by Lena North
“Next time you come we’ll have a party,” Jenny said as she started to clear the table.
“We’ll appreciate that,” Miller said and gave her a gentle nudge toward her chair. “Your feet are swollen,” he added. “Sit down and rest, Mary and I can deal with this.”
“Huh,” Reuben muttered, and Ronnie sneered a little.
I opened my mouth to let him know what I thought about their behavior, knowing well that it wouldn’t change anything because I’d tried many times before with no success at all.
“Look,” Miller said while he continued to shuffle the plates into a pile. “You do things your way. I get that. Your choice, yeah?” Neither of the men replied, but he didn’t seem to expect it. Instead, he continued calmly, “I was taught differently, and my ma would likely come back from her grave and haunt me if I leaned back and lazily watched an exhausted woman carry not only a child but also the plate I’d just cleared from food she cooked for me.”
He was met by a stunned silence, and then I heard a small sound from Jenny that sounded like she was pressing back a giggle.
“So my choices are different. Doesn’t make them more right, but they also don’t make me less of a man.”
Then he calmly picked up the plates and walked inside.
“It actually makes him more of a man,” I clarified as I picked up the tray I’d filled with the rest from the table and followed Miller inside.
“Probably should have kept my mouth shut,” Miller muttered as we filled the ancient dishwasher.
“I love you,” I said calmly.
He stopped moving, and I turned to him.
“What?” I asked because he had a strange look on his face.
“Don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that,” he muttered and continued to shuffle the last plates into the dishwasher. “To hear you say it here, in your home. Makes it more real somehow, that’s all.”
“I have something to show you,” I said and put the pan I had in my hand to soak in the sink.
Then I pulled him with me and walked upstairs to the room that had been mine, hoping that Reuben hadn’t thrown out my things.
The room looked exactly the same as the day I left it. The bed even had the same sheets. It was clean, though, and it was probably Jenny who had kept it in order, but she wouldn’t have done that unless Reuben ordered her to. Miller had been right, I realized. My foster father had gotten over his anger immediately, and I wondered what my life would have been like if he’d contacted me. I would have gone back most weekends then, and I might not have met Wilder and Jinx.
“This was my room,” I explained, which was unnecessary because my drawings covered two of the walls and several old sketch pads were piled up on the small table by the bed.
“You did these?” Miller breathed.
I nodded, but he had his back toward me, so I murmured a quiet, “Yes.”
Several of the sketches were clearly of him, and he leaned toward one of them and touched it gently.
“I love you,” I said again. “I didn’t when I drew these, Miller. I don’t want you to think that, and I never thought so myself…”
He turned toward me, and our eyes met.
“But you were a dream,” I whispered. “That night when I saw you, everything changed. I wasn’t happy before, but I saw you and that same night everything changed. You were there the night I found my way back to life again, and in a way, in my mind, you represented that.”
“Baby,” he murmured and took the two steps to me.
I put a hand on his chest to hold him back a little, and then I told him, “It doesn’t make me a very nice person, but I think part of why I went out with Kit was because he looks so much like you did back then. He looks like the image I had in my head of what happy looks like.”
Miller took my hand and raised it to kiss the palm. Then he let go and put his arms around me.
“You know I always wanted a family,” he said quietly.
“Yes.”
“At first, I was too young and too stupid. And then it just never happened. Everyone I met lacked something, and I had this image of someone…”
He was silent for a while, and I didn’t know what to say, so I leaned my head on his chest and said nothing.
“I had this image in my head of a pair of laughing eyes,” he said hoarsely.
“Miller?” I asked.
Did he mean me?
“Didn’t recognize you, baby,” he said immediately. “When we met at Double H, or even later, I had no clue it was you.”
“Okay,” I said because I hadn’t expected him to make the link between who I was and the scrawny fourteen-year-old with too much make-up I’d been back then.
“I thought about going back to Kinkers after that night,” he said then. “But I knew you were younger, a lot younger. Thought you were seventeen, eighteen maybe, but even that was too young. So, I pushed it back and went on with life. That look in your eyes, though. The joy. I wanted that, and I just never found it.”
I leaned my forehead on his chest and thought about what he’d said.
“I love you,” he murmured. “It came later, but maybe part of it is because you’re a dream I carried for a long time. So, baby… You don’t have to make excuses for the images on these walls. Not to me.”
“Oh, God,” I said, and swallowed furiously. “I can’t cry.”
“It’s ok –”
“No,” I cut him off. “If I walk downstairs and they see I’ve been crying they’ll shoot you.”
I stepped out of his arms and turned toward the window.
“They won’t shoot me,” Miller said and put his arms around me from behind.
“You don’t know that.”
“Won’t let them,” he continued.
“How would you stop –”
Reuben cut me off by calling from downstairs, asking if Miller wanted a beer, and we started walking downstairs.
“I’m good with knives,” Miller said and winked at me.
I stared at him as he calmly accepted the beer from my father and walked outside.
“Knives?” Reuben asked.
“You don’t want to know,” I muttered.
Was there no end to what they could do? Sniper abilities and fighting, talking to birds and running intelligence – and now using knives. Throwing them? Cutting someone up? I suddenly remembered what Olly had done in the compound when they’d rescued me, and knew that I didn’t want to know either.
I didn’t mind that Miller worked with Hawker and the group around him, and was proud of the things they did for our country. They’d also saved me, and had hunted down the men that had tried to take Jinx away from Marshes. I had absolutely no desire to be a part of that, though, and would be more than happy to stay at home when Mill went off on one of their secret missions.
“You showed him your room?” Reuben asked quietly.
“Yes, but he knew already,” I said.
Of course, Reuben and Ronnie would have recognized Miller from the drawings I’d put on the walls in my room.
“Are you happy?”
I turned to smile at the man who had taken me in when I desperately needed help and kept me safe as I grew up.
“Yes, Reuben. I’m sorry we argued and about how I left, but I ended up with the life I have now and with Miller, so in a way, I’m not sorry at all” I said.
“You’ll be with him in Norton?”
“Mostly, yes,” I answered.
“Good.”
“I won’t wait two years to come back, Father,” I said, and his face softened as it always did when I called him that.
“Good,” he repeated.
“Maybe you’ll even leave your little kingdom and come for a visit,” I said with a wink.
He snorted something that sounded affirmative and opened the screen door. We walked out on the porch to hear Jenny talk animatedly about the festivities she would or
ganize for us.
“You have to stay the night,” she giggled. “There will be drinks, and I’ll get some of the boys to bring their instruments, so we’ll be dancing…” She looked uncertainly at Miller who leaned back in the chair.
“Miller is a great dancer,” I reassured her.
“Really?” Ronnie snorted. “You don’t look like it.”
He didn’t sound very nice, but he had a point. The faded jeans, heavy boots, and black tee didn’t exactly indicate a man with fancy moves on the dance floor.
“Ma was a professional dancer before moving to Norton. She made sure both my brother and I were well trained,” Miller replied. “So yeah, I like dancing,” he added with a smile to Jenny.
“Guess that explains why your brother got gay,” Ronnie snorted and I gasped.
I hadn’t realized they knew not only who Miller was, but also about the members of his family. I also did not like how he spoke about Carson.
“Son,” Reuben said warningly.
“In a way it does,” Miller said calmly, but there was a steely tone in his voice. “My brother met his man when he was watching me work, so yeah. You could say that he found love because of my mother teaching us how to dance.”
“You were a dancer?” Jenny asked nervously.
“Stripper,” Miller told her calmly.
The loud sound from a beer bottle being put down on the table abruptly was the only thing breaking the stunned silence that had ensued.
“That’s how I supported myself through Uni,” Miller clarified.
“Huh,” Ronnie grunted, and after a long silence he went on, “Gotta give it to you, man, you keep surprising me at every turn.”
Miller turned slowly to him, and there was suddenly a hardness in his features that made my belly clench. I had no doubt in my mind who’d win if they were to fight, but I didn’t want them to, and I didn’t want to have to drive Ronnie down to the emergency room in Twin City.
“I don’t give a shit,” Miller said and leaned forward. “I don’t judge you and when I’m not around you can use whatever words about me and mine that you damned well please, but I’m giving you fair warning now; Another slur about my brother and the choices he’s made in life will not be healthy for you.”
“You think you can take me down,” Ronnie said, and it was clear that he thought this was ridiculous.
“Know I can. Don’t want to, but will if you persist in being a dick,” Miller retorted, and I could tell by the way he started clipping his sentences that he was getting angry even though his voice was still calm and controlled.
“Boys,” Reuben said, and turned to Ronnie, “There’s no need to sound like a back-country idiot when we both know you aren’t one, son.”
Ronnie glared at him but didn’t say a word. Then my hot-tempered brother’s anger suddenly left him just as quickly as it had erupted, and I exhaled.
“You were a stripper?” he asked, and there was laughter in his voice.
“Yup,” Miller confirmed and leaned back again.
“Bet that was a hoot?”
“Man, I was twenty years old and had a crowd women screaming in front of me, throwing money at my feet. What’s not to like?” Miller chuckled, but when both my brother and father started laughing he took hold of my hand. “So yeah, it was fun for a while. These days I only perform in private, though,” he added and winked at me.
My family howled with laughter, and I did too, but it was mostly out of relief. After that Jenny and I kept the conversation firmly locked to safe topics like the ranch and the weather, and slowly everyone relaxed again.
“You were lucky that Ronnie’s truck broke down,” Jenny said when we walked around the house toward our car.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“He was supposed to be gone for a week, but something was wrong with his truck a few days ago, so he’s been stuck here, waiting for spare parts. He’ll leave right after you, I guess.”
Ronnie was not interested in farming, and never had been, so already before I left he had started making money by driving his worn down truck around, doing transports for some company down in Twin City. Apparently, he still was.
“What a stroke of luck,” I agreed. “I would have hated for him not to be here for my grand return.”
“It’s good that you came,” Jenny said quietly, glancing at the men who had taken a detour via the barn to look at some thing or the other. “I’m sorry about before, and what he said about –”
“It’s not for you to apologize, Jenny, and I know my brother well. He won’t,” I said quickly, also looking over my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. We won’t.”
“Okay,” she sighed, and I could tell that she’d let it go. “Are you really pregnant?” she asked instead.
“We think so, but it’s early days, so we weren’t planning on telling anyone,” I answered.
She was about to ask more questions, but to my relief, the men came walking and instead we hugged and said our goodbyes. Just as Jenny had predicted, Ronnie was packing his gear into the huge truck, muttering something about transporting containers of garbage although if it was actual garbage or if he just disliked whatever they were paying him to put on his truck remained unknown.
Then we drove off, and I sighed.
“That went well,” Miller said.
“Better than expected,” I said after a while. “I’m glad I didn’t stay.”
“I’m glad too,” he chuckled. “But they’re not bad people, Mary.”
I thought about that for a while, and he was right. They were good people. A little narrow-minded perhaps, but they were hard-working and loyal, and they might be uneducated, but they were not without knowledge. It had been good to go back.
We drove in silence for a while, and as the road started twisting and turning through the forest on the lower part of the mountain my eyelids started to droop, but they flew up again when a shot rang through the air.
The car swerved, and I heard Miller grunt, but we continued along the road and at a higher speed. Another shot echoed, and Miller swore.
“Have a gun in the glove compartment, baby, and my rifle in the back. It’s loaded,” he said.
I turned to him and then my heart skipped a beat.
He was holding his right arm across his chest and was pressing the hand against his ribs. He’d been hit.
“I’ll get us as far as I can, but you might have to drive the last bit,” he said.
His voice was completely calm, although a little hoarse. I wanted to scream but knew I had to stay calm too, so I nodded and took a deep breath.
“Call –”
He started speaking but there was another shot, and he grunted again and slumped forward a little. The bullet had hit him in his left shoulder, and he lost the grip on the steering wheel, so I grabbed it.
“Can you keep us moving a little while? The road turns just ahead, and then we can switch places,” I said, keeping my eyes on the road and focused on steering the car even though my whole body screamed with the need to look at him.
“Yeah,” he said hoarsely and pushed the gas even harder.
As soon as we’d turned he let go of the gas and we slowed down. When we’d come to a complete halt, I jumped out of the car, and got the rifle out of the back, flicked off the security and took aim.
I didn’t know where the shots had come from but if someone were behind us they’d have to get through me, I thought.
“Can you move over?” I called out and slammed the back door shut.
I walked backward along the side of the car and glanced inside. Miller had moved his legs to the passenger side, and I could see how he braced himself before he swung the rest over. I was about to get into the car when another shot rang out, and a bullet hit the door next to me. When I turned to look in the direction it came from I saw movement in the forest, and took aim.
Ronnie had not been wrong. I was a good shot.
; I heard a muffled shout as I opened the door with one hand, and I thought I’d hit whoever was in the forest in the leg. I held the rifle in position, and there was sudden movement in several places around us, so I threw away another shot, and thought I heard another shout. Then I jumped into the car and drove us out of there. I was a lot shorter than Miller, so I barely reached the pedals, but I didn’t want to take my focus off the road to adjust the chair and scooted down a little instead. Since I did, the next shot missed my head.
“Shit,” Miller grunted, and then he leaned forward to push some buttons.
“Hey, what’s up?” Hawker’s voice echoed through the car.
“We’re attacked,” Miller grunted.
“Where are you?” Hawker said immediately.
“Road up from Thend, twenty from Norton,” Miller said.
“Injured?”
“Side and shoulder.”
“I’m driving,” I added. “I got two of them I think, one in the leg and the other I don’t know where.”
“Mary?” Hawker asked.
“Of course it’s me,” I snapped. “Who else would be in the car with him, going back home from Thend?”
“We’re moving out,” Hawker said. “We’ll meet you half way, just keep going.”
“Okay,” I said.
“Mill, do you need the chopper or will Doc Anderson do?”
“Might need the chopper,” Miller said hoarsely, and my blood froze.
Doc Anderson was the local MD in Norton, and he was a good doctor. They had a small hospital there too, so if Miller needed his brother to come and get him, it was because he would need the specialists down in Twin City, or even in Prosper.
“Hell,” Hawker said. “Calling Carson now.”
Then he hung up, and I pressed the gas harder.
“Hang in there,” I whispered. “We’ll get you to a doctor.”
“It’s not lethal, baby,” he grunted. “Grazed my side, so I’m bleeding but not badly. A bullet is stuck in my shoulder though, and I’ll need surgery for that.”
Oh, goody, I thought. Only a graze and a stuck bullet.
“This whole thing is starting to piss me the hell off,” I muttered.
