legs under her as though shielding herself from him.
Don’t hide from me, Gracie. I need you to put everything together for me. So I will understand it. He forced himself to keep his distance, but the memory of kissing Gracie filled him with a hopeless anguish.
He finally eased down onto the edge of a chair across from her. She watched him as though he might sprout a third eye. Even that first time he’d come here in May and she’d been so upset about her sister leaving, Gracie had been more welcoming. This is my fault. I made my parents unhappy and I’ve made Gracie unhappy.
“What can I do for you?” she asked him.
He stared at her, trying to figure out how to open up, how to begin. I can’t. I can’t tell her.
His cell phone rang in his pocket. He took it out. “Yes?”
“Jack, I need you to come right away to the main Hope financial office,” Cliff said, his words rapid-fire. “I got a call that some files have been tampered with—”
Not now. “Did anyone touch them?”
“No, I’m here to make sure no one does. Can you come right—”
“I’ll be there as fast as I can.” Jack snapped the phone shut. “I’ll be back. My dad needs me at Hope.”
Chapter Fifteen
Ahead in the low light, Cliff stood guard over the computers at Hope’s main financial office. The cubicles were silent and the night showed dark at each large plate-glass window.
Jack hurried through the glass door into the room, his eyes going to the bright computer monitor. He looked to his dad, recalling their recent parting, and didn’t know what to say.
“I made sure no one messed with the files.” Cliff’s voice was gruff and he looked grim.
“Good…thanks.” Jack took cover in his role as computer expert. Would he finally get a clue to the hacker’s identity and finish this job for good? He sat down at the monitor and began tapping keys.
“Someone was working late, noticed that some files had just been changed and called me. I told them, ‘Don’t touch anything,’ and then I headed straight here and called you right away.”
“You did just what you should have.” Jack accessed the file th
at showed the system activity—who had been in and out of the files that day.
“Will you be able to get him?” Cliff leaned over Jack, also reading the computer monitor.
“I don’t know. It depends on how good…” Jack fell silent as a window opened on the screen and showed someone in the act of accessing files.
Jack shoved the chair back and flipped through a notebook of passwords he’d brought with him. He watched the files being altered right in front of his eyes. “It’s happening,” he breathed. “The hacker is doing his thing right now.”
“What?” Cliff sounded shocked and bent farther to view the monitor.
“And now I know who it is. It’s a Board member.”
“Collins?”
“No.” Jack showed his dad the page with his thumb by the entry and the password, and then got to his feet. “I’m going to catch him red-handed.” Jack charged out of the room.
Cliff raced after him, shouting questions.
Jack ignored them. It was good to have Cliff along as a witness. But after last night, he’d have chosen almost anyone else.
Within half an hour, Jack had driven out to the suburbs and up to an imposing home on a quiet street in an exclusive subdivision. He’d been there before.
“I can’t believe this is true,” Cliff said again. “You’ve got something wrong.”
Cliff had questioned him over and over on the trip. Jack had ignored most of the questions. Why talk? He was right and he could prove it.
“I’m going in.” Jack opened his car door and got out. He confronted his dad. “I didn’t get it wrong. You saw someone at this house use Dunn’s password while we were at the main computer. Whoever it is began altering numbers in accounts without permission.”
His father tried to interrupt.
Jack refused to be stopped. “This hacker has done everything but mess with patients’ medical records. That could cost people pain and maybe even their lives. Are you coming or am I going in alone?”
Without a word, Cliff got out and kept up with Jack as they raced up the drive to the front door.
