A thong.
“Lily,” I rasped, “I want to remove these with my teeth later.”
“No,” I moaned and backed away. It was too much. This alley, her name, her thong, my memories, my pain. All of it. I couldn’t take it. I stared at her, feeling wild and out of control, breathing hard.
“Xander? What’s wrong, sugar?”
“I can’t do this. I can’t…”
My voice broke off on a sob, and I turned from her. I wanted to run, but I hurt everywhere. All I could do was force my feet forward and pray she’d let me go. I could hear her call after me, but I couldn’t deal with her. Not now, not ever. I shouldn’t have come to this club. Not tonight. Maybe never again.
The hell with this shit. I didn’t need a distraction, I needed Lily. I loved her. In my entire adult life, I’d never loved any woman… but I loved her. Even now, even after what she’d done. If she’d come back, I’d forgive her. I considered looking for her, but I had no idea where she was staying, where she worked, if she worked, who she was with…
“Fuck!” I shouted, not caring who heard me. I stepped up on a curb and carefully lowered myself to the ground in front of a tree, resting my forehead on the trunk.
My phone buzzed, but I ignored it.
I’d lost everything, my career, my girlfriend, my future child, and now I was losing control of my mind and body. What was left for me? Was the effort even worth it?
My phone buzzed again. I powered the device off without checking to see who’d tried to reach me.
I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.
I sat there in the dark. The boughs of the tree hovered over me like a bird of prey. Rose never looked for me, which was a good thing.
I couldn’t face her.
I couldn’t face anyone.
Chapter Five
“You in for cards tonight, X?”
It had been four long months. Four agonizing months spent trying to forget everything. My back had healed as well as could be expected. I had started physical therapy four weeks ago. Things looked promising, but I still doubted my back would ever be strong enough to compete again. Even if it was, the months of not working out had set me too far back. Even now, while enduring physical therapy, it wasn’t the kind of exercise that would get me back in competitive shape. Still, if it was possible, I’d find a way. I thrived on challenge.
I smirked at the phone as I pictured my buddy, John Cooke. “So anxious to part with your cash again already?”
“Gotta win it back sometime. Look, I just need to know. Sam said he could make it, but we just have the three of us. If you aren’t coming, I’m cancelling.”
“No pressure, though.”
“Hey, man, whatever. You in or not?”
“I’ll be there at eight. See you then.” I hung up and glanced at the time. Only four o’clock. I pondered my options.
John had his own business; a game store and club of sorts. People hung out at all hours of the day to play various card games, roleplaying games, and weird miniature battle games. It had been a while since I’d gone to see him there during business hours, mostly because lately he had been convinced I should meet this girl who had been hanging around. Also, other than the occasional game of poker, the “gamer” lifestyle didn’t appeal to me at all. Those people were weird.
I now tried to avoid women. My evening with Rose had been a low point in my life. Thankfully, I’d never seen her again, but I’d also avoided that club ever since. I’d idly flirted with a few girls since her, but any time they showed any real interest, that familiar sensation of panic welled up and I’d quickly found an excuse to step away.
I’d accepted that Lily had ruined me. Shit, she had done a number on me, and I couldn’t seem to find a way to completely recover. I’d spent a few weeks desperately wishing she would come back, but eventually realized I’d never see her again. Perhaps it was for the best. Sometimes, late at night, I still thought of her and our child and what could have been, but for the most part I had come to my senses.
Four o’clock on a Friday. Surely it would be safe to go hang out at John’s store for a while. I doubted it would be that crowded. Maybe being around a small group would do me some good. I grabbed my keys and headed out.
Twenty minutes later, I pulled up in front of The Adventurer’s League. What a cheesy name. Fitting for all the weird gamers who seemed to think playing make-believe was a perfectly reasonable and adult way to spend an afternoon.
The doorbell chimed my arrival. I scanned the crowd, catching sight of John almost immediately. Only ten years my elder, his long silver ponytail made him seem older still.
“Phoenix! I thought you were coming to my place after closing.” He waved, a goofy grin on his face.
I shrugged. “I had some extra time. Thought I’d come see how things were going for you.”
“Things are great. I’ll come chat in a bit. It’s almost my turn.” He gestured to the brightly colored board game in front of him.
I nodded, then went to check out some books displayed on shelving that completely lined the far wall. The scantily clad elf maidens on the covers were a sure sign that gamers needed to get laid more often. The thought came unbidden, and I tried not to dwell on how I was in the longest dry spell of my adult life. I picked up a sourcebook about elves and flipped through the pages.
That’s when I heard it: a familiar laugh that sent a shock through my entire body. I turned around, looking for the source. I looked frantically around the room, checking out everyone, seeing no one familiar. I forced myself to relax and flipped another page in the book, reading about various magic items. None of it made any sense to me.
I’d been so sure I had heard her. I closed my eyes, blocking out the ridiculous chapter about magic rings. The young reporter who had asked to interview me in my personal gym over a year ago. Faith Richardson. Normally, I declined such requests, but something in her big green eyes had lured me in. She had seemed so awkward, so unsure of herself, so unlike any of the other reporters I’d ever met, that I had just wanted to help her however I could. She and her photographer had come and gone. The article had been mediocre and emotion-driven, not what I’d expected to see from a professional reporter. It had been… refreshing. Nothing further had come of it; I’d only ever met her twice, once when she asked in person for the meeting after nagging several times on the phone, and once in my home when she interviewed me. Despite that, she had invaded my dreams for many nights. Erotic, unexpected dreams.
It was a crush, nothing more. Also, there was no good reason for her to be here in Nerds-R-Us.
I placed the book back on the shelf and scanned the covers for another one.
“Come on, Faith, after this game I’d like to take you out. McDonalds. Please? It’ll be fun.” What did he say? I turned around again and saw a greasy-haired guy sitting at a corner table opposite a female with beautiful long auburn hair tied back in a braid. Her back was to me. They each held a few cards that swirled with bright colors, with several more laid out on the table between them.
“I can’t, Mark. I have plans, I told you. Maybe some other time.” Her voice, so achingly familiar, sounded annoyed.
“You always have plans. I’m sure you can make time for me just this once,” he whined.
I took a step toward them, but paused. What are you doing? You know you need to stay away from her. This won’t end well. It never does. Not anymore.
“Maybe next time,” she repeated, her voice distant.
“Faith, please. I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time. I think we’d have fun together.”
Faith hesitated. “Aren’t we having fun now?”
That’s it. Against my better judgment, I crossed the room and joined them, yanking out the chair next to Faith and sitting down. They both turned to look at me.
I smiled. “Hey, Faith. Long time no see.”
She blinked, nonplussed. Her brow furrowed. “Mr. Phoenix?”
I chuckled. “C
all me Xander. It’s good to see you.”
“Excuse me, Mr. Griffin, but–”
“That’s Phoenix, and no one was talking to you.” I scowled at Mark, angry he could be so dense. “Here’s the thing, Mark, is it? I believe that Faith said no. You can just go away and leave her alone.”
I looked to Faith to see how she took my speech. I knew I was coming off as heavy-handed, but something about this guy rubbed me the wrong way.
She still stared at me in complete and utter shock, speechless.
“I don’t know who you think you are,” Mark said, “but–”
“Name’s Xander Phoenix. Google it. After you fuck off.” I turned away from him, my eyes only on Faith. “The guys and I are playing poker tonight. Would be cool if you wanted to hang with us. We need a fourth. Up to you, of course.”
Mark rose to his feet and stepped close, far too close. I could smell his horrible breath, which reeked of warm Dr Pepper and chips.
Without sparing him a glance, I spoke to him, my voice harsh. “You’ll want to back off, unless you’d like to go outside. John wouldn’t appreciate me busting up his tables for your sorry ass.”
I knew he’d go. He was a typical nerdy game-playing type. Roleplaying games had taught him enough to act tough for about a second, but there was no bite to back up the bark.
Faith cleared her throat. “Poker sounds fun, but I don’t know much about it. Can you teach me?”
Mark hesitated a moment more, then took off for the door, taking his cards with him. I didn’t watch him leave.
“That was horrible,” Faith said after the door closed. “I can handle Mark.”
“I could see that, but why should you have to when I was right here? I did a much more effective job of making your point, and, as a bonus, got to talk to you again.”
Her eyes lit up as a smile brightened her face. “It is good to see you again. Been a long time. How are you?”
“I’m all right. I mean, the back injury is a bummer, but it’s healing.”
“I’d heard something about that. So you won’t be able to compete anymore?”
“Never say never, but not soon.” I glanced up as John gestured to me. “Hey, looks like John finished his turn. I’ll be right back, then we can talk about tonight.”
She nodded and flipped through her deck of cards, organizing them. I marched over to John and pulled up a chair. “Your timing is awful.”
“Is it now? I see you met Faith,” John whispered.
“We’ve met before.”
“Oh yeah? Isn’t that interesting?”
“She interviewed me.”
John raised his voice. “You done?” he asked the guy sitting to my right. “Pass me the dice, Phoenix. My turn again.”
He rolled the dice, passed out cards, and made trades with other players before laying pieces on the board. Once finished, he passed the dice and turned back to me.
“What is this game?” I asked.
“Settlers of Catan. You should give it a shot sometime. And what do you mean she interviewed you? How?”
“She asked questions. I answered. How else do you think an interview works?”
“She works for some pharmacy, man, not a newspaper. Why would she have been interviewing you?”
“What?” I frowned, trying to assimilate that news. No. I had seen the article myself. It existed. She wrote it. Her photographer took pictures. Yes, it had been a year, but what had inspired such a drastic career change?
“You sure it’s the same girl?”
“Yes,” I answered, distracted. Faith had pulled out her phone and was texting someone.
“Man, I’ve been trying to get you to come down here for weeks. Weeks! To meet that girl… and you already had. Isn’t that funny? Xander?”
I stood, ignoring him.
“Xander?”
I returned to Faith, watching the silly grin play on her lips as she tapped her screen, her cards forgotten. I wondered who she was talking to. I sat across from her, watching her silently.
“It really is good to see you again. I hadn’t expected to run into you here,” she said without looking up.
“Feeling’s mutual.”
“Well… thanks for helping me with Mark earlier…” She trailed off as if there were more she wanted to say.
“My pleasure. So…” I cleared my throat, feeling awkward, “ready for a poker lesson?”
“You really are playing cards tonight?”
“Yes, poker at John’s place.”
Faith glanced in his direction. She took a deep breath, her expression unreadable. “Um… are you sure you want me to come?”
“What?”
“Well, if you only invited me to make a point with Mark, I understand. I won’t invade your game unless you really want me there.”
“Faith, if you’d like to come, I’d love to bring you.”
Her face fell, confusing me further.
“Um, well, I’d like to play cards, only I have my own car. I think I’d prefer to follow you there.” She twisted her red hair, winding it around her finger and pulling the strand over her face. Obviously a nervous habit, it was both endearing and adorable.
“Sounds great. You can follow me, but I’ll give you the address and my cell number just in case.”
“Awesome. Can’t wait. There’s just one other problem, then.”
“What’s that?”
She giggled. “I don’t know how to play poker.”
I stared at the cards in her hands, though I knew they weren’t standard playing cards. “What were you just doing?”
“These? These are Magic cards. My white and black angel deck.” Her voice held a note of understated pride. “Not the same at all.”
“Wait here. I’ll teach you. Let me just go grab a deck from John.”
Chapter Six
I pulled into the parking lot of a twenty-four hour Mexican restaurant at eleven o’clock that night. Faith followed close behind. I was in a happier mood than I’d been in for months. She hopped out of her car and stepped onto the curb, watching me expectantly. With a grin, I climbed out and followed her. We ordered, collected our food, and found a table in a quiet corner.
“Thank you for everything, Xander. I had a blast.”
“I’m glad you could join us.” I wasn’t so sure John or Sam were as glad , but they were too polite to say anything. Although Faith was a quick learner, her inexperience and cheerful demeanor had sent our poker game into chaos. For my part, I’d been content to sit back and enjoy her company. On our way out, she’d mentioned feeling hungry. I’d jumped at the chance to spend more time with her.
“Me, too. What were the chances of us running into each other again?” She took a bite of her plain cheese quesadilla, chewing thoughtfully.
“Slim if you’re hanging out at John’s store,” I said with a laugh. “I don’t go there often.” I held out a bite of enchilada. “This is excellent. Would you like a bite?”
“No, I’m not a big fan of spicy food. Ketchup is about as spicy as it gets for me. Thank you, though. This is great. Why don’t you hang out at John’s?”
“Not a gamer.”
“Just poker?”
“Even that’s infrequent. I never had time before. But now…”
“What happened to you? I’d read you were hurt, but never heard actual details.”
“Fell off the rings during a qualifier. Injured my back. Compression fractures. I’m in physical therapy.”
“Does it still hurt?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “But not all the time anymore. I try not to think about it.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I shook my head, my mind racing, desperate to change the subject. “I thought you were a reporter?”
“I worked on the school paper at the university.”
“UCF?”
“Yes. But journalism wasn’t my major. A few months on the paper and I realized it wasn’t for me. Actually, I decided
none of it was for me. I dropped out.”
That explained why the article had been so different, so emotion-based. “What? What was your major?”
“Liberal arts. Vocal Performance, specifically.”
“So you were into public speaking?” How old was this girl? I had assumed she was in her mid-twenties like me. How did I fail to notice that the article she had sent me was from a student paper?
“I was–am–a singer. I just decided I didn’t need a degree for that. And it sucks, you know? Working toward a degree where your ability to pass depends on someone else’s opinion rather than on actual skill or talent.”
“A singer, huh?” I suddenly had a wicked thought. “Prove it.”
“Here? Now?” Her cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink as she looked around the room. “There are people here!”
“And there are no people at concerts?”
She glared. I’d opened my mouth to ask another question and keep things moving when she surprised me.
“A love like this is like water in the desert.
I’ll never have my fill, I’m burning hot like a flame.
Baby I’ll drink you in. They call me a pervert.
Maybe I am, but will you think me the same?”
The restaurant went silent. Her voice was crystal clear and warm. Her speaking voice was nice, but she sounded like an angel when she sang. She blushed scarlet and sank down in her chair. “Sorry.”
“That was amazing. Why are you sorry?”
“I’m so embarrassed.”
I reached over and rested my hand on hers. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a beautiful voice. Are you going to become a professional singer?”
“Time will tell.” She was obviously still uncomfortable. Maybe because of the lyrics? I considered this. I should have been having a panic attack right then, but I wasn’t. Being here with her felt… right.
“John told me you work for a pharmacy. Why? That has nothing to do with singing or interviews.” This girl was so complicated, I found myself intrigued to know more.
She shrugged. “It’s good money and something to do right now. I’m a lead pharmacy technician.”
Deeper In You (The Phoenix Series Book 2) Page 3
