by Viola Rivard
Lotus rested a hand on Mila’s leg, drawing her from a downward spiral of disgruntled thoughts. “When you speak to one, be sure to touch the other,” she said, brushing her thumb over Mila’s thigh. “This way, even though you are not addressing him, he knows that you are thinking of him. It placates Asch, and I find in most cases Caim would rather enjoy a female’s touch over talking.”
Mila nodded, remembering the way Lotus had been touching Caim earlier that evening. Her stomach hardened. Had Caim enjoyed Lotus’s touch then, too?
“Most important of all, you must remember why they want to mate with you.”
“That’s easy. They’re horny.”
“It is much more than that,” Lotus said with a sweep of her hand. “For Caim, it is about asserting his dominance. For Asch, it is about being desired. If you want them to both be happy, then you need to find a way to ensure that both males receive what they crave from you.”
She considered this for a moment, and then said, “It makes sense, but I just don’t know how I’m supposed to deal with Caim. He’s so overbearing and I can barely handle him when I’m not letting him ‘assert his dominance’ over me.”
“There is a difference between submitting to a man and permitting him to exercise his control over you. He does not want you to lie meek and passive beneath him. He wants you to accept that he is more powerful than you, and that he is capable of fulfilling your needs. That is not just in mating, but in all things.”
Mila thought back to the times she had chastised and rebuffed Caim over the past few days. She felt kind of bad. It was so hard not to place the same expectations on him that she had for Asch.
“When you put it like that, it makes it sound like Caim has been humoring me.”
Lotus gave her a wry look. “You should know that Caim could take whatever he wanted from you, if he wanted. I suspect the only reason he has put up with your disobedience thus far is because he wants you to feel safe with him. That is a good thing.”
Mila rubbed at her temple, trying to process what Lotus was telling her. “Sorry, it’s been a long night and this is a lot to take in.”
Lotus stood, yawning as she stretched. “I understand. We can talk more later. There is still time.” She gave Mila a brief smile and headed for the door.
“Thanks,” Mila called out. Lotus paused and tilted her head back to look at Mila over her shoulder.
Shamefully, Mila realized that she still couldn’t bring herself to like Lotus. The women that had somehow become her friends, Brae and Rosie, had probably both slept with Asch and Caim at some point. Still, when they spoke of their alphas, it was clear that they admired and respected them. It wasn’t the same with Lotus. She harbored something for the men that neither of the other females had, something that Mila had wanted her entire life.
Whatever Lotus saw when she looked at Mila, it seemed to disturb her. She quickly turned to face away, but stood still for a moment longer.
“Caim was in his chambers, last I checked. He is too proud to admit that he wants to see you.”
And then she was gone.
~~~
As she approached Caim’s chamber, Mila felt excited and moronic at the same time. She had no idea what she was going to say to him, or why she had even decided to go see him in the first place. She had tried to distract herself with reading, or listening to her iPod, but the prospect of seeing Caim again had rendered everything else meaningless by comparison.
Pale light spilled into the passageway, coming from the large entrance of Caim’s room. The last time she’d been there, Mila had been dragged against her will and had gone from sputtering with anger to crying out with pleasure in the span of a few minutes. She stopped before she turned the corner, giving herself a mental pep talk.
“Stay focused,” she whispered to herself. “No sex. Just talking and stuff.”
Very motivational, she thought. In truth, she would have gladly talked and then had sex with Caim, but it just seemed rude. It would be the second time that she’d had sex with Caim, and she’d yet to have any private encounter with Asch. She doubted he would be quite so forgiving if she had yet another clandestine romp with Caim.
Confident that she and her hormones were in agreement, Mila rounded the corner and entered Caim’s chamber.
The shadowy wolf sat in the center of the room, gazing up at the moon through the fissure in the ceiling. He was probably the most enigmatic being she had ever encountered. She wasn’t sure how one being could be so painfully obtuse and yet so fantastically ethereal.
He gave no indication that he was aware of her intrusion, but she doubted she was stealthy enough to enter his presence undetected. As she approached him, her pace quickened, a sudden eagerness overtaking her stride. She stopped short alongside him, placing a hand on his neck.
“Hey, big guy,” she said softly, running her hand over his pelt. His fur was rough velvet, and contrasted sharply with the powerful muscles and hard bones beneath it.
Feeling a little bold, she leaned down and rested her head against his neck. Closing her eyes, she inhaled his earthy scent. When he didn’t offer any protest, her willful arms stretched out to snake around his neck. A swell of conflicting emotions began to well up in her chest. She fought them back, still not prepared to deal with them.
After a few quiet minutes, Mila opened her eyes to find Caim gazing back at her, his amber eyes wide and alert. Turning his head back further, he brought the tip of his snout to her hair and sniffed.
Smiling, she asked, “Do I smell better?”
He licked the side of her face, throwing her into a stupor. His tongue was unexpectedly smooth, and only slightly damp. He licked her a second time, and then a third. Finally she inched away from him, laughing.
“Stop, that tickles.”
He complied immediately, and she found herself a little disappointed. In the past few days, she had noticed that Caim had a mischievous streak, but he mostly reserved his antics for Asch. In the rare moments that he was playful towards her, Mila found herself completely disarmed.
“I don’t know what to do with you,” she confided, reaching out to touch his nose. “You scare the hell out of me, and—”
Her train of thought was completely derailed when the wolf growled and abruptly began to shift. Mila stumbled back onto the ground, her heart hammering as she watched him change.
Even in his human form, Caim was unmistakably a wolf. He was big and hirsute, with a feral gleam in his eyes. She scrambled to stand up and instinctively backed away as he advanced on her, his flesh still rippling from the change. By the time he had come fully into his human form, Mila’s back was against the wall.
“You should have been more careful,” he asserted, his voice still gravelly from the shift. His broad chest was inches from her nose, and she had to tip her head up to meet his glowering eyes.
Mila pressed herself completely flat against the wall and gave him a flabbergasted look. “What the hell are you talking about?”
His expression marred with indignation, he said, “You cannot keep blaming me for your injury.”
“Oh,” she said, letting out a small sigh of relief. “I’m over that, really.”
He lowered his head, leveling the full weight of his glare onto her. “Then why are you still afraid of me?”
She tilted her head to the side. “I thought you liked that I’m afraid of you.”
Caim gave her a look that could only be described as exasperated.
“Answer the question.”
Feeling flustered, Mila averted her eyes. She searched her mind for the right words, but instead blurted, “I like you. I like you a lot. Which is really weird, because I also like Asch a lot, and he’s way nice than you, but there’s something in my crazy, stupid woman-brain that makes me unreasonably attracted to you even though I know that you’re no good for me at all.”
She paused in her rambling and dared a glance at Caim. His expression was intense, but inscrutable. She squirmed unde
r his gaze, shifting her weight from one foot to the other.
“Well,” she began, feeling very much like a teenaged girl, “do you like me back?”
Caim gave her a wary look, as if she had asked a trick question. Cautiously, he said, “I enjoy you.” Mila perked up.
“Wait, like, sexually?”
“Yes.”
“Well, what about besides that? You know, when we’re not having sex.”
“I enjoy you less.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped and she began chewing her bottom lip in an effort to keep it from quivering. He had told her exactly what she had suspected all along, and she couldn’t really be upset with him for being honest.
Caim put his hands on the wall, caging her in. Seeming thoroughly annoyed, he said, “I enjoy mating with you and I enjoy sleeping beside you after we have mated. You are calm and far more attractive when you rest.”
“So you only like me when I’m having sex with you and when I’m asleep?” she asked, feeling a little annoyed herself. She got the impression that he was trying to make her feel better, but he was going about it all wrong.
“When you are awake, you are always angry with me,” he accused, his eyes hardening.
She immediately went on the defensive. “You’re always doing things that make me angry,” she countered.
“I often feel as though you would prefer having just Asch as your mate.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mila felt as though he had not so much said the words, as punched them into her gut. Her legs felt weak as she stared up at him, unable to mask her pain. His tone had been flat, and there was nothing in it to suggest that what he’d said actually bothered him, but just the fact that he cared enough to say it at all made her feel wretched.
If she told him that wasn’t the case, it would be an outright lie. She had felt that way almost since she had come to the den, and clearly she hadn’t done a good job of keeping it to herself. After floundering for something to say, she decided to just go with the truth.
“Sometimes I do, but it’s not because Asch is any better or worthier than you.”
“I know this,” he said mildly, even as his spine seemed to straighten a little.
“It’s just that I feel like I can trust Asch, but you? I think that if I were to ever, you know, more than just like you…” Mila winced inwardly, wondering why Caim was even still indulging her. She took a deep breath, and continued, “I think that it would be very easy for me to fall in love with you, and I don’t think that you could love me back. I mean, do you think you could ever love me?”
He contemplated her words, his hard face still giving nothing away. Finally, he asked, “What does love mean to you?”
Mila’s eyes widened at the unexpected question. “I’m not entirely sure, but—”
Caim scowled at her. “You would hold me to standards you cannot even define?”
“That’s a very deep and personal question. I can’t just answer it on the spot.”
“And yet that is what you are asking of me.”
“That’s two totally different things,” she argued, her voice rising. “All I asked was if you think you could ever love me, and you asked me to explain an abstract concept that has stumped philosophers and—”
“You cannot explain it because you have never experienced it.”
“What?” she asked, chuckling lamely. “I assure you, I’ve loved a lot of people…” Mila trailed off, hoping Caim would interrupt her again. Instead, he just stared at her, looking entirely too self-satisfied. “Yeah, well, who have you ever loved, hotshot?”
He answered without hesitation. “I loved my parents.” Not waiting for her to respond, he continued, “They loved one another as well. I saw their love every day, and I aspire to one day experience the same. I cannot say with any certainty that I will ever love you, but do not presume with your own limited perspective that I am incapable of such a thing.”
She gaped up at him, feeling utterly blindsided. The room seemed to shrink around her as Mila’s mind sputtered, trying to make sense of what he’d just said.
“Do not cry,” Caim commanded.
“I’m not going to cry,” she mumbled, desperately trying not to blink.
Caim’s arms closed in on her, and he took her head into his large, calloused hands.
“I enjoy you,” he told her again. “I enjoy mating with you and I enjoy sleeping beside you. There is no reason for things more complicated. Anything more will come in time.”
Mila nodded at him, not sure what else to do. Over all the things that had amazed, startled, and confounded her since she came to the pack, Caim had just cemented a firm lead. When she looked into his deep pools of amber, her humiliation gave way to a newfound respect. She tilted her head into his hands, allowing herself to relax in his grip.
“Fair enough.”
Triumph flashed across his face, and before Mila knew what was happening, his hands went to her hips and he hoisted her up so that they were eye-level. His hands moved to cup the denim-clad mounds of her bottom while he pressed closer to her, pinning her between two walls, one made of stone and the other of hard, muscular male. His mammoth erection jutted against her lower thigh.
“Good,” he all but purred. “Now, I want you.”
Mila grinned, giving his chest a playful shove. “How long have you been hard?”
“Since you put your hands on my fur.”
She laughed out loud. “That’s so disturbing.”
Caim lowered his head to her neck, taking in her scent. His tongue lashed out to forge a heated trail down the slender column, settling at the juncture between her neck and her collar. His canines grazed the sensitive flesh, lightly abrading her skin. Her body liquefied.
“We shouldn’t do this,” she said, more to herself than to him. Her legs came up to bracket his hips, and she squirmed against him in an attempt to position his rigid length against her center.
“Why?” he asked absently. No longer having to support her, his hands were free to explore her body. They went straight to her breasts, closing around them in a possessive grasp.
“I dunno,” she groaned, bucking her hips against him. Couldn’t he just ignore her?
Caim raised his head to look at her, his hands still groping her chest. He ground his hips against her, hitting just the right spot. Mila moaned, her hands clenching onto his strong arms. Her nails bit into his flesh as she tried to move against him, but he kept her firmly pinned.
“You are my mate. I will have you when I please.”
Mila tried to make the boorish declaration offend her, but instead found herself more turned on than before. Impatiently, she said, “I was just thinking that it wouldn’t be right to have sex without Asch, but—”
He gave her a reproachful look. “Why must you mention Asch every time I seek to mate with you?”
Her face heated. In typical fashion, Caim did not wait for her to respond. He pulled back, setting her on her feet, and then turned from her. She watched in dismay as he walked away, leaving her high and dry.
Feeling anxious, she trotted after him as he made his way to the pallet of furs in the far corner of his chamber.
“I didn’t mean to…” Mila trailed off as Caim reached down to pick up a large, dark pelt. He brushed it off, and then turned back to face her. “What are you doing?” she asked, as he draped the pelt over her shoulders.
“It is cold out,” he said by way of explanation. The pelt was long and it brushed against the floor as he secured it around her frame.
“We’re going outside?”
“Yes.”
“How come?”
“To find Asch.”
Not keen on answering further questions, Caim took a few steps back and shifted. Once he was fully into his wolf form, Mila didn’t hesitate in climbing onto his back.
Caim carried her from the chamber and down the dark passageway in quick, sure strides. She used one hand to hold the pelt secure, and the other to
grip his fur.
The darkness brought unwelcome thoughts, namely that Caim had been right about her. She didn’t know anything about love. Her parents had been a match made in heaven. They were two of those rare individuals who had absolutely no redeeming qualities. Both selfish and egotistical, they had despised each other, and when Mila was past the age where adults still walked on water, she had taught herself not to care for them, or anyone for that matter.
They made their way through the cavern, past the watchful eyes of the pack, and then out into the night. The wind whipped her hair and stung at her face as Caim accelerated, but her body stayed warm. She loosened her grip on his fur, trusting him not to let her fall.
~~~
Throughout his life, even when he was smaller, Caim had always been an initiator of sorts. He tended to act however he wanted, while others reacted to the things that he did. Because of this, he seldom found that anything happened around him unanticipated. This was, of course, before the human had come along.
There seemed to be no end to her peculiarities. She was constantly saying things and behaving in ways that were unexpected. Most times, he found this to be frustrating. Other times, he thought perhaps he liked that aspect of her.
He caught Asch’s scent just a few miles out from the edge of the valley. A part of him that he was only beginning to accept, the part of him that was now a mate, was relieved at this. As he neared the boundaries of the valley, an uneasiness had settled in him. He had been…concerned.
Logically, he knew that the cats, or any other creatures for that matter, were unlikely to come anywhere near him, least of all challenge him. But for Caim, nothing was ever logical when it came to her.
Coming to a stop in a small clearing, he allowed her to dismount. Once she was on the ground, he shifted. His shifts had grown easier in the past few days, likely because he had been spending an unnatural amount of time in his human form.
Caim liked the way she stared up at him after he shifted. It had been clear from their first night together that she found his human body appealing. Nothing had changed since. Her eyes clouded over with lust as she watched him, her small tongue darting out to wet her plump lips. Before his hands were even on her, Caim was hard again.
