by Ron Foster
The car was unlocked so they siphoned off most of the cars’ gas tank into the empty cans and gave each other a high five for scoring 20 gallons of gas when added to their collection. The garage could be investigated later for other goodies but the door from it to the house was unlocked. They knew better by now just to barely try the door and leave it mostly sealed but the smell wasn’t so bad from the whiff they got here
11
Mermaids A Plenty
Travis sat down a blue bottle of vodka and a burnt up old pot next to the door.
“Cool, that’s really neat! Where did you find that bottle top at? And WHAT in the world is that that thing for exactly, Travis? Tina said as she eyed the burnt-up skillet looking sauce pan sitting on the door stoop under a bottle.
“That is going to be several things all at once, shortly. You will see! Now you all listen up and pay attention! This melted looking burned mess is going to be the basis for a couple of old country traditions that have never ever happened before but are now going to be closely revered, if you get my drift. It’s called I am going to lie and you all are going to swear to it that you have been to a few of these types of events I am going to describe and that’s the way we do it in the south, all right?” Travis said looking everyone over for objections before picking up the scalded pot.
This represents the raising of money for folks that had been burned out of their house or having misfortunes big enough the community needs to take up a collection. Folks are asked to throw a dollar or two or whatever they can spare to help a family overcome adversity and get along. You also see them at peoples’ wakes to help pay expenses or so the family gets a little money to help them through someone’s passing. Now, Wilson as far as I know, doesn’t have any kin folk around here and I have seen the mayor of a town once have a “burnt skillet party” before to raise some municipal funds the community needed for public safety and the volunteer fire department, so here is the deal. Everyone who throws a buck into that burnt pot gets a dollars worth of paper napkins and the proceeds of this fund raiser goes to help establishing community trade through us with that weird toilet paper rural mailbox thing we got going. We are going to need gas and if they want us to try to trade any chicken products with them, they need us. Now, if we play our cards right it is also a business trade item with Bo and Molly.” Travis said leaving the mystery of his last sentence hanging in air.
“Ok I get the part about donating a dollar and getting a dollar back in return by throwing it in that burnt community pot. But what I don’t get is are you trading the pot or the vodka to Molly and Bo?” Slim said regarding the smiling Travis who thought his bit of country lore deception was going to work just fine for what he had in mind.
“The vodka is part of a business that Molly can figure out what to do with, if she wants to trade with us. Like I said, Burnt Skillet parties are held for all kinds of reasons. Somebody might offer you a better pot to cook in and if you’re lucky they will give you something to go in it. Its symbolism, it basically means you don’t even have a good pot to piss in and would you mind helping me out cause my house burnt down or something. You need money for a reason that someone might not mind or want to donate to. Well, that vodka with that neat mermaid tail stopper in it means “bottoms up” or drink up until the bottle is gone, if you wanted to say that publicly like at say, a bachelor party. I don’t know anyone getting married anytime soon but you get my gist how the theme of the stopper could be used. Grabbing mermaid tails ain’t what I am prescribing but considering this is Florida, a bikini clad waitress doling out shots of vodka sounds like even more money donations coming in to me, if someone had a mind to hire somebody. Either way, an open free pour bar should make a profit in donations, if the cause and the company are good.” Travis stated thinking if he got everyone supporting his myth of an old timey tradition that didn’t exist until now.
“Where did you get that?” Joyce asked of the mermaid tail stopper.
“The bottle or the stopper?” Travis asked.
“The stopper.” Joyce said looking over at Sam with an odd knowing look.
“The house next to Wilson’s is open and it was in the kitchen drawers. Somebody has already cleaned it out pretty good and since there was no sign in front of it, I went in. You said houses without signs around here were safe to scavenge in didn’t you, Joyce?” Travis said perplexed at her questioning.
“So where did you get the vodka?” Sam said looking nervously at Joyce for some reason.
“It was in Wilson’s laundry room leading off the garage. I took a huge breath in before opening the door to see what was in back of it and while I was holding my breath, checked the door to the kitchen, saw this sitting by its lonesome on the counter with only a few swigs taken out. I grabbed it quick as I could and ran back out to the garage and closed the door before I turned blue for lack of breathing in.” Travis said not used to holding his breath so long while also holding his nose with one hand all puffy cheeked and ending up panting like he had run a marathon mile back to the cleared aired garage. The only time he remembered trying to do so was long ago at a nasty public restroom until he had gotten done with his necessaries there.
“I guess there is something you need to know, Travis… That’s mine. Oh, you can have it no worries there. I always sort of thought it was tacky, but Sam here gave it to me awhile back as a prank present one birthday. You see, that was MY house you were in!” Joyce said and then revealed that she and Sam had hooked up about a year after her husband died 3 years ago. When the grid went down, it was natural for the two of them to move in together and the taking care of a second house on this side of the lagoon made no sense, so she had moved in with Sam permanently for safety and security.
“Well, isn’t that cool!” Tina said breaking the ice and diffusing some of the alarm bells going off in Travis’s head.
“You sure you don’t want it back?” Travis asked hesitantly and apologetically.
“No, you keep it; you earned it. That was a joke present I gave her and it doesn’t mean much but an old memory, like she said.” Sam said before going on and relating they had never married, because it could hurt them financially.
“Now Sam, we ain’t got that to worry about now! If you wanted to, you could be the first around here to pass the burnt skillet for a bachelor party of sorts. We could get one of them ship captains at the marina to marry us proper now!” Joyce exclaimed to a hearty “HURRAH!” that erupted jubilantly from Sam.
“HA! HA! Old girl we can have us a wake for Wilson, a wedding for us and get Mollie and Bo to cater it for us for free if I ain’t missing the mark when I say Travis has in mind to trade them a burnt-up pot eventually for the privilege! I am going to have to watch you and Tina, Travis. You two are too sneaky for your own good!” Sam said laughing and hugging Joyce as today was also officially declared to be their wedding day!
“We ain’t going to have to hang around here while you all make toilet paper wedding dresses like my little sister used to do playing dress up, are we?” Slim said dejectedly thinking of all those headdress trains he had seen growing up when the little girls of the neighborhood banded together for some non-boyish fun.
“Well, if Sam gets a Bachelor party then she gets a Bachelorette one also.” Tina said grinning but assured him that his presence at that particular party wasn’t necessary with a smile.
“Now what we need to do is get Molly and Bo to add to what we got and get folks to chip in for the food and alcohol being consumed along with their charitable donation we are already giving back to them in paper goods. If she adds something to this feast and caters the party per se including the cleanup, I would guess that would be worth 10% of the take in green cash and maybe we could help her by supplying some of those weird side dish items like pickled eggs and pigs feet that we offer to stick her bill as startup capital to be in charge of burnt skillet parties.. She will sell them, shit everyone that has a buck and no food will try anything these days for a taste of somethin
g.” Tina said with a grin at the spectacular way this trade could come off and benefit them all. A little ingenuity and female insights goes a long way and Tina’s “polishing the apple for sale” sage advice had come to the fore front once again.
So, in the end, we are going to be ending up trying to sell the idea of trading a mermaid tail stopper?” Slim asked trying to keep all the loops and turns of this conversation straight.
“Something like that!” Tina said with a laugh
“Ok, I am all in and a new official paying member of the burnt skillet society! That has a nice ring to it. I just hope everyone buys into being a member of the burnt skillet community and pony’s up some gas or cash for the effort. I think the idea of financing or chicken and egg business is something folks would be more apt to get behind if we called it something akin to a farmer’s co-op where prices are reduced for trade amongst ourselves. That would leave some meat on the bone price-wise if someone had a mind to trade or sell retail.” Slim said swearing he would back up this bit of subterfuge and say it was a common way to get rebuilt or reconstruct after a disaster.
“Well, we can get Captain Vic to start thinking about how we can maybe take out one of the smaller party fishing boats, if we manage to get enough trade and do a fish for a chicken trade or something.” Travis said thinking that a bit of commercial fishing of some sort might be a good business if they could keep any surplus fresh enough to sell.
“Ok, all this is talk of getting everyone together is exciting but we can’t put the cart before the horse. Let’s try not to tie fishing in this go around and save it for another burnt skillet party. That endeavor is going to take a boat load more gas than the little bit of fuel that we are proposing we need to try to get our delivery route going and to me having chickens beat fishing any day.” Tina said.
12
A Plan Comes Together
“Glad to see you back! Took you a bit longer than you thought, huh? By the way, you missed all the fireworks.” Carl said greeting them back from their scavenging run.
“Hey, Molly, Hey Bo. What Fireworks are you talking about, Carl?” Travis asked eying him skeptically after greeting the two apocalyptic caterers.
“Oh, we had a small bit of excitement not long after you left but it got handled quickly. A car load of idiots came by and we made them feel unwelcome.” Carl said before describing a encounter with 4 twenty something’s that evidently didn’t have much sense.
“Bunch of kids pulled up wanting to do some trading. I think they had been drinking, but anyway they asked Harvey about trading for some guns and he said guns weren’t usually traded around here. They then wanted to go down to the docks to ask around and he told them that was a private area. That was when one of them dumb asses reached for Billie Lee’s shotgun that was leaning against the counter and said “How about this one?” Carl said.
“Ha! That’s when Carl pulled out his 45 pistol and told that boy “How about if you let go of that shotgun real easy.” And kept it leveled at him.” Bo said with a smile having observed the whole scene.
“Then Billie Lee snatched his shotgun back and pointed it at them boys and told him to get with Harvey doing the same!” Molly said describing how an old man with a 45 and two old water rats with shotguns had escorted them back to their car and said good bye!”
“Wow! That’s some excitement that we missed. Do you reckon they will come back?” Travis asked.
“Would you? No they won’t be back here anytime soon, well not today anyway. I don’t think that young idiot even conceived of what an outrageous thing he was doing by reaching for that gun but he has no misunderstanding about not doing it again.” Carl said and then explained that he and Wilma had been having a ball working on setting up some trade deals.
“Captain Vic got us two bottles of Rum and one for himself bartering that tea you left him with and he still has some leftover tea he owes us for.” Wilma said with a smile.
“We have been discussing the possibilities of using some of the stuff you found to help us do something like a ship’s store. A ship chandler is a retail dealer who specializes in supplies or equipment for ships, known as ship's stores. If we can get in agreement here we might be able to maximize the return on your goods for both of us. What I want to do is storefront some stuff so when a boat comes in we can say shop here or we can outfit you in bulk if you’re going on a long trip. We will kind of be like a general store for the marina and a Ships’ chandler for boats passing by. That is where the money part comes in because we can just leave stuff on the shelf until we get our price.” Mollie said thinking a bunch of paper gods could fill up an isle the way Carl was talking about stock. That’s the thing, when you got that much surplus of something you tend to sell it to cheaply, If you price it in a store and folks only see x amount well then that becomes the accepted price. Shortages and rarities can be seen and adjustments are made to stock or prices in advance if expected.”Molly stated.
“They have two electric bikes Travis” Carl said with a wink.
“Well actually the boat dealership I worked for has two of them. They used them for lot and marina delivery transport. Carl here said you had a use for them maybe for your fish camp and something about the possibility trade route?” Bo replied.
“What are you asking for the bikes? Do you have any extra batteries that fit them?” Travis said very excited to find such a commodity.
“I am not sure what to ask for them, those things were expensive when the grid was up, course you need the grid to recharge the batteries unless you have gas and a generator. New I think they were like $1500 a piece.” Bo said scrutinizing them for responses.
“I could get Steve to write you a check for whatever you ask, but even if you had a million dollars in the bank post collapse it don’t mean nothing now but the cash you have on your person. Now in that vein of thought we got some cash on us but prices have to be adapted to the rarity of greenbacks as well.” Travis said pondering what would be a fair offer under those terms.
“I am not sure what would be a fair price to ask. Do you have any ideas Molly?” Bo asked bewildered on what to do or say next regarding the electric bikes.
“Travis go ahead and make us an offer on the bikes. You won’t offend us any by offering what you can afford but keep in mind we value them highly even if we are not using them at the moment.” Molly stated thinking they needed cash for their business but it was going to have to be what she considered a lot of cash to give up the bikes.
“Dang I hate to be the first one to make an offer on a deal like this but here we go. Tina is going to have to dive in here somewhere to help explain some of the nuances of this offer because it carries some caveats and extras not readily apparent.” Travis said regarding Molly and Bo and doing some mental calculations.
“What are you talking about extras? I thought you were talking about an all cash deal.” Bo said.
“Are you asking for cash and barter? We could do that but I can tell you right now I am not considering any paper goods.” Molly said firmly.
“Ha! Ha! No I ain’t trying to load you up with any more paper goods. I guess you heard about Sam and Joyce going to get married and us holding a wake for Wilson?” Travis said knowing the couple had come up earlier in the day while they were unloading more stuff out of the trailer.
“Yes we did! That is great news about the wedding and sad but not unusual news to hear about an untimely death these days. I never knew Wilson or anything about him until today but Sam wants us to cater the wake party along with the wedding reception. By the way Harvey and Billie Lee will be over directly I am guessing to pester you about using their Davey Jones Funeral service. That’s one aspect of living around a Marina I bet you didn’t think about. Those two ghouls offer burials at sea and body removals.” Molly said letting the macabre sideline job of the two miscreants sink in.
“So you are saying they will tote Wilson away for a price and bury him at sea?” Tina said half smiling and half making a f
ace at the thought.
“Yup! That’s another one of their self appointed jobs they got to make some money with. I don’t know what they charge for it but I know they will do it.” Molly said.
“Well they have our business! Problem solved Tina!” Travis said quite happy with that kind of hands off for him arrangement to dispose of their deceased neighbor.
“So Travis, you were going to name a cash price and what you were offering for barter” Molly said getting the conversation back on track.
“Well the offer is $300 in cash and this mermaid tail stopper that is not what it seems.” Travis said mentioning that was a third of the cash they all had together and commenced to explain for the next hour what exactly a burnt skillet party was all about and how Bo and Molly were going to be in charge of this first official Marina fund raiser and how their ships store might profit from their hopefully someday milk and egg delivery and supply business they were going to be using those electric bikes for if things worked out with those mailboxes on Fish camp road.
Many questions were raised and many arguments were presented but the idea of community building and becoming a more self reliant and resilient trading family of sorts held great appeal for all.
The deal for the bikes was struck and personal contributions to the first annual community chest Burnt Skillet party amounted to $200 to finance the Fish Camp’s expedition gas expenditures.
One surprising thing that came up at the meeting was we had two retired Navy Corpsman that offered medical services if they thought they could do some good. One of the veterans was a nurse practitioner and advised them most strongly about not putting any sugar packets in those friendly toilet paper introductory free samples the Fish camp was giving out.
