by Leela Ash
“Ms. Carter must have lit the fire inside by now. It might suit your reading needs better,” she snapped at him and he looked up, their eyes met. She held his gaze, even though her heart continued to pound and she wanted to look away embarrassed. He had a knowing look on his face, she was certain that he knew she was trying to make a jab at his impolite reactions to her presence.
She was surprised when he suddenly smiled. Unrealistically white teeth peeped out from between his thin red lips and the surrounding dark beard.
“I apologize for being this wound up. It’s not easy to force yourself to relax,” he said and shut the book in his hands. He leaned back in his chair and started rocking himself. Erin smiled too. She could feel her cheeks burning up.
“I know what you mean. I’m simply trying to blank out my brain,” she said and looked away. They were both looking towards the lake now in silence.
“So you’re hiding too?” he spoke after a few minutes. Erin thought about how the silence between them had been comfortable, but she welcomed the question, this question in particular from a stranger.
“Not hiding as much as escaping,” she said. She wasn’t looking at him when she answered but she could sense that he was nodding his head.
“What’s the difference though?” he asked and they looked at each other again. Erin was the one to smile and he gave a small laugh.
“You may be right,” she said, “whatever I’m doing, I plan on going back home as a new person after this.” She was still smiling.
“Good luck with that. Believe me, I’ve tried,” he said and to her dismay, opened up his book again and started to read. Erin allowed herself to continue to look at him for a few seconds longer before she forced herself to look away. When she did, from the corner of her eye, she could sense that he had raised his head to look at her. Only for a few seconds.
Chapter 2
“That’s what I’ve always said. Beaches are just too bright and everybody is always happy. Only till the end of the vacation of course. Whereas in a place like this, one gets a chance to reflect and arrange one’s thoughts.” Erin was leaning forward, excited to finally meet somebody who agreed with her choice of a vacation spot. Xavier was laughing at her explanation. She didn’t know much about him, except that his name was Xavier, even though they had spent the past hour talking. He had drifted in and out of reading his book while Erin kept interrupting him with general questions. He didn’t seem to mind much anymore.
As Xavier laughed, Alicia opened the door to the balcony and stepped out.
“Are you seriously still sitting here? It’s freezing,” she said.
“It’s all right. I’ve had company,” Erin said with a smile and directed Alicia’s gaze to Xavier who she had only just noticed.
“Alicia, this is Xavier. Xavier, this is my best friend Alicia, whose seat you have stolen.” Erin introduced them and Xavier stood up from the chair and stepped aside. Alicia, who initially had plastered her usual pleasing smile on her face when the introductions were being made, now stood still staring at Xavier.
Erin felt a sudden pang, of a feeling she couldn’t quite identify. Judging by the look on Alicia’s face, and the fact that they had known each other for more than a decade now, Erin could tell that her friend was floored. And what Alicia wanted, she always got.
Xavier stretched out his hand towards Alicia after they had stood in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.
“Hello,” he said, in his deep thundering voice. Alicia, who usually was great around people, always captivating everyone with her sparkling smile and cheerful personality, shook his hand in silence.
“Please, have a seat. I’m heading in for a quick shower anyway,” Xavier said and started walking towards the door. Erin could feel her heart deaden at the sight of him leaving.
“We should all have dinner together,” Erin found herself saying, suddenly and without warning. He stopped in his tracks and turned slightly to look at her. He threw Alicia a nervous quick look and smiled.
“Maybe,” he said and opened the door and slipped back into the cabin. Erin’s brows furrowed. The air between them had changed suddenly and she had no idea what had just happened to cause it. Did Alicia and Xavier know each other? The thoughts were racing through Erin’s mind and she turned to look at her friend, who was still standing.
“You’ve been sitting here, chatting with him?” Alicia asked. Erin could see that she was trying to keep her voice low, but struggling to not sound too excited or screech.
“What do you mean? Do you know each other?” Erin breathed in deeply, bracing herself to be shot at with a long winded story about how Alicia and Xavier had once dated but it went sour after she dumped in. She could feel her fingers shaking a little. The thought of the two of them together produced an actual physical reaction in her.
“I wish.” Alicia rolled her eyes and slumped into the empty rocking chair. Erin threw her another confused look, increasingly angered by the slowness of information being given to her.
“Erin! Are you serious? You don’t know who that is?” Alicia was speaking through gritted teeth. Apparently, her friend was as annoyed with her as she was with Alicia. Erin shook her head.
“Should I?”
“That’s Xavier Cowen. Umm, the Xavier Cowen.” Alicia leaned in and spoke in a near-whisper. Erin still had no idea what to make of the revelation.
“Who is he?” she asked and watched as Alicia threw up her hands, in mock surrender.
“To put it simply, he’s a movie star,” Alicia said, not happy that her best friend couldn’t share in her absolute shock and excitement. Erin was confused, then surprised and then she broke into a fit of giggles. She couldn’t help herself. The thought of Xavier, the man she had been sitting and having a heart-to-heart with for the past hour, was a movie star? It was too unbelievable, too hilarious. She nearly didn’t buy it. She couldn’t believe that he had that frivolous a profession. She hadn’t asked, but she imagined him to be a Philosophy professor or perhaps a mad scientist.
“You’re certain of it?” Erin managed to ask, through her laughs. Alicia was sitting on the chair but had her hands on her hips now, furious at Erin’s reaction.
“I wasn’t sure initially, because of the beard. But yes, now I’m certain Erin.” She had her eyes narrowed. “Stop laughing. What’s so funny?”
“I just can’t believe it. What kind of movies does he do?” Erin asked, biting down on her lips to stop herself from laughing anymore.
“He used to be the heartthrob of the rom-coms about a decade ago, but then he had a series of Superhero films that he did. I don’t think he’s been in a movie in the past few years though.” Alicia was thinking, looking away from her and her brows were crinkled. She was in deep thought, trying to mentally trace out Xavier Cowen’s Hollywood career.
Erin couldn’t believe it, Rom-Coms, Superhero flicks? She sat back in her chair and folded her arms in front of her.
“This is crazy,” she said, almost to herself, but Alicia had heard.
“Yeah, I know. I can’t believe I just met Xavier Cowen,” Alicia replied, but she was speaking to herself as well.
“I could have sworn he was a teacher or something,” Erin said and the two girls exchanged looks.
“He does look quite different than he used to, on-screen at least. But he’s still gorgeous, isn’t he?” Alicia asked and Erin absent-mindedly nodded. He most definitely was, gorgeous. The fact that she was, even remotely, attracted to a movie star was a crazy prank the Universe had played on her. Her first boyfriend, Lawrence, who she dated towards the end of college was now an award winning sculptor and Steve, her second and last boyfriend was a Physicist. She had rarely been attracted to other men and the ones she had been, were the same league. A movie star? Erin burst into another fit of laughter.
Ms. Carter interrupted them at that moment.
“I’ve served dinner at the dining table, ladies,” she said and then slipped back into the cabin.
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br /> “I’m starving,” Erin said, and stood up, stretching her arms behind her. Alicia remained sitting, still deep in thought.
“Alicia. Food!” Erin shouted a little, trying to snap her friend out of her thoughts. Alicia looked up at her, still slightly confused and dazed.
“I don’t believe it,” she said and shook her head.
“I don’t believe it either. Snap out of it Alicia. Let’s go get dinner.” Erin started walking towards the door.
“Do you think he’ll really join us?” Alicia finally stood up and Erin shrugged.
“If he’s anything like any other superstar, he won’t. Right? Do we really care?” Erin opened the door.
“You might not. But I definitely do. I’m not leaving here without a photo with him and an autograph.” Alicia had her smile back on her face as she walked through the door.
“Leave him be Alicia. He’s probably come here to escape crazy fans like you.” Erin shut the door behind her and spoke to her friend in a whisper. Alicia whipped around to face her and smiled, her eyes were glittering mischievously, which almost always, Erin knew, meant trouble.
“It’s the price he has to pay for being a movie star and being so damn hot!” Alicia winked at Erin and strutted over to the dining room. Erin breathed in deeply and tightened the cardigan around her. Suddenly, she didn’t want to be in the cabin anymore. This wasn’t an escape, this wasn’t the vacation she wanted. This was a trap, a confusion.
Through the open door of the dining room, she saw Xavier sitting at the dining table, with Ms. Carter fussing over serving him food. She heard Alicia’s high pitched laugh as Erin waited where she was, for a few more minutes. She wished she hadn’t invited him to join them for dinner.
When Erin walked in, she noticed that Ms. Carter had already served the roast to her. She took her seat, across Xavier, while Alicia sat next to him at the table. Ms. Carter soon excused herself and took a plate of her dinner out, to her own room.
Alicia was talking excitedly as Erin poured herself some wine from the open bottle beside her. Xavier had a fixed weak smile on his face as he concentrated on cutting himself a piece of chicken.
Erin cleared her throat and Alicia stopped laughing.
“So, Alicia tells me you’re a movie star,” Erin said with a sarcastic smile on her face. From the corner of her eye, she could see that her friend had thrown her a look. Xavier continued chewing the food in his mouth after which he cleared his throat as well.
“She found me out,” he said with a soft smile and proceeded to cut himself another piece. Erin took a sip of her wine and pushed the bottle towards him. Alicia had already helped herself. She watched as he poured himself a glass and took a sip.
“I apologize that I didn’t recognize you. I can’t remember the last time I saw a contemporary movie,” Erin said with another smile and he nodded.
“Please don’t apologize. It was a breath of fresh air,” he said and Alicia broke the moment with a laugh.
“The last movie Erin watched was probably Casablanca or Citizen Kane,” she said through her laughs, but Xavier didn’t join in.
“They’re both great movies.” He looked at Erin instead and they smiled at each other.
“Alicia here, obviously thinks I’m very unfashionable. However, I should definitely watch one with you in it now.” Erin finally cut herself a piece of chicken while he shook his head.
“Please don’t. That would be embarrassing. I’m not particularly proud of my filmography,” he breathed in deeply and cut off their eye contact.
“Are you kidding me?” Alicia squealed and turned towards him on her side. “The Scarlett dress? The Best Man? Little Bit of Sunshine?” she named a few more movies that Erin had never heard of and she couldn’t help herself from laughing. Xavier looked embarrassed and he turned to her with his eyes downcast.
“I loved those movies. Why don’t you like them?” Alicia continued. Xavier, as always, took a few extended seconds to respond.
“They weren’t the kind of films I had set out to do. I had to make money, so I did them.” He washed down the food in his mouth with some wine. Erin remained quiet, her suspicions were correct, he was trying to escape.
“Is that why you haven’t done a movie in a few years?” Alicia asked, leaning in towards him a little. Xavier visibly moved away and Erin smiled. This was the first time, a man was not even accepting, leave alone reciprocating Alicia’s advances.
“I want to start with a clean slate. I know now that would be impossible. My stereotype has been set in stone,” he spoke quietly and his voice seemed to silence Alicia. She was also perhaps a little offended by his reaction to her.
“Can’t you make your own movies? The kind that you have always wanted to be in?” Erin asked. He looked at her again and smacked his lips.
“I suppose I could. I want to act, though. That’s what comes naturally to me. I wouldn’t have the skill set required to produce or direct a film.” He was cradling the glass of wine in his hands. Erin poured herself some more and he grabbed the bottle from her when she was done, pouring himself some as well.
“So are you waiting then?” she asked him and their eyes met again. His green eyes bored into her own brown ones, but she didn’t look away.
“Waiting and hoping that someone casts me in a role that’ll mean something to me,” he said and kept his eyes on her while he drained his glass into his mouth. Alicia who had remained silent all this while, spoke up then.
“I think that’s selfish. You should give your fans what they want. That is what you’re good at.” She drained her glass of wine, reached for the empty bottle and then stood up to walk over to the small bar at the corner of the room.
“He should do what makes him happy. That’s not being selfish,” Erin spoke sternly, surprising even herself by the tone of her voice.
Alicia tinkered around in the bar till she found another bottle of wine that she liked and brought it to the table. Erin threw her a look.
“What? I’m sure Ms. Carter won’t mind and she’ll charge us for it anyway!” Alicia snapped and uncorked the bottle. “Anyway. All I’m saying is that Xavier is famous, rich and has women swooning over him,” she continued and touched his arm lightly. Erin saw the muscles on his shoulders tense up with the touch and he tried to delicately move his arm away.
“It’s his life, Alicia. Let it go!” Erin’s eyes had narrowed. The last thing she wanted was to have a row with Alicia in front of someone else. Especially a celebrity! Alicia was gulping down her wine and her eyes had glazed over. She had barely touched her food.
“You and your high horse Erin. I’m just telling Xavier the truth,” she said and turned to look at him. He didn’t acknowledge her but continued to eat.
“It’s not always about what other people think Alicia. It’s not all about appearances!” Erin snapped at her, clanking the cutlery down on the plate. Alicia had nearly drained the wine in her glass and was reaching for the bottle. Erin pulled the bottle away from her to her end of the table.
“Oh lighten up Erin. Seriously. This is why Steve got tired of you. Because you think of nobody else but you.” Alicia stood up from her chair with a sudden jolt and reached over for the bottle. Erin could feel her nostrils flaring. The two of them were glaring at each other.
“Erin’s right,” Xavier spoke up and they both turned to look at him. “Ms. Carter might not be happy to see that we drank all her wine without asking.” Alicia dropped her jaw, in an exaggerated dramatic way.
“So you’re on her side? Because she supports your washed-up-career choices?” Alicia laughed with a snort and poured herself some more wine.
“Whatever,” she continued, “I’m going to my room. You’re really not the charming piece of work I’d imagined you to be!” she snapped at Xavier and picked up the bottle. She left the dining room in a huff with the glass and the bottle in her hands.
Erin breathed in. She didn’t know how she was supposed to feel, furious? Embarrassed?
Relieved.
“I’m sorry about that. Alicia’s been on edge ever since we arrived.” Erin tried to finish her food, but she wasn’t hungry anymore. Xavier continued with his dinner, apparently unperturbed by the scene that had just unfolded.
“Believe me, I’ve seen worse. Although, she has the personality of a movie star,” he said with a laugh and Erin smiled too.
“And the looks,” she added. They both fell into silence.
“I’m glad you agree with me. Not very many people do. My friends think I’m a fool for deserting the Hollywood scene at the peak of my career.” He was looking at his food as he spoke. Erin wasn’t entirely sure of what to say. No man had ever made himself emotionally available to her before, in fact, the only other emotions she was used to dealing with, were Alicia’s. Something told her that he needed to be handled differently.
“I’m just being honest. The only times that I’ve been happy were when I did exactly what I wanted.” She took a bite and chewed. He had finished eating and he pushed the plate away from him.
“Do you want to go look at the lake?” he asked suddenly and she smiled.
“You’ve read my mind,” she said and pushed her own plate away.
Chapter 3
Erin wasn’t sure if it had been a good idea. Xavier seemed to be warm enough in his plaid shirt and a thick woolen jacket. She had only carried Alicia’s discarded wrap along with her, over the thin cardigan she had already been wearing. Her woolen skirt and light black stockings were barely adding any warmth.
They had walked over to the lake and she was now sitting on a boulder close to the edge, while Xavier stood a little distance away from her, smoking a cigarette. They had walked in silence for the most part, and she was amazed how comfortable she was in his company. Unlike the other men who had been in her life, she didn’t feel the need to make unnecessary conversation with him.
“I didn’t think I’d meet anybody else in the cabin. I’d heard it’s usually empty this time of the year,” he said and she saw the end of his cigarette light up as he took in a drag.
