I hurried to catch up. “But I’ve been singing all day. My voice might—” I halted inside my bedroom door. She held Escuincle to her chest with her nose buried between his ears. His tail swished as purrs rumbled from his throat, and it almost looked like he was grinning. She closed her eyes and let out a little moan. It was the sexiest damn thing.
“Your voice will be fine.” She set the cat on the bed and lowered herself next to him. After she scooted back to rest against the wall, Escuincle surprised me by climbing onto her lap. “Señor Squinks and I want a show. Vámonos.”
How could I argue with that? I took out my guitar, then seized up with nerves. I had no idea which song to choose. “What do you want to hear?”
“Anything. What about that song you wrote at my practice a few days ago?”
No way I’d choose that song—the one Lucia had overheard. I didn’t want to remind Jessica about that night, or about my failure to protect her. I remembered I’d written a less obvious song yesterday that could work. It might be a risk, showing how much she consumed my mind. What if she doesn’t feel the same about me?
But I had to go for it since I didn’t know when I’d have such a stunning girl in my bedroom again.
Her eyebrows lifted when I closed my door.
“This is a private performance,” I said.
“Ooohh.” She leaned closer to my cat’s rotating ear. “Aren’t we lucky?”
Fitch had added an off-kilter drumbeat when we’d rehearsed the song earlier today, and I silently counted to the staccato beat. I closed my eyes and inhaled a deep breath. Here goes nothing.
Trust
Is a hard-to-earn thing
Just
Try to keep listening
Swallow
Down all of the unjust
Hollow
My chest, my heart will bust
Reach
Out to take her hand
Teach
Me to be a good man
The slight rasp to my voice actually worked for this song. I was about to continue when I watched her back peel off the wall, her eyes expanding.
“What?” I asked.
“Not sure…Is this a song about me?”
I had to be honest. “It’s one of them.”
“You’ve written other songs about me?”
Only about a hundred. I put my guitar back in its case. “Does that freak you out?”
A smile slowly spread, crinkling her eyes. “I like it. I want to hear more.”
Was I ready for her to know for sure how I felt about her? “Then you’ll have to come over another time. The guys wiped me out today.”
“Your voice didn’t sound tired at all.”
“Thanks.” I slid my hands into my pockets. “I was trying to remember what my instructor taught me about breathing.”
“What kind of breathing do they teach singers?”
“Deep breathing—I think it’s called diaphragmatic?”
She snorted.
I stared at her as I crossed to sit near my pillow. “Did I say it wrong?”
“Oh! No, I was laughing because my ‘instructor’ taught me diaphragmatic breathing, too.”
I cocked my head.
“And by instructor I mean psychologist,” she added.
Sí. Dane had mentioned the breathing technique. “You’re supposed to take deep breaths when you’re…having flashbacks?”
She stroked Squinky’s fur. “Or when I wake up from nightmares.”
That sounded dreadful.
“I bet petting this little brat would help me fall back asleep.”
I shrugged. “He probably interferes with sleep more than he helps it.”
“Maybe we’ll have to test that out one day.”
She stared straight at me as she spoke, awakening my lower body. I shifted to adjust myself. “What else, uh, what else did your psychologist say would help you in bed, er, sleep?”
“Dr. Valentine told me my brain’s sending alarm signals to my body, making me tense and edgy. She said I should get massages to calm down my muscles, but I haven’t had time.”
Dios. She led me right there. My heart raced as I contemplated sharing my next thought. “Would you like me to give you a massage?”
She dipped her chin and looked up at me. “Do you know how?”
“Hell no. I’m no massage therapist.”
She laughed. “I’ve never had a massage, so it’s not like I’d know the difference.”
“You’ve never had a massage? They’re awesome.” I used to get them monthly at the White House. I rose to my feet and pointed to my pillow. “Um, here. Want to lie down on your stomach?”
She hesitated.
“Only if you’re up for it,” I added. “No pressure.”
Her blue eyes met mine. “That song you sang? I do trust you, by the way.”
I let out a breath. “I’m honored.”
To back up her words, she set Escuincle on the floor, kicked off her shoes, and extended her body toward the headboard. The mattress was extra long, but there still wasn’t much space left at the foot of the bed once she’d stretched out. Her head lifted from the pillow. “Am I supposed to take my clothes off?”
Hijole. Blood rushed to my groin. Absolutely, I wanted to say. Instead I sat next to her shoulder and stroked her hair.
“That would be the perfect ending to the perfect day, but we shouldn’t rush things.”
“I guess you’re right.” She lowered her cheek to the pillow.
I chewed my lip as my hands hovered over her shoulders. I was really doing this? I touched the base of her neck as gently as I could, but she still jumped.
“Sorry!” she said.
“Tranquila. It’s okay.” I lifted her hair to one side and smoothed my fingers down her neck, fanning out to her shoulder blades. Her muscles felt tense as hell. “Now would be a good time for those deep breaths.”
She nodded, and I felt her torso rise beneath my hands.
“You don’t like it, we stop. No problem.”
“It already feels good.” She closed her eyes and sank into the mattress.
Buoyed by that feedback, I began working her shoulders through her royal-blue shirt. The scent I’d noticed in Elyse’s bedroom lingered on her skin, and my body responded to the smell and the touch.
“Mmm,” she purred when I moved to her shoulder blades. Her sated sound turned me rock hard.
Her body was lean with soft curves thrown in at just the right places. She was firm and muscular, yet still feminine. Still a complete turn-on. Would she think I was a pervy masseur if she knew how hard I was?
Escuincle watched us for a while, then hopped up on the bed. He pranced over to her and stepped onto the slight slope of her jean-clad bottom.
“Squinky.” I frowned. “Get down.”
She giggled. “Is he sitting on me?”
“Yeah. Do you want him off?”
“Nah.” He began kneading her lower back with his paws, and her giggles increased. “My first human and cat massage.”
“He was weaned early,” I explained. “Sometimes he kneads Lucy and me, too.” The feline masseur was busy down below so I slid my fingers up her neck to bury them in her thick hair. Damn, I loved her curls. When I massaged her scalp, she stopped giggling. She sank into the pillow. Her breathy moan was a shot to my groin.
I drew circles with my index fingers on the back of her head, and she seemed to sway under my touch. The sound of her slow breaths filled the room, filled me with satisfaction. I relaxed her as she excited me.
Escuincle hopped down and curled up by her hip.
Kneading behind her ears, my fingers skated down along her jaw.
“So.” Her voice was lower than normal. “What made your day perfect?”
I paused until I remembered my earlier comment. “Fitch and Itch kicked out their front man.”
“Really? What does that mean?”
I shrugged. “Guess I’m the new lead singer.”
<
br /> She bolted upright, somehow without disrupting the cat. “Oh, my God! That’s great news, Teo.” She threw her arms over my shoulders and squeezed me tight.
Though I’d been stoked when my bandmates had told me the news, that feeling was nothing like the elation I experienced in her arms. Her celebrating my good fortune multiplied it into a billion bucks.
We sat hip to hip on the bed as we embraced. I felt the softness of her breasts pushing into my chest. She lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Up to this point, our hugs had felt peaceful, comforting. But the charge in the air and the lively sparkle in her eyes seemed different this time. My throat was a desert, and swallowing didn’t help.
“Now you’re not relaxed anymore,” I said.
“To be honest, your massage didn’t relax me very much.”
“I told you I was winging it.”
“Oh! It’s not your technique.”
I searched her face for a clue.
She gave me a sly smile. “It’s the massage therapist.” She leaned closer, our noses almost touching. “He’s turning me on.”
I opened my mouth to suck in a breath, and in a flash her lips were on mine. Dios, she was kissing me! I closed my eyes and savored her silky mouth. My hands wove through that glorious hair as I deepened the kiss. She tasted like mint, with a lingering hint of beer, and I drank her in like a thirsty traveler.
She kept kissing me as she lifted up and moved one leg across my body to straddle my lap. Her heat burned into me. My erection pressed against her through our jeans, and my eyes flew open to see her reaction.
“Hmm.” A smile played over her mouth. “Feels like I’m not the only one who’s turned on.”
She scooted closer and shifted her body with a slow grind against me. I was about to come right there.
“Chica,” I panted. “I’ve had it bad for you for a long time.”
“I’m honored, Teo.” Her blue eyes deepened. “The first time we met, I thought you were so cute.”
“Cute?” I leaned back with a scowl.
She grinned. “Back when you were just a boy. And I was just a girl.” Her grin vanished. “A stupid girl lately.” Her face fell. “I’ve done some things I regret. I, I lost my way somehow.” She tossed her head and blinked a few times. “But anyway, now you’re a man. A hot man.”
That sounded way better than cute.
“A man who’s helping me find my way back. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.” She pressed her warm lips to mine, and this kiss was silkier, slower. Her hands raked through my hair as I massaged up and down her spine. I was melting like Olaf into a puddle on my bed.
She held me tight as she opened her eyes, an inch from mine. “Thank you. Gracias.”
“Siempre. Anything for you.”
She looked behind her at my pillow, then back at me. “Could we…Could I stay here tonight? I mean, not to…” She swallowed.
“I could hold you as you fall asleep?”
She let out a breath. “Yes. Please.”
I found some pajamas for her in Lucia’s room and checked my blood glucose as she brushed her teeth. After I got ready for bed, I came out of the bathroom to find her lying on her side with Escuincle curled up against her belly. She stroked his fur as she smiled at me.
I’d never wanted to get to bed faster in my life.
For a moment I wondered what Johnny and Karen would think about Jessica sleeping over, but I pushed that thought aside. No other guy my age had to worry about that crap. I climbed behind her and curved into a spooning position, then drew the covers over us.
“Can Squinky breathe?” she asked.
“Yeah. He’ll probably leave at some point.”
She sighed. “He’ll be outta there for sure if I have a nightmare.”
“No nightmares.” I kissed her shoulder and tucked her closer. “This is a nightmare-free bed.”
“Good.” I heard a smile in her voice. She snuggled into my chest.
I thought there’d be no way I could fall asleep with the girl I’d been dreaming about a reality in my bed. But when her breaths steadied, I felt my eyelids droop. The drain of a long band rehearsal seeped into me.
“Te quiero,” I whispered. Her warmth filled my body as I drifted off to sleep.
Chapter 17
MACKENZIE AND I LAUGHED as we entered our dorm room. After a few days of awkwardness and me trying to apologize without revealing anything, she’d finally forgiven me for yelling at her two weeks ago at Elyse’s. I was grateful. We’d just finished an intrasquad meet—frosh vs. varsity—and our team (the freshmen and seniors) had crushed the sophomores and juniors.
“You’re celebrating with me tonight, right?” Mackenzie asked as she flung her backpack onto the chair.
My laughter died. I took off my jacket and fluffed my wet hair. “Actually, I’m going over to Teo’s. We’re teaching him how to play euchre.”
“Jessica.” Her eyebrows lowered. “You’re no fun anymore.”
“Sorry.” I winced.
She looked into the mirror above her chest of drawers as she drew on eyeliner. “So Teo’s not there for one meet and you go through withdrawal?”
Dane and Lucia had attended my meet—Lucia had a rare weekend break from volleyball, and Dane wanted to show off his sans crutches ambulatory status—but Mateo had spent his Saturday afternoon at band rehearsal. He was freaking out about having only two weeks to get ready for their first gig, which had been scheduled for the last weekend of October.
Mackenzie started applying mascara. “You defo need a bangaroo with him.”
I wasn’t sure of the exact definition of bangaroo but it definitely seemed sexual. I blushed, thinking about sex with Mateo. We hadn’t progressed beyond kissing and touching, but I sensed more was coming. And I could defo get on board with that. I just hoped I wouldn’t have a flashback.
I plugged in my hair dryer as Mackenzie continued with her makeup. “What about you?” I asked. “Still no dice with Christian?”
She pouted at her mirror. “He’s living up to his name.”
“Huh?”
“He’s a choir boy. No bloody bangaroos with him.”
I looked at a reflection of one of her alpha-male posters in my mirror. “Bummer,” I said.
“No worries. Got my eye on another bloke.” She rubbed her lips together after applying lipstick.
“Really? Who?”
She paused. “Why do you want to know? You have Mateo.”
That seemed like a strange response.
“Don’t want to jinx it,” she added. “He’s prolly out of my league.” She turned on her hair dryer, which drowned out further conversation.
I shrugged and turned on my own hair dryer, attaching a diffuser to keep my curls from going berserk. My hair was almost dry when a chill went up my spine, despite the hot air. I clicked off the dryer and turned to Mackenzie, who had moved on to flat-ironing her sleek brown hair.
“The guy you like…is it Blake?” Saying his name made me sick.
She met my eyes in her mirror, then set down the flat iron.
When she didn’t answer right away, nausea coiled in my gut.
“What if it is?” She blinked. “You don’t own him.”
Oh, God. “I know I don’t. This isn’t about me—it’s about you.” My voice shook. “You shouldn’t be with him, Mackenzie. He’s a bad dude.”
“No, he’s not. But even if he is, maybe I like bad boys.”
No, no, no. “Trust me, you won’t like him. He…didn’t treat me well. He’s not right for you, either.”
“So I’m not good enough for your sloppy seconds?”
She hadn’t heard a word I’d said. My heart seemed to vibrate, sending trembles through my core.
“That’s not what I’m saying!” The tightness in my chest made it tough to breathe, and I clutched my desk chair for support.
“What’s your deal?” She stepped closer. “Why’ve you been acting so wei
rd?”
I hoped my attempts at deep breaths weren’t too obvious. I felt sweat bead at my temple.
“Like, why’d Elyse stop you from drinking the other night?”
I forced a swallow down my constricted throat. “I’m not supposed to drink.”
“Why not? All swimmers party.”
I stepped around to sit in the chair, shoving my hands under my legs to stop their quiver. “I failed a drug test.”
Her eyes widened. “For what? When?”
“The first night we were here. The party at the swimmer house.” My voice quivered on that last word, and I closed my eyes. “Blake gave me a joint. I should’ve said no.”
“Aaahhhh.”
I opened my eyes to see her nodding.
“So that’s why you don’t like him. You’re a hornet in a bottle—angry at him because he got you in trouble.”
“No, it’s more than that.” Much more.
Her head cocked as she waited for me to continue.
I couldn’t tell her about the rape. I wasn’t ready. If I told her, she might blab to others, which might force me to have to report it to the police. What if she didn’t believe me? Or what if she told Blake I’d figured out that he raped me? Would he try to come after me? Threaten me? “I…I can’t tell you.”
“It’s not his fault you smoked, you know.” She went back to her flat iron.
Clearly she liked Blake. She was on his side, and she wouldn’t believe me. “I know that. I shouldn’t have done it.”
I wished I hadn’t. But if I hadn’t tested positive on that drug test, I wouldn’t have met with Dr. Valentine. Maybe I would’ve still thought I’d had consensual sex with him. Maybe I’d be with him.
I shuddered. “Don’t let him take advantage of you.”
I watched her eyes narrow in her mirror. “But you’re the one who dumped him.” She turned and stared at me. “Why are you so jealous?”
I was about to tell her I was anything but jealous when my phone buzzed. Teo and his agents were outside the dorm waiting for me.
She grabbed her small purse and headed for the door.
“Mackenzie, wait.”
She halted, but wouldn’t look at me.
“Where’re you going?” I asked.
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