by Coe Booth
“Nothing. But you seen her.” Adonna starts walking down the hall shaking her butt like a crazy person. “C’mon, tell me this ain’t how she walks.”
I know she’s just trying to get me to laugh, but I’m not gonna let her. Not about something like this.
“I’m just saying,” Adonna says, like she’s trying to explain. “You see how she dresses and all that makeup she be wearing. When she first came to our school, I thought she was a tranny or something ’cause she wore so much foundation. Not only that, but she’s always in designer this and designer that.” She shakes her head. “I’m not jealous or nothing, but you know, what’s her problem? Why she gotta be like that?”
I shrug. “Let me get my book bag.”
Adonna follows me down the hall to my room. “Hurry up.”
I don’t wanna go see anybody get jumped. I saw enough of that back in middle school. And no matter how cute Brunilda thinks she is, nobody deserves to have that happen to them. Actually I kinda feel sorry for the girl. She’s probably only dressing that way because she thinks it’s gonna help her get attention or make friends, only to find that everybody is hating on her behind her back.
It wasn’t all that long ago I was walking into that school for the first time myself, and I probably would have made all the same stupid mistakes Brunilda’s making if I didn’t have Adonna telling me how to dress, who to be friends with, and how to act all the time. Last summer she took one look at me and said, “No way am I gonna let you start high school at my school looking like that, not if you’re gonna be hanging around me.”
And yeah, I knew I was a mess, even at the time. According to Adonna, I was too miserable, I had bad clothes, and, maybe worse of all in her opinion, I was too skinny. She said to me, “Look, you don’t have to have a booty like mine or nothing, but you gotta get some meat on you. High school guys like an ass that’s gonna make them break their neck checking you out, you know what I mean? And you gotta smile sometime, have fun, and stop dressing like you don’t care.”
All summer she worked on me, trying to get me excited about high school and guys and dating. Like Nana was ever gonna let me date anybody. Like I was even ready for all that. Me and Adonna shopped together and ate a lot. I guess it was kinda fun, even though I know deep down I’m still the same girl with the same problems. Underneath.
But the good thing is, I’m almost done with freshman year and nobody hates me, so she probably did something right. I mean, I’m not the one about to get my butt kicked in front of the whole school.
I pick up my book bag off the floor. “Alright,” I say. “I’m ready.” But, of course, Adonna is looking in the mirror, smiling. I clear my throat, and that gets her to turn away from herself.
Unfortunately, she ends up looking at me. “Your grandmother’s not here for a change. Why don’t you put on something nice? You got so many clothes you never wear.”
I got on jeans and a tan Old Navy T-shirt. The kinda stuff I wear every day. “I don’t know,” I tell her. “I don’t wanna get all dressed up when I have stage crew later.”
But she’s already going through my dresser. She opens the top drawer, which is now empty, and says, “What the fuck?”
I try to act like it’s nothing. “Oh, I thought Renée would need a drawer, but—” Right away I feel stupid for bringing up her name.
Adonna shakes her head but don’t say anything, which is a good thing. She just opens the next drawer down and goes through my tops. “Ooh, wear this.” She holds up my white wrap blouse, the one she practically made me buy when we went shopping together last month. I don’t even know why I bought it, because I know for a fact Nana would never let me leave here in something like that.
Actually, I can’t wear most of the stuff I got that day. I mean, Adonna even talked me into buying a couple of thongs, but I stuffed them way in the back of my underwear drawer so Nana wouldn’t find them. I figured I wouldn’t get to wear any of the things I bought ’til I was living with Renée.
But now I pull the blouse on without really thinking about it and tie the strings at the side. Then I look at myself in the mirror. The top is fitted and hugs my body, and the neckline is kinda low, too. Nana would go off if she saw me. She would say I was trying to be grown. Like that’s a bad thing.
“I don’t know,” I say, still looking at myself. “You don’t think I look kinda stank?”
“Your titties ain’t big enough for you to look stank,” Adonna says, grabbing my wrist and practically pulling me outta the room. “C’mon—we’re gonna be late for the fight.”
“Wait,” I say, slowing her down a little bit. “Can’t I at least cut the price tag off first? God!”
When we go back down the hall, Renée’s zipping up her suitcase. “You girls leaving right now?”
I nod. “Yeah, why?”
“I’ll walk out with you.”
Next to me, Adonna breathes out heavily. “We’re kinda in a rush.”
“So am I,” Renée says, putting on a cute pale blue blazer. Then she turns off the CD player and grabs her suitcase and bag.
In the elevator I’m all uncomfortable. In a way I wish it was just me and Renée in there, but then I feel kinda guilty for wishing that. I mean, I don’t wanna push Adonna away every time Renée’s around. Adonna’s the one that’s always been there for me when Renée was too busy, and I can’t just forget about that.
So for a few floors, we’re quiet, ’til the elevator stops on nine and this lady, Ms. Jenkins, gets on. When she sees Renée, she gives her a big hug like she hasn’t seen her in years instead of months. She’s looking at Renée all proud, saying stuff like, “Girl, I can’t believe it! A Ph.D! See, that’s the kind of thing they need to put in the papers instead of all that negative stuff they write about kids from the projects.” She goes on and on for the whole rest of the way down. Meanwhile, Adonna has her arms folded in front of her, all attitude, looking as bored as she’s ever gonna get.
Outside, there’s a line at Kenny’s Kandy, working people trying to get their coffee and buttered rolls before they get to the train. But as we get closer to the truck, Kenny leans his head outta the window and yells, “I know that ain’t Renée!”
She hurries up ahead of us and gets to the truck about a second after Kenny opens the back door and jumps out onto the street. Renée sets her suitcase down and Kenny grabs her up in a big hug, smiling like a crazy man.
“Damn, you look good, girl,” he tells her, letting her go just enough to check her out. “Look at you.”
Renée laughs. “You’re looking alright yourself.”
Kenny grabs her in another hug. “You don’t know,” he says. “I been waiting to see you.”
Me and Adonna look at each other, and it’s like I can read her mind. And she’s right. This is embarrassing, at least for Kenny. And all the people that are waiting in line at the truck are watching him make a fool outta himself, like he’s some little boy that can’t get over his first love.
“Um, Kenny,” I say, when we’re close enough to him, “don’t forget, you have customers waiting.”
But he’s not listening to me. At all. His attention is 100 percent on Renée, and his arms are still around her.
Adonna grabs my wrist. “Let’s go, Kendra.”
“Okay,” I say, and let her lead me away. I wanna say bye to Renée, but I don’t wanna interrupt them. I know how much Kenny wanted to see her.
When we get to the corner, I look back and see Renée already walking across the street to her car, looking all sophisticated with her blazer and her suitcase. And then there’s Kenny, still standing there in the street.
Watching her.
NINE
The second we get off the bus, it’s obvious the fight is still going on. We can’t see what’s happening or anything, but about a block away from the school, a whole crowd of kids is standing around cheering and acting wild. I can’t help feeling like I been dropped in the middle of a riot or something. The crowd is so b
ig, it spills out into the street, blocking the cars that are trying to get by. And between the screaming kids and the car horns, the whole scene is just crazy.
“I can’t see shit,” Adonna says, taking ahold of my wrist for the second time. Again I let her pull me where she wants me to go, weaving through little openings in between kids ’til we’re close enough to the action to see it all.
And what I see isn’t even a little bit right. Two big-boned girls got Brunilda up against the metal gate of the car repair shop on the corner. One girl has Brunilda’s long hair wrapped around her fist and she’s yanking her head back. Hard. The other girl is punching her everywhere: the head, the chest, the stomach. And Brunilda is just screaming and crying. More than anything else, what gets me is the look on her face. She’s more than just scared. She’s in shock.
Not one person does anything to help her, either. Most of the kids are laughing, acting like they’re watching a TV show, not a real girl getting beat up for no reason. The whole scene is making me sick.
I break away from Adonna’s grip, but she don’t even notice, she’s so wrapped up in what’s going on. All I know is I’m getting away from here. I mean, there’s no way I can do anything to stop the fight myself with all these kids out here, not if I don’t wanna end up like Brunilda. But that don’t mean I have to stand around and watch it, either.
A few minutes after I make my way back through the crowd, the police finally get there. But I don’t hang around to see what’s gonna happen. I just walk away with my head down. I mean, maybe I was just stupid, but I thought a school like this would be different than a lot of other schools around here, like since these kids are artists and stuff, they wouldn’t be fighting on the street. But I was wrong.
When I get inside the school, through the metal detectors, the halls are practically empty even though it’s ten minutes before homeroom. As I’m passing by the theater, Darnell comes out. And he has dried blue paint all over his hands just like I had yesterday.
“Hey, Kendra,” he says, smiling at me. “You look nice today.”
I almost forgot what I was wearing. “Oh, thanks,” I say. Then, because I don’t know what else to say, I ask him why he’s still working on the set when we were supposed to be done yesterday.
“I had to add another coat of paint to some of the edges, and I wanted everything to be dry and ready before dress.” He looks up and down the hallway. “Where’s everybody? Fire drill or something?”
“Fight,” I tell him. “Two girls against one.”
“That don’t sound like a fight to me. More like a crime.” He looks as upset about it as me.
I nod. “Yeah, I know. But tell that to half the school. They’re out there like there’s nothing wrong with it.”
Me and Darnell walk down the hall together. When we get close to the boys’ bathroom, he tells me he has to get the rest of the paint off of him before homeroom. So we wave bye to each other and I head upstairs.
I get to my locker, open it, and I swear there are now more of Adonna’s things in there than mine. She got two pairs of shoes and all kinda magazines over the bottom. It’s like she left me just enough room for my own books. Nice of her.
I kneel down and dig around for my stupid history book for first period, probably buried under Adonna’s junk. I’m pulling all of her stuff onto the floor when I hear, “You sure one locker is enough for you?”
I look up and it’s Nashawn staring down at me with his arms folded like he’s a teacher or something.
He clears his throat. “Young lady,” he says, “don’t you know you’re creating a safety hazard in the hallway?” He tries to make his voice all deep and grown-sounding. “Not only that, but you’re messing with a very handsome man’s ability to get to his own locker.”
“Handsome? Man?” I ask, looking around. “Where?”
“You trying to be funny?” He smiles down at me. “Good thing my ego is so strong.”
“And big,” I mumble loud enough for him to hear.
He laughs and goes, “Everything about me is big.”
I don’t look up, but before I can even think about what I’m doing, I say, “That’s not what I heard.”
Nashawn don’t stop laughing. “Okay, good one. I like that.” He steps over the books to get to his locker. “But tell all your friends, that’s big, too.”
I laugh, but it comes out real nervous-sounding and—I don’t know why—I get that weird feeling in my stomach again and just start throwing Adonna’s stuff back into my locker. I put the books I need in my bag and all of a sudden I just wanna get away from him fast. Before I can, he asks, “Where’s Adonna? Second time this week I’m seeing you without your Siamese twin.”
I slam my locker closed. “She’s um—” I don’t wanna tell him Adonna’s out there, probably standing around with her friends still laughing about that girl getting jumped. I mean, he’s one of the only kids inside the school, not out there acting stupid, and I don’t wanna say something that’s gonna make Adonna look bad to him. “Um, I don’t know,” I tell him. “Probably in her homeroom already.”
“Or doing her hair somewhere,” he says. “That girl loves to look good.”
I don’t know what to say to that, so I just go, “Well, bye.”
“See ya.” He’s not even paying any attention to me all of a sudden, probably because he’s too busy thinking about Adonna now.
So I head down the hall to my class, still feeling kinda strange. And embarrassed. I can’t believe I just said all those things to him. The only good thing is, now at least when Adonna asks me, I can tell her that Nashawn said he likes her hair and that she always looks good. She’s gonna love hearing that.
TEN
At lunch, I’m sitting with Adonna, Tanya, and these two juniors, Malcolm and Craig. And since there are guys around, Adonna isn’t losing her mind over Nashawn, at least not out loud.
When me and her were in line to buy our food, I told her what he said about her, and she was all like, “He said that about my hair? What about the rest of me?”
“He said you look good, not just your hair,” I tell her. Sometimes Adonna gets like that. She don’t hear what people are telling her.
“I know I look good,” she said. “But why is he telling you that and not me?”
This wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. Probably shouldn’t have even said anything to her.
And now Tanya is sitting here talking about how she don’t know if she’s gonna be able to cry on cue this afternoon during dress rehearsal, but she knows for a fact that she’s gonna be able to do it for the real showcase when the audience is there. In all the rehearsals so far, she just been fake crying, and it’s really funny, but I know I’m not the only one that’s nervous that she’s not gonna be able to do it when it counts.
Adonna’s isn’t even listening to her. She’s watching Nashawn and trying to be cool about it. He’s all the way on the other side of the cafeteria, so she’s doing this thing where she puts her head down like she’s looking at her food, but her eyes aren’t on her sandwich at all. Then every couple of minutes she says something like “Uh-huh,” so it looks like she’s paying attention.
I unwrap my Devil Dogs, take one out, and lick the cream that’s squeezed out from the sides. Outta the corner of my eye I can see Malcolm and Craig staring at me with their mouths open and everything.
“Adonna, yo, your cousin is wild,” Craig says.
“A freak,” Malcolm adds, and before I even know what’s going on, the two of them are high-fiving each other.
“What?” I ask.
Malcolm shakes his head. “Girl, the way you was licking that thing, shit, that was like a porno movie.”
Now it’s my mouth that’s open. “What are you talking about?” But a second later I get it. “Ill. Y’all are nasty!”
“Word,” Craig says, and they’re back to high-fiving like two idiots.
I drop the Devil Dog on my tray. Last time I’ll eat one of those in f
ront of boys like them. The worst thing is, for a while I have to sit there and hear them laugh some more. At me. Even Tanya’s laughing with them.
Then, all late, Adonna finally says something. “She’s my niece, not my cousin.” I wait for her to say more, anything, but that’s it. She’s back to watching Nashawn.
“Thanks for your help,” I tell her even though she’s not hardly listening. “Appreciate it.”
For the first time in a while, I look over to the table where Mara and the rest of them from middle school are sitting. And I wish I was over there with them. At least I wouldn’t have to put up with these guys. It’s too bad the set is finished, because now I can’t even use that as an excuse to get away from here.
Then I feel someone tap me on my shoulder and I look up. It’s Darnell standing there with his lunch tray in his hands.
“Kendra, you’re gonna be there for dress rehearsal, right?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say, a little bit confused because I thought I already told him this when I saw him this morning. “I’m gonna be there.” I try to think of something more to say so he’s not just standing there, especially with the whole table looking at him, but I can’t think of anything.
“Oh, okay,” he says. “I’ll see you later, then, alright?”
“Yeah, okay.”
He stands there for a few more seconds, then walks over to a table in the corner where Gregg and some of the other guys from the stage crew are sitting, eating tacos. Tacos! I can’t believe it. Those guys are probably gonna have the whole backstage area lit up at dress rehearsal this afternon.
Now Adonna comes to life. She leans over to me and says, “Kendra, I have to know—what’s the matter with you?”
“What now?” No matter what I do, Adonna’s quick to tell me why it’s wrong.
“He wanted to sit with us, stupid.”
“No, he didn’t.”
Adonna sighs. “Look, let me break it down for you, okay? He’s a guy. You’re a girl.” She’s talking to me like I’m slow or something. “He. Likes. You.”
