“There’s only one goddamn way to eat a biscuit,” Cash said through clenched teeth.
Rico didn’t argue.
“So everyone knows,” Cash said, fiddling with his glass.
“I do not think so,” Rico said in a low voice. “Remember, Sullivan taught me to watch, to look for the small things that might give a man away. If anyone else has noticed, they have not mentioned it to me.”
Cash shook his head. One more reason to leave town. The less often he and JD stood side by side, the less likely it was anyone else would notice the similarities. “It doesn’t matter that JD is... mine. There should’ve been another way.”
“If there had been another way, you would have found it.”
Cash sighed and pushed his whiskey away. He might not have his wedding night with Nadine ahead of him, but he did need to speak to her. The whiskey didn’t give him courage for the confrontation to come, it made him weak.
“That kid has such a temper,” he said beneath his breath. “And pride, more than is healthy. He’s too young to back up that smart mouth of his.” Cash lifted his eyes to Rico. “Would you do something for me?”
“Of course.”
“Don’t tell anyone he’s mine. The name Cash isn’t exactly a fine gift to lay on a young man.”
“He might not agree.”
Cash shook his head. “It’s what I want.”
Rico nodded solemnly.
“And after I’m gone, teach the kid how to handle a knife,” Cash added. “I swear, he’s going to need all the help he can get.” His insides twisted at the thought.
“I will do what I can.”
“Don’t tell anyone that I asked you to teach him. Make it look like it’s your idea.”
“If you wish.” Rico looked only slightly puzzled. “When are you leaving?”
“When I know Sullivan is going to be all right.”
“And when are you coming back?”
To hell with this. Cash pulled his whiskey toward him and finished the glass. Lily finished her song to a lively round of applause that made his head ache.
“I’m not,” he said as he pushed his chair back, and stood slowly.
* * *
Nadine fidgeted as she walked down the stairs and into the hotel lobby. Sullivan didn’t look quite as good as she wanted him to, and she hadn’t seen Cash since she’d awakened alone in his bed. All in all, it had been a distressingly horrible wedding day.
What had she expected? That Cash would tell the world that he loved her and they were married? No, he had never promised her anything like that. He’d married her for the sake of the child. Had he finally had an attack of conscience? Unlikely. The man who had made love to her that morning apparently had none.
He was waiting for her in the lobby. At least, she assumed he waited for her. Stony-faced and rigid, he paced before the green sofa. When he caught sight of her, he stopped pacing and lifted his head. If there was any tenderness for her in his heart, he didn’t show it.
“Sullivan’s all right?” he snapped.
“Considering what he’s been through...”
“Considering that I shot him, you mean.”
Nadine ran her fingers through hair that had come undone hours before. “No one blames you...” she began.
“I blame myself,” he said softly. “Is he going to recover completely?”
“I’ll know in a day or two.” She walked toward him. “Come on. Let’s grab a bite to eat and get to bed. Eden said there are biscuits and ham in the kitchen.” She gave Cash a wan smile. “She’s sitting with Sullivan now. If sheer will can save him, he’ll be completely recovered by morning.”
Cash looked her dead in the eye, and she saw nothing. No love, no regret. Nothing. “I’m not hungry. You go ahead.” He didn’t move from his position, or even relax.
What she really wanted was for him to love her. She wanted to sleep in his arms, and forget all that had happened in the past day. Looking at him standing there, she felt certain no love existed in his mind or in his heart. “And you’ll be waiting for me upstairs when I’m finished?”
“I think not,” he said coolly.
She was too tired to fight with him, too weary to wrestle through his stubbornness and his worries to get to the truth. “We’re married.”
“Good God, don’t remind me,” he said with disdain. “I never thought the day would come. After all these years of so carefully avoiding the trap of marriage, I was finally done in. Should have known it would be you to do it.”
Nadine shook her head. “I know you still plan to leave,” she said softly. “I want to change your mind, but you’ve made it quite clear that I don’t have the power to do that. I promise I won’t even try if it’ll make you feel better.” She needed him tonight. She’d make whatever promises were necessary.
“It’s not that,” he said, flicking at a piece of dust on his cuff. “I’m just”—he shrugged his shoulders—“done with you.”
“Done?” she whispered, horrified.
“It was fun while it lasted, and I do regret the fact that I knocked you up, but—”
“Fun while it lasted?” she interrupted. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing.” He planted those cold dark eyes on her again, and she didn’t dare take a single step closer. “Don’t tell me you believed all the things I said.” He sounded only slightly horrified. “I was lonely, you came along...” He shrugged his shoulders again. “Hellfire, Eden and the other fine ladies of Rock Creek manage to reform or run off every hooker who finds her way to town. What’s an unmarried man to do?”
Nadine felt her heart turn into stone and sink heavily. “I don’t believe you,” she whispered. Oh, but he didn’t look like he was lying. He looked completely, deadly serious. “You said you couldn’t stay with us because of your reputation, because you’d put us in danger.”
“A convenient excuse I’ve used before,” he said distantly.
“But—”
“Oh, for God’s sake, Nadine,” Cash interrupted curtly. “Do you have no pride? I just told you that I don’t—want—you.” He snapped out each word so she’d be certain to understand.
And she did understand, all too well. “I don’t know you.”
“You never did.”
“I was just...”
“A convenient woman,” he finished for her.
So tired and taken aback that she could not think straight, Nadine cocked her head and looked at Cash with new eyes. “You said you loved me,” she whispered. She had waited so long to hear him say those words, and now... he was taking them back. He was taking it all back.
“I’ve said those very same words to more women than I can count. They’re pretty, powerful words that will usually get a man where he wants to go.”
He had used her the way a man like him used any woman who was foolish enough to allow herself to see only what she wanted to see. To fabricate love where there was none.
She imagined there had been women who threw themselves at his feet when he sent them packing. When he was done with them. But she would not beg. She had too much pride to throw away what was left of her dignity.
“I’ve tried so hard to get through to you,” she said tiredly, the events of the day catching up with her in a way that made her dizzy. “But I can’t do this alone. When two people are together, truly together, they both have to give some of themselves. You don’t do that, Cash. No matter how hard I try...” She shook her head. “I can’t struggle like this every day just to get through to you. Loving someone shouldn’t be a constant battle.”
“It seems I’m leaving just in time,” he said, not at all moved by her frustrated plea. “Already tired of patching up my messes, are you? Can’t say that I blame you.”
“I do hope you’ll tell JD good-bye before you leave,” she said in a low, almost calm voice.
“Why? The kid hates me.”
“He does not,” she said quickly. “Don’t break his heart by riding out of
town without a word.” She took a deep breath and headed for the kitchen. “I’m going to eat something. I imagine you’ll be gone when I get back.”
“I imagine I will.”
She held back the silent tears until there was no way he could see her face. As she entered the kitchen, she heard the hotel door slam.
* * *
He’d finished off last night in Three Queens before they’d closed up and thrown him out. Not interested in sleeping, he’d spent the rest of the night roaming the town, even walking down by the river. He’d spent part of the night in the Paradise Hotel garden, standing in shadows and looking up at the dark window of Nadine’s room.
He was a bastard in every sense of the word and had always been, but what choice did he have? None. No choice. For once in his life he could do something right. He could make a clean break of this so Nadine could get on with her life. And so she wouldn’t mourn too hard or long when he finally got himself killed.
Not long after the sun came up, he found himself knocking on the door to Three Queens. Eventually Lily came to the door and opened it.
“Merde! We are not open, canaille.” She looked sleepy, straight from the bed. “I am beginning to wish that salle terrible of yours was still in operation. Do you not have any whiskey left....”
“Can’t you insult me in English?” he snapped.
She smiled. “If you wish.”
He took a deep breath and lifted a hand, silently offering a truce. “Rico adores you,” he admitted grudgingly.
Lily relaxed, her face softening as she leaned against the doorjamb. “And I him.”
“I’m guessing he told you about JD.”
She nodded.
“It would really be best if as few people as possible knew. I don’t have any reason to suspect that you would give a shit what I want, but—”
“It is your secret to keep or tell,” she interrupted.
Cash breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he said softly.
Lily lifted her eyebrows in surprise.
“No reason to look shocked,” Cash said indignantly. “I do have a few good manners left.”
“Go to bed, canaille,” Lily said as she started to turn away. “You look very tired. No reason to fret. Your secret is safe here.”
“Wait,” Cash said, interrupting her departure. “I just need to ask you one more favor.”
* * *
Nadine didn’t like the way Sullivan lay back in his bed, unnaturally content to be there. He was too pale, a pallor to his normally dark skin.
Fiona had crawled onto the edge of the bed. Nadine had tried to gently move the little girl, knowing a simple shaking of the bed would be painful for Sullivan. But the sheriff had waved Nadine off and wrapped his good arm around his daughter.
Nadine was stitching the hole in Fiona’s doll, mending the damage done by a bullet JD had fired, while father and daughter visited.
“What happened, Daddy?” Fiona asked, leaning over him to look at his bandaged shoulder.
“Nothing.”
“Who hurt you?” She pouted. “Nobody will tell me anything. They think I’m still a baby.”
“Nobody hurt me, Fiona. It was just an accident.”
Nadine kept her head down and listened. Cash thought he was on his own, always, when he had friends who would protect him this way.
“Does it hurt?” Fiona asked.
“No.”
“Then why are you in bed?”
“It doesn’t hurt, but it does make me a little tired.”
“Oh.”
Nadine looked up just in time to see Fiona lay her head down on her father, using his chest as a pillow.
It broke her heart to think that Cash didn’t want this. A home, a family, the friends who would do anything for him. She still wanted to fight for what she wanted, but like Sullivan, she was tired. Tired of being the only one who cared enough to fight. Tired of watching Cash do his best to destroy himself.
“All better,” Nadine said, holding the mended doll up for Fiona to see.
Fiona bounded off the bed, and Sullivan winced. Not much, but Nadine noticed. It was her job to notice.
“Did it hurt?” Fiona asked as she took the doll, poking one little finger at the stitched midsection of the soft toy.
“Not a bit.”
“Good. I’m going to go show Mommy.” Fiona skipped from the room, and Nadine moved to Sullivan’s bedside.
“You look beat,” the sheriff said, attempting a smile. “If you don’t watch it, you’ll end up somebody’s patient.”
“I’m fine,” she said, reaching out to lay a hand on his forehead. He was too warm, dammit. “Let’s change that bandage and see what we’ve got.”
* * *
Eden sat down slowly, taking the closest chair to the kitchen door. The dining room was empty. She needed rest but wished for chaos to take her mind off the events of the past two days. She had prepared an early supper for everyone, and all she wanted to do now was climb the stairs, slip into the bed with her husband, and hold him close while she slept.
She had never thought to see Sin shot. She had certainly never thought it might be Daniel who would do the shooting. Throughout the previous day she had remained at Sin’s side, and most of that day, too. Nadine had been in a horrid mood all that day. Eden only hoped the healer’s bad disposition was not caused by something she saw in her patient.
Her wish for chaos was answered in a way when Daniel appeared in the doorway between the dining room and the lobby. She hadn’t spoken to him since threatening to kill him if Sin died. She had meant it at the time, but knowing JD was his son, she did understand why he’d done what he’d done. A little.
“How is he?” Daniel asked.
“Nadine is with him now.”
Daniel walked into the room, taking in everything as he always did. Something in him had changed since the shooting. This was the man she’d first met on arriving in Rock Creek. There was something dark about him, something more animal than human. Oh, he could be civilized and charming, but he cared for nothing and no one and didn’t care who knew it. He’d shed some of that darkness over the years. At least, she’d thought he had.
He sat down on the chair across the table from her and leaned forward. Her heart went out to him no matter what he’d done. Darkness or no, he was hurting. He looked like he hadn’t eaten or slept since Sin had been shot. He might not admit it, but he did care. As deeply as anyone.
“Let me make you something to eat,” she said, beginning to rise. It was a slow and easy effort. She hadn’t slept much herself in the past two days.
“No,” he said. “Sit down.”
She gratefully did as Daniel asked, looking at him and wondering if she’d ever be able to see him as she once had. He had been her friend, a part of the family she’d made for herself.
“I have no right to ask you for anything,” Daniel said. “I certainly have no right to ask you for a favor.”
“What kind of favor?”
He glanced toward the kitchen, the windows, the doorway. “Nadine is going to have a baby,” he whispered.
In spite of her exhaustion and worry, she managed to smile. Nothing but a baby could make her smile at a time like this, she imagined. “That’s wonderful.”
Daniel didn’t smile. In fact, nothing in his sharp face so much as twitched. “I want you to be there for Nadine when she has the baby. You’ve taken care of all of us in one way or another. I want you to promise me that you’ll take care of Nadine. Be her friend. Help her with the baby.”
“You make it sound like you won’t be here.”
“I won’t,” he said softly.
Eden sighed. “You can’t leave now! How could you?” She shook her head as she might have when one of her own children did something foolish. “I told you to stay away from her. I knew something like this would happen.” She put on her most intimidating face. “You have to marry her, Daniel.”
“I already did.” Again, he l
ooked toward all the entrances. “But no one can know that, and I don’t want you to tell anyone about the baby or the wedding. Not yet.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you do,” he snapped. “I can’t...” He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t stick around and become the family man. Settle down and change my ways and... and...”
“And let someone love you?” Eden finished.
He laid dark eyes on her. “She deserves better than to live her life waiting for a bullet to take me out, and she certainly deserves better than to get caught in the cross fire.”
“You shouldn’t be afraid,” she said gently.
“I am not afraid of anything,” he insisted.
“Of course you are. I saw the same fear in Sin when I fell in love with him. Being alone is easy,” she whispered. “Loving someone is hard. It makes your life better, but it also opens your life to more heartache and pain than you’re prepared for, because you have more than yourself to worry about. When Nadine hurts, you hurt. When JD is in danger, you feel it deep inside.”
She could tell by the fleeting expression of horror on his face that she had hit the nail on the head. And she also knew there was nothing more she could say. “And, Daniel, I really wouldn’t kill you. I’m sorry I lost my temper and said I would.”
“If anything happens to Sullivan, I’ll put a gun in your hand and you’ll have my blessing to pull the trigger.”
The very idea made her heart skip a beat. How could he say something like that so casually?
Fiona came running into the room, putting an end to their conversation. She carried that old rag doll with her, and when she reached the table, she climbed into Daniel’s lap, uninvited.
“Look, Uncle Cash, Dr. Nadine fixed my doll.” She lifted the doll’s dress to show off a neatly stitched dolly tummy.
“That’s great, sweetheart,” Daniel said. He had his head turned down, and still Nadine could see the pain in his eyes. For the years he’d missed with JD, perhaps. For the years he’d miss with the new baby Nadine carried.
“She sewed her up just like she sewed Daddy.” Fiona turned wide, innocent eyes up to Cash. “Do you think it hurt? Daddy said it didn’t hurt, but he looked like it hurt a little.”
Cash (The Rock Creek Six Book 6) Page 22
