by Shey Stahl
They give me some medication, tell me I’m going to be monitored for a while, and when it kicks in, the pain in my chest eases and I’m feeling good.
Flirty. Pain medication always makes me a ladies’ man. I laugh suddenly, about the time my body starts feeling warm from the medicine they gave me and nudge the team physician, Ollie, who came with me; he’s sitting next to me on his phone. He rolls his eyes when I point to the nurse because he knows I’m about to say something stupid.
“Hey, baby,” I say to her, winking with the eye they’re not stitching up. The nurse giggles as she continues her cursory exam. “I got something else you could examine.”
Ollie shakes his head when she leaves. I apparently offered to show her my cock, only I don’t remember that. Evidently, I did hit my head pretty damn good cause I’m saying stuff I wouldn’t usually say. Or maybe I would?
They release me around midnight and into the custody of Ember who’s looking like she wants to murder me. And get this… she slaps the concussed. “You scared the shit out of me!”
It turns me the fuck on. I love it when she’s rough. Motioning the doctor forward, I smile at him. “Tell me something, Doc. Look at her.” I nod to Ember. “Do you think she wants me?”
The doctor clears his throat and bends down toward me, nervously. “I uh… that’s not exactly….” His voice trails off with confusion.
I look up at him, trying to focus and failing miserably. “No, no. Just look at her. Don’t stare. She’s off limits, but is she into me? Medically speaking? Check her heart rate.”
Ember kicks my foot. “Knock it off, Landon. Let’s go.”
The doctor laughs, straightening his posture. “I wouldn’t know. I’m a neurologist.”
“You’re no help to me.” I groan and motion to Ember. “Wheel me away, woman.”
The doctor smiles at Ember and hands her what looks to be a prescription. “He might be out of it for a while.”
She takes the prescription from him. “Uh-huh.”
And just as she’s wheeling me away, the doctor says quite possibly the worst thing ever known to man. “No sex.”
Told you. Awful, isn’t it? It’s fucking horrifying. “Stop the car. What did you say?” And yes, I’m fully aware I’m not in a car. I might be concussed, but I know what the fuck no sex means. I glare at the man trying to ruin my life. “You can’t be serious.”
He has the nerve to smile. Motherfucker. If I could stand, I’d knock him out. “Sex is unadvised in your condition.”
“Condition?” I snort. “You mean horny as fuck?”
I’m smacked. Again. “Landon!”
“In that state….” The doctor gestures to my cock. No lie. Straight up flicks his wrist to the poor neglected bastard. Most attention it’s seen in days.
“You mean fucking?” I finish for him, scowling.
He nods. “In a sexual state, when you’re breathing heavily, you hyperventilate a little, decreasing oxygen content in your blood. If you stop and take a deep breath, as your heart rate is elevated, rapid reperfusion of the brain occurs, which causes pounding and dizziness. This would render you unable to stand up. You’d pass out if you tried.”
I’m not hearing any of it and point to my cock—in the middle of a hospital waiting room. “I can’t make any promises. He likes pink tacos.”
The concussed is smacked once again and Ember jerks the wheelchair forward. She pats the doctor, whose face is red, on the shoulder. “I’ll make sure there’s no sex.”
Annoyed, I look around the waiting room. “Let’s go. I want out of this cock-blocking hell hole.” I’ve done plenty of research. When I was in high school, I did a paper on the disadvantages of abstaining from sex for a sex education project in health class. The abstaining from it part. And let me tell you something, the disadvantages are awful. It lowers your sex drive. Increases stress. Self-esteem is out the fucking window… and it’s scientifically proven you’re less intelligent. Serious as a heart attack, which by the way, is what I’ll be having if I have to abstain from having sex. And let me just add one more horrifying fact for you. It leads to erectile dysfunction. I’m just about to point out all my research to this so-called doctor when Ember begins to wheel me away. Probably for the better. I don’t think my pink taco comment went over very well with the nursing staff. They’re all give me the stink eye. Pfft. Like I’d want their pink tacos anyway.
I tilt my head back and look up at Ember. “What happened to the kids?” And then I think, what if I don’t have five little people depending on me at home? Had I dreamed up Grant dying? I turn my head to look up at Ember who’s pushing me through the lobby, media and reporters trying like hell to get to me but barricaded by security to give us room. “Wait… was that all a dream?”
My vision is still blurry and I’m basically looking up her nose. What’s the look she’s giving me? Does she look amused or annoyed? Or still murderous?
“They’re with Cat at the house.” She reaches for my hand to help me out of the wheelchair when we get to the car. “Now am I gonna have to throw you over my shoulder and carry you home?”
I stand, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and then sagging my body into her. “I love you, you know that, right?” I ask, slurring my words. “I’m going to marry you someday and knock you up and you’re going to love it.”
“It won’t be tonight.” She pulls away, distancing herself from me while making me sit back down in the wheelchair while she opens the car door. And I think—I can’t be sure—but she rolls her eyes, again. “You’re high on pain pills.”
There’s certainly some truth to that. When we’re in the SUV, I reach for her hand again, my fingers tightening around hers and fighting the urge to place her hand between my legs. “Are you mad at me?”
“Should I be?”
I tip my head, running my other hand through my hair. “I don’t think so, but by the look you’re giving me, I did something wrong, didn’t I? Was it the pink taco comment?”
Drawing a deep breath, she seems to fight back emotion. “I hate seeing you get injured. It’s a reminder that you could die doing this and then what? What happens to those kids then?”
My jaw tightens. For a moment, I don’t say anything because until now, the consequences hadn’t outweighed the invincibility I feel on the field. Until five complications came into my life and brought me to my knees. Then I swallow and blow out a long breath of air. “Noted.”
Ember starts the car, but it’s from the shaking of her hands that I realize what she saw on the field, and what I went through are entirely different perspectives. Or what the kids probably witnessed. Shit, that probably scared the shit out of them having just lost their parents. I hadn’t even thought about that.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, in the darkness of the car. We’re parked under a street lamp, the golden yellow lighting up the side of her face, and I see the tears. Ember never cries. I wasn’t even sure she was capable of them, until now. “I wasn’t thinking. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Dropping her hands from the steering wheel, she turns to face me. “I’ve never been scared, until tonight. Until these kids came into your life. They’ve lost enough in their lives, Landon. They can’t lose you too.”
The selfish part of me is angry that this kind of responsibility was put on me at a time in my life where I didn’t need it. Where my career was supposed to come first, not kids and a family. But as I’m finding out, life doesn’t work that way. These kids need me, and I like to think Ember does, too.
“I can’t control that, Em. It’s my job.”
“I know that, and I’m not asking you to quit. I just want you to be more aware of them and what your presence in their lives means.”
Our stares lock and though I’m still a little out of it, I’m aware enough to know the expression on her face. My eyes focus on her lips once again, wanting to feel them against mine. It’s been a while since the last time I kissed her, since Hawaii, and the magnetic e
nergy screaming between us is enough to make me lightheaded, if I weren’t already.
Leaning in, I pull her face to mine and press my lips to hers and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
If she doesn’t want it, I can simply blame it on the kiss.
It doesn’t go past the kiss, even though we both seem willing. The desire and temptation are there but, then again, there’s hesitation... from both of us. I don’t know what it is, but it’s there. There’s an imaginary line surrounding us and we both know what happens if either of us crosses over.
Safety Valve – A running back or receiver that the quarterback will look to pass to if all other receivers are covered. Usually, the safety valve will not be too far away from the quarterback. Passing distance will be minimal, but he avoids the sack.
We’re both silent, neither one of us daring to say a word. I count her breaths and the loud thudding of my head. Sure, I have painkillers in me, but I feel so alive inside I can’t explain it. It’s like feeling tired and then finally going for a run on a cool, crisp fall morning and though your lungs are on fire and burning, you’re alive inside and teeming with an energy you can’t explain.
“Are you giving me the silent treatment now?” I dare to ask, unable to withhold the questions rattling around in my head.
“No.”
And that’s all she says. Are you confused? Are you wondering what the fuck is going on now?
Welcome to my world. But in case you missed it, Ember kissed me. Or, wait, did I kiss her? Let’s rewind for a moment. Actually, just pause on the important details like her saying, “I just want you to be more aware of them and what your presence in their lives means.” And hypothetically speaking, she said their lives, but what she really meant was our lives, didn’t she?
Look at her face now as we’re driving to the house in complete silence. Never mind the fact that the way the passing streetlamps reflect off her black hair makes me want to fist it in my hands and yank her lips back to mine. Tell me what she’s thinking because, at this point, I’m dying to know. Unfortunately, as I’ve found out, the more you feel, the less you say.
A phone vibrates in the center console cup holder. Ember glances down at it and then reaches for it and tosses it in my lap. “Answer it. She’s been calling nonstop.”
Ember usually has my phone on game nights. There’s no reason to have it with me, because of that one Tweet that one night I shouldn’t have sent to that one quarterback on that one team… and since that one night, Ember takes my phone until I have time to calm down after games.
With a sigh, I drag my eyes away from Ember’s and to the phone lighting up the darkness in the SUV. My heart thuds louder, anticipation gnawing at me.
After that kiss with Ember, I know what I need to do. I can’t be messing around with Alessa anymore. And even though I haven’t been with her in over a month, it’s time to make it official.
Sliding my finger across the screen, I answer the call but then press the speaker button. Fearing Ember’s reaction to this, a heavy weight presses in my stomach.
“Hey,” I say casually, keeping my eyes on Ember’s face. She does that thing like she can’t figure out what I’m doing, so she keeps shifting her eyes back and forth from me to the road.
“Are you okay?” Alessa asks, like she’s relieved. Ha. The only relief she probably has is hoping I’m going to come over later.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I’m playing dumb, but I’m barely listening to anything she’s saying. I can’t when my focus is on Ember.
“Um, you were carted off the field, and they said they took you to Virginia Mason.”
I don’t know why, but I chuckle, the tone of it is anxious and somewhat sarcastic. “Where were you if you were so concerned?”
“I knew it wasn’t serious or your assistant would have called me.”
“Ember.”
“What?”
“Her name is Ember.” The second my eyes lock with Ember’s in the darkness, I know she’s everything I can ever want and need. Sappy as shit, yeah, but it’s the goddamn truth.
“Whatever. You know how I feel about hospitals and sick people.”
“You’re right. I didn’t need you there.”
I think for a second. Then decide to take the plunge. If I make a fool of myself, I’ll blame it on the concussion. I could milk that one for days. “I don’t know what to say to you,” I begin, trying to ease into it. Truthfully, I’ve never actually done this before. I made Revel break up with my high school girlfriend for me because he fucked her so yeah, he could tell her we weren’t together anymore. Long story, and no, I don’t want to talk about it and no, I don’t hold any grudges against Revel. I didn’t like that chick all that much anyway. Back to the moment. Ember has always dealt with all the women I break up with. “Other than we can’t see each other anymore.”
Now, take a brief moment and pause here. Are you watching Ember’s face? Did you forget she’s in the car and I have Alessa on speaker phone? I didn’t. Like I said, it’s on purpose. She’s still here—and with my words—with the implication I’ve presented, her head jerks up, eyes darting over my face. I’d give anything to know what she’s thinking.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Alessa asks, and I can’t help but notice there’s a certain vulnerability to her words I wasn’t expecting.
Regardless, I keep my eyes on Ember, who has turned away from me, her stare on the road. I notice her breathing though, and the way her chest is rising and falling rapidly. This changes our relationship, and she knows it.
Turning my attention back to the phone, I hold it up in the air like I’m putting our shit out there for the world to hear. “Do you feel like anything about our relationship works?”
“Huh?” Alessa asks, her voice tense. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Our lives are going in completely different directions.” It’s not a lie. They’ve been going in different directions for a while. She’s always off doing shoots and whatever else models do, and I’m either training, playing or thinking football. I fully admit being one-tracked when it comes to football. You’ve heard of players eating and breathing football, right? That’s me. And maybe that’s why Ember fears a relationship with me, and this one on the phone is ending. How can I give myself to someone when my mind is constantly on football? I’m not sure I have the answer yet.
Alessa breathes out heavily. “Are you talking about me not wanting kids? Because that was pushed in my face without a choice. You can’t blame me for being upset about it.”
“I gotta be honest,” I admit, not willing to go into detail that the kids were pushed upon me too. I didn’t have a choice in any of this either. “That’s not all of it.” I pause, and my eyes drift to the woman next to me, the one sharing the same space as me. “Ember does have something to do with it.”
Ember’s eyes lock on mine, so engrossed in the moment she can’t look away. She swallows, hard, her brows dipping in confusion. She has to know how I feel. I love this woman, and how she can’t see that, I don’t know.
Alessa gives me a sigh, again, and I know where this is heading. It’s the direction of, “I knew Ember would be the reason behind us breaking up.” But I refuse to engage on that level. I’ve felt this way about Alessa and me for a while. And I think, deep down, underneath all her superficial bullshit, she has too.
“What is it then?”
“I care about you. You know I do.” That’s not a lie. I do care about her despite everything else that’s happened. “But this isn’t working. I’m not in love with you, and you don’t want kids. Like it or not, they’re in my life, and they’re not going anywhere. I don’t want them to.” Are you surprised I said that? Don’t be. Those little boogers grew on me, and now I can’t imagine my life without them.
“Well, so, what do you want to do?” she asks. “Are you saying you don’t want to see me anymore?”
“Yeah, I am.”
And then the anger, the embarrassment hit
s her. “Oh my God, Landon. Are you seriously breaking up with me over the phone?”
I fight the urge to laugh. “Yep.”
As you can guess, Alessa hangs up on me. I doubt this is the last time I hear from her, but I’m not concerned with that. I’m more interested in the way Ember’s looking at me.
“Why did you do that?” she asks, her voice small and wavering.
Words knot in my throat, and it takes me a moment to untangle them and what I need to say to her versus what I want to say. “Do what?”
“Break up with her in front of me.”
“Why do you think I did that?”
She won’t look at me as she whispers, “Because you wanted me to hear it.” Her eyes move to mine, and she adds, “It doesn’t change anything.”
A smile tugs at my lips as we pull through the gate of my property. The lights of the house in the distance dance over the dashboard. “I think it changes everything.”
The kids are waiting up for me when I enter the house, all of them wanting to know if I’m okay. Cat’s asleep on the couch. I turn to Ember, smiling as I pick up Nalani from where she’s climbing up my leg. “Looks like someone forgot she’s watching the kids,” I tease.
“I can handle watching them,” Marley notes from the couch beside Cat, her sketchbook in hand.
I nod and smile, but I don’t say anything. The action of nodding reminds me of how badly my head hurts. I cringe at the onset of pain. It drags through my neck to my shoulders, tensing my muscles.
Ember notices. “I’ll get them to bed. Why don’t you head upstairs?”
I’m just about to tell her I can handle it, knowing I shouldn’t, but Haisley crosses her arms over her chest. “You promised we’d finish reading Spirit.”
This damn kid, I know she’s going to talk me into getting her a horse one of these days. She’s obsessed with them. Literally fucking obsessed. I grew up around horses, and I hate to say this, but they’re useless unless you have a ranch, and if I never see the likes of a ranch again, it’ll be too soon.
