“Not yet, Alexis, just breathe through it. You can push in a minute. You’re doing really well.”
“What happened to not saying fuck, Hunny?”
“Fuck you! You try pushing a tennis ball out the eye of your dick and see if you can not say fuck. Fuck!”
The doors to the birthing suite open, and Dr. Rainer walks in with gloves and a big smile on her face. “Just in time I see,” she says as she sits on a stool at the end of the bed. “Bryce, would you like to come and stand next to me and help deliver your son?”
Deliver my son? Me? Are you crazy?
“Sure,” I answer, like it’s something I do on a daily basis.
Alexis screams out again and pushes, and all I can see as I stare at her is her mouth moving at a million miles per hour. She looks angry...and red...and angry. I can’t hear anything she is saying though, because it’s like someone has just pushed a mute button and removed all sound. What I can decipher is just how beautiful she is, how amazing and strong she is, and how much I adore her. I smile at her lovingly; she simply takes my breath away.
“Are you smiling at me, Bryce?” she growls, snapping me out of my adoration and removing the silence.
“What?” I stutter.
“I said are you smiling at me? Does this look fucking funny to you?” she yells.
Mental note yet again: don’t smile.
“No. I’m—”
“Okay, Alexis. I see his head. When I say, I want one big push and—”
“Head?” I croak, and take a sneak peek between Alexis’ legs. The sight before me nearly has me dying of shock. “I can see his head, Hunny. Push!” I command with over enthusiastic encouragement.
“No. Not yet,” Dr. Rainer warns and gives me an annoyed look.
I ignore it.
“No. Don’t push,” I add, following her instructions. She is the doctor after all.
“When can I push? I want to push. Screw you all, I’m pushing.”
Dr. Rainer places her hands around my son’s head. “Now, Alexis. Push!”
“Now, Hunny,” I add again.
Alexis lets out a mighty big yell and pushes with all she has. The sound of her pain and sheer determination rips at my heart, drowning my ears until I hear the most wonderful sound in my life—my son’s cry.
Looking down, I see his tiny little body in Dr. Rainer’s hands, and I can’t for the life of me begin to describe what my heart is doing in my chest. I’m stunned, yet so happy, and I want to fucking cry. I never fucking cry.
“Daddy, would you like to cut the umbilical cord?” Dr. Rainer says as she hands me a pair of scissors.
I accept them and automatically go on daddy-autopilot, snipping the cord and helping to wrap him in a blanket. Shit! He’s so bloody small.
Alexis is now quiet and her breathing, more controlled. Her eyes are wide and damp, and her neck is craning, searching for our boy. Dr. Rainer gives him a quick check over then places him on Alexis’ chest.
I’m fucking floored, stumped; halted in my tracks. My fiancé is holding our son in her arms and it’s the most amazing thing I have ever seen.
“Hi, little boy, it’s me, Mummy,” she says as she drags her nose along the bridge of his and kisses his forehead.
Seeing that small loving gesture has my heart thumping like crazy in my chest. “I love you,” I say softly, finally opening my mouth and finding the words. “And I love you, too, baby boy.” I lean in to kiss my son for the first time. Wow! He’s so warm...and soft...and perfect. Perfect like his mum.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I drape my arm around Alexis’ shoulder and kiss her like never before. Pouring everything I have into it. “Thank you. You make me the happiest man alive. Thank you for our son.”
She cups the side of my face then looks lovingly at the little miracle in her arms. “So, Daddy, do you think he looks like a Brayden now?”
I gently wiggle his nose with my finger and his lazy little eyes find mine. “Yes, I do. It suits him.”
She smiles through elated tears and hugs him to her chest. “Welcome to the world, Brayden Lauchie Clark.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
In the blink of an eye your life can change. How you feel, act, think, and see the surrounding world around you. It just changes...without your say so...never being able to go back to the way it was beforehand. Not that I would EVER want my life to revert back to how it was prior to becoming a father. No way in hell!
Standing here with Brayden sleeping peacefully in my arms, and Alexis who is sleeping soundly beside me in her hospital bed, I feel like my life has just begun.
I slowly take steps around the room, lightly bouncing and assisting Brayden in a lulled slumber. The swelling on his face is just starting to go down, being only hours after he entered the world.
“Brayden,” I whisper, while placing a soft kiss on his head. “Daddy loves you so much, and I can’t wait to take you home and spend every minute together. You and me, buddy, we are going to have so much fun.”
A gentle knock at the door sounds right before it slowly creaks open. Lucy pokes her head around and locks sight on me cradling my son. The smile we share in that moment is profound and one only Lucy and I can communicate.
I nod my head and indicate she come in.
As she tip-toes over to where I’m standing, a tear is already making its way down her cheek. “Oh my God, Bryce, he’s amazing!” she whispers as she places her hand on his head and wraps her other arm around my shoulder. “Congratulations, big bro. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks,” is about all I am capable of saying, still semi-speechless from sheer awe.
“It’s overwhelming, isn’t it? Finally holding, smelling, and seeing your baby in the flesh for the first time.”
Staring down at his peaceful little face, I answer. “There are no words, Luce. No words.”
Lucy nods toward Alexis. “How is she?”
“Yeah, she’s good. Just tired and exhausted, but other than that she’s fine.”
“So, it was a quick labour?”
“God, Luce! It was the longest and fastest two hours and fourteen minutes of my life. Alexis though...well...she was just simply perfect the whole time. She just...” I shake my head in veneration as I glance over at her sleeping. “...she just amazes me.”
Lucy gently trails her finger down the side of Brayden’s face. “What did the doctor say about him being four weeks premature?”
“Dr. Rainer did a thorough examination after Alexis bonded with him. She was happy with his vitals, and when he attached to feed without a problem, she was even more pleased, saying there was no reason why he couldn’t remain in the ward with us.”
“He’s a tough little cookie then, isn’t he? Determined and strong-willed already. Hmmm, I wonder why that is?” Lucy mocks. “So, does my gorgeous nephew have a name?”
“Yes, of course he does. It’s Brayden...Brayden Lauchie Clark.”
Lucy is silent for a moment, staring intently at Brayden, her expression appearing full of emotion. She sucks in a deep breath, squeezes my arm then nods and smiles. “Perfect, Bryce. He’s just perfect.”
“I know.”
“So, have you had anything to eat today? Gone to the loo, that sort of thing?”
“No, not yet,” I answer with contentment, the thought of eating or pissing or anything else not even crossing my mind.
She holds out her arms. “Okay, pass him over and go and see to yourself.”
As I assess Lucy’s outstretched arms, a moment of panic washes over me at the thought of letting Brayden go.
Returning my gaze back to my beautiful little boy, I politely decline. “No, really, I’m fine.”
“Hey,” she says softly while placing her finger on my jaw to turn my face in her direction. “It’s alright, this is me; your sister. I promise I won’t let anything happen to him while you’re gone. Just go, take a quick breather, get something to eat then come back.”
Debating whether or
not I should leave him, I reluctantly pass Brayden over to her, and almost instantly a sensation of loss fills me. Not only are my arms now cold, but I experience a reaction of incompleteness, feeling somewhat unsettled and powerless. Fuck! Is this what fatherhood feels like? Helpless and vulnerable?
I lean down and kiss Brayden on the forehead then check to see that Alexis is still sleeping soundly. “Okay, but I’m only going for some coffee and the loo. I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll have a skinny latte, no sugar.”
‘Skinny latte’, I mumble to myself as I jog out the door and toward the cafeteria on the ground level.
* * *
After what seems like the longest fifteen minutes of my life, I quietly open the door to Alexis’ room. Carrying two coffees and a hot white chocolate on a tray, I walk in to find Alexis wide awake and Brayden happily breastfeeding. Lucy is sat by her bed, pushing buttons on her phone and looks to be typing what Alexis is saying.
“Six pound two and 47cm long. Born at 11:14 a.m.,” she finishes.
“Thanks,” Lucy offers. “Nic likes details.”
Alexis looks up as I walk swiftly toward her and Brayden. “Hey, Daddy, where have you been?”
Worried that she might be disappointed in me for leaving them, I quickly place the drinks on the bench-top by the window and make my way to her side, kissing her forehead and gently stroking Brayden’s temple. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave. I needed—“
“Bryce, it’s alright. You can take a few moments to get a drink. We are fine, see? Look, he’s such a good feeder.”
I watch him contentedly suckling away and it’s one of the single most beautiful sights I’ve witnessed. Guilt briefly sweeps through me at the thought of telling him to give up his food source after only six months. Alexis’ breasts now belong to him and he can have them for as long as he needs.
“I hope you are not planning a reduced leasing term where your agreement with our son is concerned,” Alexis warns.
I chuckle. “No, Hunny, I was just thinking quite the opposite.”
“What are you two talking about?” Lucy asks as she gets up and fetches the drinks.
“Nothing,” I advise, wanting my secret daddy’s business to remain just that—secret daddy’s business.
Passing me my coffee and Alexis her white chocolate, Lucy flippantly responds, “Fair enough.”
“Now, I’ve spoken to Mum and Dad, Bryce,” Alexis says as she gently changes Brayden to feed from one breast to the other. “They are on their way here, together with Jen. Rick and the kids are also on their way. Jake and Johanna will visit us when we are back at home as Jake is currently on a run to Brisbane. Um...Carly and Derek are coming in tomorrow for a quick visit. And Tash, Lil, Jade, and Steph will also probably visit when we are back at home.”
“Right,” I state, dubiously. “Alexis, I’m not sure you should have all these visitors so soon? Is it safe for Brayden to have so many people around him? He needs to get stronger first, build up immunity or something. I’m sure I read that somewhere.”
“Visitors are fine, providing they are not sick. I’m sure none of our family and friends would visit if they were under the weather in any way, shape, or form.”
I smile half-heartedly at her attempt to ease my mind, all the while thinking that I will now have to go gather some of those surgical masks. The last thing I want is some germy fucker sneezing or coughing or even breathing on my baby boy.
Alexis sits Brayden upright and places his tiny head in the palm of her hand, her fingers spreading out on both sides of his cheeks. The position she has him in puffs his already puffy cheeks even more—he looks so bloody cute.
She starts gently patting and rubbing his back. “Here, do you want to burp him? I need to pee.”
“Sure,” I answer hesitantly, as I sit on the bed.
Replacing her hands with my own as she passes Brayden over, I proceed to mimic what she had just been doing; lightly holding his face and patting his back. He lets out a teeny little burp.
I laugh. “You get that from Mummy.”
“He does not,” she complains in defence.
“Yes, he does.”
“I burped so much during my pregnancy because of all that hair,” she says as she strokes his fair baby wisps.
“I still don’t believe it. Babies having hair cannot make you burp,” I repeat. Although, I must admit, he does have a decent head of hair.
“Yes, they can, Bryce,” Lucy chimes in.
“Thank you, Luce,” Alexis adds as she readjusts her breasts while wincing.
I notice the obvious discomfort on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“My milk isn’t properly ‘in’ yet so feeding kinda hurts,” she explains, “Actually, it borders on downright painful.”
Appearing to be in the middle of typing a text message, Lucy adds to the conversation. “She needs Lansinoh, Bryce.”
“Yes, Miss Know-it-all, I’m fully aware of what Lansinoh is. It’s in her bag.”
Lucy pokes her tongue out at me and jumps up. “I’ll get it—“
“No, it’s fine. I’ll get it,” Alexis interrupts. “I need to freshen up anyway. I’m going to have a shower.”
“Do you need any help?” I offer.
“No. I’ll be fine. I’ll yell out if I do.”
I lower my voice so that my smug little sister cannot hear. “Am I doing this right?” I ask, indicating my method of burping.
Alexis gently brushes her lips across mine. “Yes, you’re doing just fine, Daddy. In fact, you’re perfect.”
* * *
Later that day, I watch Brayden being passed around to person upon person, and I really don’t like it—I don’t fucking like it at all.
First he is handed to Maryann, then Graeme, then Jen. Soon after, he is Lucy’s arms followed by Nic’s. Then—of course—Nate and Charli want a cuddle and, as if she hasn’t just cuddled him for a good part of the afternoon, Maryann has him once again. Watching what reminds me of ‘pass the fucking parcel’, I start to get highly irritated, but it’s not until he is passed to Rick, that I can no longer hold back and bite my tongue.
Seeing Brayden in that fucker’s arms makes me feel murderous, bordering on fucking insane, and feeling that at any moment my head will spin around on my shoulders—exorcist style—I finally put an end to all the show and tell.
“Okay,” I voice after a minute or two of Brayden being in Rick’s arms—a minute or two too fucking long. “I think Mum and baby need a rest. It’s been a long day. You are all more than welcome to go back to the hotel and stay. Abigail will make sure you are well looked after.”
I gently pry Brayden from Rick’s arms and hold him close, protecting him from any further man-handling. He yawns and starts searching for his food source.
“He’s due for a feed anyway,” Alexis announces.
“And his first bath,” a midwife adds, as she enters the room. “Visiting hours are about to close.”
Straightaway, I like this midwife. This midwife deserves a raise, or a promotion, or an employee of the month award. In fact, I make a mental note to look into offering a personal recommendation for that particular reward.
“You heard her,” I speak up. “Out!”
“But Mum, I want to stay,” Charlotte whines.
“I know Charli-bear, but you can’t. Dad will bring you back tomorrow, won’t you Rick?” Alexis asks with a pleading look on her face.
“Actually,” the midwife speaks up. “If Dr. Rainer is happy with your recovery, there’s a good chance you’ll be allowed to go home tomorrow.”
“Really, so soon? Oh that would be wonderful,” Alexis beams, an enormous smile plastering her face.
Strapping a blood pressure cuff to Alexis’ arm, the midwife continues. “I’m not sure that applies to Brayden though.”
What? I decide this midwife needs a new career, fuck her promotion and award.
Before I can voice my objection to leaving my one-day-old
baby boy here alone, Alexis does it for me. “What? That is absurd. I am not leaving my son here alone. That is not even an option. If he stays, I stay. If I go, he goes. End of fucking story.”
“Alexis! Language,” Maryann scolds.
Jen nudges her mother out of the room. “Mum, stay out of it.”
“I’ll wait outside,” Rick adds. Good idea, you do that.
“Ms. Blaxlo, I didn’t mean you would have to leave him. The hospital has a hotel for mothers who are well enough not to need a hospital bed. Because your son is four weeks premature, he will more than likely need monitoring by a nurse. We need to be sure that he is feeding well and putting on weight before he can go home with you. That being said, Dr. Rainer will have to assess him again tomorrow before a final decision is made. ”
“I don’t want to stay in the hospital hotel. I don’t even want to be in a different room from him.” Alexis looks toward me with an anxious expression on her face.
“The hospital hotel is lovely and is only one building awa—“
“That’s not necessary,” I interrupt.
Noticing Alexis’ heightened distress, I step in to calm the situation down. “Hunny, don’t worry. We are not leaving Brayden. I’ll sort something out, I promise.”
She nods and glares at the midwife who quickly prepares Brayden’s bath and then leaves the room.
* * *
Later that night as I lay propped up on my side, Alexis on her side and Brayden fast asleep on the bed in between us, I couldn’t possibly be happier. Well...I could, Alexis is yet to become my wife.
“Shit! I almost forgot,” I proclaim, rolling off the bed and reaching for the baby bag.
Alexis straightens and cranes her neck. “What? What did you forget?
“Yours and Brayden’s presents,” I answer, holding the two gifts behind my back.
“Presents?”
“Yes. It is Brayden’s birthday is it not.”
“It is. So what did you get him?” Alexis asks, trying to peek around my back.
I reveal one arm and place the soft knitted guitar next to Brayden, a huge proud grin covering my face.
Attainment (temptation) Page 7
