by Shay Savage
I worked on a mannequin.
For months I went to the rope-centered Special Interest Groups held regularly at Power Exchange but usually ended up having to practice on myself. Most of the people attending the SIGs came with a partner, and though the instructor would pair up with me on occasion, I was basically on my own to figure it out. Every once in a while, Cree would throw me a bone and get someone to let me use them as a model, but that made me feel like a charity case. It was always a chick, and I don’t tend to get along well with other women.
The best instruction I received was quietly watching Cree tie Rocco. I’d place myself where I wouldn’t easily be seen and tried to memorize Cree’s movements and techniques. Later, I’d go home and practice on the mannequin.
Finally, I felt like I was ready to approach Cree about tying Rocco. I knew I had to be a little more delicate than I usually come off, but I thought I could handle that. At first, I wasn’t sure Cree would negotiate for me, but when I saw him with that new girl, I knew it was time to take a chance. When he told me that Rocco had accepted the invitation to discuss my proposal, I was completely thrilled.
Now I’m here—with Rocco—and he still hasn’t answered the question.
I’m beyond frustrated.
At the moment, Rocco seems to be more focused on breathing than actually answering my question, and I give Cree a sharp look. I’m not sure if I should ask again or just be patient, and I could use some direction.
Cree leans against the wall, crosses his arms, and gives me a slight shrug. His casualness makes me want to punch a wall. He glances at his watch and then at Rocco.
“Rocco, this is totally up to you,” Cree says after the silence lasts a bit too long. “You can say no. Casey isn’t going to be mad if you do.”
Cree glances at me, giving me a hard look. I will be mad, and Cree knows it. I wouldn’t take it out on anyone else, but hell yeah, I’d be mad—mad, disappointed, hurt…rejected.
My throat starts to seize up.
Rocco turns his head to look at Cree, then looks at me for a moment before he drops his gaze back to the floor.
“I don’t know.”
I close my eyes for a moment, trying to reel in the tension and keep my cool.
“What can I do or say that would help you feel more comfortable?” I ask.
“Make sense,” Rocco says with a quick shrug.
“Make sense of what?” Again I look to Cree, but he doesn’t offer any explanation.
“I don’t know why you want to,” Rocco says with a shrug. “I don’t understand why you’re asking to tie me.”
“I’ve watched you,” I tell him. “I’ve seen you at Gym and around campus. You interest me. Rope interests me. The two go together.”
“You know I’m a fucking train wreck, right?” Rocco looks up from the floor and actually meets my gaze for several seconds. “I’m a fucking disaster, and I don’t know why anyone would choose to insert themselves into that.”
“Yeah, and I have daddy issues.” The words come out unbidden. I take a long breath before I speak again. “Having issues doesn’t bother me. We all have issues.”
Rocco lets out a short, sharp laugh.
“None of us is perfect,” I say, ignoring his outburst. “I’m not looking for perfection. I just want to get to know you better.”
Rocco shakes his head slowly.
“Is that a no?” I ask. I cross my arms and prepare for the blow of rejection.
“It’s a decision,” Rocco says after a long pause. “I don’t like making decisions.”
“What if you try it right here, at my place?” Cree stands up a little straighter. “We could go up to my room—just you, me, and Casey—and do it here without anyone else around. I’d be right beside you the whole time.”
“Will you tie?” Rocco asks.
“The idea is to let Casey do the tying,” Cree replies, “but I’ll be in the room while she does. If you’re uncomfortable, we stop. Simple.”
It isn’t exactly how I pictured it, but it’s better than a no. I tilt my head, silently begging Rocco to agree, but he just sits there. I give Cree a sharp look, but he puts a hand up, one finger raised, motioning me to wait.
So I wait. Again.
Rocco doesn’t move. He stares at the floor in front of him, his expression making him look like he’s waiting for a sinkhole to open up and swallow him whole. Finally, his shoulders move with a deep breath, and he speaks.
“Yeah. Okay.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and grab my bag. It takes a minute to shuffle everyone around as Kas moves into the living room, and Rocco, Cree, and I move to the bedroom. I open up my bookbag and pull out a small drawstring backpack decorated with blue cartoon spiders.
“Keep it simple,” Cree says softly.
I nod as I begin to pull my rope out of the bag. I lay the coils on the edge of the bed so they’re easy to reach.
This is it. This is actually happening.
Rocco sits in the middle of the floor with his legs crossed. I chew on my lip as I look down at him and try to decide exactly what I want to do. This isn’t how I pictured everything in my mind, and I’m struggling to adjust. When I watched Cree tie Rocco at Gym, he was always at least shirtless and usually just in a tight pair of shorts. Now he sits on the floor in front of me, still clad in a T-shirt and jeans. Ultimately, I suppose it doesn’t matter, but it’s still an adjustment.
From everything Cree has said to me, Rocco just likes the feeling of rope around him, so I decide to go with that.
Cree said to keep it simple, so that’s what I’ll do.
I crouch in front of Rocco and quickly bind his wrists together, positioning his hands as if he’s in prayer. Then I bring the ends of the rope back up over his left shoulder, pressing his hands over his heart. Standing again, I move behind him, wrapping the rope around his back, underneath his arm, and then finally to the front. I look at his face as I come back around.
His eyes are closed, and his head is slightly bowed. I glance up at Cree and find him smiling. He nods in encouragement, and I make one more loop around Rocco’s torso before I tie off the first knot. I change the direction of the rope and go back around the other way, making another knot where the ropes cross, adding a bit more tension each time. I pause several times, paying attention to Rocco’s posture, expression, and breathing.
I have him. Even though Cree is standing guard just a few feet away, Rocco is in my rope and under my control. He’s at my mercy. In other situations, I might not have been merciful, but Rocco…he’s just different. I want to bind him tighter not just to maintain control but because he really seems to like it.
As the ropes get tighter, Rocco’s breathing slows. He keeps his eyes closed and his body almost completely motionless. As I wrap more and more rope around him, he seems to slump forward a little as if he’s fallen asleep.
I take a slight step back, holding the end of my rope and wondering if I’ve done something right or something wrong. I look at Cree, suddenly glad for his presence instead of annoyed by it, and he gives me a reassuring nod.
“Rock him,” Cree whispers.
“Like a baby?” I whisper back.
“Something like that.” Cree takes a quiet step backward and gives me another smile as he stands near the door.
I finish off the end of the rope and then take a long breath before I kneel down behind Rocco. I place a hand on his shoulder and another on his back. Slowly, I tilt him back a little, then forward again. He moves easily with me, and the ropes make the task easier as I move him back and forth a few times. He lets out a long, slow breath.
I close my eyes and let myself feel the weight of him in my arms. He turns slightly to the side and places his head against my shoulder, slumping against me. I’m not even sure if he’s still conscious.
I look at Cree to find him a bit wide-eyed. I can only assume this isn’t typical, but I don’t know what to think about it. Cree gives me a half smile.
&nbs
p; “I’m going to go check on Kas,” Cree says quietly. “Take as much time as you need. We’ll be heading to Gym after dinner in case you want to join us.”
I listen to Rocco’s slow and steady breathing, unaware of how much time passes. Though I didn’t have any clear expectations of how this was going to go, having him fall asleep on me wasn’t something I had considered. Eventually, my arm starts to fall asleep, and I know I have to bring this to a close.
Slowly, I push against Rocco until he’s back in a seated position. I hear his breathing change though he doesn’t open his eyes. I wrap one arm around his chest, still holding him, as I run my other hand down his back. I find the end of the rope and begin to untie him.
I work slowly, letting each strand of rope run across his body as I remove the knots and drop the ropes on the floor beside us. Rocco drops his arms, resting his hands on his knees as I rub his shoulders and upper arms.
“Was that okay?” I ask, and he nods in return. “I think you fell asleep.”
“I didn’t,” he says quietly.
“But you liked it?” I let go of his shoulders and shift over to sit on the floor next to him.
He nods again.
“Do you want to do it again?”
More nodding.
“Tonight? At the dungeon?”
He nods again, and that’s starting to bother me.
“Give me a verbal response.” My tone is demanding but not overly harsh. At least, I hope it isn’t.
Rocco stiffens a little, then replies with a yes.
“Good. I’d like that, too.”
I sit for a minute, waiting to see if he’ll say anything else, but he doesn’t. He’s back to staring at the floor. I’m hoping for some kind of sign from him—something that says he is interested—but I get nothing.
“This isn’t really a kink thing for you, is it?”
“Not sure what you mean.”
“I mean, you aren’t getting off on the rope.”
“Never really thought about it.”
“Never thought about it?” I laugh. “Rocco, you do know that Gym is a dungeon full of kinky people doing kinky things. While you’re getting tied up, everyone around you is getting off on something.”
“I…” Rocco stops and lets out a shuddering breath. “I don’t really pay any attention.”
“The rope isn’t sexual for you.” A thought strikes me. I fear the answer, but I have to ask. “Is it about Cree? Are you into guys?”
“No.” Rocco narrows his eyes, looking confused. “Not like that.”
“So, it’s not about Cree.”
“I guess not.”
“What is it about?”
“Peace.”
“Peace?”
“Yeah. When I’m tied up, I can’t move or do anything. I don’t think. I just…I’m just there.”
“Why do you like that feeling?”
“Because”—Rocco scowls for a moment—“because I don’t like what’s in my head.”
I consider asking him just what’s in his head that he wants to forget, but I’m not sure the timing is right. Besides, I have a far more pressing question, and I need to get to it.
“Is it all right that it is sexual for me?”
“It is?”
“I’m a Domme, Roc. So yeah, having you tied up and at my mercy is definitely sexual for me.”
Rocco’s face tightens up. I’m not sure if his expression is thoughtful or frightened. I reach out and place my hand lightly on his arm.
“I’m not saying I’d hurt you, Roc. I wouldn’t. Not ever. I just like being in control.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I say with a laugh, “I’m a fucking train wreck.”
Rocco looks at me sideways. Apparently, he doesn’t see the humor in my comment.
“I just like being the one holding the cards,” I tell him. “I’m uncomfortable with guys having all the control.”
“I don’t think I have much control over anything,” he replies quietly.
“How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like giving up control?”
“I like being in rope. I guess I’m not in control then.”
“What about with other stuff?” I ask. “Do you like being the one in control in a relationship?”
He shrugs, and I can’t tell if he’s being intentionally obtuse or if he really isn’t grasping what I mean. Sometimes, straightforward is the best approach.
“I don’t want to just tie you, Roc. I want a relationship with you. Specifically, I want you to sub for me. I want you to be mine and mine alone. In return, I’m going to take care of you in all the ways no one ever has before.”
“You want to have sex.”
His bluntness surprises me.
“Yeah, I do. Maybe not right away or anything, but eventually, sure.”
“Cree told me that’s what you want, but I don’t get why.”
“Why not? I’m attracted to you. That usually leads to wanting more.”
Rocco shakes his head and furrows his brow, his face the epitome of confusion. He glances at me with suspicion.
“So, does that mean you want me to be your…your boyfriend?”
“I don’t really care what kind of label we put on it.” I have to stop myself from physically cringing from the very word. I can’t stand the labels vanillas use, but I’m willing to relax with the whole idea if it makes him feel better about it.
“But that’s what you want, right?”
“If you want to be really blunt about it, yes. The specifics are different for every relationship between a dominant and a submissive. Whatever you want to call it, I want you to give me the control. I make the decisions, and you do what I tell you to do. I’ll tell you what I’d like, and you tell me what you’d like. Hopefully, we’ll have enough common ground to make something of it.”
“What if we don’t?”
“I guess we go our separate ways.”
“You wouldn’t want to tie me anymore?”
I start to open my mouth to answer, but I stop to think for a moment.
“Would you want me to even if I weren’t your Domme?” This isn’t a scenario I had considered before, and I’m not sure what I think of it. Could I do that? Could I have a platonic relationship with Rocco but still tie him up?
“Cree doesn’t always have time. Sometimes it’s the only way I can make it to class, and I’ve been falling behind.”
“Being tied helps you get through class?”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
Rocco just shrugs.
“Rocco?” He stares at the floor instead of answering me. I grit my teeth a little. I’m not accustomed to having a guy ignore me, so I call his name a little louder until he looks at me. “What happened to you?”
He looks away again, shaking his head.
“I figured you had something bad in your history, but I don’t know what it is. Maybe if you tell me, I’d have a better understanding and can give you an answer.”
“No!” Rocco shakes his head violently. Without further warning, he pushes himself to his hand and knees and crawls over to the edge of Cree’s bed, pressing his shoulder against it and curling up into a ball. “Not talking about that!”
“Okay! Okay! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
I watch him grip his hair right at the scalp and tug hard, pulling his hair over his face like a shield, and I feel like a total shit. I wasn’t expecting him to tell me right away, but I also didn’t anticipate this strong a reaction. I glance at the door, wondering if I should call Cree back in here to calm him down.
No. If I want this to work, I need to be able to handle this myself.
With new determination, I grab one of the strands of rope and move slowly over to Rocco. As I kneel behind him, he moves his hands over his face, leaning forward as he does. With one quick movement, I slip the rope around his shoulders, lassoing him as if he were
a wild horse. I loop the rope around itself, making a quick knot before I pull him back against me. I wrap another strand around him, half expecting him to struggle, but he doesn’t.
His weight hits my chest as he turns slightly, putting his head against my shoulder just as he had while I was rocking him. We stay like that for a while until his breathing calms.
“Rocco? Do you like it when I tie you?”
He nods slowly.
“Do you still want to go to Power Exchange with me tonight?”
Another nod.
“Even if Cree isn’t around?”
He pauses for a moment but eventually nods again.
“Do you want to be my submissive?”
“I don’t know.”
“Would you like to give it a try? We can stop at any time. You’re in complete control of that.”
No answer. I try to wait patiently, but I still get nothing.
“Please, Rocco.” I turn just enough to be able to look at his face though he doesn’t make eye contact with me. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Again, I have to wait for him to respond. I’m going to have to learn to be a lot more patient, but I want this. Right now, I’m willing to do just about anything to get him to comply.
“I like the idea of someone else telling me what I’m supposed to do,” he finally says. “If someone else could make the decisions for me…I think that might be good.”
“If you’re my sub, that’s exactly how it would be. I’d be the one making the choices for you. You just have to do what I say.”
“I think I like the idea.” His voice is so soft, I can hardly hear him.
“I need a straight answer.” I move my hand to the back of his neck, resisting the urge to grab him by the hair to make him answer. “Do you want to do this?”
“Yes, we can do it…at least try it.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” I move my hand back around to run my fingertips over his jaw. He’s stubbly, and the feeling against my skin makes my thighs clench. “I do have one condition.”
