by C. A. Harms
“I just thought it would be easier that way for him to be able to contact you regarding the case,” Rick said defensively.
Instead of arguing with him about all the reasons that was definitely not the right thing to do, I stared at my phone as if it could self-destruct at any moment. From my peripheral vision, I watched Rick slowly retreat to the kitchen as I continued to will my phone to stop ringing. This was so not the time for me to talk to this man. I needed more time to figure out what I wanted to yell at him, damn it.
But the moment the phone stopped ringing, it started again. On the third call, I was finally so irritated at the asshole for not getting the hint, that I hit aAnswer and pressed the phone to my ear.
“Whatever it is you have to say, I don't want to hear it.” My hands shook as I squeezed the phone tighter.
“Elle, please, just let me—”
“No,” I said bitterly, “you listen.” The apologetic tone of his voice infuriated me. “I do not owe you anything. I thought you were a nice guy, but I was wrong. You showed up here giving me this story about how great we would be together and how I’d gotten into your head, but it was all a ploy to convince me you aren't the asshole you are and make me want you so bad I can't control myself.”
I was breathing hard and tears prickled my eyes. But I was too angry to give in to the urge to cry.
“And to think that only a couple days ago, being around you made me feel safe. Now I just feel used, and that pisses me off more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend. I don’t owe you anything, especially any of my time. You had all the time you could have needed to talk to me earlier. Instead you tucked your tail between your legs and scurried away like a fucking coward.”
“It’s complicated,” he said, and I felt like my stomach had been hollowed out.
“It’s not complicated, really,” I said, gaining some control over my emotions. “It’s pretty clear. You are an asshole. You’re just like every other man that believes they can take what they want. So now that you nailed the naive victim, you can move on. You can solve this case and both of us can move forward like we never even knew the other existed. Because to me that sounds like the perfect solution to this mess.”
I lowered the phone, ignoring him saying my name, trying to explain. I ended the call, and that hollow feeling in my stomach felt like it was going to consume me.
BECKETT
As I drove toward my place, I tried to make excuses for my actions, but it didn't ease the emptiness inside me. It didn't matter how I tried to sugarcoat what I’d done, because excuses wouldn't change a thing. Elle was right, I was a coward. Sneaking out while she was sleeping was a fucked-up move. What was even more fucked up was that I knew going in that being with her was something I would have to place on hold, at least until this case was solved. And even then, my commander wouldn’t like me getting involved with the victim of a past case. But I didn't care because the moment that file was closed, in my eyes she was fair game.
But I’d made the mistake of growing weak with need. I let my desires control my actions, and now I’d fucked things up even worse than I imagined.
I’d called her over and over, but she refused to answer.
Yeah, maybe I should have stayed.
No, fuck. No maybes about it, I should have stayed. But it was too late now. The damage was done.
I’m sorry.
The words I’d typed sat there on the screen of my phone, waiting to be sent. I knew they wouldn't make a bit of difference, but I hit the Send button anyway.
I sat staring at the device in my hand, silently begging her to respond with the words I needed to hear.
Fuck you, she replied moments later.
It felt like a kick to the stomach. That was definitely not what I’d been hoping for.
I wanted to call her again and confess my mistakes. The biggest one was leaving her.
“Dude, you smell like ass,” Knoxville said as I walked past him toward my desk. “And you look like a homeless man,” he added as he slowly looked me over.
Normally, I would have bitten back at him with some shitty comment regarding his own hygiene, but I didn't feel normal. I didn't feel sarcastic or vengeful. For more than twenty-four hours, I’d just felt like an asshole.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked as he moved in closer and flopped down in the chair opposite my desk. I remained focused on the paperwork before me even as I itched for a call that would hopefully put an end to my turmoil. Or at least set me on the right path to fixing the mistakes I’d made with Shanelle.
Before I could stop him, Knox snatched the file I had open on my desk. “What do we have here?” he asked as he looked through it.
I let him think he’d won and waited for him to let down his guard, then grabbed it back from him.
“What the fuck are you doing here anyway?” I asked as I opened my desk drawer and dropped the folder into it. “Don’t you have investigating to do or something?”
I looked up and saw the amusement in his eyes as he arched his brow. I should have expected what was coming, but I was off my game lately.
“Don’t you have a case to solve? Or a pretty blonde to be protecting?” He chuckled when I shot him a glare. “Or has she already figured out how tiny your dick is and decided to steer clear?”
It wasn’t unusual for Knoxville and myself to tussle now and then. Hell, when we were growing up, one of us had the other pinned and crying uncle almost every day. Our parents used to say we were wrestlers in the making. But even though I truly wanted to lay his ass out, and show him how his little brother was tougher than he gave him credit for, now was not the time or the place.
“Like I said, don't you have a job you need to be doing elsewhere?” I said, still giving him a look that said he should drop the fucking shit and move on.
Knox looked at me mindfully, and I expected him to throw some more bullshit my way, but he seemed to catch on to the fact I wasn't in the mood. “I stopped by to report to your commander on the events of last night’s watch.”
“Watch?” I asked, thankful we were back to business.
“Commander Harris has me keeping a lookout for our pal, Andrew,” he clarified.
I should have been pissed that he’d pulled in an outsider. I didn’t need any help. But this was Knoxville, my brother. If there was one man I trusted to take this shit as seriously as I did, it was him.
“Anything new?” I asked, letting my irritation fade.
“Same ol’, same ol’,” he said with a slight shake of his head. “Unless….”
“Unless what?” I asked, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my desk, giving him my full attention. I hoped like hell he wasn't going to play more games with me, because if he was, he and I would be ending this day with a few fucking bruises we didn't start it with.
“Unless you count our boy trying to jimmy open the lock on Shanelle’s door, which I think is something of importance,” he added with a wink. “I reported it to Harris only moments ago, and he’s on the phone with the judge.”
Just like that, my irritation changed to joy and relief.
“I’d say you should have your search warrant in less than an hour,” he said with a grin.
“Are you serious right now?” I asked. I’d been hoping for a break so badly that I worried this was a joke.
Before Knoxville could reply, the office door flew open and Harris filled the doorway.
“Montgomery,” he commanded, “move your ass, boy. Search warrant has been approved.”
I got up so fast my chair flipped backward and I almost fell over it as I hurried around my desk. I grabbed the paper from his hands on the way past him and jogged toward the elevator.
I smacked at the Down button, and as soon as the door opened, I stepped inside and pounded the button for the ground level. Just as the door began to slide shut, a big bear claw grabbed it and it slid open again.
Knoxville stepped inside with a gleam in his eyes. “I’m c
oming too. I want to see this thing unfold.” He crossed his arms, leaning back against the wall behind him with a grin tugging at his lips. “And I can watch my little brother play the bad cop with pride.”
The door slid closed and we descended, both smiling.
This was it. I was sure of it.
My body hummed with excitement during the ride to the apartment building on 32nd, and it continued to hum during the ride up to the fifth floor. I felt like I was being lifted into the fucking clouds by the brightest damn rainbow.
I couldn’t wait to see the look on Andrew’s face when he opened the door to find us standing there. Even if we found nothing, fucking with this guy every step of the way was sure going to be enjoyable.
I tried to wipe the smile off my face as I stepped up to apartment 5B and failed miserably. What the hell, I thought, and knocked anyway, no longer trying to hold back the enjoyment I felt.
“You are loving this,” Knoxville whispered at my left, “aren’t you?”
The sound of a sliding chain just before the click of the deadbolt made my heart race. “Oh yeah,” I said with a chuckle as the door slid open.
“What’s this?” the smug asshole asked, looking over my shoulder and seeing all the officers behind me.
“This is a not so friendly visit from your local police department,” I said, loving the flare of irritation in his eyes. I let him stew for a moment before pulling the search warrant from my back pocket and holding it out before him.
I waited with great joy as he opened the paper and slowly scanned it, his expression changing from irritation to pure panic.
“Now if you’ll step aside, Andrew Spangler,” I added, just to get in that last little dig, “we’ve got a little nosin’ around to perform.” I clapped my hands together and rubbed them in anticipation. “Excuse me,” I said with a wink as I pushed past him, ignoring Knoxville’s chuckle from behind me.
SHANELLE
“I’m ready to come back,” I assured Marsha. “I can’t continue to sit around and wait for something to happen or not happen. I have to get back to work. It’s who I am, and without it I’m going to go crazy.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, and I could sense her smiling. She knew me well, and she knew being forced to hide out while missing work was more than I could handle.
“I’m positive,” I assured her, feeling a rush of anxiety in the pit of my stomach. “I definitely need something else to focus on.”
“Okay,” she said, still sounding skeptical, “I’ll get you back on schedule next week, and I’ll email it over.”
I’d have preferred going back in tomorrow, but next week would have to do.
I ended the call just as the door to my room came open without even a knock.
“Well, I’m glad I wasn't doing something intimately personal,” I said with a smirk as Kim entered. I was fully expecting some type of smartass remark in return, only Kim didn't even smile. She looked frightened. “What is it?” I asked, alarmed.
Taking in a deep breath, she moved into the room and Rick took her place in the doorway. “They arrested Andrew,” she said, and cold, eerie chills broke out over my skin.
“It was him,” I said, feeling light-headed. I wasn't sure if I was asking a question or stating a fact.
“Beckett wants us to bring you into the station,” Rick said from the doorway, but instead of looking at him, I focused on a white spot on my comforter. It looked like a tiny piece of fuzz, and looking at it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.
I was happy they’d arrested him, but I felt sick when I thought of how I’d placed myself in danger.
I thought he was a decent guy.
“Beckett needs to go over everything they found in his apartment,” Rick added.
This time yesterday, the sound of his name would have infuriated me. But tonight it only gave me a small sense of security because I knew he’d kept his promise.
He’d found the bad guy and kept me safe.
The moment Beckett entered the room, I lowered my gaze. We weren’t alone, and looking at him only made me want to go to him and beg him to hold me. I wanted to feel that sense of security I’d felt near him before, even if just for a moment.
“My name is Commander Harris,” the tall man with gray hair and a Groucho Marx mustache said, holding out his hand first to Rick, then to Kim and myself.
“I’m glad you came down this evening,” he added as he took a seat in the chair across from me after shaking our hands. “Detective Montgomery and his men served a search warrant to a Mr. Andrew Picton about four hours ago. That warrant gave us right to search his home, his vehicle, and any other personal property he maintains.”
I continued staring at the tabletop before me, my heart racing and my breathing labored. This was all so surreal, like a scene from a suspense novel.
“During this search, we were able to collect significant evidence showing Mr. Picton was in your apartment at one time,” Harris went on. “He collected a number of your items and stored them in a locked container under his bed, as well as in other places throughout his apartment.”
“What items?” This was the first time I’d spoken since Kim entered my room almost an hour ago.
“The items have been logged and—”
“What items?” I repeated, looking directly at him. He wasn't gonna brush past this as if I didn't have the right to know. God damn it, I had that right.
“The missing photo from your trip with Kim.” I shifted my gaze to Beckett when he spoke. From the look on his face, I knew he understood that I needed to know. “Along with photos he’d taken of you at different times and in different locations. While you were working, shots of you in Central Park, and even a few of you and Kim at different restaurants.”
My stomach tightened, yet I allowed him to continue.
“He even had a few of you with me and Kim when we were at the coffee shop,” he added with remorse in his eyes. That was where he’d called me gullible and naive. Because I was.
Beckett cleared his throat as if the next thing he had to say was difficult. “We also found a pair of panties and a blouse that we believe may also belong to you.” I recognized the telltale flex of his jaw muscle. It meant he was pissed and trying to control it. “The two items were stuffed in the pillowcase on his bed, as if he slept with them each night.”
My stomach rolled with overwhelming nausea.
“The officers found excessive amounts of porn, both on his computer and tucked in different locations throughout the apartment,” Commander Harris continued, but I didn't look away from Beckett, who also kept his gaze on me. “He had cut out your face from several photos and glued them on the faces of the women in the magazines.”
I felt like I was going to pass out or puke or both. I needed air or cool water.
I stood and hurried out of the room. When I burst through the front doors of the station, the fresh air hit my face as I took in a deep breath.
I hadn't even heard anyone following me before familiar strong hands landed on my shoulders, offering a gentle squeeze.
“I’m sorry,” Beckett whispered as he pressed his chest firmly against my back.
I should have shoved him away and told him to drop dead after the way he’d treated me, but I couldn’t. My body craved his security.
“For what?” I asked. “For all that in there or for being the opposite of the guy I thought you were?”
“Both,” he said without hesitation.
“I can’t do this right now.” I closed my eyes tightly, fighting against the need to fall apart. It was all threatening to consume me.
Andrew.
The night he stood in the doorway watching me while I slept.
The fact he’d been watching me for months prior to even speaking a word to me.
And then there was Beckett. He’d shared some of the most intimate moments of my life with me before leaving as if they hadn’t affected him at all.
It was all too
much to take in.
I can’t,” I repeated, unable to finish the sentence.
“Okay,” he replied. “I just want you to know I’m here for you. I know this is—”
I spun around to face him, and shock covered his face.
“Here for me,” I said with a laugh, unsure where it had come from. “Like you were that day? Like you were when I woke up to find I was just another piece of ass to you?”
He stared back at me for a long, silent moment, as if trying to see the girl that hid behind the anger and hurt.
“Elle,” he finally said in a raspy whisper, “sweet girl, you could never be just a piece of ass. You’re so much more, and I’ll always regret that I made you feel as if you were disposable. Because from the very moment I saw you sitting on the couch in your apartment, you’re all I’ve wanted.”
He didn't reach for me even though I could see he wanted to. Instead he clenched his fists over and over at his sides. “The idea of anyone hurting you infuriated me. I’ve seen some bad shit in my line of work—things that have made me sick. But I never had a moment where I felt as if those feelings could affect my obligation to do my job. But that changed that night in your apartment, and now you are all I can think about. Keeping you safe and ensuring you never felt that kind of fear again was my goal. Because the look on your face that night haunts me, Elle. It makes me feels so raw, and I've never felt like that. Not once,” he insisted, “until you.”
I watched in silence as Beckett turned and walked back through the doors without looking back.
Part of me wanted to chase after him and tell him I believed him, but the part that still ached from how he’d left me that morning made me fight against that urge.
BECKETT
I’d walked away but it wasn't easy. Giving up wasn't in my blood, but I knew that’s what Elle needed now. She needed to heal, and my presence in her life would just be a reminder of a time she needed to forget. I hoped I would be the exception she’d choose to hold on to from this horrible time in her life, but I had to wait and see.
