by Noelle Adams
“I don’t think there’s any reason to laugh about it,” he was saying soberly. “You’ve made a huge mess here.”
Alice heard Cara’s soft babbling—which did indeed sound like she was laughing—and walked quietly to the door of the room to see what was going on.
Micah had the baby on the changing table, and he was trying to fold up what looked like a very dirty diaper. Cara was waving her arms and legs and talking enthusiastically.
“We’re supposed to be picking up Alice now,” he told the baby, pulling out about six baby wipes and trying to hold her still to clean her up. “And here you are half-naked and kind of smelly. That’s not going to make a very good impression.”
His back was to Alice, and he wore black trousers and a pine green dress shirt, the tailored clothes making his broad shoulders and tight butt look very fine indeed. Alice was so touched by the scene that she took a few steps back, instinctively hiding lest he turn around and see her expression.
Unfortunately, she backed right into the door frame that led into the living room, stumbling in surprise and making quite a racket. She had just enough sense to say, “Micah, I’m here,” so he wouldn’t think she’d been sneaking around.
“Are you okay?” he asked from the bedroom.
“Yeah. Sorry. Just ran into the wall.” She walked into the room all the way, smiling at him and trying not to feel so flustered.
He looked at her over his shoulder. “I’m sorry we’re running late. She had a…uh, really impressive diaper.”
Laughing, Alice walked over so she could help. Cara babbled happily as she saw her.
“What a pretty dress,” she said, seeing that Cara was wearing a little pink dress with a smocked top. Since the baby’s wardrobe consisted primarily of a small selection of sleepers and rompers, and a UNC sweatshirt that Micah’s parents had bought her, Alice immediately recognized that the dress was new. “Did your mom buy it for her?”
“No,” he said, as he put a new diaper on Cara. “I picked it up yesterday. I hadn’t even thought about her needing dresses before you bought her that Easter dress.”
Alice reached down to pick up Cara and pull down the little dress over the diaper. “It’s adorable. Did you pick it out yourself?”
“No. I just walked into the store and said I needed dresses, so the women there all helped me out.”
She could well imagine the scene, and the thought of the women eagerly jumping to the shopping assistance of handsome, clueless Micah made her want to giggle.
He gave her a narrow look, as if he suspected she was laughing at him, but he was smiling when he reached down to pick up a shopping bag. “I got a couple more dresses too. And they told me she needed this sweater to wear with the dresses, until it got warmer. And then she’s supposed to wear this on her head.”
Alice kept gasping at each item he pulled out of the bag. A little blue dress and a yellow one and a soft white button up sweater and the cutest little bow that was made to stay on her head with a band. She squeezed Cara with pleasure and tried not to melt away from the sweetness of it. “It’s all perfect,” she said. “Why don’t I put on her sweater and bow, and I think you might want to change your shirt.”
He glance down in surprise and groaned when he saw that he had a smear of Cara’s poop on his shirt.
She and Cara both giggled, causing Micah to sigh resignedly and head upstairs to change.
It only took him a minute to come back down in a clean blue dress shirt, just as Alice was adjusting the bow so it was it slightly off-center on Cara’s head.
“Perfect,” she said, smiling up at Micah and holding Cara up so he could see her. “She’s beautiful.”
Micah smiled at his daughter, his eyes rather soft, and then he shifted his gaze to Alice. “Sorry about all the hassle.”
“No hassle. Do you have all her stuff ready?”
“Yeah.” He leaned down to pick up the bag he’d evidently packed earlier. “I think I remembered everything.”
She was tempted to check to make sure, but she didn’t want him to think she didn’t trust him to bring everything they’d need. So all she said was, “Then we should be ready to go.”
Silently, she prayed he hadn’t forgotten to bring something like her bottle or a spare diaper.
***
The good thing about having Cara with them was that there was never any awkward or artificial conversation, since it was impossible to be uptight with the baby around.
The theater was in the next town over, so it was only a few minutes’ drive. They were running later than they’d intended, though, so they had to drive around looking for a parking space.
Micah had gotten them good seats, near the front and on an aisle. Alice was trying to be reasonable but was feeling quite giddy with excitement as they traipsed through the crowded lobby and into the theater, which was festively decorated with streamers and flowers.
Micah carried Cara in her baby seat, and Alice carried the bag, since she’d taken it from him when he’d tried to carry that too. It was only once they’d started to work their way through the crowd that she realized something that should have been obvious to her before.
Either she or Micah or both of them knew about a third of the people in attendance. Every few feet, they were stopped and greeted by acquaintances. Others waved and gave them sly grins. Alice saw several surprised looks from people on seeing them together.
She started to feel a little tense. She knew what they would think. She knew what people would be talking about tomorrow.
That was the problem with going out with someone for the first time in a small community like this one. People would see you once and start wondering when you’d get engaged.
Especially since she and Micah had a baby in tow.
Micah didn’t seem to notice. He greeted everyone with his normal laidback friendliness and didn’t seem at all uncomfortable or tense. But, whenever someone made noises like they were going to ask something about her and Micah being together, he easily shifted the conversation away from it.
She assumed he was doing it on purpose. She was very impressed. She wished she could handle conversation so skillfully instead of stuttering and blushing, which was sadly her first response.
They were finally able to take their seats, and Cara was in high form, gawking and giggling at everyone around her. The play was cute, with a lot of audience participation, and the time passed quickly.
Every once in a while, Alice would glance over and catch Micah watching her, but he always just smiled and looked away.
She wasn’t going to break any of her rules, but maybe—just maybe—he would say something at the end of the evening and make it clear to her about what he was thinking about their relationship.
If he did, then she could let herself be happy without worrying that she was being stupid again.
The play must have been just a little too long, because Cara’s high spirits declined during the last fifteen minutes, and she started to fuss and then cry.
When she started to get loud and the play wasn’t quite over, Alice leaned over and said, “I’ll take her outside,” since she didn’t want the people around her to be annoyed, although there was plenty of whispering and childish antics, given the large percentage of kids in the audience.
Micah glanced at crying Cara and then at Alice, and he reached down to get their stuff. “Why don’t we just head out and beat the crowd?”
This sounded like an excellent plan to Alice, and the three of them left the theater and made it to their car before the audience was dismissed.
Cara was still crying on the way home, so Alice sat in the back and gave her a fresh bottle.
She took it but was still fussy, whimpering in between sucks.
When Micah parked, Alice unstrapped her and held her up to pat her back. She burped up some formula and started to fuss again.
He got out and opened the back door where she was sitting. “I was hoping we could get something to eat
afterwards, but I guess that was wishful thinking.”
“Yeah,” Alice said with a little smile. “It’s getting kind of late for her, poor little thing. And I think she might have a little cold. Her nose has been running today.”
Micah reached out for the baby and then moved her into one arm so he could help Alice out of the SUV too.
She smiled to thank him, and he didn’t drop her hand right away. They stood gazing at each other for a moment, and she was convinced she wasn’t imagining the soft look in his eyes.
Then Cara burped again, spitting up formula all down the front of Micah’s shirt.
He blinked down at himself. “Well, that’s two in one evening.”
Alice couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s my fault. I should have given you the towel.” She showed him the towel she’d been using to protect her own top in the car and then used it to blot up the worst of the formula from the fabric.
When they got inside, Alice told him to change his shirt while she finished feeding Cara.
She was sitting in Cara’s room when he reappeared, wearing a gray t-shirt with his trousers.
“You don’t have to do that,” he said. “You shouldn’t be on the job this evening.”
“I don’t mind.” She stroked Cara’s soft, fine hair.
“But you—”
“She’s not a job to me, Micah. I like to take care of her.”
As soon as she said it, she wondered if she should have admitted it, so she looked down at the baby in her arms and not at Micah.
He didn’t say anything, but she could feel him standing there, just in front of her. Finally she had to look up to check his face.
It was hard to describe his expression—part questioning, part emotional, part something that looked almost like hope.
She swallowed hard and tried to say something to take the tension out the air. “It’s hard not to fall in love with her.”
Those words did nothing to cut the tension.
“Yeah,” he breathed.
Alice looked back down at Cara, her cheeks burning. Her vision was blurry, and her head was spinning a little.
Remembering how she’d fooled herself in the past, she gave herself a little lecture about not getting too excited. After all, they’d only had—kind of—a first date. No words had yet been said. No future of any kind had been offered. Not even a second date.
“Let’s give her a bath,” she said, in a mostly normal voice, “and get her to bed.”
He reached out to take Cara, and Alice went to the bathroom to set up the bath as he carried the baby in. She let him do the bath mostly himself, since she didn’t want him to think she didn’t believe he could do it. She knew he’d been taking care of Cara pretty well for the last couple of weeks, but Alice was naturally inclined to do things herself so she had to remind herself not to take over.
Cara was fussy in the bath, and she was fussy when Alice rocked her for a few minutes and then tried to put her down.
Micah turned on her music, and they left the room.
Her crying got louder when they walked out.
Micah frowned. “Do you think she’s okay?”
Alice wished she knew more about babies so she would know how to answers questions like that. She shrugged. “I don’t know. Let’s let her cry for a minute and see if she settles down.”
“Okay.” He looked at the partly opened door of Cara’s room, and she could tell he didn’t like to hear her cry. “Do you want a glass of wine?”
“Sure.”
They went to the kitchen, and he pulled out a bottle of Merlot. Cara was still crying when he pulled down two glasses. And she was still crying when he uncorked the bottle. And she was still crying when he poured it out.
Maybe it was Alice’s imagination, but it seemed like the crying had gotten louder and more distressed.
“Can I go get her?” she asked at last, when Micah put the bottle of wine on the counter.
His face broke in relief. “Please do.”
So Alice went to get Cara and carried her into the living room to hold her on the couch. Micah came to sit beside her, bringing both glasses of wine.
Cara quieted after a minute, and Alice started to relax, cuddling the infant closer.
“She doesn’t feel hot, does she?” Micah asked, peering at his daughter.
Alice put a hand on the little head and face. “No. I think she’s okay. I think she just has a little cold.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out to be a very fun evening.”
“What do you mean? I had a good time.”
He slanted her a quick look. “Did you really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I don’t like for Cara to cry, but overall I thought it was a good evening.” She experienced a sudden surge of concern. “Didn’t you?”
“Sure. But…” He didn’t finish.
“But what?”
“Nothing.” He gave her a wry smile. “I’ve just never had a date like this before.”
She giggled in relief, pleased that he was really thinking about it as a date and that he was concerned about whether or not she’d enjoyed it. “Me either. But I still thought it was good.”
“Good. Me too.”
They smiled at each other until Cara reached up and yanked on Alice’s hair.
“Ow.” She untangled her hair from the little hand, and the pins she’d twisted up her hair with all fell out. Afraid her hair looked like a mess, she handed Cara over to Micah. “Hold her for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
She went to the bathroom first, and then washed her hands and checked her appearance. Her hair wasn’t as bad as she’d been afraid of, so she just pulled the last of the pins out and tried to smooth it down a little.
The curls were rather frizzy, but there was nothing to do about that.
When she returned to the living room, Micah had moved to the recliner and was holding Cara against his chest. She looked mostly asleep.
He smiled at Alice. But, when she picked up her wine and started to sit down on the couch, he stretched a hand out toward her.
She responded to the gesture immediately, stepping over so he could pull her down onto the recliner beside him.
“There’s plenty of room next to us for a Dormouse,” he murmured, adjusting to give her more space. “And I think she’s finally given up.”
Alice reached over to rub the baby’s back. “It’s been a long day for such a little thing.”
“It’s been a long day for me too, and I’m not so little.” Micah’s voice was ironic, but he did look kind of tired. His face was a little stubbly, and, without thinking, she reached her hand up to stroke his jaw the way she’d stroked Cara’s back.
Then she realized what she was doing and drew her hand back quickly.
She’d never made an advance on a man in her life. She’d been raised in an old-fashioned family, and she was by nature rather reserved. She wasn’t philosophically opposed to women making moves on men, but it didn’t feel like her.
She wasn’t sure what she was thinking.
Before she could get embarrassed, though, Micah took her hand and returned it to his face, holding it against him for a minute before he turned his head slightly and kissed her palm.
She took a jerky breath of excitement at the deep look in his eyes.
It reminded her of the way he’d looked at her sometimes that summer so long ago—only richer and fuller, somehow.
But the look that summer hadn’t led to anything, and it might not now, either.
She was so afraid to hope for something she wanted so much, since she’d been so completely crushed in the past when she let herself hope for things she hadn’t wanted nearly so much.
She was suddenly terrified when she thought about how destroyed emotionally she’d be if the promise in Micah’s eyes came to nothing again.
Her rules just hadn’t protected her as much as they were supposed to.
The surge of fear made her slide her hand out of his grip. To hid
e her feelings, she climbed off the recliner and picked up a sleeping Cara from his lap. “I’ll put her to bed.”
She used the time it took to carry the baby into the room and then lay her down in her crib to compose herself and say a quick, panicked prayer.
On her way back, she grabbed the wine bottle from the kitchen. Micah was still slouched in the recliner, but his eyes were watchful as she filled both of their glasses.
“I could have done that,” he said, straightening up and pulling her down beside him again.
“I was already up.”
“I meant, I could have put Cara down.”
“I don’t mind.”
She could tell he was still watching her as she sipped her wine, as if he were trying to figure out what she was thinking.
She didn’t want him to know what she was thinking. She didn’t even know what she was thinking.
She was so completely clueless about men, and she couldn’t seem to get any smarter about it.
“So you haven’t heard anything about the job yet?” he asked, taking a long sip of his wine as she tried to relax in the small space she had beside him in the recliner.
“No. Nothing yet. They were interviewing a couple of other people, though. I think I was first. I don’t expect to hear anything until next week at the earliest.”
“Okay. I guess that’s not too long to wait.”
“It’s pretty normal. Colleges don’t usually move very fast about hiring decisions.”
“You seem pretty relaxed about it.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe I should be more worried about it. I mean, I can hardly go on forever like this.” With a sigh, she put down her glass on the side table. “This is not at all where I imagined I’d be at this stage of my life.”
He seemed to be really listening, since he thought for a moment about what she’d said. “Where did you imagine you’d be?”
“Well, I thought I’d be married.”
“You’re only twenty-six.”
“I know. It’s not like I think I had to be married by a certain age. But all through college I thought I’d marry Jeff. And then I thought I’d marry Bill.” She released another long breath. “I really wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my life focused on something so…so ephemeral.”
