by P. C. Cast
“Even if your silence causes your heart to break?”
“I am a goddess. My children often break my heart.”
“Your children, yes. One expects that from the young and the mortal, but I was not speaking of them. I was speaking of your lover, your warrior, your true—”
Nyx pressed her finger against his lips. “I know of whom you were speaking, and my answer is the same. You know me well enough by now that you understand I am not changeable or prone to fickle fancies. I asked for your oath of silence and I will keep that oath—heartbreak or not.”
Erebus bowed his head to her. “I meant no disrespect.”
Nyx took his hand in both of hers. “Oh, Erebus, I know that. You are my true friend and you brighten my days like the light of your father, the Sun. Ignore my melancholy. I am being ridiculously self-indulgent. Let us put aside Kalona and his sadness today. As your brother decided not to accompany me to Earth, would you do me the honor?”
Erebus grinned. “Will we race antelope?”
“As many as you’d like, but be forewarned—I do not intend to lose!” Nyx stood and clapped her hands together, disappearing in a shower of diamond dust.
Erebus followed his Goddess, but more slowly, as if he was burdened by heavy thoughts and weighty decisions—because truly, he was. For that was the day he decided that he could no longer remain silent, even if his words cost him Nyx’s friendship and love.
I cannot watch them break each other’s hearts for eternity. I must end this, and Nyx’s own words have given me an idea—a sliver of hope. I am going to help my brother understand the truth and know joy. If that condemns me—then so be it.
2
Other Erebus
The next day, while Nyx visited Greece in the form of Demeter to preside over the annual Rites of Eleusis, Erebus took action.
Kalona wasn’t difficult for Erebus to find. They were brothers, created together by Mother Earth and bound by blood and spirit. Erebus had only to concentrate and he would get an image of his brother, wherever he was in this realm. He often wondered if his moon-touched brother had ever used their connection. But Erebus would not ask him. He did not want to hear that yes, Kalona did use their connection—to stay away from Erebus.
On this day, Erebus was drawn to Kalona in one of the most distant of Nyx’s Otherworld groves. The grove wasn’t particularly large and, though beautiful enough not to be out of place in Nyx’s realm, it was also not as exquisitely designed as the places where Nyx usually chose to spend her time.
Erebus entered the grove, ducking under low-hanging hawthorn and rowan boughs. Wan light filtered through the canopy as he picked his way around glistening crystal-embedded boulders. Kalona was sitting on one of those marble boulders. Its carpet of verdant moss caressed his legs while he silently whittled a long, narrow stick.
“Brother! I didn’t know you liked to carve.” Erebus clapped him on the shoulder and sat on a boulder across from Kalona.
Kalona barely glanced at him. “It keeps my hands and my mind busy.”
“What are you carving?”
“Arrows.”
Erebus laughed. “Can’t you just conjure those?”
“I can. I choose not to. As I already said—this keeps my hands and mind busy.” He finally looked at Erebus. “Why are you here?”
“I wanted to talk. Why are you here? Nyx’s palace is a lot nicer.”
“Nyx’s palace is also a lot more crowded.” Kalona gave his brother a pointed look. “I like solitude.”
“Do you really?”
“What kind of question is that?” Kalona asked, returning to his carving.
“An honest one. I’d like an honest answer in return.”
“I’m not playing this game with you. What do you really want? And why aren’t you with Nyx? I’m sure she misses you already.”
“STOP IT!” The words exploded from Erebus.
Kalona looked up from his carving, a half smile playing at the corner of his full lips. “Be careful. That sounded angry. I didn’t think you could get angry.”
Erebus ran his hand through his long blond hair and sighed. “I can get angry. I just try not to.”
“Why?”
“I could spout a bunch of platitudes like, ‘Anger doesn’t solve anything,’ or ‘Anger isn’t the loving choice,’ but I’m speaking with complete honesty today and the truth is that being angry isn’t fun.” Erebus shrugged and chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever even admitted that to myself until now.”
“Huh. Not the reason I expected,” said Kalona.
“Well, it’s the truth. Your turn. Tell me why you so often embrace anger.”
Erebus waited, though he didn’t believe his brother would answer him, so he was pleasantly surprised when Kalona spoke.
“I do not embrace anger.”
“But you’re usually angry.”
“Not because I want to be.”
Erebus leaned forward and steepled his fingers as he met his brother’s amber gaze. “Then stop choosing it!”
“Do you not think I’ve tried! I don’t want this—this unending jealousy and burning, festering anger. I want to choose Nyx—choose us. But I cannot seem to sustain the choice—the happiness. One look at you—one thought about you and her, together, in each other’s arms—” Kalona’s jaw clenched and he looked away from Erebus. “And the jealousy creeps back and then anger follows. Sometimes I feel like there must be something missing inside me.”
“Interesting to hear you say that. I’ve been wondering the same thing recently, and I may have a solution, but first I want you to know something.”
“If I sit here and listen will you go away?”
“I hope if you sit and truly listen, after you hear me out you won’t want me to.”
Kalona snorted. “Not likely, but speak anyway.”
Erebus met and held his brother’s gaze. “The night of the spirit test when you found Nyx in my arms and then—”
“We have sworn to never speak of that!”
“Then keep your oath. Do not speak. Only listen.”
“Wait,” Kalona put the half-whittled arrow down and focused his entire attention on his brother. “Are you actually going to break your oath to Nyx?”
“I am.”
“But if the Goddess finds out, she will not trust you as she does now,” Kalona said.
“Yes. I understand that.”
“Why are you giving me the power to harm your relationship with Nyx?”
“Because I cannot spend eternity watching you and the Goddess break each other’s hearts, especially when there is no reason for it. Now, will you listen while I speak?”
Kalona nodded slowly, and Erebus realized that for the first time in a very long time his brother was truly listening to him, so he continued.
“Before the spirit test and the horrible death of the maiden, before Nyx breathed life back into her and named her vampyre, when you came upon us laughing in each other’s arms as she told me how happy I make her—the reason she was so very happy is because we were speaking of you and of her love for you.”
“What? That cannot be true. She was in your bed.”
Erebus laughed. “She was sitting with me beside a geyser, pretending she did not mind the foul smell. I was showing her a litter of wild kittens that I’d found.”
Kalona snorted. “You and those damn cats.”
“It’s not me and those damn cats. It’s Nyx. She loves them, and I enjoy seeing her smile, and not because she and I are lovers. Because she and I are friends. That day she was telling me how difficult it was for her to be away from you, but that she wanted to allow you time to prepare for the last test so that you could finally join her in the Otherworld.”
“She said that? Truly?”
“Yes. Truly. She also told me she was sad tha
t you never called for her, but that she understood because you were busy preparing for the test.”
“But I did call for her. Many times!” Kalona stood and began to pace.
“That’s strange, brother. I know Nyx would come should ever you call her. She admitted to me that she was waiting for your call—hoping for your call. That she’d sent her little servant, L’ota, to stay near you so that you had a way to contact her.”
“Of course! I should have known there was something wrong with that damned skeeaed! Especially after the old Shaman killed her—or whatever he did to her. He told me she—” The winged immortal paused, thinking back. “He said she was a demon in league with Darkness.”
“So that’s what happened to the sprite. Why didn’t you say anything about it, especially when Nyx asked about her absence?” asked Erebus.
“I had my reasons!” Kalona snapped.
“Fine.” Erebus raised his hands as if in surrender. “Keep your secrets, but you should ask Nyx if the skeeaed ever relayed a message to her from you. I would bet my golden wings the Goddess tells you no.”
“And if I asked Nyx if she and you were lovers that day?”
“You would be breaking your oath to never speak of it, so I will answer you. Brother, Nyx and I have never been lovers.”
Kalona frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but Erebus stopped him.
“No. Let me tell you exactly what I said to Nyx when she asked me, that very day, if I ever feel jealous that you and she are lovers, and she and I are not. I told her clearly that I would most willingly and happily come to her bed should she desire me, but that I have no burning need to be her lover. My only wish is for her happiness, and I believed then—and now—that she would be happiest with you at her side for eternity, brother. You as lover and warrior. Not me. That is not my destiny. And that is when she threw her arms around me and told me how happy I make her. All because I’d acknowledged her adoration for you.”
Kalona blinked as if he was trying to clear his vision, and for an instant Erebus saw tears pooling in his brother’s amber eyes. “It is me she loves with desire.”
“Yes. It is. But you’re ruining that.”
Kalona’s eyes flashed. “Then leave! Go to Earth and let me spend eternity with my Goddess!”
“And you think that would make Nyx happy? She loves me too! Not like you, but she and I are friends, companions, playmates. Can you not find it within you to share even a small piece of her love with me?”
At this Kalona softened, and Erebus could see hopelessness in his eyes. “I want to. Truly I do. But I do not know how to combat the dark thoughts within me. Brother, I can feel it. Even now, even after you have told me how baseless my imaginings have been, I can still feel my jealousy brewing, waiting to boil over into anger.” Kalona’s broad shoulders slumped and he shook his head. “I should leave—not you. I should take my jealous rage and retreat to Earth.”
Erebus went to his brother and stood before him. “If you could have your heart’s desire, what would that be?”
“That Nyx and I spend eternity together, of course,” he said. When Erebus said nothing, Kalona sighed and added. “And I would like to overcome my jealousy. I would like to know what it would be to feel like you do—joyful, free, playful, happy.”
“Without me leaving the Otherworld?”
“If I could overcome my jealousy, there would be no reason for you to leave. And you are right. It would sadden Nyx if her playmate went away,” Kalona quipped dryly.
“Well, then, I can help you with that,” said Erebus.
“How?”
“To overcome jealousy and anger you only need joy.”
“Great. Like I didn’t know that already? I told you. I have tried, but for me holding joy is like carrying water with a sieve. It always leaks away,” said Kalona miserably.
“I think that’s because something is missing within you,” said Erebus.
“Are you trying to insult me?”
Erebus grinned. “Not at the moment. I only want to speak the truth. We were created together. I think when Mother Earth and the Moon joined to make you warrior and lover, they were far too focused on the warrior part—and perhaps, they also didn’t believe a lover needed to be given joy.”
“Why wouldn’t a lover need joy?” asked Kalona, seeming honestly curious.
“Because if you’re a goddess’s lover, why would you need to be given joy? Being Nyx’s Consort should be joyous enough.”
“That’s what I have been trying to convince myself for centuries, and I can tell you it is a misconception,” said Kalona.
“I agree. How can you feel joy if you’ve never really known it? So, let’s fix that now. Today.”
“Sounds good and impossible. Where am I going to get joy? Mother Earth sleeps, and the Moon hasn’t stirred since the night I was created.”
“We don’t need them. I’m going to give you some of my joy,” Erebus told his brother.
Kalona’s eyes widened in shock. “You would do that? For me?”
“Yes.”
“But why? I have treated you terribly.”
“Because you are my brother. My family. I love you and want the best for you, as well as for our Goddess.” Erebus spoke simply and honestly—and he was surprised to see tears pool in his brother’s eyes again.
“Thank you, Erebus. Brother. I will gladly accept whatever joy you can share with me.”
“That makes me very happy!” Erebus started forward, arms open as if he would hug his brother, but Kalona frowned and moved back a step. Erebus smiled sheepishly. “Guess I should wait until after you have the joy to try a hug?”
“That would probably be for the best,” said Kalona.
3
Other Kalona
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Kalona asked Erebus, who stood silently, head bowed and eyes closed, in the middle of the sunny clearing just outside the grove where his brother had found him.
Erebus opened one eye and lifted his head. “Yes. Well, I’m sure I’m going to give you some of my joy. What you do with it is up to you.”
“I will remain by my Goddess’s side—true to her and loyal!” Kalona responded quickly.
“Good. Then be quiet so I can concentrate. It’s not easy for a playmate and friend to conjure a weapon of war.”
“Huh?” Kalona shook his head, completely confused. “How are you going to give me joy with a—”
Kalona’s words broke off as a short sword, which appeared to be made entirely of gold, manifested with a startling POP just above Erebus’s head.
“Yes! I knew I could do it!” Erebus cheered as his hand closed on the glistening grip and he plucked it out of the air.
“Brother, gold is a weak metal. It isn’t a good choice for a sw—”
“I know that!” Erebus frowned at Kalona. “It isn’t gold. It’s golden, as in made from the power of the sun. You touch this and your hand melts.”
“Oh. Good to know. Carry on.”
“Okay. You need to take off your shirt.” Erebus explained as he pulled off his own shirt.
“What are you going to do?” Kalona watched his brother with narrowed eyes, not liking the golden sword, which was now back in Erebus’s hand, and the command to bare his chest and be weaponless, vulnerable, before him.
Erebus sighed. “For this to work you’re going to have to trust me.”
“Can that sword kill me?”
“Definitely. Take your shirt off.”
“If it can kill me why should I stand here weaponless waiting for you to stab me with it?”
“I’m going to cut myself first. Here, over my heart.” Erebus pointed to the spot on his bared chest. “And draw out a drop of joy. Then I’m going to take that drop of joy and put it into you.”
“Does that mean you’re cutting o
ver my heart too?”
“It does. Unless you’d rather have a joyful butt. Then I’ll stick you there. Or wherever else you’d like joy inserted.” The tip of the golden sword wavered as Erebus pointed it between his brother’s legs. “I prefer feeling it in my heart, but …”
“Okay—okay,” Kalona interrupted him, pulling off his shirt and tossing it aside. “Now what?”
“Just stand there and get ready to accept joy. I’ll do the rest.”
Kalona pressed his lips together to keep more questions—and sarcastic comments—from escaping. He watched Erebus bow his golden head and close his eyes. He could see his brother’s lips move, and he heard some of what he was whispering.
“Blue skies … a feather bed … earth’s songbirds … spring rain … Nyx in all of her forms.”
Then Erebus lifted his head and the sword. He shifted his handhold so that it covered the grip and the pommel, and then rested the point of the sword against his chest. His voice was strong and sure as he shouted, “Joy! Come forth!” With one quick motion he drew the blade down.
Kalona expected blood to well along the cut, but instead the sword acted like a sponge, soaking the crimson drops up into it so that the blade changed color from glimmering gold to a burnished rose. Then Erebus strode to stand directly in front of Kalona.
“This is probably going to hurt. A lot,” said Erebus.
“No doubt. Go on. I promise not to cry.”
“Don’t be an ass. You’re getting joy. Be happy about it.”
Kalona lifted one brow. “But I don’t have it yet, brother.”
In reply, Erebus tilted his head up and looked directly into the sun and spoke the invocation, “As was meant to be, brother, I share my joy with thee!” Then Erebus pressed the blood-filled tip of the sword against the smooth bronze skin over his brother’s heart.
Pain exploded across Kalona’s chest. He gasped and grunted with the effort it took to remain standing, remain still, as heat flowed into his heart and then surged throughout his body in time with his pumping blood.
At the same moment, Kalona felt a great outpouring of coldness. He gasped as something he hadn’t realized was there loosened its frigid grip on his heart and rushed from his body.
