You can’t make this shit up. Poor Sawyer didn’t want to tell me, and I couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t her secret to tell. She was just trying to help, and I flipped my shit when she told me. I called her a liar. “Oh God, I called her a liar.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose to hold back the tears, but it was no use. There was no fighting this pain. With enough alcohol it would all go away. Wouldn’t it?
I slammed the bottle down on the edge of the headstone, and watched it shatter into a million tiny pieces. I picked up the full bottle next to my feet and opened the top. I put the rim to my lips and tipped it back, welcoming the burn once again.
“Why,” I stared at the stone, willing it to say something anything. Nothing but silence answered me back. It pissed me off even more. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me believe this stupid lie my whole life? Why didn’t you trust me enough to tell me the truth? Why did you die? Why do I still love you? WHY?” I screamed just before I dropped to my knees. I rocked back and forth before resting my head on the ground. My eyes were shut tightly, but the tears still fell. I could almost hear my mother’s voice, urgent and clipped telling me to straighten the hell up. But how could she expect that from me, she wasn’t even my mother.
I reached in pocket and pulled out another pill. The pain had to stop. I washed it down with the whiskey, and laid down on the cold ground. The earth was spinning, and I just wanted it to stop. Closing my eyes, I rested my arm across my face. Flashes of mom, dad, and a pregnant crying Wren were wracking my brain. Over and over.
Finally I could feel the fuzziness from the pills or the alcohol. My fingers went numb first, and I took a deep breath and I could feel the air entering my body and leaving. The silence of my breathing calmed me and I wanted to just drift off to sleep and let it consume me completely.
About the author
Micalea Smeltzer is a bestselling Young and New Adult author from Winchester, Virginia. She’s always working on her next book, and when she has spare time she loves to read and spend time with her family.
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Rae of Sunshine Page 28
