“If you’d called me back sooner you could have talked me down off the plastic lawn chair.”
“I was at the hospital interviewing Kawika.”
“So how did Charlotte do it? Castor bean concoctions for all of them?”
“No. She was more cunning than that. She stopped by to watch Mitchell’s hula practices and kept telling him she was interested in joining because Tiko had been one of his dancers and spoke so highly of him. Everyone knew Tiko, so naturally, Mitchell was thrilled. Charlotte took them all sample smoothies, not poisonous, of course. Then one day she used the angel’s trumpet plant to kill Mitchell. It sent his already weak heart into tachycardia and caused heart failure.”
“And Shari?” Em pictured the lovely, frail young woman she’d seen in the photos at Kawika’s home.
“Charlotte gave her a smoothie she had doctored with a brew made from leaves and stems of the oleander. The symptoms from oleander poisoning matched those she would have suffered had her hemolytic anemia worsened: fatigue, dizziness, shortness of breath and eventually, heart failure.”
“I guess Jackie should consider himself lucky that she was in love with him.”
“For sure. She only used enough poinsettia sap to make him wish he was dead. He was interviewed at the hospital and said when she handed him the Starbucks bottle, a third of it was already gone so he assumed she’d been drinking out of it—which was exactly what she wanted him to think.”
“The next time I’m in the middle of an argument and somebody offers me a drink, remind me to turn them down.”
He leaned back and stretched, then got to his feet. “Ready to go?”
Em looked at the clock on the wall behind him. It was already late afternoon.
“It’s been a long day.” She stood up. Roland pushed her chair back under the table.
“I’ll drive you back to Jackie’s to get your truck.” He held the door open for her. “Think you’ll make it home in time for your official date with the writer?”
“I’ve already cancelled.”
He stopped. “Really.”
“Careful. Your smug is showing.”
He guided her toward the lobby. “Sorry we have to go out the front entrance.”
“I’m not going to run into Charlotte, am I?”
“Worse. Word’s going around that the Hula Maidens have assembled in the parking lot.”
“Let me guess. They’re lined up to dance for me.”
“You got it.”
Em sighed. “You know something? After everything I’ve been through today, I’ll be happy to see them.”
47
Happy Daze Are Here Again
The Goddess rarely closed for private parties, but Louie insisted that with everything they all had to be thankful for, that he was going to rent a tent and throw a beach bash.
Once word got out, it turned out to be as private as a party can be on the North Shore. It rained the day before, but the night of the party the weather was perfect. Clear with enough of a breeze to keep things cool. Tiki torches flickered around the outside of the tent as partiers gathered just before sunset.
“This is a great idea, Uncle Louie.” Em surveyed the crowd seated at picnic tables beneath the party tent. “The Maidens are excited to have a chance to perform their competition number and show off their third place koa wood trophy bowl.”
“I’ll call Kiki up to the stage before they start dancing later.”
“Where is she?” Em looked around.
“Over by the bar.” They’d rolled the tiki bar out of the house and set it up at one end of the tent. Sophie had volunteered to bartend. She told Em she’d rather mix drinks than just sit.
“Has Kiki seen Marilyn yet?”
“I think so. I saw Kiki’s face turn four shades of furious when Marilyn walked in.”
“I’ll do my best to make sure Kiki doesn’t cause trouble,” Em promised.
“I’ll do my best to keep Marilyn occupied.”
“I’ll bet you will.” Em had noticed the diamond on Marilyn’s hand the minute she walked in. It was hard not to notice since Marilyn entered the tent with her left hand out in front of her. The diamond was inside before she was—a diamond that Louie couldn’t really afford.
The Maidens brought along their significant others. Wally was there with a young male hula dancer he’d met at the Kukui Nut Festival as he was running off the stage. The neighbors had all been invited to keep them from complaining about the noise.
“Nat’s over by the bar,” Em told her uncle.
“Great. I’d love to talk to him some more about the reality show pilot. It all sounds really exciting,” Louie said.
“Do you really want to go ahead with it? Are you sure? Won’t publishing the tropical drink recipe book be enough?”
“Sure, I want to go ahead with the show. Why not?”
“For one thing, we could come off looking like a bunch of idiots.”
“Oh, pooh. Us? Don’t let your ego stand in the way of success. People will be lined up all the way down the highway to get into the Goddess once we hit prime time.”
“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of—hitting prime time,” she said.
“Nat said the idea might not get picked up. If it does they could start shooting in four to five months.”
“It would sure be great to have some cash that was flowing in and not just out for a change,” Em said.
“I know. Marilyn has some great ideas for expanding the restaurant.”
“I’ll bet she does.” Em noticed Buzzy was running out of the far end of the tent. “Where’s Buzzy going? You think he’s all right? I’ve never seen him move that fast.”
Louie laughed. “He’s supposed to be down at Tunnels standing on the beach every night at sunset to tell his fiancée good night or she gets jealous.”
“The dolphin.”
“Who else. And they said it wouldn’t last.”
After Louie wandered away, Em pressed her fingertips against her frown lines. She was still pressing when Roland walked up beside her.
“My mom used to wear little sticky triangles above the bridge of her nose to smooth those things out. Maybe you can find some somewhere.”
“Mahalo for that.” She dropped her hand.
He surveyed the tent. “Looks like a good crowd.”
“It’s a crowd. I’m not sure how good they are.”
“When does the entertainment start?” He glanced at his watch. “I’m on the late shift and can’t stay much longer.”
“As soon as we get everyone served and seated. I hope you at least have time to eat.”
“Sure do.”
She turned toward the long tables filled with chafing dishes at the far end of the tent where Kimo was waving a dish towel in circles above his head.
“Looks like the chef is ready,” she said. “I’ll go tell Louie to get on the mic and have people refill their drinks and start lining up. Will you save me a seat?”
“For sure.”
Em told Louie to announce the buffet line was open, and when he stepped up to the mic next to the portable dance floor, Marilyn was right beside him with her arm linked through his. Searching the crowd, Em found Kiki next to the bar whispering to Sophie. As long as Sophie had an eye on her, thing would be all right. She hoped.
“E’ komo mai everybody. Welcome to our celebration!” Louie was shouting into the mic but no one seemed to care that it was so loud. “As most of you know, we’re here to toast the Hula Maidens’ success at the Kukui Nut Festival. They did us proud all right.” He picked up the koa bowl that was on display next to the mic stand. Let’s hear it for their big third place title in their division. After we eat I’ll have Kiki tell you a bit about the event, and then the Ma
idens are going to perform their award winning number for us. Won’t that be great?”
Everyone cheered and raised their glasses in a toast.
“How do you like the Kookookie Koolers? I’d say they’re definitely not for the timid. Plenty of rum in those babies.”
David Letterman was nearby on his outdoor perch by the front door. In his best pirate imitation he started squawking, “Rum! Rum! Yo ho, ho!”
Louie had to pause until the laughter died down.
“Now that I’ve got your attention, I’d like to turn the mic over to Detective Roland Sharpe of the Kauai Police Department. Most of you know Roland as our fire dancing detective, but tonight, though he’s not going to be able to perform for us, he would like to say a few words on behalf of the KPD.”
Em wondered what was up and watched Roland walk over to Louie who handed off the mic.
“As you know, we recently apprehended a murderer here on Kauai. As sad as it is to know that bad things can and do happen in our community, it’s also a great thing to know we have citizens who are willing to go above and beyond to help the police out when we need it.”
Roland gazed around at the crowd until he found Em.
“One person in particular was instrumental in helping us apprehend the perpetrator in our hunt for the Kumu Killer as folks are calling the accused. The person who helped us is someone most of you know well. If you don’t, be sure to introduce yourself and tell her mahalo.”
Em thought about sliding under the picnic table but the Maidens and the people who had heard she’d been helping the police had already turned her way.
Roland reached toward Danny Cook who bent down and picked up something in a frame behind the drum. He handed it to Roland.
“Em Johnson, if you’d come up please?”
Em looked around and realized there was no way she was getting out of this one. She slid off the bench and headed for the stage. When she was beside Roland, he turned the frame around so that she and the crowd could see the certificate of appreciation matted inside.
“I’d like to present this Certificate of Appreciation and Gratitude from the Kauai Police Department to Em Johnson for answering the call to help. It’s signed by the police chief and the mayor.”
The crowd broke into thunderous applause when Roland handed over the framed award and said, “Mahalo, Ms. Johnson, for a job well done.”
Em glanced over and saw Louie nearby with tears in his eyes. All the Maidens, led by Kiki, were headed for the stage carrying leis. Sophie was giving her a thumbs up from behind the bar, and Pat Boggs had her fingers in her mouth and was letting off ear splitting whistles.
“Thanks for the warning,” Em whispered to Roland.
“It wouldn’t have been a surprise if I’d warned you.”
The Maidens reached the stage, and one by one they crowded in close, hugged Em and hung leis around her neck until they were piled up to Em’s chin.
The crowd was still on its feet. Louie took the award from her and put a Kook-Kookie Kooler in her hand.
Danny and the Tiki Tones tried to play “For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow” but they didn’t know the tune so it ended up sounding like “Happy Birthday.”
“This is great. Does this mean I can turn in my badge?”
“The sooner the better,” Roland said. “I don’t like having you in harm’s way.”
“Oh no. I was just going to ask if you’d mind coming back when your shift is over and teach me how to twirl flaming fire knives on the beach.”
“No fire allowed, but have a few more of those coolers, and when I get back I’m sure we can find something for you to twirl around.”
(Continue reading for cocktail recipes and an excerpt from Mai Tai One On)
More Tropical Libations from Uncle Louie’s Booze Bible
Two to Mango
A fruity, fizzy cocktail dedicated to Louie’s fiancée, Marilyn Lockhart, aka “The Defector” as she has been unlovingly referred to by the Hula Maidens ever since she left them to join another hula halau (hula school). Louie popped a bottle of champagne for this one, but will their love last? Or is this “black widow” just after the Tiki Goddess Bar?
Per cocktail you will need:
1 Lime wedge
Sugar
2 oz. Mango nectar
Champagne
Glass: Champagne flute
Fill a saucer with a bit of sugar. Moisten the rim of the champagne flute with the lime wedge and dip into the sugar. Pour 2 oz. mango nectar into the bottom of the glass and fill with champagne. If you like mango, drop a chunk of fresh mango into the glass before you add the liquid ingredients.
Horny Rum Rhinos
When the Rhinos Club convention hit Kauai and three van loads full of Rhinos arrived at the Tiki Goddess during their tour of the North Shore, Uncle Louie had this cocktail all ready to honor the hard working, hard partying “crush” from the mainland. (Rhinos don’t travel in herds, they travel in “crushes” . . . look it up!) They were so delighted (not to mention inebriated) they gave Louie his own horn and made him and honorary Rhino!
Per cocktail you will need:
3 oz. Mango nectar
3 oz. Dark rum
1-1/2 oz. Sweet and Sour
1/4 oz. Curacao
Glass: Rocks glass (aka lowball).
Shake all in a cocktail shaker and pour into a rocks glass over crushed ice.
Kookookie Kooler
Louie concocted this drink to immortalize the Maidens’ Third Place triumph at the Kukui Nut Festival and Hula Competition. The Kookookie Kooler has a hint of a nutty flavor but don’t worry, there’s not even a smidgen of a real kukui nut required to make this version.
Per cocktail you will need:
1 oz. Trader Vic’s Macadamia Nut Liqueur
2 oz. Pineapple juice
2 oz. Orange juice
1 oz. Dark rum (Louie prefers Myer’s).
Glass: Cocktail (aka margarita glass).
Pour the juices and the liqueur into a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a chilled margarita glass and float the dark rum on top. If you can’t find the macadamia nut liqueur, you could use Amaretto but Uncle Louie would advise you keep searching for the real island delight.
Uncle Louie’s Lazy Man’s Mai Tai
In 1944 Victor Bergeron aka “Trader Vic” mixed his first Mai Tai which included lime juice, two kinds of rum, bitters, a sprig of mint, a maraschino cherry and a pineapple wedge. Uncle Louie is a busy man and the Tiki Goddess Bar makes up their luau night 2 for 1 mai tai mix by the pitcher full so tourists aren’t caught waiting in a line at the bar for a refill.
Per cocktail you will need:
2 oz. Light rum
1/2 oz. triple sec
1 oz. orange juice
Splash of Orgeat syrup
Splash of sweet and sour mix
1 oz. Myer’s rum to float on top (optional)
Glass: Uncle Louie uses a hurricane glass, but any tall glass will do.
Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker, strain and serve over ice in a tall glass. Optional: Add a float of dark rum. Garnish with a pineapple wedge, maraschino cherry and if you’re in a party mood, a paper umbrella, an orchid blossom, or both.
Where The Story Began...
MAI TAI ONE ON
Book 1: The Tiki Goddess Mysteries
Excerpt
They would have found the body sooner, if it hadn’t been two-for-one mai tai night . . .
Six months ago, if anyone would have told Em Johnson she’d end up divorced, broke, and running the dilapidated Tiki Goddess Bar on the magical North Shore of Kauai, she would have told them to shove a swizzle stick up their okole.
As if all that isn’t bad eno
ugh, when an obnoxious neighbor with a grudge is found dead in the Goddess luau pit, suspicion falls on Em and the rest of the Goddess staff. With the help of a quirky dance troupe of over-the-hill Hula Maidens, Em and the cast of characters must band together to find the killer and solve the mystery before the next pupu party.
Praise for Mai Tai One On
“I want to be a Hula Maiden, too! Reading this fresh, funny mystery made me yearn to hang out at the Tiki Goddess, sip one of Uncle Louie’s drinks and watch a certain super sexy fire dancing detective entertain the crowd. This is a story for anyone who’s ever been to Hawaii, dreamed of going to Hawaii, or wondered what it would be like to live in our 50th State. I loved this book!”
—Susan Elizabeth Phillips
“MAI TAI ONE ON is that rarest of novels—one that is both emotionally satisfying and laugh out loud funny. As a part-time Hawaiian resident, I absolutely fell in love with Jill Marie Landis’s spot on glimpse into a Hawaii that most tourists never see. Smart and sassy, fun and endearing, MAI TAI ONE ON will sweep you away. Once you meet the quirky, real-as-your-best-friend Hula Maidens, you’ll wish the book would never end.”
—Kristin Hannah
“Jasmine-scented jungle, jewel seas, white beaches; an irresistible glimpse at real life on the North Shore of Kauai. MAI TAI ONE ON is a fun and fabulous book.”
—Stella Cameron
Mai Tai One On
Excerpt
They would have found the body sooner if it hadn’t been two-for-one Mai Tai Night.
Before all hell broke loose at the Tiki Goddess Bar, Emily Johnson was hustling back and forth trying to wait tables and bartend, wondering if her uncle, Louie Marshall, had slipped out for a little hanky-panky. She couldn’t care less that the seventy-two year old was romantically involved, but why did he have to disappear when the bar was the busiest?
Drenched in the perpetual twilight that exists in bars and confessionals, she sloshed an endless stream of sticky, pre-made mai tai mixer into hurricane glasses. Then, just the way Louie taught her, she added double jiggers of white rum and topped off the concoctions with a generous float of dark Myer’s.
Two To Mango Page 27
