by Noelle Adams
Jessica’s face twisted with emotion. “I know you do. He loves you too. I think he always has. But the world just isn’t what it should be, and sometimes that’s just not enough.”
Twelve
Easter morning was warm and clear.
Alice woke up early, partly because she couldn’t sleep and partly because she was attending the sunrise service, which began while it was still dark.
The sunrise service had always been her favorite thing about Easter, and she was going to miss it this year—no matter what had happened to her heart.
She took a long shower and blow-dried her hair, pulling the top half back with a band.
Then she put on the dress she’d bought for Easter. She couldn’t really afford it, but she’d bought it anyway—a pale pink sleeveless sheathe that she wore with a little cashmere cardigan.
She thought she looked pretty, when she checked herself out in the mirror, but also haunted somehow, with her eyes too big and dark shadows under them.
She hadn’t heard anything from Daniel or Micah yesterday, so she was more worried than ever.
But it was Easter morning, and she was going to celebrate it, whether Micah was with her or not.
She got her purse and stepped out onto the landing outside her apartment.
When her eyes lowered to the driveway, she saw Micah standing next to the SUV.
He’d obviously showered and shaved this morning, and he looked well-dressed and handsome in a gray suit and a blue tie.
He was holding Cara with one arm, and she was dressed in her frilly Easter dress with her pink bow positioned on her head with the band.
Alice froze, stunned and bewildered. She just stared down at Micah and Cara.
His expression was sober as he looked up at her. “We were waiting for you,” he said, his voice slightly hoarse.
Alice simply couldn’t move. Couldn’t even breathe.
When she didn’t answer, Micah cleared his throat and reached into the backseat of the SUV. He brought out an enormous basket filled with flowers—tulips and roses and lilies and orchids and daisies.
“I know I’ve been offering you nothing but broken dandelions,” he began. “I know there’s no reason for you to expect anything else from me now. But I’ve finally worked through everything that was holding me back. And I want to give you more. I want to give you everything.”
She was momentarily dizzy, standing at the top of the stairs. She clung to the rail so she wouldn’t fall.
Micah cleared this throat again and shifted from foot to foot. “I want to give you us—me and Cara—if you’ll have us.”
Alice was physically rocked by the wave of joy that swept over her. It was so unexpected, so overwhelming, so miraculous there was no way to wrap her mind around it.
After a moment, she made herself move. She was shaking helplessly as she walked slowly down the stairs, until she was finally standing right in front of them.
Cara saw her and reached toward her with outstretched arms, babbling something excited but incomprehensible. Alice automatically responded, taking the baby in her arms.
“We love you,” Micah said, his voice thicker than ever. “I do, and Cara does too. I know I haven’t shown you that very well. I know there’s no reason for you to believe me. But if God makes all things new, then that means he makes me new too. And that means there’s nothing stopping me from living out how much I love you. How much I’ve always loved you. I didn’t live it out before, but I want to now. I want to show you how much I love you. If you still want me, I promise I will.”
Alice tried to catch her breath, tried to get her throat to work. Failed utterly.
Finally, after a long stretch of silence, Micah said with a slight tilt to his lips, “Any time you want to say something…”
She choked on a laugh, and her face contorted with emotion as she admitted, “I do. I still want you. Both you and Cara. I want you both so much.”
His expression broke in relief, and he reached out to draw her into his arms.
She could feel shuddering emotion inside him as he held her and she held Cara, and it felt real, tangible, completely authentic. Absolutely right.
When he pulled back at last, Alice had control of herself again, although she was so happy she was trembling with it.
He sheepishly handed her the basket of flowers. “These are for you.”
She shifted Cara into one arm so she could take the flowers. Then she said, “Actually, you better take one of these, or I might drop both of them.”
He laughed and took Cara back into his arms. “So you think you can forgive me?” he asked, his blue eyes searching her face. “After I acted like such an as—jerk?”
She nodded and sniffed and choked on a laugh. “I understood what you were dealing with. I knew it was spiritual. And it was…big. Just don’t you dare do anything like that to me again.”
“I won’t. I hope you can learn to trust me again. I’ll do anything I can to earn that trust.”
She nodded again, rather foolishly, and couldn’t make her voice work.
“I actually have something to show you,” he added, “if you don’t mind coming with us.”
“What about the sunrise service?”
“We’ll still head over there. This is on the way.”
So Alice got in the front seat while Micah put Cara in her car seat, and then he pulled out of the driveway and turned right.
“Why did you change your mind?” she asked, trying not to hug herself with excitement.
He glanced over at her. “I did go to Hanging Rock on Friday night. I stayed there all of yesterday too. I was so torn up. I knew it was wrong—I knew what I was thinking and how I treated you was wrong—but I just couldn’t…couldn’t reconcile myself to anything else. I just didn’t think I deserved such a…such a blessing. As you. It’s been a long-term pattern of thinking.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “I know all about long-term patterns of thinking.”
“Anyway, Daniel found me. I guess you told him where I’d be.” Micah sighed. “Poor guy. He has to preach two different sermons today, and he still sat with me for hour after hour yesterday.”
“He’s a good brother.”
“Yeah. And he was right about me. So were you. It was a spiritual problem.” He looked slightly awkward as he admitted, “If forgiveness is real, then it remakes everything. It remakes me.”
“It remakes me too,” she murmured. “I’m not any better than you are.”
He slanted her a warm look. “Well, I think you’re a little better. I can’t help but think that.”
She had to laugh at that, and she reached over to squeeze his arm. “So where are we going?”
“We’re already here.” He turned a corner in the neighborhood near the church, near Daniel and Jessica’s house, and then he pulled into the driveway of a corner lot on which was situated a big, old house with a wraparound porch that could have been charming if it weren’t so rundown.
“What’s this?” Alice asked, looking at the house in confusion. It had a huge backyard with willow trees.
“This is my house,” Micah said. “I bought it last week. I’d been thinking about what you’d said, about building a real home for me and Cara. So I bought this place. Not to flip.”
She gasped and climbed out of the SUV, gazing at the old place in awe and delight. “It will be wonderful when it’s fixed up,” she said, turning to Micah, who’d gotten out of the car too and was leaning in to get Cara.
“It needs a lot of work,” he explained, stepping over beside her and then putting a hand on her back to urge her forward. “It will be a while before it’s livable.”
“It’s perfect,” she breathed, gazing at the huge porch and then at the formal parlor, dining room, huge kitchen, and living room as they walked through the first floor.
“All the bedrooms are on the second floor,” he explained. “And there’s a basement that can be finished off too.”
�
�It will be perfect for you and Cara,” Alice said, clasping her hands in excitement.
He peered at her face. “I want you to like it too.”
“I love it!” She couldn’t seem to stop smiling.
Micah stuffed his hands in his pockets, but then pulled them out to reach over to take her hand. “I know it’s too soon to expect any sort of commitment, but I’m going to lay it all out for you right now. I love you, Alice. I’ve always loved you. I’ve never loved any other woman, and I don’t think I ever will. I’ll take it as slow as you want, since I know I’ve messed up a lot. But I don’t just want to date you. I want to be allowed to love you for the rest of my life. I want us to eventually make this house a home.”
She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
“And I completely understand if you want to take that job. I’m happy to be with you long-distance, if that’s what works best for you. And if you don’t want to live in Willow Park, then I can sell this house and find another one in Asheville. I want you to be happy. I want you to have everything you want. No more broken dandelions. Not if I can do anything about it.”
Tears streamed out of Alice’s eyes, completely doing away with her makeup. “I don’t want to live in Asheville,” she burst out. “I don’t want that job. I want to live here—in Willow Park. I want a life here with you and Cara.”
He squeezed her hand. “Do you mean it? Because I can move—”
“I don’t want to live anywhere else. I’ve always wanted to come back home. I do want to keep working for the library, but I want to live here.”
He took a shuddering breath and pulled her against him with one arm, still holding Cara in his other. He leaned down to press a soft kiss on her lips. “Then that’s what we’ll do,” he murmured. “I can’t believe I really get to love you. I can’t believe I get both Cara and you.”
“I can’t believe I get to love you and Cara too. Really. But we better get to the service,” Alice said, glancing outside and seeing the sun was starting to rise. “Or we’ll miss the whole thing. It was always my favorite thing about Easter. Maybe we can come back here this afternoon and look around more.”
“Sounds good to me.”
He took her hand again as they walked back to the car. And he was holding her hand again as they joined the sunrise service, outside at a scenic spot where the congregation could watch the sun rise over the mountains.
And he was still holding her hand when the service ended and people came over to greet them.
And he was still holding her hand when they attended the church breakfast and then the regular Easter service.
And she’d never known what resurrection victory meant—the way it overcame darkness, and death, and brokenness, and all the stupidity from the past—as clearly as she did that morning.
***
Late in the afternoon, after they’d had dinner and gone back to change clothes, Alice and Micah went back to the house to really look around.
They stayed for an hour or two, and they were sitting on the steps leading up to the front porch, with Alice feeding Cara in her lap, when Jessica and Daniel turned the corner and approached them on the sidewalk. Bear was on a leash, leading the way.
Alice wasn’t sure if they’d just been taking a walk or if they’d come over here on purpose. Either way, they sat down on the steps too after a friendly greeting and some pets for the dog.
“This is an amazing house,” Jessica said with a grin. “Daniel already has plans to come over here to tinker around with it, so you’ll have to try to give him jobs where he can’t do too much damage.”
“Hey,” he objected. “I’m good with projects.”
Micah laughed uninhibitedly. “I’m sure I can find something for him to do. He may not always know what he’s doing with power tools, but there are other things he’s okay with.” He gave his brother a soft punch on the shoulder.
Alice knew what the gesture meant. And she could see that Daniel knew too, since he accepted Micah’s unspoken appreciation with a little nod.
Then he turned to Alice. “So Micah said you might want to teach Sunday School.”
Alice gasped in surprise. “When did he tell you that?”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Daniel was hiding a grin. “I hear things, you know. And potential Sunday School teachers are hot commodities.”
“Well, yeah,” she admitted. She sat Cara up on her lap to burp her. “I wouldn’t mind it. Since I’m going to be staying in town after all.”
“Consider yourself signed up. That was much easier than getting Jessica into the choir.”
Alice turned to the other woman. “What do you mean? You have a beautiful voice. I love to hear you sing on Sundays. So you didn’t always want to do the choir?”
Jessica slanted a look at Daniel, but she was smiling at Alice as she replied, “I wasn’t sure at first, but I’m happy now I’ve joined. You’re welcome to join too, if you want.”
“Oh no. My singing makes Cara cry louder.”
As if on cue, the little girl burped up some formula as all of them turned to look at her, and then babbled out a follow up.
“Very nice,” Micah said, leaning over to wipe her chin off.
She babbled some more, the sounds coming out as, “Ga, ga, ga, da da.”
“That’s right,” Alice said in an encouraging voice. “That’s your dada. Dada.”
“Da da da da da,” Cara’s blue eyes were round as saucers, and she flailed her arms excitedly.
They all burst out in excited appreciation for this piece of brilliant verbal dexterity, and Micah pulled the baby into his arms to hug her. He was laughing and kissing her soft little head as he murmured, “She has no idea what she’s saying, does she?”
Alice was laughing too—and also almost crying, so touched was she by the little scene. She leaned against his shoulder until he wrapped an arm around her, bringing her into his embrace.
“She probably doesn’t,” Daniel said, answering Micah’s question. “But who’s to say she isn’t a little prodigy?”
Bear, who’d been lying on the cool grass and enjoying the sunshine, got up just then and came over to stick her nose in Daniel’s face. “Yes,” he told her, stroking the long white fur. “You’re a prodigy too. No reason to be jealous.”
Jessica giggled and reached over to pet her dog as well, until Bear flopped down right at her feet.
Strangely, for no particular reason, they fell into a silence for the next few minutes. A silence that felt heavy, significant. Not bleak or sad, but weighted down by something too big to be captured in words.
Alice could feel it in her belly, a joy as sharp and substantial as pain.
All of them seemed to feel it, except Cara who snuggling against her father’s chest and had no concept yet of the sublime.
Finally, Daniel put it into words for them. “This has been a good day.”
Micah tightened his arm around Alice. “Yeah.” He tilted his head down to brush a kiss into her hair. “It’s what Easter should always be.”
***
Several months later, Alice woke up from a sound sleep with a knowledge that something really momentous was happening today.
Her processing of this truth was interrupted, however, by the fact that her husband of three weeks had taken all the covers.
She gave the covers a firm tug, causing Micah to grumble in his sleep and roll over towards her.
Since this freed up a lot of the covers, Alice didn’t complain. Just wrapped herself up in them and snuggled more comfortably into the bed.
Micah had finished the house in time for the wedding, so they’d moved in just before they got married. Now they were sleeping in a big bed in a lovely bedroom with wood trim and huge windows.
It was still dark outside, so it must be early.
And something really good was happening today.
“What happened to all the covers?” Micah muttered.
“You were stealing them all.”
“I don’t have any now.”
“I can’t do anything about that.”
He rolled over some more until he was right next to her, and he took that opportunity to pull her into his arms. “I didn’t know being a husband would mean giving up all rights to the covers.”
“Of course, that’s what it means. You’re supposed to love me more than yourself—which means giving up covers if I need them.” She burrowed against him, pressing a little kiss on his bare chest, amazed she was allowed to do that now.
He’d shown her over and over again—since Easter morning—that he loved her more than he did himself. She trusted him with her heart, her life, completely, and he’d never not lived up to that trust.
“And what do I get in return?” he asked, sliding his hand down until it was cupping her bottom. He eased her body against his more snugly, and she discovered that he was aroused.
“You get my everlasting gratitude,” she said primly.
“Don’t I get a little something else?” His voice was warm and teasing and tender—exactly as Micah was himself.
“I don’t know why you’d think that. Do you really think sex is an appropriate tradeoff for covers?”
“Well, no. Not really. I think you might get a little something good from sex yourself.”
She giggled and stroked her hand down until she was caressing his erection. “Maybe just a little.”
He cleared his throat. “Let’s rethink the wisdom of using the word ‘little’ when you have your hand on my—”
He broke off the words with a huff when she squeezed.
She giggled helplessly. She wasn’t feeling particularly sexy this morning, but she was feeling soft, intimate, and close to him. If he wanted to have sex, she would have absolutely no objections.
He readjusted so he was on top of her, and he gazed down at her face and her (no doubt) messy hair. “My little Dormouse,” he murmured. “You have no idea how much I love you.”
“Well, I think it’s just about the same amount as I love you too.” She ran her hands down his bare back until she reached the waistband of his pajamas. “You know what I was thinking of?”
