I don’t believe that Chad would cheat on Rhea, he’s just not that kind of man. Plus, I see how much he loves her; when you’re around them you can’t help but feel it. I don’t want to believe it and I think Rhea doesn’t either, but she doesn’t know who the woman in the pictures is and at some of the angles they do look kind of intimate.
“Did I tell you Bobby and Jack are comin’ with him?” she asks in a mono-tone voice, never taking her eyes from the backyard and the faint light coming from the barn. We’d finished the night chores early with the help of Harlan and Jude and they had left for dinner with Kendall.
“Yeah, Ray-Ray,” I answer as she finally turns on a heavy sigh, her face displaying the stress in bags under her eyes. “I don’t know…” I start to say, then stop, knowing what is weighing on her mind doesn’t need my insecurities added to it and she gives me a sad smile, nodding her head in understanding.
I’m more than happy that my brother is coming, that he’s safe. I’m overjoyed to be able to see him again. I’ve missed him so very much. There is no telling what Bobby might have told him about my past when they were working together so I hope Jack doesn’t give me the big brother lecture he was famous for when we were younger. I don’t think my emotions could handle that right now.
As for Bobby, well, I am happy that he is safe. Deep down when he walks in the door I want to run and jump into his arms, kissing him for all I’m worth and telling him all of my ‘I’m sorrys’ in one breath. Then again, the hurt from his leaving still lingers around my heart, even though I know I kind of caused it myself. Still, going five months without a telephone call, email, or text left me hanging in more ways than one and almost broke me a second time. I think I’m starting to get stronger, a little day by day, but there is no guessing how I will react once I see those hazel eyes bearing down on me once more.
“Rhea?” I stand, picking Charlie up with me and balancing him on my hip with one of his favorite cars in my other hand. She nods her head as she refills her cup, leaning back against the counter and casting those blue-grey eyes in my direction. “Do you want me to leave when Chad gets home? You know, so you two can talk?”
“Yeah, that’ll prolly be best,” she says and I see the hurt run through her eyes again. I set Charlie in his highchair and rush to her, pulling her into a tight enough hug that my fingers turn white as they grip her shoulders. She hugs me back, but she doesn’t cry. I think she is all cried out for now and she sighs heavily into my hair, kissing my cheek. “Thank you, Ellie.”
“Anytime, Ray-Ray.” I give her a smile I’m hoping will make her feel a little better, but her returned one is strained. I don’t want her to hurt like this, ever, but I don’t know what to tell my cousin to make it better for her. I just wish time would hurry up, Chad would walk through the door and prove to her, somehow, that the innuendos behind those pictures are lies.
But that only means that I’ll come face to face with Bobby that much sooner. Am I ready for that? Seeing the headlights pull into the drive and hearing Chad and Reno’s voices out in the garage, I know I have no choice and my heart jumps to a frantic pace. I feel like my insides are vibrating when I hear his laugh echo and the tears prick my lashes. Rhea grips my hand and I look to her, wanting her strength that I know she’s fighting with.
“Be true to yourself, Ellie Mae. Follow your heart,” she whispers before kissing my cheek, letting our cheeks linger together for a moment after as the side door opens to the guys’ laughter. I can pick my brother out even before I see him, the infectious nature of his chuckle filling the house. I take a deep breath before releasing my cousin and turning around, facing my future head on while holding my head high.
“Ellie!” Jack shouts and I don’t hide the wide smile as my brother is throwing his arms open, inviting me to jump into them just like he has since we were little and I don’t hesitate. Walking quickly to him, I take in his built stature. He’s more muscular than I remember, but that goes hand in hand with the work I can only imagine he’s done. “God, girl, you’re skinny! Haven’t you been eatin’?”
I punch him in the arm before throwing my arms around his neck as he lifts me off the floor, spinning me around, making me giggle. “I’ve missed you, Jacky.” I joke with the nickname he’s always hated and kiss him on the cheek as he sets me down. He shakes his head at me, moving away and greeting Rhea and little Charlie and I’m suddenly aware of the other person, standing behind me in the living room. I can feel his eyes on the back of my head and my heart feels like it is being rung out by someone with claws for hands.
“Hello, Ellie Mae,” he whispers, the smooth voice making me want to melt. But I take a deep breath and hold it all in as I turn, looking up into those hazel eyes. He’s in a jacket and jeans, but he still looks like the same fit Bobby as he was before, his stare roaming over me as I say nothing, just nod at him. He shoves his hands inside of his pockets, shifting from his left foot to his right and I wonder what he’s feeling inside, if anything.
“Hello, Bobby,” I say, but not without a little scratch evident and I try and clear it away as fast as I can with a cough, fighting the tears still trying to break loose. I will not cry tonight, at least not in front of him.
“Uh…it’s good to see you again,” he stammers out, finally dropping his gaze to his boots, alleviating the pressure and blush that has taken me over.
It’s good to see me again? That’s all he can think of to say? I giggle out an incredulous laugh, causing him to snap his eyes back to mine as I’m shaking my head in disbelief. I will not let him see me cry, I keep telling myself as I turn and hear Jack issuing his see you laters to Rhea and Chad. That’s my cue to get out of here.
“Jack, you got a place to stay the night or do you wanna stay at my place? It’s not much, but I have a pull out couch and I can fix it up for ya.” I nod for him to follow me as I head for the door and he’s right behind me, followed by Bobby. God, I need the cool fresh air. I wave to Rhea before facing the dark and the borderline freezing air burns in my lungs.
“Yeah I’m stayin’ with Timmons right down the street.” I stop at the bottom of the steps and give him a questioning look. He points down the street to the SOLD sign displayed on the old Pullman house. I did notice that a couple of days ago, but Rhea had no idea when I asked her about it. Great.
“Alright, well I gotta get home,” is all I say and my brother’s grey eyes seem to invade my thoughts, even now in the dark with the only light coming from the porch bulb. He grasps my shoulder, gently squeezing and I know he knows I’m hurting, but thankfully he just nods, giving me the famous Jack smirk and kissing me on the forehead.
“I’ll see ya tomorrow, lil’ sis. Come by and get me and we’ll do breakfast?” He smiles again, poking me in the ribs lightly over and over again, knowing it’ll make me giggle and it does as I try to block his prodding. I nod and he stops, looking between Bobby and me and taking a deep breath, rubbing his hand over the back of his head. “Alright, well…I’ll leave you two, well…I’ll see ya tomorrow, Sis.” He winks at me and grabs a duffel bag from the sidewalk, but I don’t miss the look on Bobby’s face as Jack passes him. He must be issuing one of those big brother warnings because Bobby nods slightly before Jack picks up his pace to a jog, disappearing down the street into the dark.
I’m on the edge of breaking down, right here and right now, but I can’t do that. I’m not strong enough to talk to him right now, so I turn and head for the driver’s door of my Berretta. Yanking it open, I freeze when the whiskey-like voice says, “Ellie, wait!”
I stop, I can’t help it; his voice has this pull on me like some kind of magnet. His long shadow falls over the stones to my side, but I don’t turn around. The tightness in my chest is almost unbearable and my breathing is uncontrollable. I know he can hear me gasping for breath and I see the outline of his hand come up, reaching out to me; but then it falls back to his side.
“I can’t talk to you right now, Bobby. I thought I could, but it’s…
it’s just too hard,” I gasp out, the tears finally breaking through and running down my cheeks, hot and fast. I’m shaking as I grip the door handle and I hate myself for being such a sniveling weakling right now. Just turn around and talk to him! Yell, scream, it doesn’t fucking matter, just don’t run!
“Okay,” I hear whispered from behind me, sounding so defeated and small and I can’t take it. I throw myself into my car and bring it to life as fast as I can. The tears are flowing like rain as I pull out from the street and step on it, not caring about my speed right now. I can’t fucking breathe.
I grasp my fleece, twisting it in my hand as if it will stop the hurt on my heart. It hurts too much being in his presence. It brings back too many demons that I thought I had dealt with, but I guess I was wrong. God, why can’t I get past this?
It doesn’t take me long to get to my trailer and I’m still sobbing uncontrollably as I fling open the door, slamming it shut and throwing myself down onto my ratty couch. I curl myself around the little throw pillow, the pain and longing from the day he left me in the hospital coming back in full on storm fueled waves.
I’m praying for sleep to take me away from this, if only until the morning. I take a few calming breaths, reaching for the box of tissues on the coffee table and pulling the blanket from the back down onto my shivering body.
This is what I wanted, isn’t it? I wanted him back so that I could talk to him. So why can’t I do that? Why can’t I be strong enough for once to face my fears?
~~~~
Rhea
I can’t even look at my husband, the thoughts of him being with that red headed woman in those pictures fueling my anger and my breathing picks up. I focus in on my son and his happy little chatter as I hold him close, my tears finally slipping out and soaking into his fleece pajamas.
“Baby?” Chad’s smooth voice comes in a concerned whisper, but I don’t turn right away. I don’t want these thoughts to be true. But those pictures, they look so suggestive.
Holding Charlie’s head tight to my shoulder, I spin on Chad and see that he’s only a few feet behind me. I can tell when he sees my tears he’s confused, the crease in his brow being deep as his blue eyes roam over me. My heart is beating so fast that I think it might beat right out of my chest. My hand is shaking when I point at him.
“How could you?” I grind out, the tears continuing to fall as I step up to him and poke him in the chest. He recoils a little at first, his stare never leaving my face. “How could you do that to us?” I hug Charlie tighter and move to the opposite side of the table, not being able to be near him anymore as scenes of him fucking another woman run through my head.
“Do what? What are you talkin’ about, Baby?” He chuckles a little at me, making me even angrier as I reach for my cell phone. “Do you mean leave without tellin’ you? You know I had to; we’ve been over this. I couldn’t…”
“I don’t mean you fuckin’ leaving!” I scream, scaring Charlie and he cries out in my arms, gripping me tighter and I regret my reaction. I quickly text Rosa to come over and take Charlie for me and slam my phone back onto the table, turning my back on my husband once more. I’m shaking and I wipe at the tears filling my face, sniffling loudly.
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about,” he says calmly, but I know he’s probably boiling on the inside. He’s never liked seeing me upset, even when we were little. I’m trying to calm Charlie down and hear the front door open. I pull his jacket from the chair and shove it over his arms as Rosa comes to my side, her brown eyes roaming over my face but she asks no questions. We have the silent communication and she knows we’ll talk about it later. “Wait. Why is she takin’ Charlie?” Chad asks angrily as I hand our son over, kissing his forehead once more.
“Because I don’t want him around this,” I wave between us, trying to say it as calmly as I can with the fresh tears springing to life. I move back to the patio door, watching the reflection of Chad kissing Charlie and Rosa nods to me before turning and leaving, singing to Charlie in Spanish to try and quiet him down as she shuts the door. I laugh to myself, knowing he’ll start to giggle as he loves her singing.
“Tell me what the hell is goin’ on here, Baby!” Chad says and the stern tone makes my skin tingle. I don’t look at him, but I turn to the table and put my hand on that damn manila envelope, wanting the contents to spontaneously start on fire. It makes me want to throw up, the possibility of them being true, and before I know it a fresh wave of anger rolls over me and I slide the envelope over the table, toward Chad. It goes flying; along with all the other papers, salt and pepper shaker and an empty glass as I let out a frustrated scream.
“That’s what’s goin’ on!” I cry after the shattering of the glass stops ringing in my throbbing head. Chad has a slack jaw look, his eyes going from me to the envelope now on the hardwood floor before he crouches down to pick them up. As he opens it and reaches in, I let my anger control me and I slap my hands on the table, letting out another frustrated, strangled scream; turning toward the patio door and seeing my horrid reflection. My face is puffy from the crying and my hair is a mess from running my hands through it, but I don’t care. I want answers and I want the truth.
I start to nibble on my thumb nail when Chad pulls the pictures out, an incredulous scoff filling the tension filled silence between us. “Where did these come from?” he asks, his gaze lifting to me but I still don’t turn around. I shake my head, not being able to talk without crying and my legs are shaking, wanting to get out of here. His expression turns to anger when I don’t say anything and he just about growls, “You don’t believe this shit, do ya?”
“Who is she?” I sob, finally turning on him and ripping one of the pictures from his hands, shoving it in his face. “Who is she?!” I scream again, shaking his grip from my wrist when he grabs me. “All those times when ya said you were workin’ late, you were with her? How could you? How could you do that me?...to Charlie?” On the mention of our little boy I break down again, the hurt and tightness in my chest becoming overwhelming and I step back from him, wanting to escape.
“I never cheated on you,” he grinds out, throwing the pictures down and slowly coming toward me. I throw my hands up and he stops. “I would never…will never cheat on you, Rhea.” I can’t stop my head from shaking as I pull my sweatshirt on, needing to be away from him for a little while. I grab onto the door handle when his hand covers mine. “No, don’t leave. We need to talk about this…”
I yank my hand from his grip and slam my hands into his chest, pushing him back what little distance my meek strength can manage. “Leave me alone.” I slap him repeatedly until he backs up and I turn, swinging the door open and running into the dark. I just need to be free of the tight feeling of my home, just for a little while so I can cry this anger out. I head for the barn, the outside light screaming to me as sanctuary and I know the horses and pigs won’t mind my sobbing.
Chad is yelling my name, but for once in my life, I don’t turn. I know I may be making a mistake, but I just need some time to collect my thoughts.
~~~~
Chad
“Rheaaa!” I yell one more time, but I see the barn door swing open then closed and I slump back against the side of my house. “Fuck!” I shout to myself, driving my fist into one of the plastic trash cans just sitting there and hearing it crack while flying away onto the grass.
How could she believe this shit? I ask myself, thinking about those pictures. I’d never cheat on her; she’s my life and she always has been. I don’t need to ask anyone who snapped those pictures, it was the bastards at Savage Security, they had probably been following me after finding out NCIS were investigating them. And the woman in the pictures? My fellow agent Genevieve, whom I am friends with, but she’s definitely not into men; she has a girlfriend.
My breathing is hard, steaming in the chilly air as I look back out to the barn, my chest burning. I know my job calls me away, but she knew it would.
I can’t stan
d it anymore and I take off at a sprint toward the barn, jumping over the gate and running through the pasture. The exertion doesn’t do anything to lessen the pain in my heart and as I reach the door, I don’t hesitate in throwing it open.
The scene before me doesn’t ease my mind; Rhea is kneeling on the hay covered ground, hunched over and sobbing as I come up behind her. She waves her hands at me, trying to get me to go away, but I’m not leaving her right now. I grab her shoulders, pulling her to her feet and making her face me. Her beautiful blue-gray eyes are red, her cheeks puffy and I hate seeing her like this. She’s trying to push me away, but I pull her into me, squeezing her tight even when she struggles.
“Stop it,” I tell her, my cheek resting on the crown of her head as she sobs. “Baby, you know I’d never cheat on you. You can’t believe that shit.” I hold her tighter, her struggling waning a bit as she cries into my jacket. “Rhea…Baby. You know I love you with everythin’ I am, don’t you?” I whisper the question, letting her free and moving my arms down around her waist. She’s wiping at her face as I grip her chin, forcing her to look at me.
“You promise?” she chokes out, her sobbing causing her speech to hiccup out as she sniffles. “They just look so…so insinuating.” She says it with apparent disgust and I grip her chin a little more, pulling her closer and up on her tip toes, my other arm around her waist holding her to me.
I can’t help but laugh a little at her expression and I immediately regret it as she starts to pull away, but I hold her tight, smiling down at her tear streaked face. “Do you really think that I’d ever be able to leave this?” I roll my eyes down her torso and she snorts out a laugh before I shake her chin a little, grabbing her attention and trying to be serious. “I love you, Rhea. With everything I have, don’t have, and everything I am and will be. Without you, I couldn’t be me; there’s just no way.”
Take Me Home: Book 4 The Wakefield Romance Series Page 9
