Chris had suggested that Sebastian was not in London alone but I just hope that he was guessing or exaggerating the situation. I sense that he thinks that there may be something between Seb and I, and that he is not best pleased but I may be wrong. I’m not sure that he is that intelligent; although there’s some serious jealousy there. Chris is most definitely inferior to his friend and knows it.
The thought of Sebastian with another woman now, doing to her what he’d done with me, I couldn’t bear it. I have to resign myself to the fact that this was my fault and I was the one who instigated the arrangement. He may have added the rules but we never made any promises to each other and just because it was us, and we had a history of friendship - that did not guarantee a happy ending.
Besides, I’d never wanted that, had I? To be with Sebastian Silver in a long-term committed relationship? Why does that suddenly not sound so strange?
God, it was much easier when you didn’t already know the guy – certainly less heavy so early on – I’d never had feelings for someone so fast before – never felt so utterly bereft at their unexpected disappearance. The emotion does not sit well with me – I don’t do needy. I’m a strong independent Single Mother, who earns my own crust and is comfortable with my own company – this is a totally new experience for me.
I shake my head to myself, knowingly – no – this is the way it must be when it’s real, unequivocally, and undeniably right. This conclusion only makes our situation more unbearable.
Do I want this to be a long-term thing? Surely I don’t want to be with someone so controlling and with a sexual history that would make Dirk Diggler proud?
Following the winding roads home from Holdgate to Bodley, I glance across at my phone in its hands-free holder and notice a text message on the screen. It’s from Jackie.
Leo called to talk to you about accounts.
I said you’d gone home ill with stomachache. See you tomorrow
hopefully Boss :)
Urgghh I hadn’t spoken to him since Saturday night and I still feel pretty bad how I’d arrived with him and then dumped him. How bad was that? I’ll ring him tomorrow and smooth things over. I’m sure he’d be fine. I had bigger problems than Leo to worry about.
6pm I crawl into bed for an early night and snuggle under the king-size meringue duvet in a tired heap. Soup and a crusty roll followed by a pudding of Levonelle, was not something I’d recommend off the menu. Half an hour in and there it is; the lovely nausea has popped in for a visit. Curling up with my cream, fluffy Princess hot water bottle I sigh in disgust.
You’ve no one to blame but yourself!
If I can just get through the next few hours, I’ll be fine - grin and bear it, as deep down you know it was worth it; entirely irresponsible but worth it…
My thoughts are rudely interrupted by the bark of my phone and wearily turning to grab it from my bedside table I groan in discomfort. The text is boldly screaming at me in all its ultraviolet brightness and a quick glance tells me its from Sebastian. My heart starts to pound.
I’ve been thinking about you.
The smell of you, the feel of you, the taste of you. Sorry I had to leave on short notice - be in touch soon. x
I cradle the phone to my chest, the huge smile on my face threatening to crack open. Yay! He’s thinking about me – he didn’t forget… me. I re-read the text again, and a warm sensation blankets me. I settle down to fall into a deep slumber, happy that he is as restless as I am where we are concerned. Our texts have definitely gone to the next level, even if we haven’t. Closing my eyes I succumb and feel myself relax for the first time all day.
The trouble with medication is it disturbs your sleep and I awake as a wave of nausea hits me again. Looking at my phone I can see its 10pm – I’ve slept for nearly 3hours solid, at least that means the pill is well and truly in my system now and its job will be complete.
I look down again and notice I’ve had 5 missed calls from my sister and 2 from Abby. I rub my hands wearily across my face in an attempt to focus properly, and enter the code for my phone, ringing Suzie immediately.
“Babe, is everything ok?”
I’m groggy but also acutely aware that I’ve not made enough time for my sister of late and we are well overdue a catch-up. I’m probably not on her nice list at the mo.
“How did it go?” she sounds a little snooty but concerned.
I wrack my brain for what she could mean. Surely she didn’t mean…
“The Pill?” her voice goes up at the end of the sentence.
“Shit - did Abby tell you?”
“Yes she bloody did but only cos I dragged it out of her. I rang work first and they said you’d gone home with tummy ache. Then I rang Abs for some juicy goss about you and Seb and conned her into spilling.”
Crap. Poor Abby, it wasn’t her fault. I decide to go with the flow.
“It was OK, spent a few hours feeling pretty horrid and went to bed early until my phone woke me.”
“Sorry to wake you but it sounds like you got off lightly - in every way, Madam!” she says in her best Teacher voice.
I groan. “I know, I know, but it’s done now. I just hope that this nausea goes away soon. I know Abs said it can last a few days.”
“Well I’m warning you, Gino overheard me leaving a message for you earlier tonight – seeing as you weren’t answering your phone!”
I freeze. “Does Gino know? Oh Suze, please ask him not to tell Sebastian?”
“Why the bloody hell not – he should have put something on the end of his dick! Why should you be the only one feeling like crap?”
I cringe; Abby and Suzie were cut from the same cloth. I‘d hoped to deal with this on my own, to feel like I am in control still. The second Sebastian was involved it would become a huge drama and undo all the amazing part of our undeniable sexual chemistry.
“Well, all I’m saying is expect a call soon. Every cloud has a Silver lining, eh?”
“Right, Ok Suze thanks for the heads up. Better be off. I’ll see you tomorrow at the shop, I need to get a dress for the party on Saturday.”
“No worries my lovely – I’ll put a few to one side. I need to talk to you anyway, as I have some juicy news but it can wait!” She always has juicy news but for some reason I sense that this news is important; she’s being far too coy for it not to be.
We both hang up and I frown considering her last comment. Just like Suzie to feed me a little crumb and not the whole morsel; I’d be wondering what her news was all night. Well, anything to take the focus away from me for a while.
I’m dreaming that I can hear a tap tapping noise, which is persistently annoying. It’s not long before I come to the realisation that it’s not a dream, but in fact a reality. I pause, holding my breath in the darkness and wait. There it is again. A pebble hits the window; this time the sound is unmistakable. Making my way to the window I notice that the clock on the chest of drawers next to it, glares a luminous green 11.43pm. Nervously, I peer out and see a familiar gunmetal Silver Range Rover Sport parked opposite my house. My heart leaps into my throat. Oh no! I don’t want him to see me like this!
I’m a total mess, no make-up, and flannelette PJ’s are so not a sexy look. He is the last person I want to see now and how I’m going to hide this from him I don’t know.
What the hell is he doing here?
I make my way to the door, wishing I’d had the time to clean my teeth and release the bolt, then the lock before holding it slightly ajar; just enough to see him leaning irate against the frame. His sexy body encased in jeans and a quilted Barber jacket. He looks delicious and seriously pissed.
“Christ - you’re a heavy sleeper. I thought I was going to have to replace that window, the amount of stones I’ve thrown at it.”
“What are you doing here Seb? I thought you were in London?”
“I was, three and a half hours ago. Let me in Lu!” His face is tight and his brows furrowed.
“It’s late, Sebastian. I was asleep and I’m not feeling great.” I wrinkle my nose at my weakness but I’m hoping he’ll be like most men and assume that means I’m on my period and run a mile. A wave of nausea hits me again and I recoil.
“That’s why I’m here. Now let me in.”
I’m tired and emotional and rather than fight him tonight, I cave and move aside for him to enter, moving to curl up on my favourite chair, as the dizziness overwhelms me.
“Whoa Baby. Steady there.”
He grabs me before I collapse and ignores the chair, picking me up and holding me against his chest, he carries me up the stairs to my bedroom. I close my eyes, inhaling his clean male scent and link my hands around his neck, allowing myself to be supported for once. It felt so nice to relax against him and just be cared for.
“Right, Little One, let’s get you settled.”
I watch as he pulls back the cover and places me gently, into the bed, covering me completely. Why was he here?
Once he’s refilled my water glass he kicks off his shoes and joins me on the bed, drawing me into his warm strength again.
“Why didn’t you tell me Lu?”
I can feel his breath on my hair and his soft touch as he lightly caresses my wrist. Even feeling ill, his magnetism is so powerful I’m immensely turned on.
“Lu?” his gentle reminder brings me back to focus on the inevitable. I shouldn’t hide this from him any longer.
“I didn’t want to put pressure on you. We’re just having fun and it’s all a bit heavy.” I’m embarrassed, upset and annoyed at my weakness all at once.
“For God’s sake, Lu! Did you not think I’d want to know about this? Have a say?” I feel his body flinch and tense and the cold hits me as I feel him slide out from beside me and off the bed. His hand rubs his head in frustration, as he comes to terms with things.
“What is there to say? We didn’t use protection and I wanted to be safe.” I sound blunt and bow my head, feeling severely ticked off and vaguely ashamed.
Maybe I should have told him? But seriously - what did he want me to do, risk it and get pregnant?
“Who told you Seb?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It bloody does to me. Was it Gino?”
At the shake of his head I continue “Abby”
“No.”
“ Nathan then?”
“No, none of them. Someone saw you buying it.”
His eyes are so dark and intense, almost hypnotic as he stands at the foot of the bed, clearly agitated. “Look I don’t like to ask - you didn’t keep this from me because you’ve been with Leo did you?”
WTF?
My immediate reaction is to throw something at his head, anger tearing through my entire being. Who the fuck did he think he was?
Instead I snort in disgust. I can feel the tears threatening to spill over and I lift a hand to my brow to hide my stress, shaking my head - don’t let him see how much he just hurt you Lu. Be brave.
The silence between us is deafening and I’m aware that my lack of answer is adding weigh to his ridiculous notion but if I look up I’ll break.
I hear his hiss before he fills the quiet. “Ah shit Lu - forget I said that - I’m sorry - bloody other people putting thoughts in my head - I know it’s just been me. Just you and me Baby.”
Don’t be nice now… please. I can deal with bastards - I’m not used to nice.
“It has. You shouldn’t even have to ask.”
My voice sounds cold and withdrawn and I watch as his strides towards me, his eyes searching mine.
“I thought you were on the pill. I’m clean and I bloody know you are. But this is my fuck-up not yours. I should have been there for you!” his voice is lighter, more caring and I sigh in exasperation.
“I’m fine, honestly. I just feel a bit sick that’s all. Seriously you have no obligation here. I was just as caught up the moment…”
“Moments,” he interrupts.
“Moments,” I repeat with a blush, remembering the shower and kitchen moments in equal clarity. “I was caught up in the moments and should have been more careful. We should have been more careful but I’ve taken care of it.”
He ponders me for a while and I watch as his tongue flicks out to wash his sexy lips. “I should have bloody taken care of it at the time.”
His jaw is stern.” I’m not sure what I was thinking? When you and I connect everything else goes out the window. I’ve never not used protection with a woman. You are the first; another first shared between us.” I watch his struggle, can see that he is uncomfortable with his statement. “You are not alone anymore Lu. Stop pushing me away!”
“I didn’t realise I was? What did you expect me to do, make a drama of it and turn what this was into a total regret for you? It may surprise you but I’m not that type of woman. Besides, I know you are definitely not the follow-up type of guy!”
His look is lethal and the anger is his eyes so black. I wince.
“What happened between us was NOT a mistake, Lucia! Don’t ever call it that! You need to let me in and stop fighting Me… This… Us!”
He’s pumped and ready to go but I can see the tightrope of control he’s walking, forcing him to keep his head and allow me to answer as he heads towards the door. I can’t help myself; I feel bullied, confused, awful. How could he think I’d been with someone else?
I don’t ask him, instead I petulantly reply. “Stop trying to control me then! You can’t control everything Sebastian!”
The icing on the proverbial overflowing cup-cake is enough to blow his steely demeanour and I watch as he struggles to wrestle with his inner strength, his teeth gritted and lips rolling tightly over them, near white in their tightness. My own chest rises and falls at breakneck speed with mounting anger, mirroring his body language.
God! When we disagree it’s not pretty.
We’d not been in this position before and I am starting to see why Sebastian Silver was so ruthless in business. He always won.
Well not this bloody time!
“Look you don’t need to feel obliged here. I was the one who propositioned you. This was only ever going to be a one night thing and then it became more and now I’m not sure what we are but seriously you’re off the hook - we just got carried away.
“You may have offered yourself to me but I was the one who took you up on it and I was the one who fucked you.”
God he was sexy - even experiencing roller-coaster waves of nausea, I wanted to jump him.
“We fucked Seb and it was good - more than good but you don’t owe me anything but our friendship afterwards, like we promised.”
How had I managed to make what we had experienced this weekend, sound so inconsequential? In reality it had been all-consuming, defining, bloody monumental; a God damned epiphany!
I continue ignore my annoying inner voice. “FBR No.5, remember? What was it? Er… it went something like… no strings, no ties, no emotions, your not boyfriend material, never will commit, you’re happy to shag me but don’t get heavy and we must always kiss and make up as mates afterwards. Sound familiar?”
I watch him flinch at my words - I may have exaggerated them hugely but said like that, the rule sounded pretty cold; at the time I hadn’t cared. Now FBR Rule no.5 suddenly doesn’t work for me.
How could I have agreed to this or been stupid enough to come up with the idea in the first place - we could never have sex and remain friends. Well I couldn’t.
We stare at one another for a few seconds, both defiant and resounding in our view points before he turns and opens the door, his jaw twitching.
“Rest and we’ll talk again in the morning. I want regular updates as to your condition.”
Arrogant bastard - obviously didn’t take the hint not to control me then?
With that severely patronising attempt at medical care and concern, I hear him head downstairs and a little w
hile later the thud of the door slamming into the frame and the keys, as they are dropped through the letterbox.
I wish he’d never found out. Now for some reason it all felt so much worse and exactly how I’d feared things would play out. It had dirtied what had been such a monumental weekend. I felt like it had all become a big mistake.
I still can’t believe he’s driven 200miles to be with me and we argued like this.
Punching the pillow next to me in frustration, I fold it around my face and scream into it. Arghh -That man! I struggle as I feel the hot sensation of tears at my eyes and my throat tightening again, bloody hormones. Who the Hell had told him and who had seen me buying it?
Sighing deeply and settling down, I give in to the sleep I’d been fighting since he’d rudely awoken me. Hopefully tomorrow things would feel better but at this rate I sense its unlikely.
How could I be so irresponsible?
I berate myself for the second time since yesterday and indicate to make my way onto the motorway, bouncing across two lanes, foot hammered to the floor.
I’m not going to get much sleep tonight. My next meeting is in 6hours, back in Knightsbridge. Another 4hours and I’d be at the hotel, traffic dependant. I need coffee!
I should have fucking stayed; regardless of her anger and my stupidity.
I knew the minute Toni had rung to inform me of Lu’s little visit to the chemist, it was my fault. I should never have allowed her to puts doubts of another guy in my mind. She’d seen her in Holdgate being the morning after pill, purely coincidental and after seeing Lu with Leo at the party on Saturday, put two and two together. I was more pissed that I was apparently the last to find out. What I did bloody expect though? I hadn’t put a raincoat over my cock, twice! Should I just have waited for her to inform me she was pregnant?
Now thats a question. Suddenly my mind is racing with all kinds of strange and unfamiliar thoughts I’d never considered. I shake my head. Focus! You’ve got some serious work to do here to make this up to her - to convince her that you’re more than just a player. That this was more than just a fucking amazing fuck!
The One Awakened: Book 1 in The One Trilogy Page 28
