Her father had many failings but one thing Mia never doubted was his love for her and her mother. That very emotion was part of the reason why she was so riddled with guilt for her contribution to what had become more than he could control or eventually bear. How could she agree to let Jasper go with a man who made no mention of offering unconditional love?
“And what of my home, my family, my business? This is where Jasper was born. Parker’s Retreat is part of his heritage, too,” she argued.
“We can install a manager to run Parker’s Retreat for you and via the Internet and phone I’m sure you can keep a hand in the running of the place. If you wish to continue with your massage therapy I have no doubt that Alex would find your skills a welcome addition to our family’s resort facilities on the island.
“As to your remaining family, Elsa is more than welcome to relocate with us. In fact, I’d prefer it because I know it would only cause you concern if you were each on opposite sides of the world.”
“How generous of you,” Mia responded scornfully.
“It is generous of me, Mia, and you would do well to remember that. You will not suffer for this, I promise you. And on those occasions when we return to New Zealand, you will have the anonymity and privacy that my money can provide for you.” His voice hardened. “Bear in mind, I am giving you every incentive to do this the right way but if you don’t, I will invoke the clause of our current contract that provides for me to be fully refunded if you have not satisfied the terms as laid out.”
He gestured beyond the darkened gardens to where the media’s boats would undoubtedly return at daybreak.
“I believe what has been happening here is irrefutable evidence that you are in forfeit, Mia.”
Mia swallowed against the solid lump of emotion in her throat. She would not cry. She would not give in to the overwhelming sense of failure that assailed her. Had he no idea how much this place meant to her? It was her life, her identity. It was tangible proof that she could make a success of something—be someone her son could not only love, but also admire and aspire to. If she walked away now it was admitting she had bombed in the worst way possible. She not only failed herself, but she’d failed her father’s memory as well.
But there was no other option. Through circumstances over which she’d had no control, she was now forced to adhere to his demands. Mia wound the sheet more tightly around her and stood to face him, her chin up, her eyes clear of the tears she would shed in private.
“Fine, I’ll do what you say. But only because you give me no other choice.”
Mia was alternately surprised and horrified at the speed with which the paternity testing was completed and the results delivered back to them at Parker’s Retreat. The results only bore out what she knew already but Benedict became fired by a new energy when he received the news.
As soon as proof had been delivered, Ben must have taken action against the press because the media had slowly disappeared from the lake near the property. Even a trip to Queenstown didn’t bring them back out of the woodwork. Whatever power and money Ben had thrown at the situation, it must have been impressive because Jas and Elsa had been able to return from Glenorchy and Jasper had been able to resume going to his day care. Even Mia was now able to go about her occasional business in town with no more than a random finger pointed from behind a café menu.
And then there was the wedding. Elsa’s initial reaction of excitement at the news was tempered with concern, especially when the hollow emptiness in Mia’s eyes had made her ask her daughter if she was certain she was doing the right thing.
“I’m doing the only thing, Mom,” Mia said as she stared at her reflection in the full-length mirror in her mother’s bedroom. “Jasper deserves to know his father, and Ben insisted that it happen on these terms.”
The woman staring back was a virtual stranger in the vintage 1920s wedding gown that had been in her mother’s family for generations. It was not quite as impactful as a three-hundred-year-old curse, Mia thought cynically, but it still carried with it the weight of all the dreams and hopes of many brides-to-be—all of whom, if family history was correct—had married for love.
“Well, if you’re certain, but it seems to me you are both rushing into this marriage,” her mother answered through a mouthful of pins as she marked where the side seams needed to be altered. “I’ve always been a strong advocate of a couple sharing their child-rearing responsibilities, but usually they’ve had time to know one another first. You and Ben, well, you can hardly say you know one another all that well, can you?”
Know him? She certainly knew him in the biblical sense, if nothing else. Her inner muscles clenched on the sudden sharp pull of desire that drew through her at the thought of their lovemaking.
“I’m certain, Mom. It’s for the best.”
“For everyone else, sure, but is it the best thing for you?”
Mia forced a smile. “Why wouldn’t it be? He’s handsome, he’s rich and most importantly, he’s Jasper’s father.”
“But does he love you?”
“He doesn’t hate me, so that’s a start, right?”
She tried to inject a little humor into the conversation but her mother simply gave her a quelling look. It shouldn’t have been so easily done when on her knees and with a mouth looking like she’d consumed a porcupine but she managed. Suddenly Mia realized how far her mother had come from the broken widow of three years ago. It gave her a start to see glimpses of her mother’s old strength coming back.
“I just think that this marriage is a little hasty. Couldn’t you just take some more time?” Elsa asked.
“Mom, he’s due back on Isla Sagrado at the end of the month. It made sense for us to go ahead with the wedding now rather than later. At least we’re having it here at home.”
“Well, that’s another thing. Isn’t it strange that he isn’t having any of his family here for the wedding? I thought you said they’re all very close?”
“We’ll have another ceremony there. Did I tell you they have their own chapel in their own castle?” Mia tried to change the subject but not terribly successfully.
Elsa gave her another one of those looks before putting her pins away and standing up to cup Mia’s face in her hands.
“I love you, darling. I just want you to be happy. You’ve sacrificed so much at your own emotional expense for too long now. I just wish I didn’t feel as if that’s what you’re still doing in marrying Ben.” She pressed a kiss on Mia’s forehead then let her go. “Right, then. You’d better get that dress off so I can make those alterations and you’ll be all ready for Friday night.”
Friday night. It would come soon enough. Mia had been amazed at how quickly the legal side of arranging a marriage here in New Zealand could be taken care of. Despite the rush, Elsa had insisted on everything being done properly and that meant that Mia would be wearing what had originally been Elsa’s grandmother’s wedding gown.
She and Ben had agreed that they wanted only her mother and Andre as witnesses for the evening ceremony. If anything, as far as Mia was concerned, it would help keep this all from feeling too real.
Mia tried to quell the squadron of butterflies that had taken flight in her stomach as she waited outside the old ballroom, which was now the main dining room of the hotel. Inside, waiting by the deep bay window overlooking the gardens and the lake, was the man she’d lost her heart to. Her heart and her whole life.
She gripped the simple bouquet of dusky pink rosebuds and gypsophila and nodded to the staff member waiting for her signal to open the double doors into the ballroom. While not massive by any standard, the ballroom suddenly appeared to be longer than she remembered. The aisle that had been created between the dining tables was now strewn with flower petals and lined with creamy-colored candles on tall pedestals.
It was a fairytale setting for the kind of wedding she’d always wanted and yet it felt all wrong. Her father should have been walking at her side, and the room should have bee
n filled with friends and colleagues. It should have been a joyful celebration of a mutual love that would endure forever.
Mia closed her eyes briefly on the dreams she’d once had. When she opened them again her gaze found Ben at the end of the aisle. Waiting for her. Somber and dark in a tuxedo, he stood tall and proud—every part of his Spanish-Franco lineage visible in his bearing.
Mia hesitated on the threshold. She loved him enough that a large part of her truly wanted to marry him—to go to his side and take vows to become his wife. But by taking that step, she’d be giving up everything else. Her home. Her past. The life she had built for herself. All in exchange for a man who had shown no signs of returning her love. Each particle of her body froze as all her instincts urged her to flee. But where could she go? There were no other choices open to her now. She forced one ballet-slippered foot in front of the other, stepping carefully in time to the music played on the sound system. Elsa stood to the left of the makeshift altar, Jasper’s hand held firmly in hers as he stood on a chair and watched the proceedings with eager interest. Mia felt a flicker of surprise to see Don standing close by her mother’s other side, looking austerely handsome in a sharply pressed dark suit.
While she knew her mother’s eyes were on her, she couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t stand to see the concern she knew would be mirrored in Elsa’s gaze. Instead, Mia kept moving forward, keeping her eyes very firmly on the man she was about to pledge herself to.
As she drew closer to Benedict she grew more and more aware of the flare of satisfaction in his eyes. Her body thrummed to life in answer to the glow. At least that was one side of their marriage she knew would be fulfilling even if their emotional compatibility was unbalanced. But in her heart of hearts she wondered if that would ever be enough. She wanted it all. Could she settle for anything less?
Mia was only a few steps away from the altar when Ben came toward her and took her by the hand, leading her the final distance to where the celebrant waited to conduct the short ceremony that would tie her to Benedict del Castillo forever.
An unexpected thrill shot through her. One of anticipation and laced with threads of hope. She already loved him. Surely it was not impossible to believe that he would come to love her also? A tremulous smile spread across her lips as she looked across to her mother and sent her a silent message that everything would be okay. She knew Elsa understood when her mother gave her a small nod and an answering smile.
The service was simple and without the flowering expectations of a marriage based on mutual love. Still, when Ben promised to honor and keep her all the days of his life a solid feeling of permanence seeped through her, buoying her spirits a little higher. When the celebrant declared them husband and wife, Ben stepped forward to kiss her and as she lost herself in his caress, Mia allowed herself to be imbued by a deep sense of rightness in their being bonded together.
By the time she and Ben stepped forward to sign the marriage certificate and complete the legal undertakings of their marriage Mia had almost convinced herself she felt happy, genuinely happy, for the first time in a very long while.
Her staff had prepared a simple three-course meal for them to share in the restaurant after the service and by the time the last plate had been cleared away, Mia was longing for some alone time with her husband. He’d been attentive throughout their meal, but also gave Jasper the attention he demanded. When Elsa suggested it was time for Jas to be taken to bed and for the newlyweds to be left alone, Mia felt her heart skip a beat.
Ben had barely touched her since they’d made love nearly two weeks ago. Thinking back on it now, it was probably one of the reasons why Elsa was so concerned about whether or not Mia was doing the right thing—their lack of visible connection as a couple. Thankfully, one thing Elsa hadn’t had to worry about was the rapport between Jasper and Ben. Already, Mia could see the very positive aspects of Jasper having a father figure in his life.
Their little boy had adapted to Ben’s presence already and clamored for Ben’s company all the time. Ben treated Jasper with remarkable patience and warmth, stepping into the role of father as if he’d been there all along. Mia was pleased and relieved to see their growing connection, but it only made her more sharply aware of the distance that still remained between her and Ben. But she couldn’t afford to think about that now.
Right now there was another aspect of their marriage she was about to focus on. Their wedding night. Tension coiled tight in her gut. She’d thought about this long and hard in the past few days. Been forced to examine her own growing feelings for the man she had agreed to marry. If they were to be married, to provide a strong example to their son, there had to be some communication between them. This marriage had to work. Against all the odds, she wanted to be able to believe that one day her husband could fall in love with her too. Because if he didn’t, what on earth was she doing giving up everything she’d worked so hard for?
Eleven
After they’d bid everyone a good-night, they walked arm in arm to Ben’s suite. Once inside, Mia suddenly felt awkward. What if he didn’t want their marriage to be a normal one? They hadn’t exactly discussed what would happen after the ceremony. She swallowed against the sudden dryness in her throat and searched for something to say.
“That went rather well, don’t you think?” she eventually managed.
“Of course,” Ben replied, shrugging out of his jacket and undoing the gold cufflinks at his wrists. “Did you expect anything less?”
“No, not really. I have good staff. Once they heard we were marrying I didn’t have to lift another finger. Between them and my mom they handled it perfectly.”
Ben wrenched his tie loose and cast it on an easy chair beside him.
“Actually, I thought you were the perfect one tonight,” he said, his voice deep and laced with a very strong note of pride. “You are truly beautiful.”
Mia felt a flush of warmth spread through her at his words, all the way to her cheeks, which suddenly felt uncomfortably warm in the face of his praise. She ducked her head slightly, only to feel the heat of his fingertips at her chin as he raised her head to meet his gaze. His very heated and possessive gaze.
Her stomach knotted on a hard pull of desire. One look, one touch, was all it took and she became a melting puddle of need. Her breasts, unfettered by a bra due to the design of her gown, swelled against the chiffon, her nipples drawing into tight, aching beads.
He bent his head to kiss her and Mia met him halfway, a sound of satisfaction sounding deep in her throat as their lips meshed and his arms curved around her, pulling her hard against him, settling her hips to the clear evidence that his desire for her was as palpable as hers for him. He tore his lips from hers, his breathing ragged, his eyes burning with a heat she knew was reflected in her own.
“I would hate to damage that rather delicate gown you’re wearing. Let me help you out of it before I lose all control.”
His words thrilled her and imbued her with a sense of power. By his own admission, being with her put him at the verge of his control. Knowing the kind of man he was, that was an incredible power, indeed. Surely he had to have some feelings for her? Feelings that went beyond the physical.
She slowly turned around, and pointed over her shoulder to the long trail of pearl beads that tapered down her spine. A smile pulled at her lips when she heard his groan of dismay.
“I suppose it is too much to hope that those are merely for aesthetic appeal and that they hide a zipper instead?”
Mia laughed, a light bubble of joy on the air. “Yes, it is too much to hope for. I don’t think zippers even became popular in women’s clothing until a good ten years after this was originally made.”
“Dios, and no one thought to modernize the thing in all this time?” he grumbled teasingly as his fingers began to deftly slide the beads free, exposing her back inch by inch.
Mia laughed again, then gasped as his fingers stroked her uncovered skin, his touch sending tiny fire-bursts th
rough her body.
“Ah, now I understand the principle,” Ben murmured and she could hear the smile on his face. “It’s to torment you, not me.”
Her breath caught again as she felt his lips where his fingers had lingered only seconds before.
“I think I can slip out of it now,” she choked, suddenly desperate to disrobe herself of the gown.
“What? And spoil the fun? I don’t think so.”
It felt as if he moved even slower than before, prolonging the wait for the moment when he could hold apart the gaping edges of the back of her dress and free her from the layers of gossamer-fine silk chiffon and hand embroidery. When his hands finally touched her shoulders and gently pushed the dress off her body, she nearly wept with relief. She stepped free of the dress, eased off her ballet slippers, and stood before him in only a pair of shell pink satin tap pants and a pair of hold up stockings edged in the same shade of shell pink lace.
“Te desero,” Ben groaned as he reached for her, palming her naked breasts and lowering his head to place a kiss at the sensitive spot where her shoulder and her neck merged together.
“I want you, too,” she whispered, tilting her head to allow him clearer access and relishing the increasing spears of pleasure that rocketed through her as she felt his tongue burn a path along her skin.
This time, it was she who took him by the hand and led him to the bedroom. She who swiftly divested him of his clothing and then stood back in a moment of silent awe as she took in the sight of him—roped muscle and power, smooth skin and silky fine hair, his arousal heavy and engorged—proudly jutting from the dark nest of hair at the apex of his thighs.
For the Sake of the Secret Child Page 11
