by T. D. Jakes
“Well, this time . . . I don’t know if we’re going to be able to continue to work with Claudia. Maybe our school isn’t the place for her. Our resources are strained as it is. We’ve focused so much on Claudia that, I hate to say it, but there are many times we’re neglecting some of our other children. If they aren’t giving us any trouble, we have been ignoring them . . . in order to devote resources to children who need more help. Claudia, I’m sure you would agree, is one of those children who need more help.”
“That appears to be the case.”
“Well, we’re willing to make the sacrifice and expend the extra effort. Each child is important to us. But the child has to be motivated to change. Of course, we need the parents’ support, but the child has to play his or her part.”
“Of course.” Delores nodded. She had given enough bad appraisals that she knew when one was coming. This report was going to be bad, no doubt about it. She just needed to minimize the damage.
“Mrs. Judson, we don’t see Claudia exhibiting behavior that says she’s interested in changing or even that she wants to be in this school.” There were beads of sweat on the principal’s upper lip. It was definitely going to be bad.
“Mr. Carter, please excuse me for interrupting.” Delores gave him her most magnanimous and charming smile. “As an employer, I can fully appreciate your position. Because I’m dealing with adults, I have certain expectations that they will come to the workplace with certain skill sets and at a certain level of responsible behavioral deportment. I manage a workforce of adults, but even in that case, I don’t want to have to throw anyone away.”
He was nodding. Sweat was dripping from his forehead, but he was nodding. Now was the moment to sucker punch him.
“Of course, since you are dealing with children, you must be even more circumspect and committed to restoring them, rather than taking the easy out. Which is, of course, disposing of them.”
Delores flashed another smile at him. She made her voice sound as though it was dripping honey. “It’s obvious that you are a very caring man.”
Dark, wet circles had appeared under Mr. Carter’s arms. They were widening. “I am, Mrs. Judson. I am. Which makes this all the more difficult.” The principal cleared his throat. “There’s no other way to say this. One of the teachers happened to be checking the girls’ restroom. Claudia was there. She was drunk.”
Delores kept her game face. “Who would give a child liquor?”
“The bottle belonged to Claudia. She admitted to it and she admitted to giving whiskey to some of the other children. They were impressionable sixth graders. Of course, their parents are very upset.”
Delores searched for a way to minimize what had happened. She couldn’t think of anything.
“The school nurse has reason to believe that Claudia was also intoxicated with some other substance. So we’re recommending that you take her immediately to your family doctor. But she’s going to have to leave here.” Mr. Carter used the back of his hand to wipe his lip. When he realized what he had done, red crept into his cheeks. “I’ve called the board and I’m completing paperwork to have Claudia transferred to a county alternative school. It’s not within our district, but it is within the county—it was set up as a last chance for children who are having behavioral problems.” He looked down at the papers on his desk and then back at Delores. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Judson. Claudia has left us no other choice.”
Delores pushed the button that powered down her cell phone. Claudia’s pediatrician had agreed to see her immediately. How did my life get so out of control? Delores tried to collect her thoughts while she drove.
Claudia looked totally unconcerned. She had seemed surprisingly upbeat leaving the school. “I was sick of this place anyway. It’s so dull, so banal.” Claudia had smiled brightly at Delores. “What now, Grandmama?” she’d asked as she plopped into the back seat of the Mercedes. She said grandmama with a European affectation that she knew especially irritated Delores. The child was always turning the screw.
As she drove, Delores stole glances at Claudia in the mirror. The child had a plump, cherubic face that didn’t match her small, thin body. The top half of her thick hair was stiffly gelled into magenta-colored spikes. The lower half was died a wretched gothic black. Claudia was actually a bright child who had had all the best opportunities. What had gone wrong?
There was no conversation between them even after they were inside the doctor’s office. Delores whisked her granddaughter past the receptionist’s greeting area. She spoke pleasantly but efficiently to the staff, watched them lead Claudia to a room, and then returned to sit in the waiting room. It was such a waste of time. There were so many other things she needed to do.
She pretended to be engrossed in a home-decorating magazine until the doctor came to the waiting room door. Dr. Green appeared youthful. But she supposed that was a benefit in his work; he spoke to his young patients in their language.
Dr. Green smiled sadly. “Could you come back here for a moment?”
Delores wanted to strangle Claudia. What now? Why couldn’t she just cooperate with the staff? Whom had she slapped, kicked, or cursed now? Delores followed the doctor into his office. He pressed the door closed behind them, leaving it just slightly ajar as he moved to sit at his desk.
Dr. Green was a straight shooter. “The school was right. Claudia is drunk. They were also right about the other. She’s hopped up on Ecstasy. You do know what Ecstasy is, right?”
“Not really, Dr. Green. I am vaguely aware of the drug.”
“Let me make this as simple as possible. It’s a synthetic drug that is similar to, or can be categorized as, an amphetamine. It can be deadly—it raises the blood pressure and can cause dehydration. I don’t want to get too clinical, but it’s a drug that has found some use among therapists for patients in psychotherapy. What draws kids to it is that it’s supposed to heighten sensual and sexual responses. They claim that Ecstasy gives them a sense of emotional euphoria, a sense of connection, it gives them loving feelings. Ecstasy gives them a sense of emotional well-being that they’re lacking. That sense of emotional openness and euphoria, the stimulation, and the sense that everything is right with the world can lead to diminished inhibitions, including diminished sexual inhibitions.”
“I don’t see why Claudia would be attracted to something like that. Carl and I took her in—she’s not isolated. And she’s only thirteen. She’s not sexually active.”
Dr. Green got up and firmly closed the door. “I’m surprised at how many parents have no clue what’s going on with their kids. We work, you know, so that we can take care of them. Only we get so caught up in our work that we don’t have time to care for them.” He sat down and leaned his elbows on his cluttered desk. “Forgive me, Mrs. Judson, I don’t mean to lecture. I know you are giving Claudia the best care you can, but I see so many children going down the tubes.” He paused. “But we aren’t here talking about them, are we? We’re talking about Claudia.”
He leaned back in his chair, tenting his fingers. “We wanted to check your granddaughter thoroughly.” He touched the tent to his mouth. “There’s no point in mincing words, is there, Mrs. Judson? I’m sorry . . . Claudia’s pregnant.”
Claudia’s pregnant. Delores felt something break inside.
There was nothing for her to say. Delores just hoped that the doctor couldn’t see that on the inside she had slumped to the floor. All the wind had been knocked out of her. All she could see ahead was trouble and darkness. Utter darkness.
Chapter Twenty
Where had the honey blonde gone? Her hair had been one of her most prized assets. First there had been a few white strands here and there. Then more . . . and more. Finally, she had had to surrender. Delores touched her silver gray hair. If she couldn’t fight it, she could certainly enhance it.
She looked beyond her husband to her image in the gilt-framed mirror behind him. She touched the wrinkles on her face and on her neck. Being thin had held the
finger of age at bay for awhile, but it was rapidly beginning to take its toll.
She refocused from her image to her husband. “Carl, I’m tired.”
He nodded. “Yes, dear. I know.”
“I’m too old for this. We’re too old for this. We’ve already raised a daughter—only God knows where she is. I didn’t think we would be raising a child at this age.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I have no room in my life for a child.”
“No, Delores, we don’t have room.” He lifted his pipe from where it hung at the side of his mouth, tapped it on the large crystal ashtray in front of him, and then returned it to his mouth. “Old age is not the optimum time to raise a teenager.”
The rosewood table between them spanned almost the entire length of the room. A chandelier hung from the ceiling and sparkled above their heads. She lifted her drink—scotch on ice.
“And add to that, Carl, that she’s wild and out of control. What is she doing drinking? She’s only thirteen. And Ecstasy? Why does she need that?” Delores shuddered and took a drink. “We have to do something. And what are we going to do about the pregnancy? We can’t raise another child.”
“No, we can’t raise another child. There’s no room in our lives for the one we have.”
Delores took another sip. “And I don’t even want to see the boy responsible. Maybe responsible is the wrong word. I can just imagine. He probably has green hair to complement hers.”
Carl shook his head and puffed on his pipe. “Well, she is attending public school.”
“Drugs and sex? She’s only thirteen. But I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Claudia was so sweet and docile when she first came here. I thought we had gotten her in time—before her mother’s warped behavior rubbed off on her.” Delores laid her head in her hands. “I guess we were too late.”
“Too late.”
“Carl, I didn’t work as hard as I have—we didn’t work this hard—to have it all unravel because of a careless child. I will not have my life wrecked.” She took a deep breath. “I will send her to a home, a boarding school, or even just put her out before I let her bring us down. This is my life and I’m not going to see it ruined.”
“No, dear.”
“If there’s any consolation, at least Carl Jr. seems to have escaped all the madness of this age. He’s settled and has his business. Carl Jr. even did for Claudia what her own mother has never done. He’s going to be devastated when he finds out all the time he spent taking that child to the opera, to the theater, and such was just a waste of time.” She rubbed her hand across her face. “I really don’t want to deal with this.”
“I can handle it, dear, if you like.”
“No, Carl, I think I better take care of it.”
“As you like.”
She lifted the decanter and refilled her glass.
Drink in hand, Delores grabbed the tail end of her caftan and climbed the stairs to her granddaughter’s room. Claudia lay across her bed, wearing earphones. Her eyes were focused on the video screen in front of her, and her fingers tapped skillfully on the controller.
“Claudia, I need to speak with you.”
The girl ignored her.
“Claudia, I need to speak with you, please.” Delores drew herself to her full height. “Now.”
Claudia turned and smiled at her. “Are you speaking to me, Grandmama?”
“Claudia, I’m in no mood for foolishness. Remove the headphones and turn off the game. Now.”
Claudia moved casually, humming to herself. She removed the headphones and touched the button on the remote that powered down her stereo system. She grabbed a smaller, sleeker remote that turned off her video system. “Yes, Grandmama.”
Delores reminded herself that she was an entrepreneur, that she managed adults, and there was not one among them that intimidated her. She was at her best, and her most skillful, resolving problems. Right now, Claudia was her problem. “There is a solution to each predicament that life hands us. First, you must determine the nature of the problem and then determine the most efficient solution.”
“Yes, Grandmama.” Claudia batted her eyes. Coyness was going to get the child killed.
“There is an issue with your abusing alcohol and some drug usage.”
Claudia continued to smile.
“Claudia, you’re only thirteen years old. I can’t imagine. I wasn’t drinking at thirteen. Why would you want to drink?”
“I like the way it tastes?”
“Claudia, this is not the time for games. We have some serious problems that we must address quickly.”
“I drink to drown my sorrows.” Claudia beamed at her grandmother. “You don’t mind if I lie down while we talk, do you, Grandmama?” Claudia flopped across the bed. “For some reason, I’m very tired.”
“Please don’t go out of your way to be disrespectful, Claudia. This is not the time for foolishness.” Delores moved inside the room and sat on a chair near the doorway. “I didn’t bring you here for you to become a drug addict like your mother.”
“X just makes you feel good. In thirty minutes, you’re rolling. Besides, it isn’t addicting.” Claudia looked up at Delores and added, “Grandmama.”
“That’s not what Dr. Green says.”
“Who cares what doctors say. How would he know?” She smiled at Delores. “Do you think Dr. Green might have tried it? He looks like a cool guy.”
Delores tucked her caftan beneath her. “I am not going to have this inane conversation with you, young lady. I came up here to try to help you solve your problem. I don’t have to bother with this, Claudia. As easily as you came, you can also go. I took you in—Carl and I took you in, because your mother wasn’t capable of taking care of you. Who knows who your father is? The idea of a Judson becoming a foster child was unacceptable. So we agreed to be responsible for you. However, we never entertained the idea that you would go out of your way to make our lives miserable.
“You’ve been expelled from more schools than I care to enumerate. You’ve embarrassed us to no end. Now we have to deal with this pregnancy. If I were you, I would stop making light of this matter now.”
Claudia’s face looked hurt and frightened. Her eyes widened and her lips trembled, but only for a moment. Within seconds, she was smiling again. “Yes, Grandmama.”
“I don’t guess there’s any point in asking who the young man is? I’m sure we don’t know his family.”
Claudia didn’t respond.
Delores sipped her drink. “You know I never considered it. But maybe you don’t even know who the father is. I hope this isn’t one of those situations like on television, where the girl has been sleeping with so many boys she has no idea who sired the child.”
Claudia didn’t speak.
“Do you know who the boy is?”
“It wasn’t a boy.” Claudia smiled as though she were playing a game.
“Well, you may not want to call him a boy. You may consider yourself an adult, but you’re not. You can’t take care of yourself, let alone a baby.” Delores shook her finger at Claudia. “You can laugh now. But you’ll be sorry about all this. What you can count on is that your grandfather and I are not going to sit around picking up after you. We’ve covered enough of your mistakes. So don’t be flippant, young lady. You’re hanging on by a very thin thread.”
Claudia was silent.
“Tell me, how could you have sex and not protect yourself? If you were going to have intercourse, you’re a bright young lady, how could you let it come to this? Why didn’t you make provision?”
“I wasn’t planning it, Grandmama. I wasn’t planning to have sex.”
“Well, that proves that you’re not an adult. Neither is the miscreant that you were bedding with. And I hope you don’t think he’s going to be of any help to you. You’ve been had, is what I would say.” Delores looked down at her feet and then back at Claudia. “Did you give him money?”
“No, Grandmama. He didn’t want money.�
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“So he got what he wanted?”
Claudia shrugged.
“This is all so sordid and embarrassing. Aren’t you embarrassed?”
Claudia said nothing.
Delores touched her cool glass to her face. “And your poor uncle. I am not going to break his heart by telling him. He thinks so much of you. What do you think Carl Jr. would say if he knew?”
“I don’t know, Grandmama.”
Delores waved her hand, waved away the dirtiness of it all. “Well, there really is only one solution. You’ll have to have an abortion. You’re too young to raise a child. Your grandfather and I certainly are not going to do it. It’s the only way for you to avoid humiliation. Not that you’re capable of experiencing such an emotion. But you are not going to embarrass us and make us laughing-stocks.” Delores rose from the chair. “Well, that’s settled.” She turned toward the door and then turned back. “Do you have any other ideas? Do you have any objections to an abortion?”
“I wouldn’t dream of defying you or your solution, Grandmama.”
Delores turned and started down the hallway. She stopped. She had a right to know. She and Carl had a right to know. If they were going to pay for it, they had a right to know. She returned to Claudia’s doorway. Claudia lay facedown on the bed.
“Tell me, Claudia, who was it?”
“You don’t want to know, Grandmama.”
“Stop the Grandmama nonsense. I deserve to know. Your grandfather deserves to know. Who was it, Claudia?”
Claudia pressed her face further down into the bed.
“If you don’t tell me, I can make it very difficult for you.”
Claudia lifted her head. Her eyes sparkled, hard, almost maniacal. “Uncle.”
Delores grabbed the end of her caftan and turned to leave again, but turned back. “I am not going to put up with this discourteous behavior. I demand to know. You will tell me, now.”
“I said Uncle, Grandmother. The father is my uncle.”
Delores dropped her glass and slumped to the floor.
