Perhaps, if that is the price, we are not worth saving.
We are not worth one life? Elizar spread his arms. This is your own plan. I am your pawn. And now you reject it? You reject me?
I love you. But I fear that my plan has failed. I fear that you have become a pawn of the Shadows. I fear that they will never tell you enough. I fear that, even if they did, you would use that knowledge for your own good, and the good of the Shadows, rather than that of the mages. It is what you are doing right now. And I fear that, even if you took your knowledge back to the mages, they would never accept it, or you.
Elizar nodded to himself. Of course they will. When they need my knowledge, they will take me back.
You can never again be one of their number. You can never have a place in the Circle.
When they are forced to fight the Shadows, they will be grateful for my help.
Kells lined face tightened. You fool yourself, perhaps, better than you fool me.
When they are dying, they will have no choice. They will take me as their leader.
For a few moments, Kells intense, dark eyes studied Elizar. Then at last he spoke. They neednt fight.
Of course they Elizar looked sharply at Kell, wiping a hand over his mouth. Will they hide, then? Will they bury their heads in the sand and pray for mercy? I should have known it. He crouched again before Kell. Where will they hide, then? Where are they now? Preparing? Tell me all.
Kells expression seemed pained. I tell you nothing, except that your quest has become pointless. They will leave, and you will never find them. They will never accept you or your knowledge. There is no point to your remaining with the Shadows, unless you wish truly to join them. I put too great a burden on you. The task was impossible, though I did not want to believe it. If your intentions are true, then let us attempt escape from this ship, and if we die, we die for the good.
If they refuse to accept me and what I might learn, then the mages will die.
Then they will die. But they will never accept you. Unless perhaps you return to them now, as my savior. Come with me now, Elizar. We can take my ship.
Elizar gave a ragged laugh. Can you still believe I would ally with you? Your ship is destroyed. And I would not save you no matter how much good it might do me. You and the Circle have lied and lied and lied. It is you who have led us into this dire situation. Your resignation simply saves me the trouble of overthrowing you.
There is still the other alternative.
Kill myself? Destroy the line of Wierden? And the hope of the mages? I think not. Elizar stood. The mages have a great capacity to do what is convenient, as you well know. Theyve practiced that skill over hundreds of years. They will accept me, when they need the knowledge I have. He bent over Kell, put his arm over Kells shoulders. Tell me where they will hide. I will share the information with no one. I will use it only to go to them, once I know all that can be known.
I dont know their plans.
Elizar straightened. You know. And damn you to hell for making me torture it out of you.
You will be unsuccessful.
Elizar stood silently, his face downcast. Then he strode to the door. Anna, open.
She did, and he called out.
Bunny! Your time has come.
Bunny and Tilar returned to the room. Anna sealed the door behind them.
He let slip that the mages are going to retreat to a hiding place, Elizar said. He must be getting old.
Tilar frowned. Theyre going to hide? While the rest of the galaxy is at war? I dont believe it. How does that satisfy good?
It satisfies fear and self-interest, which have apparently always been stronger than good.
Tilar studied Kell. Theyre planning to fight us. They have to be. They sent him to plant false information. Thats why he came.
Youre wrong, Elizar said, but I dont have the patience to explain all the reasons why. In any case, sweet Bunny will find out everything soon enough. He turned to her. We need to know where the mages will hide and when, and where they will gather for this exodus.
Bunny flipped her hair back over her shoulders. You could say please.
Please will you rip into this old hypocrites mind and pull out the information we need.
She winked. Happy to.
Bunny crossed her arms and stared at Kell, and in her thin, tense face, Anna saw insatiable hunger. Suddenly Anna felt the pressure of Bunnys thoughts increase. They pushed at Annas skin, at her mind. For a moment every thought, every sensation was lost in a blinding blaze of whiteness. Then the pressure lessened, sensation returned, and as the dull, pulsing discomfort of the telepaths presence faded away, she realized Bunnys power had found a focus.
Kells body went stiff. His head jerked to one side, his cheek pressing into her skin. From a face rigid with pain he forced out a series of words, so softly that she had to strain to hear them. Seven. Eleven. Thirteen. Seventeen. Nineteen. Twenty-three. As the numbers increased, his heart beat faster and faster.
Hes Bunnys eyes narrowed.
What is it?Tilar said.
Elizars fists were clenched, his face as still and inexpressive as marble.
Kells body temperature was increasing, and with trembling lips he pushed the words out, his short, hot breaths grazing her skin. Twenty-nine. Thirty-one. Thirty-seven. Kells heart raced with a beat it could not possibly sustain.
Stop it! Bunny yelled.
Forty-one. Forty-three. With a cry Kell launched himself out of the chair at Bunny. He slammed into her, and they twisted and fell to the floor.
Through her skin, Anna felt his heart stumble.
Forty seven, he breathed against her.
The erratic beat cascaded into chaos, then, with one final, tired contraction, his heart stopped.
The normal pressure of Bunnys thoughts returned. The telepath pushed at Kell. Get him off me! Get him off me!
Tilar kicked Kell in the head.
Hes dead, you idiot, Bunny said.
Tilar gave Kell one more kick. Then he and Elizar pulled the body off of Bunny. Kell sprawled across the floor, still.
Bunny sat up, rubbing her forehead. The son of a bitch gave himself a heart attack. Maybe he thought he could take me with him. She held up her hand, waiting for someone to assist her. Elizar did.
Some low-level ultraviolet radiation was coming from a spot on Bunnys forehead. Anna wondered if it was a result of her exertion.
What did you find? Elizar asked.
He was trying to block me by reciting the prime numbers. It caused a minor delay, but I got through quickly enough, she said, straightening her tight dress. She was swaying slightly. They are going to hide. He doesnt know where. They have some method of creating a hiding place almost anywhere they want, so it cant be detected. He thought it would be somewhere out of the way.
Somewhere out of the way? Tilar said, nudging Kells head with his foot. That helps a lot.
I didnt have much time.
Elizars eyes were fixed on Kell. Anything else? he asked.
Mmmm, wellBunny twirled her hairI found out where theyre gathering now. At least, where he thinks theyre gathering. Someplace called Selic 4.
You got that? Tilar said.
Got it.
Tilar snorted. He couldnt keep his secrets better than anyone else.
Bunny tossed her head. You could give me some credit.
Anna considered the possibility that Bunny might be at fault for Kells death, but her passengers seemed satisfied with the telepaths actions.
Tilars foot nudged again at Kell. The leader of the Circle. He wasnt so great. He was easy enough to kill.
Elizar looked to Tilar. He killed himself.
Now we can send the message the Shadows directed, Tilar said. Right, Elizar?
Straighten his limbs, Elizar said, and I will begin.
Anna had little interest in the technical work that followed. Kells skin was sliced open; blood flowed out over her. It was time for her systems check, and she was simply gla
d that she had completed her unfamiliar duties successfully. She had obeyed both the Eye and Elizar, and she had delivered the required torturings without killing. She had furthered their path to victory. The greatest joy was the ecstasy of victory.
Soon she would return these passengers to the planet below. She would be glad to have them gone from her body. The Eye had told her she would have to stay nearby and carry them again when there was need; they were critical to victory. Anna hoped the need never again arose. She would prefer to go on to other duties, to use the machine as it was meant to be used.
The machine was so beautiful, so elegant. Perfect grace, perfect control, form and function integrated into the circuitry of the unbroken loop, the closed universe. All systems of the machine passed through her. She was its heart; she was its brain; she was the machine. She kept the neurons firing in harmony. She synchronized the cleansing and circulation in sublime synergy. She beat out a flawless march with the complex, multileveled systems. The skin of the machine was her skin; its bones and blood, her bones and blood. She and the machine were one: a great engine of chaos and destruction.
* * *
chapter 2
Galen had unpacked only a few weeks ago. Now he was packing again, this time for good. He and Elric would leave Soom. They would flee with the mages.
Packing was a strange thing. It involved imagining oneself in a different place, doing different things, projecting which items might be necessary or useful under those circumstances. But Galen couldnt imagine himself anywhere, doing anything. His mind could not form the picture.
He remembered the last time hed packed, for the trip to Zafran 8, weighing the value of each item against the space it would take. Yet now, it was impossible to distinguish one item from another. Nothing seemed necessary, nothing potentially useful. He could leave it all behind, or he could bring it all with him. It made no difference.
He stood at the side of his bed, which was covered with boxes of various sizes, filled to various levels. He did not know how long he had been standing there. He decided it did not matter.
Elric had gone to town to say good-bye. He had asked Galen to go with him, but Galen had wanted to stay behind. Stay behind and pack. They would leave before dark. And so here he stood.
The four rough wooden shelves above his worktable were half-empty, items taken or left behind at random, the remaining items disorganized. The disarray would normally have bothered him, yet now it did not. His thoughts simply drifted away.
A cool breeze blew in through the window, and Galen shivered. He was always cold now. Outside, the mak, the plain of moss-covered rock on which he lived, was shrouded in thick mist. It was as if he lived within a formless limbo where neither light nor darkness could find definition. They could only mix in shades of grey.
On the floor below the window he saw a square shape. He went to it. He bent, picked it up. He opened the cover, flipped through the pages, the recognition delayed a few seconds. Mirm, the Extremely Mottled Swug . It was Fas book. She had not come to his house in a long time. He had frightened her away. The book must have lain there since before.
If he had found it earlier, he could have given it to Elric to return. Now. Here it was. He squeezed it tightly, forcing the memories to remain within. It was her favorite book. If he left it behind, it would be destroyed with the house. He must return it.
He had not treated her well. He had never treated her well. She had given him friendship and kindness. He had given her arrogance and impatience. And lately, not even that. He owed her something. He owed her, at least, a good-bye. The picture formed in his head: a smiling, black-robed figure wrapping Fa in a warm embrace, speaking words of love and reassurance, exchanging sleights of hand one more time.
But the figure in the black robe was not he. What he owed her he could not give. He could not find the words, could not perform the actions. He looked down at the book clenched in his hands. He would return it to her through a messenger.
He left his home of stacked stones behind and passed into the mist. He felt like a ghost, lacking in substance or reality. The wind drove him along.
He knew Fas house, though as he approached the back of it, he realized he had never been inside. She had always come to him; he had never gone to her. He was still a stranger in this place, among these people, after eleven years of living here. He had never opened himself to them, or to Fa, and now there was nothing of him left to open. He was transparent, empty.
He heard her voice coming from one of the windows. He imagined his mind as a blank screen, carefully visualized an equation written upon it. The spell gave him access to the probe in the ring hed given her, his fathers ring. The image appeared in his minds eye.
She was staring right at him, right at the stone in the ring. Below the curly white wisps of hair that covered her face, her skin was the deep pink it became when she was excited. Her eyes were wide, bright, engaged in play. Her head turned back and forth as she studied the ring.
Seeing her in his minds eye was like peering through a telescope at some impossibly distant past. It was a past to which he could not return.
Make me great flowers of light in the sky, she said in the language of the Soom. The probes image turned away from her, swooping over the stone walls of her room in dizzying circles as she waved her arms and twirled, imagining the flowers falling around her. Of course the ring would do no magic for her.
Pretty, pretty flowers. She again held the ring up to her face. Blow all the flowers to Gale. Tell him not to be sad anymore. Tell him to be happy. Tell him not to go away.
Galen turned, nearly starting for home. He did not want to think. He did not want to feel. Yet he had taken the easy path and ignored her for too long. He must say good-bye.
Turn me into a great lady carried in a chair, Fa said.
He needed a messenger. He had once, for practice, created an illusion of Mirm, trying to combine the feel of the books hand-tinted engravings with realistic swuglike movements. He had never been happy with the illusion, but it would have to do.
On the screen in his minds eye, he visualized a second equation, one to create the image of Mirm. His tech eagerly echoed the spell, and the massive swug stood before him, chest high, skin brightly mottled with shades of pink, purple, and blue, a friendly tilt to his head, just as in the book. Galen added another equation, creating a small flying platform on top of Mirms snout. He laid the book upon it, so it appeared as if Mirm carried the book balanced there. Galen conjured an equation of motion, and Mirm approached Fas window. The swugs ample fatty deposits jiggled as he trotted on thin legs.
Holding the spells in his mind, Galen withdrew behind a short wall of stacked stones that marked the boundary of the property. He created a new equation of motion, sending Mirm scrabbling up through Fas window, then knelt among the grasses, out of sight. He closed his eyes, focusing on the image from the probe.
The image had been waving all over the room as Fa played. Suddenly it froze in place. Mirm! Is it really you?
Galen had created a voice for Mirm, which quavered like the deep bleats that swugs usually made. He conjured the voice, composed the words Mirm would say as if he were writing a message. The illusion spoke. Hello, Fa, Mirm said. I brought your book. With a flick of his nose Mirm flipped the book toward Fa. She caught it.
I left it at Gales house, she said, running her hands over the book, amazed. I didnt think I should go there. She looked up eagerly. Is he with you? She ran to the window, looked out.
Galen bent forward, bracing his hands against the cold ground.
Gale isnt here, Mirm said. He sent me. To say good-bye.
Honored El said that they must leave. She turned back to Mirm. Cant Gale stay?
No, Mirm said. He must go with all the others like him.
Fa crouched beside the window, her head bent. Hes my best friend.
He asked me to tell you he is sorry he has not been more friendly.
He is sad. I understand. I wish he wasn
t so sad, though.
Galens fingers tightened, digging into the dirt. He worries that you will be sad, Mirm said.
I wish we could be sad together.
Galen needed to end this. Gale said that wherever he is, he will look up at the stars in the sky and think of you.
I want to create lights in the sky, just like him. If I do, can I go where he goes?
You cannot create lights. Not from the ring. You can use it only to call Gale by saying his name three times. But you must not call him unless you are in dire need. The ring will watch over you. He will watch over you.
She stared at the ringat himand began to cry. He was a coward.
But I dont want the ring, she said. I want Gale. I dont want him to leave.
This was only making her more upset. As usual, he had no skills for dealing with others. Galen moved Mirm toward the window.
Fa lunged at the swug, extending her arms to embrace him. They passed through the illusion, and she fell to the floor. She lay there sobbing, her skin a bright pink, the hair below her eyes matted with tears. Mirm!
Mirm hesitated at the window.
Fa pushed herself up on her hands. Tell Gale I love him.
Galens heart pounded. Good-bye, Mirm said.
He conjured equation of motion. Mirm scrambled out the window, ran away between the stone houses into the mist.
Fa stared into the ring. Gale, she whispered. Gale. She stopped herself before saying his name a third time. She would not abuse the gift he had given her. Dont be sad anymore. Do you remember our picnic with Is? Remember how she laughed? She would want you to be happy.
She rubbed a finger over the ring. I will look up at the stars and think of you. I will hope that, wherever you are, you are laughing.
Galen broke the connection with the probe, dissolved the illusion.
He willed his heart to slow, his mind to go blank. He would not think. He would not feel. He would regain the transparency of a ghost.
He had done what he needed to do; he had said good-bye to the past. Now he could fade away.
He pushed himself to his feet and walked stiffly back toward home.
Babylon 5 17 - Techno-Mages 02 - Summoning Light (Cavelos, Jeanne) Page 3
