by Cher Carson
“You remember the night Cassidy slept over at my house?”
How could he forget? That night had changed his life, for better or worse. “Yeah, I remember. What about it?”
“Well, you know we were making cookies, right?”
He sighed. “Just get on with it.” When she gave him a sharp look, he softened the directive. “Please.”
“I don’t know if Cassidy mentioned it to you, but she wanted to deliver some cookies to Charlene the next day, and well…” Her cheeks flushed and her eyes fell. “We had a little chat while Cass visited with the pet hamsters.”
Cole could feel his blood starting to boil. As if he didn’t have enough working against him already. His own mother jumped on the bandwagon to try and convince Charlene that he was depraved because he had preferences they couldn’t begin to understand. “Just tell me what you said to her.”
“We talked a little about your marriage, and why things fell apart.”
“How could you?” Cole started pacing back and forth when it became increasingly more difficult to harness his rage and frustration. He loved and respected his mother, but he didn’t know if he could forgive her for turning on him this way. “You had no right to talk to her about that. This is none of your business!”
“Keep your voice down,” she whispered. “I was only trying to help you, both of you. I’ve known Charlene her whole life. I count her mama among my oldest and dearest friends. I don’t want to see you use and discard her like you do all the others. She’s too good for that.”
He staggered back, feeling the emotional impact of her accusation. “You can’t be serious.” When she said nothing, he stared at her a long time before he said, “Can’t you see that I’m in love with her?”
Ruth’s mouth fell open. “But… I…”
He cleared his throat, trying to rein in his emotion. “I know I’m not the right man for her, and that kills me, but if you think for a second that I’d intentionally hurt her, you don’t know me at all.” When he walked past her, she reached out to grab his arm.
She choked back a sob. “Please, don’t leave like this. I did this because I love you.”
He glared at her hand before looking into her eyes. “You sure as hell have a funny way of showin’ it. I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“But I want to see Cassidy perform in the play. Please, I promised her.”
Cole knew punishing his daughter for her grandmother’s indiscretions wasn’t fair. “Fine, but I’d appreciate it if you kept your distance from me and left as soon as the play is over.”
“Cole, please don’t do this.” The tears fell as she reached into her purse for a tissue. “You and that little girl mean the world to me. Having both of you back in my life is such a blessing. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before.”
Cole was still seething by the time he claimed a seat near the back of the packed gymnasium.
Jake sat down beside him, chuckling when he asked, “Is this where all delinquent parents get to sit? Must be punishment for bein’ the last to arrive, huh?”
Cole just grunted. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to Charlene’s brother of all people.
“Look, I know you kept your word to me, and I just want you to know that I appreciate it.”
“How do you know I’ve kept my distance? You been spyin’ on us?”
“Jessica’s been doin’ the pickup and drop off at the school lately, and she said you never venture inside anymore.”
“That oughta make you happy.” Cole crossed his arms. “You and your whole damn family.”
“Just for the record, my wife is mad as hell that I’m stickin’ my nose in where she says it doesn’t belong.” He nudged Cole in the arm. “But you know if it was your kid sister, you’d feel the same way.”
“I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. I’m just here to watch my kid in the play. Then I intend to go home, have a stiff drink, and forget this night ever happened.”
“I heard you’ve had your fair share of those lately. Stiff drinks, that is. Dixie said she’s reservin’ a stool at the bar with your name on it.”
His ranch foreman’s wife, Mrs. Garcia, would often bring her knitting up to the big house and sit with Cassidy so he could slip out for a drink or two or three, after his daughter went to bed. That’s when the loneliness seemed unbearable. When the house was dark and quiet, he began imagining what it would be like when Cassidy left home and he had no one there to help him fill the emptiness.
“You gotta a problem with that, too?”
“Look, I’m just concerned about you, that’s all.”
“Spare me the bullshit. I don’t believe for a second that you’re concerned about me. The only person you’re tryin’ to protect here is your sister. And I get that, it’s fine. Just don’t pretend to be my friend when you’re clearly not.”
“How can you say that? I am your friend, but I love my sister—”
Jake’s very pregnant wife, Jessica, claimed the seat beside her husband. “Hope I didn’t miss anything? The plumber took a little longer than expected.”
Jake laced hand through his wife’s. “You got here just in time, baby.”
Cole felt the ache expanding inside of him as he glanced at their joined hands. He and Charlene would never have what they had. He just had to accept that and figure out how to get on with his life.
Jessica leaned over and smiled at Cole. “How’s it goin’, Cole?”
“Okay.” He was anything but okay, but he wasn’t going to burden anyone else with his problems. He’d do what he’d always done: suffer in silence. “How ‘bout you, Jess?”
“I can’t complain. It’s been busy at the travel agency the past couple of weeks. Everybody’s anxious to get away in January.”
Getting away sounded like a good idea to Cole, but he didn’t know where he would go or how a safe distance would help to mend his broken heart. He could only hope that time would ease the ache in his chest whenever he looked at Charlene. Stealing a glance at her now, she seemed cool and composed, as though directing dozens of children was second nature to her. She would make a wonderful mother someday, but it sure wouldn’t be to his kids. That much was obvious.
He looked at Paul, sitting in the front row, admiring Charlene. He was perfect for her. Kind, gentle, respectable. Everything Cole wasn’t. They belonged together, and that should make walking away easier, but it didn’t. Knowing he was leaving her in another man’s arms made it harder.
“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” Jessica asked, following the direction of his attention to the stage area.
“Yeah, sure.” He tore his eyes away from Charlene. “I’m fine.” He crossed his arms over his chest. He knew he was scowling, but he didn’t care.
“Just for the record, I’m not on board with my husband’s plan to try and keep you two apart. I told him I think he’s dead wrong.”
“This isn’t the time or place to discuss this,” Jake said, putting his arm around his wife and drawing her into his side.
“Your husband’s right about that, Jess. But I appreciate the support. It’s nice to know not everyone in this town thinks I’m a freak.”
Jake muttered a curse and whispered, “I never said I think that, man. Come on, let’s talk about this some other time, okay?”
“No need,” Cole said, clearing his throat. “It’s over. You got what you wanted.”
Charlene walked on to the stage, smiled at the crowd, and claimed the microphone.
At that moment, Cole realized he would spend the rest of his life wanting something he could never have.
Chapter Eight
Cole was just on his way out to run an errand in town when he opened the door and almost walked right into his older brother, Liam. “What the hell are you doin’ here?” Cole asked, drawing him into a hug. “Man, it’s good to see you.”
Though the two brothers hadn’t grown up together, they
were still close. Liam spent most of his professional football career in Texas, and he and Cole made an effort to see each other at least once a month, until Cole decided to move to Brant and help his mother with the ranch.
Liam put his arm around Cole and led him back into the house. “I came back to spend the holidays with my family. Is that okay with you?”
Cole shot him a side-long glance. “Sure, but why do I get the feelin’ there’s more to it than that?”
“Seems like my family’s goin’ through a rough time… you and Mama are on the outs, and Vanessa and Tara are havin’ a hell of a time since Cliff’s death.”
Cole felt guilty he hadn’t been more of a presence in his niece’s life since a car accident claimed her step-father a few months ago. He was too preoccupied with Charlene to consider anyone else.
“It’s gotta be rough. The first holiday without him, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess it will be. Thought it might be a good idea to be here, you know, in case Tara needs me.”
“You plan on stickin’ around a while?” Cole asked, following his brother into the family room. This was Liam’s home growing up, while Cole had lived with their father in Texas.
“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” Liam said, sitting down in one of the leather armchairs flanking the fireplace. “Mama mentioned that you’re goin’ through a bit of a rough patch.” He grinned. “Who’d have thought, my tough-guy brother brought down by little Charlene McCoy.”
Cole rolled his eyes as he sank into the chair across from Liam. “She may have been a little girl back when you left town, but trust me, she’s not anymore.”
“Oh, believe me, I know.” He chuckled as he wiggled his eyebrows. “I’ve seen her around time a time or two when I was home visitin’. She’s… wow.”
“She’s too damn young for you.” Just the thought of his own brother making a play for Charlene made him see red. Liam may have earned his reputation as a womanizer before a knee injury took him out of the game he loved, but he didn’t have his younger brother’s reputation as the devil incarnate.
Liam nudged his leg with the heel of his cowboy boot. “I’m just messin’ with ya, man. I’d never go after your woman.”
“She’s not my woman. She’s involved with someone else.” It hurt Cole just to think about it, much less acknowledge the relationship aloud.
“Oh yeah? Who’s the guy?”
“I don’t think you’d know him. He’s new in town.”
“So listen, I thought you might be ready for a change of scenery, you know, because of everything that’s goin’ down with Charlene.”
“Runnin’ away from my problems isn’t the answer.” Not that he hadn’t thought about it a time or two in recent weeks.
“I’m not suggestin’ you run away. Just take a little time to get your head together, figure out where to go from here. I know, better than anyone, that losing the one can mess with your head, no matter the circumstances.”
Liam had left Brant and his then girlfriend, Vanessa, nearly two decades ago to pursue his football career. He didn’t know she was pregnant with his baby when he left. He found out years later, when his daughter reached out to him, but Cole knew standing by and watching another man claim the life and child that should have been his killed Liam.
“Is that why you’re back here, because of Vanessa?”
“No, she just lost her husband. I know she’s still grievin’, but if I can lend my support and help her and Tara get through it, I will.”
“All right, let’s hear it. What are you proposin’, ‘cause I can tell by that look in your eye that you’ve got somethin’ on your mind.”
Liam looked around. Their grandfather had built the post and beam ranch house almost fifty years ago to replace the family home his wife had grown up in. This land represented their family’s roots, and Cole knew Liam still thought of it as home.
“I thought getting away from here for a couple of weeks might be a good idea for you and the munchkin. I know she’s out of school now, and I’m sure her other grandparents would love to see her over the holidays.”
“You’re suggestin’ I go back to Texas? Why the hell would I want to do that?”
Liam sighed. “Texas was your home long before you moved to Brant. You were happy there. You and Cassidy both.”
“Yeah, but now she’s happy here. Mama’s here, and she has her friends. She’s doin’ real well in school, and she loves her teacher.” Cole cursed when he thought of Charlene. Was that gaping hole in his chest ever going to heal? Maybe his brother was right. Maybe he did need to get away from her for a while.
“What about you? You sure as hell can’t tell me you’re happy here.”
Cole braced his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands. “I’ll be honest with you. I’m tired. Life is wearin’ me down.”
“I can see that. That’s why I’m askin’ you, hell, I’m tellin’ you to take some time to re-group. You can stay at my place, I’ll stay here.”
“You think you can manage the ranch by yourself?”
Liam laughed. “Boy, I’ve still got shit on my cowboy boots. Don’t worry about me.”
“Okay, but I will be back, so don’t get too comfortable.”
Liam looked at him a long time before he asked, “Are you sure, really sure, that you wanna be here? The people in this town are never gonna be able to see past your reputation, and in my opinion, that’s their loss. But think about what that’s gonna do to your little girl when she gets older. You really wanna put her through that?”
“You’re tellin’ me you think I should consider movin’ back to Texas permanently?”
“I’m just sayin’ it’s somethin’ to think about.”
Charlene opened the door and felt her heart sink when she saw the expectant look on Paul’s face. She thought the barriers she’d erected between them would give him a hint that she wasn’t interested in taking their relationship to the next level, but judging by the warmth she felt in his embrace and the hopeful look in his eye, she knew this would be harder than she thought.
“I know you’ve got a busy day planned,” he said, taking his coat off and hanging it on the hand carved wooden rack at the door. “I won’t keep you too long.” He patted his pocket. “I’ve been dying to give you this, and I just couldn’t wait another day.”
“Before you do that, I think we should talk.”
His smile slipped. “Uh oh, I don’t think I like the sound of that.”
She linked her arm through his and led him into the living room. Her eyes drifted to the fire roaring behind the tinted glass safety panel. Entering this room without thinking of Cole was difficult, especially now when her feelings for him were the reason she couldn’t continue seeing Paul.
“Can I get you something to drink?” she asked, leading him toward the sofa.
“No, thanks.” He looked nervous, as though he dreaded her next words, but wanted to her to put him out of his misery nonetheless. “I’ve missed you. A lot.” He reached for her hand when she claimed the seat beside him. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. About us.” He released a shaky breath. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. We’re so good together—”
Charlene pressed a fingertip to his lips as she cursed herself for allowing him to get in so deep. If she’d been honest with herself about her feelings for Cole months ago, Paul wouldn’t be in this position. “I think you’re a wonderful man, Paul. I’ve enjoyed our time together, but—”
He kissed her hand, holding it in a tight grip. “Please, don’t say that you don’t think we have a future. I think we’re great together. We have fun, we have a lot in common, you’re great with my daughter…”
“But I just think of you as a friend.” She knew her only course of action was to be blunt. “I’m sorry, but that’s the reason I didn’t want us to be intimate. I kept waiting for it to develop into more. I wanted it to, I hoped it would…” She shrugged. “But it jus
t didn’t. At least not for me.”
He released her hand and sat back. “Is there someone else?”
The moment of truth. Either she could continue to lie to him and herself, or she could acknowledge her feelings for Cole and face the fall-out. “Yes.” She looked down at her clasped hands. She had never had to do this before, break up with a man because of her feelings for someone else, and she was unprepared for the difficulty. “I didn’t intend for this to happen, please believe me, but—”
“It’s Cole, isn’t it?”
She looked up, surprised he read the situation so easily. “How did you know that?”
“It’s a small town, people talk.” He covered his eyes with one hand. “I didn’t want to believe it, but when my daughter told me she saw him at the school every day, that he would spend time in your classroom, well, I had to face facts.” He pulled a velvet ring box out of his pocket and set it on the coffee table. “I’m sure you can guess what that is?”
Charlene’s heart pounded in her chest and her mouth was dry. How had she not seen this coming? Perhaps because they hadn’t been intimate, and she tried to distance herself from him lately. She wracked her brain trying to recall whether she said or did anything to indicate to him that she may be ready to take this step with anyone. No. She hadn’t.
“I hate that I’m hurting you this way.” Her voice cracked, forcing her to clear her throat. “You’re a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to call you her husband.”
“Oh, spare me the B.S., Charlene.” He sighed when she winced at his unforgiving tone. “Don’t you know what this man is capable of? He gets off on hurting women. I’m talking whips, handcuffs, the whole bit. He’s sick.”
“You don’t know anything about him,” she said, raising her chin to look him in the eye. She was tired of hearing people judge Cole because of his sexual proclivities. They didn’t know him the way she did, and clearly they didn’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Squaring her shoulders, she felt the wave of fury and injustice wash over her. Cole didn’t deserve to be judged this way, not by her or the small-minded citizens of Brant County. He deserved to have someone stand up for him, for once, the way she knew he would defend her if her back was against the wall.
