Anna, on the other hand, as if nothing unusual had just happened, handed the phone to Keela. “Dad wants to talk to you.”
Released from her paralyzed state, her rapid pulse climbing up her neck, Keela grabbed the phone, prepared to explain the mistake. But Ron had already started at a sprint. He berated, accused and condemned her.
“She called him Dan, not Dad,” Keela insisted to unhearing ears, so she raised her voice. “Ron, I’m not encouraging anything, and you have no right to talk to me like that!”
* * *
Daniel went on alert. Anna looked visibly shaken, too, hearing the one-sided argument, her frightened eyes darting from her mother to Daniel and back. No doubt Ron had sounded angry when he’d abruptly told Anna to hand the phone over to her mother, but the unsuspecting kid didn’t have a clue. Now she did and she was upset. Beyond upset. Hysterical.
Not knowing what to do, but feeling responsible for the problem, Daniel dropped to one knee and tried to console the child at the kitchen table. She cried on his shoulder, out-of-control sobs, gut wrenching to hear and nearly impossible to take. Like the day she’d fallen in the dunes and broken her leg.
“Daddy’s mad at me.”
“Now you’ve made her cry!” Keela yelled at Ron.
Daniel was the cause. His stomach twisted and guilt made him squeeze her tight. Too tight? He’d brought this on. Encouraged it?
The thought freaked him out. If he let himself fall in love with Keela, something he quickly realized he had zero control over, would it always be this way? Never quite breaking into the middle of the family, always kept on the sidelines, with Ron holding Keela hostage over their daughter? Was that what he wanted in a relationship?
Keela wouldn’t back down, and he saw the ire she was capable of with her ex.
“You can believe what you want, but I’m not trying to take your daughter away from you. You’ve been doing a damn fine job of that yourself.” Keela hung up. “Eejit!” She paced the kitchen, working off her frustration, running her fingers through her hair, not making eye contact. Anna’s cries had wound down to whimpers and shudders as she hawkishly watched her mother.
Daniel rubbed Anna’s back when he felt her tremble. He wanted to say everything was okay, but he knew those would be empty words. Nothing was okay. A child’s innocent slipup had turned into arguments and anger. One phone call had taken their bright day and shrouded it in shadows.
“Daddy hates me.” Anna said it as though she’d done the worst thing any kid had ever done in history. It sickened Daniel.
Keela rushed to her daughter and took her in her arms. “No, he doesn’t, and you didn’t do anything wrong. You just got your words mixed up a little, that’s all.”
Daniel could tell Anna wasn’t the only one trembling. How could one bully wreak such havoc over the phone? Daniel’s concern turned to anger. The bastard had probably bullied Keela throughout their marriage. What a horrible way to live.
He made a quick assessment of their relationship from the beginning. Had he ever treated her like that? How about the day he’d told her he wouldn’t accept childcare issues as a reason to miss work? Nice going, Delaney. His already twisted stomach tangled into a knot at the thought. He’d bullied Keela as a boss. Could she still be worried she’d lose her job if things didn’t work out between them? Could he trust she was as into him as he was her because of it? Or was she only protecting her job? Being with a guy like Ron had probably trained her how to pretend in all kinds of situations.
Daniel hated where his thoughts were going, shifting away from a brokenhearted child to his own doubting universe, but he couldn’t stop them. And he couldn’t go on blaming Kathryn for all his emotional flaws. He owned this. One phone call. One argument. One tough fifteen minutes, and he was already questioning the very existence of Keela and Daniel. And don’t forget Anna.
* * *
Keela held her daughter, mindlessly rubbing her back, hoping to soothe her anxiety, as Daniel looked on.
Guilt-ridden and mixed-up, she went over what had just happened. Anna had referred to Daniel as her new dad. It’d come out of nowhere. But Anna had never shown an inkling of worry about the new man coming into their lives. She’d liked Daniel from the start, long before he’d warmed up to or saved her. Ron had been an ogre on the phone, talking down to her. The only reaction he knew for anger was revenge.
Realizing she was clutching Anna maybe a little too tightly, Keela eased up, checked her daughter’s eyes for new tears. Daniel handed her a paper towel from the kitchen counter, and she wiped away the trails of water down Anna’s cheeks. “You okay, honey?”
By berating Keela, Ron had ensured that Anna’s sweet and spontaneous declaration of love for Daniel got stomped on. The message: telling someone you love them is bad. That sick lesson he’d taught Anna just now made Keela’s blood boil.
Feeling defeated, she stood and tugged her daughter away from the forgotten sandwich. “Let’s get you ready for bed.”
As she walked Anna to the bathroom, she half expected Daniel to leave. Wouldn’t that be the easy way? Just slink out the front door while the girls were busy. Ron would.
But Daniel wasn’t like that. When Anna had calmed down and crawled into bed, instead of never wanting to see Daniel again, since he’d gotten her into trouble, her tender, grudgeless heart was still intact. “I want Dan to read me a story.”
It gave Keela hope and made her smile. And it also worried her. “Okay. I’ll go ask.” She took the few steps down the hall, hoping with all her heart he’d still be there.
And he was.
With a rush of relief, she wanted to run to him, throw her arms around his neck and kiss him. But because of the “incident,” and everything it’d dredged up, she didn’t. Dealing with Ron had reinforced the old cautionary tale, don’t trust men, they change. Ron had poisoned her, and now she worried what could happen, since Anna had innocently declared her love for Daniel. “So, Anna wants you to read her a bedtime story.”
“Really?” From the couch, he jumped to his feet.
Keela lifted her shoulders and cocked her head—who can figure out a kid? But the truth was, this was another lesson learned from a child who wore her feelings on her sleeve. Only because it was her daughter’s wish, she carried through with the request, but inside Keela despaired how easily Anna could get hurt.
He looked honored. Daniel obviously didn’t take lightly the reading of a bedtime story to a little girl who’d just told him she loved him and referred to him as her “new dad.” Which he wasn’t. He was far from it, in fact. They were only dating.
While he read, Keela walked and thought. Her getting her heart broken again, she could deal with, but Anna? The cost was too much and could affect the rest of her daughter’s life. Great guy or not, the timing with Daniel was simply too soon, and she needed to think of her daughter before herself.
Fifteen minutes later, when he’d finished reading two books, he reappeared in the living room. Since Keela had had time to think, what she’d decided didn’t make her happy.
He stood a few feet away, his bottom lip curled in, teeth planted on top, obviously sensing something was wrong, and he seemed torn about what to say or do.
Earlier, on the drive home they’d exchanged sexy, secret glances multiple times, and she’d been pretty sure they were both on the same page about his staying over a second night. After the wonderful day they’d had, she’d looked forward to getting lost in his sturdy body, letting him take her to that place he’d become an expert at. Now she sighed, wishing things hadn’t been ruined by a vitriolic phone call, and all the terrible memories it’d brought up.
But everything had. Changed.
She didn’t have the strength to deal with anything else today, so she stood her ground, not uttering an invitation.
“So I should be going?” he said, sounding uncertain.
She’d already emotionally pulled back from Daniel, thanks to Ron, and now she was about to prove it. “That’s probably a good idea.”
They stared at each other for a few heartbeats, the strained silence taking on the weight of a dozen Rons.
“This wasn’t your fault.” He took a step closer.
“He acted as if I was a horrible mother for dating someone. Though he’d started dating long before he’d left us. Bloody eejit! Who does he think he is, taking the high road?”
“From what you’ve told me, he obviously did it out of guilt.”
“The man is incapable of that.” She spit out the words. “He knows no more about guilt or remorse than a pig in an armchair!” She paced, trying to calm down. “I just expected Anna to understand what was going on. How foolish of me.”
“We didn’t really know what was going on, either. Did we, at first?”
The sweet bubble she’d created around her and Daniel burst, thanks to Ron, and things felt lousy. Really lousy. Too-much-to-deal-with lousy. “Maybe for now we should go easy, make sure Anna doesn’t get any more confused.” I’m confused enough for both of us!
“As long as Ron runs the show, you’ll always be confused.” He’d poked at an open wound, and rather than admit it, she went the defensive route.
“The man’s greedy that way. He doesn’t want the job, but he sure as hell doesn’t want anyone else taking it.” There was no way Daniel could understand their situation. The realization angered her. “I’m so confused. His lousy call has made me wonder where we stand. What we should do.” She’d taken another step back from him and was sure he felt it.
“But we’re just getting to know each other, though—”
She scratched her forehead, making a huge snap decision before he could finish his sentence. It might hurt less if she came up with the idea. “Maybe we should...” Should what? Wait until she’d dealt with the fallout from her marriage and divorce once and for all? Or they’d all forgotten the latest incident, when there were sure to be many more? “Look, I’m going to be brutally honest. Dating you has been great, but tonight proved I’m not ready for a relationship. I thought I might be, but I’ve still got too many issues holding me back. Ron really did a number on me.”
“He’s still doing it,” Daniel said solemnly, poking more at that wound.
The truth ticked her off. More defensiveness piled on. “You can’t possibly know or understand.”
He lifted his palm gesturing her to stop, which upset her even more. “Believe me, I have an idea how you feel,” he said. “We’ve both got old junk holding us back. It might be good to take a breather...”
Lost in her thoughts, she got yanked back into the moment by what he’d implied. She’d wanted to start a discussion, test the waters for how deeply he was involved. Now Mr. Considerate jumped right in and said “Let’s take a breather.” Even though some time apart might be a good idea, it hurt for him to want it so easily. Which proved Daniel was nowhere near ready to love again, either. If he was, he’d fight for her. Did she need him to? God, she really was a mess.
Hurt, anger and frustration formed the perfect storm, and she shut down.
So this was all they had, something that tumbled down on the first test. “Okay,” she managed to utter, her insides withering with the sound.
He hesitated, watching her. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
Still slightly stunned, and nowhere near ready to deal with practicalities, she answered without thinking. “Of course.” After another moment of his trying to make eye contact, and her refusing to cooperate, he turned for the door. Old insecurities piled on to a major truth. “I need my job.”
He stopped, glanced back, looking wounded. “I told you from the start that was secure. Nothing’s changed in that regard.”
He was a man of his word. She already knew it and, just now, he’d proved it yet again. But when he left without kissing her goodbye, she felt empty and her body cold.
* * *
Daniel’s feet were numb as he walked to his car. How had a great day like today turned into one of the most depressing nights he’d had in a long time? Everything had been going great with Keela since they’d started dating. They’d moved beyond dating quickly and had become involved, seriously involved. Then Ron had barged back in and made sure all three of them had been slapped back into reality. That selfish dude wasn’t going anywhere, and he’d always make their lives miserable, if Keela let him, which she still did.
As much as Daniel hated the solution, it was probably good to step back for a while and figure everything out. Both of them. Hadn’t he learned a thing since Kathryn? Never walk away from a woman you love.
He stopped midstep. He’d just admitted he loved her. On the night he’d suggested they take a break. Crazy.
He slipped into his car. This wasn’t a breakup. It was a breather. That was all he’d let it be, too—just a short break so they could both get their heads straight. There was no way he’d let her go...unless she asked.
In the meantime, Conor had said Daniel needed to honestly admit his feelings for Keela and deal with the idea, then way down the line consider where he stood with Anna, and what he wanted to be to her. For now, she was his friend. Would he ever be ready to be a “new” dad to her?
The whole mess with Ron, but more so how Keela let it control her, made him want to yell. Instead he scrubbed his face, started the car and drove off. He’d take Daisy for a run on the beach, because there was no other way he could work off this kind of confusion.
* * *
Keela sat on her bed, finally letting her deepest reaction out. She cried and sobbed, defeated by Ron once again. She’d let Daniel leave, hadn’t so much as questioned his decision. Hell, she’d practically led him there! Didn’t she think she deserved happiness? She went back and forth between feeling sorry for herself, being angry as hell at Daniel and chiding herself for still giving Ron power in her life.
Daniel had been the best thing for her and Anna, ever. But Anna had called him her “new dad” and that had shaken Keela to the core. Old truths came crashing down. And Daniel had grabbed the excuses she’d given and left, bringing her insecurities back in full force.
Truth was, she had changed on many levels, but this incident had tripped her up tonight. Daniel had seemed to suggest the “breather” too quickly, and that made her want to punch a wall. It was time to give herself some credit, instead of so willingly accept all the blame.
Before they got back together, Daniel would have to first realize who’d changed his life. She’d brought him back from some emotional graveyard he’d been loitering in, and he was in a better place because of her. If they got back together, he’d have to understand she was the exact person he needed in his life. Kid and all. With her, there’d be no easy way in...or out. Never again.
She fished around her bedside table for a tissue and blew her nose after wiping her eyes. At least she’d settled something. She was worth it. Worthy of being loved. Then she cried some more, thinking that tomorrow, facing Daniel at work, would be the hardest day of her life.
Chapter Ten
On Monday Keela showed up early at the clinic, hoping to hide in her office before Daniel arrived. Unfortunately, thanks to yet another early-morning add-on, he strolled into the hallway the moment she set foot through the door.
No way could she hide her puffy eyes from crying until she had to change her pillowcase last night. But when she forced a glance his way, he didn’t look so great himself—eyes bleary and glassy, as if he’d been awake all night. And had he forgotten to comb his hair? What a mess they both were.
Because it was so hard to face him, she diverted her gaze to her sensible work shoes, the same place the ball of anxiety in her chest had dropped.
But he wouldn’t let her get away with avoiding him, grasping her upper arm and squeezing
, and rattling her with his touch. “Mornin’,” he said while passing by, obviously leaving off the “good” part.
One thing was true: they were in this mess together. So he had the right idea—may as well make the best of it. Or in his case, act like nothing life-altering had happened.
She forced her glance upward. “Hi, Daniel.” With her throat dry, she needed water. She also needed something to steady her trembling fingers, and that tight ball of whatever had bounced back from her toes and settled in her stomach, setting off a full-body reaction. “Excuse me,” she said, making a beeline for the bathroom.
Once there, hovering over the toilet, she prayed he’d gone directly into the examination room and hadn’t lingered in the hall long enough to hear her hurl.
The morning wore on, and gradually Keela felt better. It helped to have her schedule of clients and other duties to focus on. But the knot stayed firmly planted in her stomach, and when lunch rolled around, all she wanted to do was sip tea, close the door to her office, close the blinds and shut out the rest of the world.
Anna had sensed something was still wrong that morning, too. “Are you okay, Mom?” she’d kept asking. Keela had done her best to prove she was, but feeling off balance and headachy, with the accompanying tensed brows, must have betrayed her true feelings.
“I’m fine, honey,” she’d flat out lied. “You have a good day with Mrs. Jenkins, okay?” It had killed her to see that uncertain expression on her daughter’s face when she’d left her at day care, but Keela had a job to do. And an obligation.
At least Daniel was being his usual gentlemanly self. It had felt good and so normal when he’d touched her arm earlier, though nothing seemed normal between them anymore. The squeeze was probably his way of reassuring her the job was safe, that they’d get through this rocky patch, but the way she felt this morning gave the impression it would be a long road ahead.
Somehow they both limped through the next few days, not exactly avoiding each other, but keeping interactions to the barest minimum while making sure the clinic stayed on schedule. They really were taking a personal time-out. And it felt so wrong.
Forever a Father Page 17
