'Of course.' Helen put her arm around Deirdre's shoulders. She could see the same sort of tight misery in this woman that she had felt herself, illogical, tearing emotion. Helen's kind heart went out to her, to Tom Maclean too.
In the bedroom, Deirdre looked at Helen with anxious eyes, so at variance with her normal appearance that Helen could see how deeply this went.
'Do you think Ross is telling me the truth, about Tom, I mean?'
'Have you ever known Ross lie?' Helen asked simply. 'No, never.' She turned to the dressing-table and touched her hair anxiously. 'I'm feeling old, you see, Helen. When I was young, I was such a beauty. Tom was wild about me. For years now I've tried to keep it up, to glitter, to look younger.'
'You do look young,' Helen said quietly, going to lean against the dressing-table and looking down at her, her eyes full of pity. 'When I first saw you, I thought how very beautiful you were. Maybe Tom doesn't want you to glitter if it means he sees less of you. Maybe he wants to come here because New York is too fast, too hard. You could be together a lot more in England, relax, start all over again, visit Paris, Rome, Madrid.'
'Do you think so?' Deirdre looked at her with hopeful eyes and Helen smiled down at her.
'I don't think you really feel old. I think you probably feel tired with all that endless entertaining, all that pointless worrying. You'll feel better a long. way from it. Go back and tell Tom.'
'Oh, Helen! I will' She stood up and gave Helen a hug, a real one this time. 'When you have children we'll come and visit.'
'I'd like that,' Helen said truthfully. 'You can't stay in the granny flat, though,' she added with a grin.
'Granny! Don't start me off again.' Deirdre looked at herself in the mirror and touched her hair, evidently more pleased now with what she saw. 'Can you phone me a taxi, Helen, and check for a train? I can't wait for Donna. It will take hours for her to drive back to London and I want to see Tom.'
'I'll do it now,' Helen said firmly, turning to the phone, and Deirdre touched her arm.
'Don't take any notice of Donna, Helen,' she begged. 'I won't.' Not if Ross cares, even if he only cares a little bit.
The taxi was already on its way when they went downstairs, and whatever Donna had wanted to say had remained unsaid because Tina was there with Tansy and Ross was absorbed with them. Whether Tina had come down deliberately or not Helen didn't know, but she listened with thoughtful eyes as Deirdre told Ross that she was going back by train at once, and he smiled and he saw her more hopeful look.
'Snap out of it,' he advised, and she gave him a little smile.
'I'm going to.' She said goodbye to Tansy too as Tina made to take her back up the stairs.
'I'll see you soon,' she promised, kissing the soft little cheek. 'Next time, your grandfather will come too.'
If Tina was startled by this turn of events she said nothing, but her looks spoke volumes as she went up the stairs with Tansy's hand firmly in her own.
'I'm staying,' Donna announced, and Deirdre looked at her anxiously and then at Ross. All he did was shrug and Helen felt the same old sick feeling surging back. She took Deirdre to the door to see her off as the taxi came, and she walked right out with her to see her into the taxi, stopping for another word of encouragement. She didn't want to face the drawing-room with Ross and Donna alone in there and her steps were slow as she came back. She closed the front door softly and stood there for a minute to gather her courage.
'I'll not leaving you, Ross. I'm not letting you go.' She heard Donna's voice vibrantly sincere and Helen bit into her lip, waiting for the reply. It was impatient, like the sound of a man who had heard quite enough nonsense.
'Do yourself a favour, Donna, grow up!' he snapped. 'If you need drama, join a group.'
'You've always cared about me!' There was a rather frantic sound to her voice now and Ross snorted angrily.
'You've spent years throwing yourself at me, you mean,' he rasped. 'When you were a teenager it was amusing. It stopped being amusing years ago. Take my advice, Donna, find yourself a man who wants you before it's too late. I don't want you, heaven knows,' he added wearily.
'You did want me!'
'Well, if I did, I never noticed. If I did, I've had plenty of opportunity to take action. You were an amusing teenager who grew into a pest. Stay in England if you like, follow me around, but all you'll do is hurt yourself.'
'You're staying with her?'
'Yes, I'm staying with Helen,' he grated impatiently. 'I love her!' His voice softened. 'In fact that's hardly the way to describe it. I'm mad about her, crazy about her. I can't bear to let her out of my sight.'
'She's not like us. You'll get tired of her!' She sounded on the edge of hysteria but Ross didn't seem to notice. He made a strange little sound in his throat.
'Tired of her? Maybe. When I get tired of breathing, tired of being alive. She's everything I'll ever want. I've looked for her all my life. You see this ring on my finger? Helen put it there. It means forever.'
Helen suddenly realised that she was still standing there, leaning against the front door, tears streaming down her face, and she hastily wiped them away with trembling fingers. He loved her, her eyes were dreamy with happiness and she took several deep breaths before she joined them both.
'Did you see her safely off?' Ross looked across at her as she came in, his eyes alert at once at the sign of tears on her lashes.
'Yes. She'll be all right. She promised to phone as soon as she got back. It's snowing again,' she added, glancing at Donna. This woman who sat so sullenly in the chair by the fire was no threat to her now, but she still didn't want to have to offer her a room for the night.
Mrs Hill popped her head round the door and smiled at them.
'Will there be extra people for dinner, Mrs Maclean?' she asked Helen, but Rose answered before Helen could speak.
'No, Mrs Hill, just the family. Miss Street
can't make her mind up whether she's driving back to London or staying the night at the White Bear. Either way, she won't be here for dinner.'
'Thank you, sir.' As Mrs Hill closed the door, Donna got up and gathered her bag. She didn't look at either of them. She simply swept out. It was the only way that Helen could describe it and she blinked her eyes as the front door slammed. She dared not look at Ross.
'Have a good journey,' he murmured, laughter at the back of his voice, and she looked up then, meeting laughing grey eyes, no sign of ice about them at all. There was no time to speak. Tina came in, glancing around theatrically.
'Coast clear?' she asked wryly. 'Completely,' Ross assured her.
'Are we dressing for dinner?' Tina wanted to know and Ross sighed heavily.
'Just give me peace, ladies, that's all I ask.'
Tansy ran to him and not to Helen and he scooped her up in his arms, hugging her.
'Can I stay up for dinner tonight, Daddy?' she wheedled.
'You certainly can,' he said softly. He sounded perfectly normal but Helen could see his face and knew the pleasure that one word had given him. Her eyes met Tina's satisfied glance. 'I'll take you up to bed afterwards,' Ross added. 'You can have a piggy-back, a shoulder-ride or a carry.'
'I'll have a carry,' Tansy decided, thinking it out quickly.
'That's settled, then,' Ross said. 'Now, about this snowman .. .'
After dinner, as the evening drew to a close, Ross sat back on the settee, pulling Helen down beside him, his arms wrapping around her. They had not had a minute alone and he sighed, his head resting back.
'They say nothing ever happens in the country,' he mused ruefully. 'I find it hard to get a minute's peace.'
'Why are you back so early?' Helen asked softly, leaning against him, loving every minute of his nearness. 'Dad phoned. He warned me that an expedition had set out in this direction.' He looked down at her gently.
'I wasn't sure that you were quite up to dealing with it yet.'
'Donna alarmed me,' she confessed quietly.
'Me too
.' He gave a harsh laugh. 'She's been under my feet for so long that I'd got to the stage when I didn't even notice her. When someone's been flinging themselves into your arms since she was a child you get blind to it. I only began to realise what a pest she really was when they came over this time. She was bent on trouble, like all children when their toys are removed.'
'Were you a toy?' Helen asked quietly and he looked down at her with questioning eyes.
'A ridiculous fixation. Are you jealous?' There was just the underlying sound of anxiety there and Helen laughed up at him, her blue eyes sparkling.
'Not after I heard what you said to her.' 'Eavesdropping?' His dark brows rose, his eyes glittering down at her. 'I trust you enjoyed it?'
'Yes.' Her face flushed but she went on looking at him. 'Don't be angry.'
'I'm trying to be,' he warned her softly. 'Somehow or other, though, I can't.' His arms tightened as he watched her bewitching face, her dancing blue eyes, the way her black hair swung around her face. 'You're beautiful,' he said huskily.
Tina came into the room then, stopping any further moves on his part. She came straight to the point as usual.
'It's New Year's Eve,' she reminded them briskly. 'I suppose we'll have to stay up and see it in? I don't mind that but I'm not singing "Auld Lang Syne." I feel so utterly stupid doing that.'
Ross began to laugh and she looked at him haughtily. 'I mean it! I'm prepare to open the door and let the Lucky Bird in but that's it.'
Helen got up and stretched sleepily. 'If you want to whistle at the open door, just go ahead,' she suggested. 'As for me, I'm going to bed. Anyway, I'm scared if I open the door the Lucky Bird might just get out.'
'Good! My sentiments exactly,' Tina announced, making for the door, then she stopped to frown at Ross mockingly. 'It's no use your staying up either. Americans don't know about our strange rituals.'
'You'd be surprised,' he laughed. He turned to Helen when the door had closed. 'Come on,' he urged. 'Speaking of rituals, I've got something to show you.'
When the lights had been put out, they walked upstairs, Ross with his arm around Helen, and she ventured a question that had been right there in her mind for days.
'Your mother and father, will they be all right?'
'I surely hope so. She's been like this for years. If I were in his place, I'd be demented.'
'She feels that she's getting old, Ross,' Helen said softly. 'She thinks he doesn't want her in the same way. She told me he used to be wild about her.'
'He still is!' Ross looked down at her in amazement. 'You mean she told you this in those few minutes upstairs? Hell! We've been trying to find out what was wrong for years. We even had a psychiatrist lined up at one time but she wouldn't see him.'
'It's hardly surprising,' Helen pointed out drily. 'Obviously she was afraid he would tell her she was looking old and that it happened to everyone.'
'And what did you tell her, my cunning little wife?' 'I told her she was beautiful. I told her she was probably just tired with worry and too many parties. I pointed out that England is more tranquil than New York. She's gone back to discuss a future move in this direction.'
'You're a miracle,' he said softly, his arm tightening. 'Let's forget them now. I told you I had something to show you.'
Upstairs he led her through her own room and into his, his eyes amused at her mystified expression. 'What is it?' She looked round, seeing nothing at all, and he pointed to his bed.
'It's a bed. I'll give you two seconds to get into it.' His eyes were alive with laughter and, when she blushed to a rosy hue, he caught her close, kissing her flushed cheeks.
'Am I frightening you?'
'No. I'm just shocked at your chauvinistic way of speaking.' She was laughing too and shivering against him, so happy that she could hardly speak at all.
'I don't know any better,' he breathed against her neck. 'Come and show me how to behave.'
Unable to keep away from him, her arms went round his waist, but he suddenly drew back, teasing gone, his face entreating.
'Tell me, Helen! Tell me,' he begged.
'I love you,' she whispered, knowing exactly what he wanted to hear. 'When I first saw you, something happened inside that I'd never felt before. I didn't know what it was and it just grew and grew. I felt frightened, excited, shaken. I know now what it was. I was falling in love, right from the first.'
'Oh, darling, darling.' He rocked her in his arms, holding her tightly. 'You don't know what you did to me. A black-haired witch with blue eyes and a lovely bewildered face. You went from anger, to shyness with such alarming rapidity that I couldn't keep up with the sensations that raced through me. I wanted you so much it was agony. At first, I thought you had some man hidden away, somebody so special that you were prepared to risk your job to go to him early each night.'
'And you were disgusted when you thought I was unmarried, with a child,' she reminded him softly.
'Disgusted? How could I be disgusted with you?' he asked with such a shocked look that she had to believe him. 'No, sweet. I was just devastated. I wanted you to belong to me and only me. I couldn't face the thought of any other man having been in your life. It hurt! Even so early I knew there was you and nobody else. I had a sleepless night, several sleepless nights.'
'What made you change your mind?' Helen asked, looking into his eyes.
'You did. Your frightened little face, your bewildered, hurt eyes. The fact that I loved you.'
'And in Paris I shocked you all over again.'
'Yes,' he confessed. 'I couldn't believe it, my fastidious Helen letting those men paw her. I could have killed them right there and then. I was in a wild rage and just added to your fright.'
'No. Not really.' Her hand came gently to his mouth, her fingers tracing his lips. 'It was the beginning for me. I cared what you thought. I saw the fury on your face when you knew what I'd had to do. It was the first part of the healing.'
'And last night?' he asked huskily.
'I came back to life.' She threw her arms around his neck. 'Oh, Ross, I love you so much. When I saw Donna today .. .'
'I have never, ever made love to her,' he assured her seriously. 'I never even thought of it. She was just a kid who was pushed under my nose by my mother and after that she grew up into an almighty pest.'
'You kissed her at the reception,' Helen reminded him. 'And I...I saw you putting her into a taxi, that day in London.'
'I wondered what was wrong.' He lifted her face, his hands cupping it warmly. 'Donna was kissing me. With her it's a habit, now broken,' he added determinedly. 'She got the reaction one would get from kissing a piece of wood. All I wanted was to get to you, on both occasions. Believe me?'
'Yes. So you didn't want to marry me to get away from her?'
'I wanted to marry you to get you for myself,' he assured her. 'Offering you a bargain was the only way you were going to agree. I prayed that when you were safe and close to me you would want me. You did.'
'I did,' she agreed, 'so much.'
She smiled up into his eyes and his face softened, his smile growing.
'About the bed,' he reminded her. 'You're making no attempt to get ready. Is this your idea of efficiency? If you worked for me, I'd fire you.'
Helen clung to him as he took over the job himself, sliding the bright red sweater over her head, stopping to look at her as she stood before him, naked to the waist. 'Does this bother you?' he asked as he looked down at her.
'Only because I'm shy still,' she whispered.
'I don't mind that at all.' His hands stroked her breasts. 'You're beautiful.' His voice was thickened and her breathing changed to match the rhythm of her heart, fast, racing, erratic.
'Ross!' She moved right into his arms and he lifted her at once, cradling her against him.
'I know,' he murmured against her lips. 'I've missed you all day, darling, so much. Can we wait any longer?'
Helen shook her head, too filled with emotion to speak, and he carried her to bed,
his bed where she would always be from this moment on.
When they were lying close together, the silence only broken by the sound of their urgent breathing, she was swept back into the bliss of the night before, waves of heat washing over her, excitement and passion bringing back the wild movements of her body, the incoherent murmurs of joy, the yearning little demands for his possession. It was all gone, her icy wall of fear, love had swept it aside, crushed it, and love took her on flying wings to the midnight sky as Ross claimed her.
Perilous Refuge Page 17
