When she and Seth were alone again in their room, she started to unpack her things. Joshua had brought in the rest of her baggage and it would take a little while for her to get everything sorted and put away.
She promised herself that this room would be tidy no matter what the rest of the house was like. If this room was to be a haven for her, she would make it comfortable. Disarray would not seep into this room. She would see to that.
Chapter 9
It took a long while for Celia to become comfortable living with a man again. It took even longer to grow familiar with the man himself. She disliked living in the constant clutter, but had no way of broaching the subject with her husband in a respectful manner. She just lived in the situation, slowly becoming more and more annoyed by it each day.
Finally, there came an afternoon that she and Seth were alone in the house. Joshua gone to Wichita to purchase supplies he couldn’t get in Derby.
Celia had done little to impose her personality on the dwelling so far. She stared around the rumbled disorder of the kitchen trying to find the tea and finally located it next to the butter on a shelf. Seth sat at the small wooden table eating mashed peas and eggs on toast.
Celia was now struggling to find the sugar. Glaring around at the jumbled food and wares, she spotted it sitting beside a strainer on the cutting board. When she fumbled around looking for a mug for five more minutes, she was worn out with hunting for things she needed. She leaned against the counter and sighed heavily in frustration.
“This is my home too,” she muttered, glancing over her shoulder at Seth. He was playing moodily in his mashed peas. She decided then that if she was going to spend the rest of her life in this house, it was going to have to change a bit. Maybe it would need to change more than a little bit, but she’d start simply. With that thought in mind, she began taking the mismatched silverware from the drawer nearest her and sorting it into piles.
The sound of the front door slamming shut interrupted Celia’s preoccupied thoughts.
“Celia?” called Joshua’s voice from the hall.
“In the kitchen!” she hollered back. The reverberation of Joshua’s clumping boots made Seth, who had been toying with a few pots on the kitchen floor, scurry to his feet to hide behind his mother’s skirts again. He still hadn’t warmed up to his new step-father. Joshua had been beginning to show signs of strain because of it.
“Seth,” Celia scolded, pulling her skirts from her son’s grasping fingers. “Don’t be silly, it’s only Joshua.” Seth tucked himself between the kitchen cabinet and his mother, staring warily towards the doorway. Joshua came into the kitchen, his eyes widened with surprise at the sight that greeted him. Aside from the pots and pans Seth had been playing with and a few odd things Celia hadn’t managed to find a place for yet, the kitchen counters were empty and free of clutter.
“Oh,” he said quietly as he gazed around. Celia wiped her damp hands on the apron tied around her waist and took a step towards him.
“I hope it’s all right that the kitchen looks different,” she began. “I just thought I’d tidy up a bit.” She smiled shyly, worried about his reaction.
“W-where is everything?”
“I’ve put it all away.”
“But where?” He was apparently in shock.
“I organized the cupboards and the shelves.” Celia opened the one nearest her to show him.
“I see.” Joshua’s eyebrows had nearly disappeared into his hairline. “What was wrong with the way things were?”
Celia was so puzzled by his question that it took her a moment to answer. “It was,” she bit her lip, not wanting to offend him, “A bit disorderly.”
"I see,” he said again. He began to turn away from her, then he turned back. “In the future, I’d rather you just leave things as they are.”
It was Celia's turn to be uncomfortable. “I just think it helps to have things put away.”
“I would rather you left things alone.” His lips stretched into a thin line.
Celia’s temper heated. "Joshua Maxwell, this kitchen was a mess!” she shouted, stomping her foot and making Seth jump.
Joshua did not look angry at her outburst, he merely stared at her. Seth began to sniffle behind her skirt. She reached down to smooth his hair while she waited for Joshua to respond. He didn’t, so she continued.
“We live here now, too, and I need to be part of this home,” she said this more quietly, now looking at her feet, ashamed she had raised her voice to her husband. “You brought me here to help and I was just trying to do that.”
Joshua seemed to be considering her from the doorway, then he took a step closer to her. Unsure of his intentions, Celia looked up and took a step away from him. His hand had been raised as though he wanted to touch her cheek. She was uncomfortable with such a gesture from him right now.
“All right,” he said finally, dropping his hand to his side. “Show me what you’ve done.” Celia’s face brightened and she turned to scoop up Seth from behind her. She opened each cupboard, showing Joshua where she had decided things should go and why they were best suited for their position. He nodded solemnly, as though she were showing him a dead animal that needed skinned.
"It might take a little getting used to,” she said hesitantly.
“That it will.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overstepped my bounds.”
“It’s fine,” said Joshua. “You were quite right, this is your home now, too. If that means I have to get used to a newly ordered kitchen, I will do so,” he paused. “Perhaps give me a warning in the future? That was quite an unexpected change.”
Celia nodded. Joshua seemed to decide that was enough said on the matter and turned his attention to Seth.
“Hello, Seth,” he said. “I have a gift for you.”
Celia beamed at Joshua and attempted to pry Seth’s arms from around her neck. "Did you hear, Seth? Joshua has brought a surprise for you. Won’t that be nice?” Seth’s small eyes peered up from under her chin to look at the box tied with ribbon that Joshua was holding. Slowly, he pulled one arm free to take the box. “What do you say to Joshua?”
“Thank you,” the whisper was barely audible, but it was something.
Joshua smiled. “Would you like to open it?” Seth nodded. “Why don’t you come with me to the sitting room? We can sit on the carpet and open your gift together.”
Reluctantly, Seth slid from his mother’s arms and took Joshua’s outstretched hand. They walked together to the sitting room, Celia trailing along quietly in their wake. Her fingers were crossed that this would be a big step toward Seth’s adjustment to his new home.
Seth had been having a difficult time adapting to their new circumstances. He wasn’t at all keen on Joshua, he was having trouble sleeping, and his eyes were red rimmed from his many fits of tears. Celia watched him eagerly, hoping for some progress.
The package in his small hands was slightly too big for him to manage alone, so Joshua was assisting in the disposal of the brown paper and ribbon. Inside was a small, colorful box with a turning handle sticking out of the side. Joshua showed Seth how to twirl the handle and the box began to play a sweet melody.
Seth seemed to be enjoying the song, he looked up at his mother as the handle turned, wearing the first smile he’d shown her in days. Then he looked back at the toy, fascinated. Suddenly, out of the top of the box, leapt a small stuffed bear on springs. Seth shrieked and jumped away from the toy, which fell to the floor with a small thump. He then began to cry very loudly. Celia walked over to him, shaking her head.
“Seth, calm down. It’s only a toy, hush now.” His crying would not cease. She looked down apologetically at Joshua, who still knelt on the floor next to the fallen toy. He looked stricken.
“I didn’t realize it would scare him. Look, Seth, it’s a nice bear.” The bear did look rather cute bobbling around inside the colorful box, but Seth cried harder than ever and buried his face in his mother’s neck.
>
“I’m sorry,” said Celia to Joshua, who was looking disheartened, “Maybe he will be more interested after he’s had a nap.”
“Want to go home,” sobbed Seth into Celia’s shirt. “Want Auntie Mary, I just want to go home.” Celia sighed and looked at Joshua. Her heart went out to her son who was terribly unhappy. She felt badly for Joshua, too. He was trying very hard to be what Seth needed and he was doing a good job. It just wasn’t getting through to her son.
Joshua looked totally miserable. He stood up and slowly closed the toy box. Celia could practically read his mind. He was wondering if he was at all cut out for this fathering business. She was wondering exactly the same thing.
Chapter 10
Seth’s mood did not improve over the next few weeks. Celia was making the best she could of their situation. She tried everything she could think of to get Seth to accept Joshua and their new home. Gentle pushes, bribes, reprimands. Nothing worked. She was just as frustrated as he was that this was turning out to be so difficult.
While dealing with Seth’s unhappiness, she also attempted to organize Joshua’s messy house into something a little more orderly. She desperately needed to put the place in a neater abode. The clutter was deplorable. She had no idea how Joshua had lived in this disorder.
With Seth clinging to her like a leech, every move she made was laborious. She got much less done than she planned each day. Her son was spiraling out of control and she didn’t know what to do about it. She was dismayed at his state of mind, but she continued to work with him even though it seemed useless.
Seth’s lack of progress didn’t help matters with Joshua, who was becoming increasingly sour. Every attempt to bond with his little stepson was rebuffed. Seth’s discontent took over the household and left little to no time for the newlywed couple to settle in to their marriage or each other. It also interfered with Joshua’s work. Many angry glances between the pair as Seth’s tantrums was starting to drive away potential customers.
“Celia, take Seth out, please,” became Joshua’s constant refrain.
Celia could no longer deny that she was missing home as much as Seth. This is home, she reminded herself. But the more Seth begged, the fiercer the longing for her aunt and their Boston apartment burned inside her. There came a moment when she was lying awake, trying and failing to sleep. She could hear Seth’s deep breaths of sleep and was so happy that at this moment he wasn’t miserable. She fully and truly considered just leaving Joshua and going back to Boston.
Her husband was losing patience with Seth and consequently she was losing patience with him. They’d had no enjoyable time together since their wedding, and although she knew Joshua wouldn’t admit to it, she could tell he was frustrated with their lack of intimacy.
While she understood how Joshua must feel, she felt that Seth needed her more. She couldn’t just leave her son so discontented. It wasn’t in her to ignore his unhappiness.
Celia was wide awake. There was no way she was going to be able to fall asleep any time soon. Rather than stay in the bed and be restless and uncomfortable, she got up. She would make a cup of tea and read. She made it up the stairs to the kitchen as quietly as possible.
Celia put the kettle on to boil and reached for the tea canister above her head. A sound at the doorway made her turn, expecting little Seth to have followed her. She started when she saw it was Joshua standing in the doorway, not her son. She turned away from him, sure he was merely checking to make sure that the noise wasn’t caused by an intruder.
“I’m sorry I woke you, I’ll be heading back to my room in a moment,” she said. There was no emotion in her voice at all. She was almost empty.
“It’s all right. You didn’t wake me. I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been thinking about you. Us. All of this,” he gestured to the rooms around them.
Celia didn’t look at him, but nodded an acknowledgement that she’d heard him. She didn’t hate him – far from it. She cared for him. She knew she could fall in love with him. But with how things were right now, she was beat down.
“You know, I very much appreciate all you’ve done to get the house in order. The business seems to run smoother now, too, since you’ve organized things in the shop. But things aren’t where they need to be, are they?” He may have expected her to answer that question, even though it was a yes or no answer. If so, he must have been disappointed. She didn’t respond.
“Celia, I also owe you an apology,” he said in a sincere and quiet voice.
This got her attention. She looked at him uncertainly and waited for his next words.
“I’ve been praying that the Lord would grant me patience. With Seth, with you, even with myself. I can see your discomfort in our life. That tears me up. I don’t want this for you. And even though you’re here, I feel lonelier than before our marriage. I’ve no doubt that you feel exactly the same way.”
She smiled weakly and nodded.
“I want to spend time with you and I want to know you. I want to bridge the distance between us. I want you to be at ease here in your home. I have so many wants,” his voice trailed away slightly.
Celia stiffened slightly. She wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by the last part of what he said. She figured her probably meant that he wanted a real marriage. She wasn’t ready for that yet, but she wasn’t surprised that he was.
Joshua came up behind her. Though they had been living together for some time, they had hardly touched one another even in passing. Celia was certain his annoyance with her and Seth had caused him to wish they’d never married. She continued with making her tea until she felt his hand on the small of her back. She froze, awareness flooding her senses.
"Let me," he said gently and he took the tea strainer from her hands. Celia backed away from him wearily, watching him measure tea leaves. “I’ve noticed you like your tea strong.”
“I do,” said Celia, “It helps me relax and think clearer.”
Joshua nodded, doubling the amount of leaves in the strainer and placing it in the steaming kettle. Then he turned to her and Celia realized this was the first time they’d ever been alone together.
It was an odd feeling being alone with him. It wasn’t unpleasant, just different.
Finally, he handed her a steaming cup of strong tea. He poured himself one, too. She took a sip and savored the hot liquid.
“It’s very good. Thank you,” she said. “Some people say that tea keeps them awake at night. It seems to help me sleep.”
“Maybe it will do the trick tonight,” he replied.
“I hope so. I’ll take this down to my room. Thank you again, Joshua. Sleep well yourself,” she said as she stepped toward the stairs.
“Celia, we do need to talk about things. Let’s don’t let this drag out further than it needs to,” he said.
She nodded and started back to her room. That sounded ominous, she thought. He’s probably ready to issue an ultimatum. I don’t suppose I really blame him.
She finished her tea and tucked herself into her bed. Finally, she was drowsy and she welcomed the sleep that enveloped her.
Chapter 11
After a restless night, Celia woke early and found that Seth was awake, too. He was quietly looking at one of his books. She got him up and ready for breakfast and did the same thing for herself.
As she got ready to face the day, and Joshua, she recalled their short conversation from the night before. She dreaded the talk they would have. She also was relieved that it was going to happen. At least this situation would come to a head, one way or another. She was mentally prepared to go back to Boston.
After breakfast, she sent Seth back down to their room. He had books and toys to keep him occupied. She told him to call out if he needed anything.
“Joshua, don’t you have a few minutes before you need to open the shop?” she inquired when she finished cleaning the kitchen after breakfast.
The look on his face said he dreaded the conversation, too. “I do have time. If the shop
needs to open a little later than usual, so be it,” he responded with a sad smile and nod. “You’re thinking we should finish our discussion from last night?”
“Yes. Now is as good a time as any, don’t you think?” she answered with more confidence than she felt.
“You’re not happy here,” said Joshua after a moment.
“No,” she responded. She saw no point in pretending. “Seth is distraught, nothing I say will calm him. He’s never been like this.”
“But you are unhappy as well.”
“Of course I am. How could I be happy?” she responded. She tried to keep her voice from rising. The last thing she wanted was for this to escalate into an argument.
Joshua looked extremely troubled. He’d never been good at explaining his feelings. “Do you want to go back to Boston?”
“You obviously wish we would go back to Boston,” she replied, the bitterness echoing clearly in her voice.
“How can you say that?” Joshua looked angry at her words.
“Seth obviously hasn’t been able settle in. I can tell he’s causing you much irritation.”
“I can’t pretend that I don’t wish he would calm down. But I don’t want you to leave. It makes me very sad to see him so upset all the time. I hate what it does to you, too.”
Celia looked surprised. “Really? You act as though any time Seth or I enter a room we irritate you.”
“I can’t work while he screams. I can’t serve my customers through all that!” Joshua’s voice rose slightly with his exasperation. “Surely you understand that.”
"He's only a child. I’ve torn him from the only home he knows, taken him away from the aunt he loved deeply. Of course he’s going to cry.”
“But for weeks? He won’t calm, Celia, he doesn't like me. He hates this house. You hate this house and I don’t think you think much of me either. This is a disaster.”
Celia stared at him, confusion causing her eyes to fill with unshed tears. “I don't hate this house. I just can’t stand the mess.”
Christmas Miracles: Mega Mail Order Bride 20-Book Box Set: Multi-Author Box Set Page 49
