by T. D. Jakes
“See what I mean? And when you were a young lady, after being used by men and after selling yourself to men, the last thing you expected was for the Lord to send you a man to rescue you.”
Michelle raised her head from the couch. “Miz Ida, I never thought about it that way. But you’re right. I never expected a man to try to help me. I think I’ve always been waiting for Todd to show his true self, to turn around and hurt me and use me like the other men in my life did. I didn’t expect God to send a man to rescue me.”
Miz Ida squeezed Michelle’s hand. “When the Lord came, people didn’t believe it was Him because He didn’t look like what they expected. Nothing has changed. And something else—that woman at your job, is she about your mother’s age?”
A strange expression came over Michelle’s face. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, Miz Ida. I never expected God to send me help from someone who was like a mother, either.”
“And you know, Michelle, something just came to me. God said where two or three gather in His name, He would be there in the midst of it.11 God talks to us when we’re alone, but He speaks in a different way when we sit or gather with other people. You and that lady Tonya were in that restaurant talking, and one of the things You were doing was lifting up the name of Jesus. When you were in Mrs. Judson’s office, His name got lifted again. It seems like to me that He was in the midst of you, and that He was doing what He promised—opening His arms to draw you near to Him.”
Michelle sat up on the couch. “So what do I do now, Miz Ida? I don’t know how to fix all this. I don’t know if I can fix it.”
Miz Ida looked calm. “Well, baby, you know the hotline is always open. God knows us. When we are angry or rebellious, when our hearts are hard, we can’t hear His voice. But He’s always there waiting for us with open arms. If we need wisdom, all we have to do is ask. He’ll teach us just like he taught David. Listen to this.” Miz Ida grabbed her Bible off the table. She adjusted her eyeglasses on her nose. “Let me see, now, I think it’s Psalm Twenty-five. Yes, here it is.” She began to read at verse four.
Show me your ways, O LORD,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Miz Ida lowered the book. “David was praying the same thing, thousands of years ago that you are praying today. God listened to him then, and He listens to you now. David needed the same thing you need then that you need now—the answer to a life or death question. All he was saying was ‘Lord, help me to tell the good from the bad. I can’t figure it out myself. Make it clear to me when it’s You speaking and moving in my life, Lord. All I can trust and count on is You.’” She handed Michelle the Bible. “You read for a minute.”
Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O LORD.
Miz Ida closed her eyes and nodded. “That’s right, Michelle. It’s like David and you were going through the same thing. He was saying ‘Lord, forget about my past all the things I did wrong. But when you think of me, Lord, think about love and mercy—don’t think of what I did wrong, just think of how much you love me.’ And don’t you know that it’s like that with parents? Your children can do wrong, but when you look on them sometimes all you can think about is love.” She tapped Michelle on the shoulder. “Read that other little bit to me, baby.”
Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.12
“Isn’t that something, Michelle? It just does something to me to think that thousands of years ago someone prayed the prayer that is still perfect for us today!”
She put her arm around Michelle. “Don’t you worry about a thing, honey. God has done major surgery on your wounded heart. Now He is renewing your mind. You keep praying in your heart. You keep the Lord with you. When you feel like you about to step wrong, you remember that I’m sitting here praying—and no matter what, God is with you.”
Miz Ida smiled, slapped her knee, and then squeezed Michelle’s arm. “If you could feel coming what I feel coming, honey, you would want to get up and dance with me. Girl, get ready, get ready, get ready! You keep watching, you keep believing, and you keep praying. Something good is about to come!”
Chapter Twenty-nine
When Miz Ida answered the phone, it was Michelle. She was laughing to beat the band. She couldn’t stop laughing long enough to say hello. “What is wrong with you, girl?”
“Nothing, Miz Ida. I just had to call and tell you.” Michelle was still laughing. “You know me and Tonya been meeting for lunch, and I told you about that man Shadrach? Well, we took some extra time and went to lunch at the train station today.” Michelle sounded as though she could hardly catch her breath.
What on earth had gotten into the child? Miz Ida couldn’t help smiling. Whatever was going on with Michelle was contagious.
“When we got back, I wanted to call you so bad! But you know I’m trying to cut down on the calls at work. It was all I could do to hold it until I got home. I just have to tell you what happened . . .”
Michelle, Tonya, and Shadrach decided to meet for lunch outside of the building. Sometimes it’s good, Shadrach said, to go somewhere different, and to try a little something new.
The restaurant was inside the old train station. Walking inside the station was like walking into a palace. The ceiling arched way above their heads and was covered with paintings of people, intricate plaster shapes, and gold detailing. Michelle, Shadrach, and Tonya, like all the people, restaurants, and shops around them, were swallowed inside of the structure. The design was so elaborate that they wondered amongst themselves how regular people like them could have dreamed dreams and birthed visions so divine.
They found a restaurant on an upper floor, closer to the ceiling, where they could watch people beneath them come and go. It was good, Shadrach said, to keep changing perspective.
There waiters were dressed in white coats with gold buttons and they wore crisply pleated black pants. The light—soft and diffused—came from antique-looking wall sconces. The wallpaper was an elaborate pattern of what looked to be red velvet and gold.
One of the waiters, a young Hispanic man with his hair combed like Rudolph Valentino, walked by and winked at Michelle. She looked at Shadrach and Tonya. “I think I’ve decided. I’m giving up men.”
Shadrach laughed first. “Shoot, girl, what you talking about?”
“I’m talking about giving up men. You know, I just can’t figure it out—I can’t get the man thing together. So I figured the best way is to just let it alone.”
Shadrach pretended to be offended. “So, the brothers are responsible? The brothers got to suffer?”
Michelle looked across the table. “You know what, I really don’t want to talk about me. I want to talk about this new ’do our girl is sporting.”
Tonya patted her hair. “You like it?”
“Girl, when you walked in today, I barely recognized you. I thought we had a new sister in the office.” She laughed. “When you said change, you meant change. Tonya, girl, with a hairdo like that, you can take your place among the divalicious!”
Tonya blushed. “The divalicious? What are the divalicious?” She laughed.
“Yeah, what are—who are—the divalicious?” Shadrach turned in his seat.
“Well, you know nowadays everybody and her mama is a diva. It’s diva this and diva that. The divalicious are the best of the best, the diva of divas. The diva-licious are the most luscious and delicious of divas. You know, the sister with the biggest hats, the biggest hair, the baddest suit—whatever the woman is working, she’s working it to the ‘-est degr
ee’! That makes her diva-licious!”
Shadrach shook his head. “I’ve heard it all now. Where did you come up with something like that?”
Michelle laughed. “I told you I was giving up men. A sister has a lot of time on her hands.”
Shadrach leaned closer to the wall. “Please don’t let that word get out anywhere. I’m going to choke you, Michelle, if I hear it again out of anybody’s mouth because I will know where it came from.”
Tonya patted her hair. “So, you really think I’m divalicious?”
Shadrach groaned. “I signed up to be a coach. I didn’t sign up for this.”
Michelle ignored him. “Girl, ain’t no doubt about it. The bun is dead.” Michelle began to sing softly to the tune of “Ding Dong! The Witch Is Dead!”
Hey, yo! The bun is dead.
Which old bun?
Tonya’s bun.
Hey, yo! The killer bun is dead!
Shadrach leaned away from her and stared. “What is into you today, girl?”
Michelle waved him away and smiled at Tonya. “Girl, you got to celebrate when stuff in your life that has been holding you back is now dead. That bun had you in bondage—or bun-dage—for years. We got to sing it away so it won’t try to come back!”
She stood up and started lifting and lowering her arms and legs like she was performing in a Broadway play.
Shadrach pulled at the edge of her jacket. “Girl, sit down! People are looking at you like you are crazy! They’re going to kick us out of here.”
Tonya was laughing so hard she started snorting.
Michelle refused to sit down. “These people don’t know me. What do I care what they think? Sometimes, you got to make your own party. My sister is coming out! The girl is divalicious and the bun is dead! If they can’t get with that, if they’re too dried up and dead to join the party, they should have stayed home.”
She waved her arms and started singing again. The waiter passed by; instead of winking, he just lowered his head. Michelle sang louder.
Hey-yo! The bun is dead!
Which old bun?
Tonya’s bun!
Hey-yo! Tonya’s bun is dead!
She grabbed Tonya’s hand. “Come on and sing it with me!”
Hey, yo, the bun is dead.
Which old bun?
Tonya’s bun.
Hey, yo, the killer bun is dead!
Shadrach shook his head and covered his face.
It’s gone where the bad weaves go,
No mo’, no mo’ no mo’!
Hey-yo! Let’s get on up and sing out loud because . . .
Michelle grabbed the waiter when he passed by, again. “Dance, boy. Sing and bounce with me.”
Hey yo, the merry-oh,
It has died! It ain’t no mo’!
We’re singing cause the killer bun is dead!
The maitre d’ came to the table. “Ladies and gentleman, please. Is there some way that we can help you?”
Michelle’s delighted laughter rang in Ida’s ears.
“Miz Ida, when I told him what was going on and showed him how beautiful Tonya looked, the maitre d’ got caught up in it too! The next thing I knew, most of the folks in the restaurant were singing. We had a kind of congo-line thing going around the restaurant. Tonya was leading and laughing. You would have never recognized her. She was like a new person.”
Miz Ida laughed out loud trying to imagine the scene.
“It was crazy, Miz Ida. Poor Shadrach kept trying to hide out, but pretty soon, he was caught up in the whole thing, too.”
Miz Ida laughed with Michelle for a while. “That was a good thing you did, today, baby.”
“I didn’t do anything, Miz Ida. Tonya has done so much. It just seems like it happened suddenly. She told me she was going to start working out. And I laughed at first because she said she was just going to sneak in ten minutes or so here and there. But Miz Ida Tonya is looking good. Then after she killed that bun, I had to say something. I just had to. But that wasn’t all Miz Ida . . .”
By the time everything settled down in the restaurant, and Michelle and the others had returned to their booth, Tonya was smiling—she was actually glowing. “I want to thank both of you. You have made so much difference in my life. Even my son has noticed. I couldn’t see that I had just laid down and given up.” Her eyes filled with tears. “Thank you.”
Shadrach smiled and looked slightly uncomfortable. “That’s all right. Don’t worry, you’ll get the bill for my consulting fees.”
Michelle elbowed him. “Whatever, Shad.”
Tonya gave them both an effervescent smile.
Shad leaned forward. “So, now that you’re working on this new hair, this new look, and this new attitude, why don’t you take it all the way?” His eyes sparkled. “You could get you some spike heels.” He smiled. “Wine just gets finer with age, you know. I don’t know why women—especially church women—have to give up and start trying to make what still looks good look bad. A sister that’s taking care of herself can still pull off something that shows some curves, something that shows she’s still got it. The spirituality in a woman makes her more exciting. Now, if you can get the outside to where it’s pumping, too, then you got something. You could try something like Michelle wears. Maybe something short and spicy!”
Tonya blushed. “Oh, Shadrach, stop teasing me.” She lowered her voice. “I tell you what, though. If a man wants to be with me, he’s going to have to use a little imagination. The bun is dead. Michelle just made sure of that, so the hair is not an issue. He might be able to get a little higher heel out of me. But it ain’t but so tight and so short that I’m going, brother! I am not going to become some hoochie look-alike.”
Michelle laughed, then stopped and looked back and forth between them. “Wait a minute. Should I be offended?”
Shadrach and Tonya ignored her. Shadrach leaned back. “Well, Tonya, you’re right. A woman and a man both have to know who they are and what they want out of life. You know, like what they can tolerate and what they can’t.”
“For example?”
“Like, for example, a man can’t be with a woman who makes too much money. A woman has to think about a man’s ego.”
Tonya adjusted the way she was sitting on her side of the booth. “The thing is, Shadrach, I don’t know how I feel about that. I mean, suppose I get promoted—not that I’m going to because Mrs. Judson is still not speaking to me and Michelle. But if I did get promoted are you telling me that being successful could mean that a man might just fade out of my life?”
“Well, a man needs to be the leader, the provider, the head of the household. It’s a touchy subject with a man.”
“I can understand that.”
Michelle stared at Tonya. She had never heard her talk this way to a man. Even the timbre of Tonya’s voice changed—it was purring and smoky.
“I understand it, but don’t we have to grow beyond that kind of thinking? I mean, whatever money I have, God gave it to me. I wasn’t really seeking it. I didn’t have a plan in my life that I was even going to be working. God gave me this to bless me and take care of my needs and to bless people that are in my life. Are you telling me that because God blessed me I have to be lonely?”
“I’m just saying it’s a sticky situation with a man.”
“I hope that you’re not saying that I have to be lonely because I’m blessed. Because the Bible says that God’s blessing makes us rich and He adds no sorrow.13 It would make me really sad if God put the perfect man for me in my life, but he rejected me because I was blessed. That wouldn’t make sense would it? That would make me sad—that would add sorrow.”
Shadrach stared into Tonya’s eyes. “No, it wouldn’t make sense, but it’s still a sticky situation with a man.”
“Maybe what a woman would need to do is to reassure her man that what gives him value in her life is not the coins in his pocket, but the richness of his character.”
Shadrach’s smile was slow a
nd approving. “That might help.”
“Maybe what a real woman would need to tell a man, the real man in her life, is that she is striving to be a virtuous woman—a virtuous woman, like the woman in Proverbs Thirty-one.”
Shadrach was staring at Tonya as though Michelle wasn’t there. “I’ve heard a little bit about that. The virtuous woman is strong, wise, trustworthy, and supportive of her man.”
Tonya nodded. “But Shadrach, not only is the virtuous woman a spiritual blessing to her family, not only is she so much woman that her husband and her children praise her, she is also a wealthy woman. Now how can a man find fault with that?”
“I hear that. It sounds like a good thing, believe me, but I just don’t know how it plays out in the real world, Tonya.”
“Well, the Lord didn’t have trouble traveling with wealthy women. He visited their homes and they supported his ministry.”
“It’s still a hard thing for a man. A man needs to be in control.”
Tonya smiled. “Well, a man needs to know the heart of the woman that he’s thinking about marrying. He should know, if he’s going to be with her, that the key to his authority in her life is not his platinum credit card. He needs to know that he is her king because of her admiration for the generosity of his wise and understanding heart. He is her lover because of his intelligence, which is spirit led and without price. A woman would have to reassure her blessed man that he is her husband because she has found him to be her match—body and soul. I think that a blessed man and a blessed woman would have to believe that the spirit of the Lord would intercede and work out the rest.”
Michelle looked at Shad. What had just happened? Shadrach grunted. “Why do women always ask questions to just tear down your answers in favor of their own?”
Michelle fell silent for a moment, and Ida waited. She knew the story wasn’t over.
“Miz Ida, I was looking at those two people and I think I just disappeared. For a minute, I got this funny feeling. You know, like I wanted to say something or do something to make Shadrach pay attention to me. He’s a nice man, you know. I was thinking for a minute, why would he want her instead of me.”
