by Beth Michele
My fist hits the door to knock at the same time she opens it, and as usual, her smile makes my heart stumble. Her hair is drawn into a high ponytail and her face has a natural glow, as if she just stepped out of a warm shower. My thoughts wander off to a field, the two of us on a blanket under a tree… my body covering hers, kissing her—
“Earth to Dills?” She waves a hand in front of my face. “Do you read me?”
“Sorry, I was just thinking about something I have to do later.” It’s a lie, but that’s not what is important right now. The only thing that is, is how I’m going to break the news that her asshole boyfriend is cheating on her.
“So what’s up?” She pops open the top of the mailbox and pulls out a stack of envelopes before shuffling back inside, holding the door open for me.
“Just wanted to see what you were up to? If we could talk?” My tone is choppy and tinged with nerves, and she already knows something is up.
She drops the mail on the coffee table and spins around, one adorable hand on her hip. “All right, what’s wrong? Fess up. You’re acting weird.”
“Well, I just wanted to….”
Her cell phone rings and she holds a finger up, signaling for me to wait, and prolonging the inevitable—me breaking her heart.
I mill around the living room trying not to eavesdrop on her conversation but it’s virtually impossible. It’s also impossible not to miss the change in her tone. My eyes follow her as she clicks the phone off and throws it on the chair, then sinks down on to the couch with a frown. In an instant, I’m by her side, plopping down next to her and leaning my arm against the back of the sofa.
“What’s up?”
“That was Jamie.” She picks at the hole in the knee of her blue jeans, stretching it wider. “We were supposed to go to the fair today but he said something came up.”
Something came up, my ass.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Evie,” I tell her, and when she turns to face me, the blue of her eyes so dim, my resolve weakens and the truth gets trapped in my throat. She needs to know though, so I’ll break it to her gently tonight, after we’ve had some fun. I push up off the couch and hold out my hand. “Come on.”
She doesn’t budge as she stares at me, her mouth rising on a small smile. “Why, where are we going?”
“First, we’re gonna go eat cotton candy until our stomachs hurt, and then I’m gonna win you one of those giant teddy bears that can barely fit through the door.”
I WADE MY truck through the dirt parking lot to find a space. It’s a pretty big feat because the fair is packed when it comes to town, and this year is no different.
I jump out, kicking up dust in my wake before making my way to Evie’s side and helping her down. She curls her arm around mine with a smile as we head toward the sweet smells of childhood carried our way with the breeze: cinnamon apples, fried dough, cotton candy. There’s nothing like an old-fashioned fair to bring the memories rushing back.
As if reading my mind, Evie says, “Coming to these things never gets old, you know, Dills? I think even when I’m sixty, I’ll want to come to the fair.” She gazes up at the sky in thought. “I wonder where we’ll be when we’re sixty.”
The words can’t get past the lump in my throat, the ones I truly want to say: I want to be with you when we’re sixty; I want to be with you until we’re old and gray; and when the skin on your hands is thin and fragile, I’ll be holding onto you, still. Always.
“Jesus, Evie. We’re nineteen, and you want to know what we’ll be doing when we’re sixty? How ‘bout we just enjoy being nineteen.”
She sticks out her tongue and squeezes my arm, tugging me toward the booth selling cotton candy. “I need something sweet.”
As we file into line, I turn to her. “You have something sweet. I’m right here.”
“Aww.” She kisses my cheek, a smile forming on my lips the moment her breath hits my skin. “Yes, I do… and you are.”
I manage to tear myself away from my fantasy long enough to discover that the girl behind the booth has the pinkest hair I’ve ever seen. If it’s a marketing ploy, it’s a pretty darn good one. “Can I have one large cotton candy, please?” I request, and Evie elbows me in the ribs to get my attention. “What?”
Her eyes bulge and she presses her lips together. “Just one? You know I can eat a whole one by myself.”
I shake my head and snort. “Okay, little piggy, we’ll get two.” She smiles as if I’ve just agreed to give her the world.
I’d give her the whole damn universe if she’d let me.
After paying for the cotton candy, we make our way through hoards of people. The amount of food consumption at these things is insane. People are shoveling in fried dough, hot dogs, French fries, Italian sausage—you name it, they’re eating it.
I take a wad of cotton candy and push it into my mouth. The overly sweet flavor causes me to cringe while Evie looks like she’s in seventh heaven. “I honestly don’t know how you can eat a whole one of these. You might as well just eat a whole bag of sugar and call it a day,” I suggest, before spotting a nearby trash can and tossing it into the garbage.
Her mouth falls open, that pink tongue making an appearance. “Are you kidding me? This coming from the sugar packet king? And you just wasted a perfectly good cotton candy.”
“Hopper. There’s no way you would’ve eaten two. Anyway, you don’t have enough money to pay for all the cavities.”
“Very funny!” She shoves another glob of it in her mouth and I have to laugh because she’s so ridiculously cute.
“What are you laughing at?” Her voice is garbled, spots of pink dotting her lip.
“Come here.” I waggle my finger and when she comes closer, I swipe the sticky sweetness from the corner of her mouth. “You’re covered in the stuff.” Her lips do a grateful flip as I wipe my hand on my jeans. “Hey, remember when we came to the carnival and you wanted cotton candy so badly but you couldn’t have it because of your braces. I swear you’re making up for it now.” She nods her head proudly in silent agreement before continuing with her sugarfest.
A few minutes later, she stops in the middle of a crowd of little girls anxiously awaiting a dinosaur ride. “All right,” she places her free hand on her stomach, “I’ve had enough.” She looks around for the nearest trash can, then walks over and throws the bag in.
“Okay,” I clap my hands together, “what should we do first? The tilt-a-whirl?”
Stunned, her mouth forms an O as she places her hands on her hips. “There’s absolutely no way I’m getting on that tilt-a-whirl, Dills! Last year when we went on there, I threw up!”
“All right, all right,” I clutch her elbow, “no need to freak out. We’ll skip the tilt-a-whirl. What should we do then?” She latches on to my hand, pulling me toward the Ferris wheel. Definitely not my favorite ride.
“Oh no. Come on. You know I’m not fond of heights, and not for nothing, but that thing looks pretty rickety.” The adam’s apple bobs in my throat as I watch the ride go round and round. “I have a better idea.” I point a finger in the opposite direction. “Let’s go on that ride instead.”
She follows the path of my hand with her eyes. “You want to go on the caterpillar rollercoaster? The one with all the seven-year-olds in line.” Her mouth curls at the corners and she giggles. “Well, since I feel the same way about roller coasters that you feel about Ferris wheels, that looks about my speed. Otherwise, I’d have to ease into it.”
“Good, then it’s decided,” I say and she smirks. “Okay, okay. How about we go on the—” I stop mid-sentence, my mouth hanging open as I spot Jamie several yards away. His arm is wrapped around some bleached-blonde, no doubt the one he was shacking up with this morning. I can’t believe he’d come here with her after he canceled on Evie.
Shit. This is not the way I wanted her to find out.
“Actually, I was thinking we could go in the haunted house? You know I’ve got a bit of a horror fetish.” She grins on a s
idelong glance, but it quickly dissolves into a frown when she sees my expression. “Dills, what’s the matter with—” Her eyes fall on Jamie and her cheeks redden with anger. “I thought he couldn’t come.” Her voice rattles and she can’t disguise the hurt.
“What? What are you talking about?” I ask innocently, hoping we can avoid the scene I know is about to play out. But Evie isn’t about to avoid anything. That’s not her style.
She marches through the throng of people, heading straight for Jamie, and I follow closely behind. I call her name but she’s not responding, and I know that’s because she’s on a mission. It’s one of the many things I love about her. She doesn’t put up with bullshit. A small part of me smiles. Not because I want her to get hurt, but because I know she’s going to tear him a new asshole, in her subtle way… and he fucking deserves it.
By the time I catch up with Evie, her hands are fisted on her hips and I swear there’s steam coming from her ears. Jamie’s eyes are darting around. He’s looking to escape his plight like the coward that he is. Then there’s the blonde. She’s smacking on a piece of gum with a huge grin on her face, one I think Evie is about to wipe off.
“So, this is why you couldn’t come to get me?” She waves a dismissive hand at her replacement and keeps her voice even. I know she doesn’t want to let on that she’s hurt.
My jaw clenches as I watch him, his wheels spinning as he tries to figure a way out of this. It takes everything in my power not to punch his smug face. Maybe Evie will do it for me.
“Evie, let’s just go somewhere and talk. Can we do that?” he asks in a sickeningly sweet tone, while Evie remains unmoving, glaring at him.
“No, we’ll talk right here, and I’m waiting for an answer.” She taps a foot on the dirt and crosses her arms over her chest.
“Okay, have it your way.” He pulls the blonde closer to his side. “You know things weren’t really working out between us anyway, so—”
“Oh, I see,” she interrupts, “so instead of being honest with me, you decided to be gutless and go behind my back.” She pauses, glancing my way, and I place my hand on her lower back to let her know I’m here for her. “You know what, Jamie? You did me a favor. I’m glad I found out you’re an asshole now, instead of later. It’s not surprising, though. The scum of the earth never stays buried for long.”
Zing. That’s my girl.
She looks over at me, motioning with a nod. “Come on, Dylan. I don’t want to waste any more of my time. He’s not worth it.” Then she stomps off and I chase after her as she zigzags through the crowd.
As soon as I catch up with her, I pull her away from the mob of people walking past. Placing my hand on her arm, I search her eyes. “Listen, it’s no secret that I didn’t like Jamie very much, but are you okay?”
She shrugs her shoulders and stares off into the distance. “Yeah, I am. He was kind of a jerk, anyway,” she admits, before turning back to me, a smirk drawn on her lips.
“What?”
“You were right about him. He’s a douchebag.” Her tone is biting, but then she bursts into a fit of laughter, complete with snorting.
I hold my head, shaking it as I attempt to process what just happened. “Wait, what? You mean you’re not upset?”
She tries to control herself, attempting a straight face. “No, not really.”
I shake my head again, but this time trying to clear it. “Okay, good. In that case, can I go kick his ass now? Because I really want to kick his ass. In fact, I’d like to take him behind the fun house and wring his fucking neck, caveman style.”
She laughs again and links her arm with mine, leading me toward one of the rides. “Nah. He’s not worth it. Let’s go ride the roller coaster instead.”
“What happened to easing into it?” Relief lightens my step that she’s not hurt or upset, while terror spikes adrenaline through my veins at the sight of the upside down coaster.
“I’m through easing into it!” She’s practically running now. “I want to go full force!”
The line for the rollercoaster is wrapped around the metal gate and moving very slowly. Every now and then I glance over at Evie, who is biting her nail and looking everywhere but at me. I gently loosen her finger from her mouth and lower my head so I can see her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay, and that you want to do this?”
“Yes,” she replies adamantly, shoving her hand in the back pocket of her jeans. “I’m good.”
Resting an arm over her shoulder, I pull her closer. “You know you don’t have to hide anything from me. If you’re upset about Jamie, I understand.”
She loops an arm around my waist and leans her head against my chest. My eyes close on a quiet inhale of her scent. “I would never hide anything from you, and I’m really okay. I wasn’t that crazy about him, honestly.”
“So, I guess it’s safe to say you’re moving on from the letter J? What’s next in the alphabet?” I tease, and she looks up at me with those hypnotic blue eyes and a slight smile. An unreadable emotion swims in them, like maybe she wants to say something else. Her mouth opens, but then snaps shut just as they usher us through the gate.
“There’s still time to back out of it,” I tell her on a loud gulp as we make our way toward this beast of a ride. But she holds a determined stride until we reach the car. She lifts one leg then the other to step on, and I follow her lead, pulling the bar down over us to seal our fate.
“Nope. No backing out!” Her voice exudes confidence but her actions betray her as she squeezes her eyes shut and grabs onto my hand tightly. She cracks an eye open and peeks out at me from the corner of it. “Oh shit, Dills, my heart is racing,” she admits, as the lever gets depressed and the car makes its way up the rickety track.
“Mine is racing, too,” I mumble, staring at her, except mine has nothing to do with the giant fall we’re about to take.
“COME ON, DILLS. Let’s go,” Evie prods, wrenching my arm away from the baseball toss game. “You’ve been trying for twenty minutes. Your time has come and gone.”
“Excuse me?” I raise my arm and position myself for the perfect throw. “Shit, now I’m determined to win it for you and we’re not leaving here until I do.”
Her smile gives her away and as much as she’s protesting, I know she wants the bear. “All right, if you think you can,” she challenges, leaning up against the booth and twirling her ponytail.
I cock my head to the side and eye her playfully. “I never back down from a challenge, Hopper, you know that.” Giving her a quick wink, I haul back and throw the baseball. It misses… again. She stifles a laugh and I glare at her. “Need I remind you that I’m working this hard for you?”
She puts a hand over her mouth and clears her throat, attempting to control the fit of giggles that want to fly from her lips. “Please, keep trying.”
A few throws later when I’ve got only two baseballs left, she comes to stand beside me. “Are you ready to admit defeat?” she asks with a subtle tilt of her head.
“Never. I will never admit defeat. Now stand back and let me work my magic.”
She takes three steps to the right of me as I prepare to lob the baseball two more times. When the first one doesn’t go in, I toss her a look and she holds up one finger. This is my last chance to win a bear for my girl and I intend to win the damn bear. I close my eyes, concentrating on that one spot before I take a deep breath and let it go. A second later, I hear Evie screaming.
“Holy shit, Dills! You did it!” she shouts, pouncing on me and throwing her arms around my neck. I groan when she presses her body up against mine.
“I can’t believe you ever doubted me, so… will you own up to wanting the bear now?” I taunt, and she pulls back, smiling.
“Okay, I’ll admit I wanted the bear.”
“Good. So now pick one out,” I tell her, as she eyes the monstrosities hanging from the booth.
“Hmmm,” she taps a finger against her mouth as if there are more than six bears to choose from
. “I’ll take the brown one.”
“They’re all brown.” I chuckle, and she swats me on the arm.
“I’ll take the dark brown one,” she says, smirking, and the guy takes it down and places it in her arms.
“Man, that thing is bigger than you. It may have to ride in the back of the truck.”
“Oh no.” She nuzzles her head in his thick, brown fur. “He stays with me.”
A light drizzle begins to fall and we hurry back to the car. It’s so cute because I can barely see Evie behind the bear, but what I do see is the huge smile lifting her lips. Little things like this make her happy and warmth seeps through my insides that I could do this for her.
By the time we make it back to the house, what began as a sprinkle has turned into heavy drops pounding against the windshield. I steer the car into the driveway and cut the ignition. Evie pushes the bear’s head down so she can see me.
“Thanks, Dills, for today. For making everything okay…,” she quiets and drops her chin to the bear, “for always making everything okay.”
“Well,” I stare into her eyes and lower my voice to a whisper, “it’s what I live for… but shhh, just don’t tell anyone.”
Her smile both blinds me and takes my breath away at the same time. She pats the bear three times on the head. “So, what should we do about this big guy? I’m thinking he might have to spend the night in your truck. It’s starting to rain pretty hard and I don’t want him to get soggy.”
“That’s cool. He can stay here,” I offer, before reaching behind the seat and pulling out a wool blanket I always keep in the back. I cover the giant fuzzball with it. “We’ll keep this on him so he doesn’t get cold.” She gives me a sheepish smile as I open the door and lift my jacket over my head, but it’s useless. My coat is no match for the relentless onslaught of rain.
I round the car and pull the latch, holding out my hand for Evie. She hops down, her feet landing with a splash in a circle of water. “Let’s make a break for it, Hopper!” I yell, and we start running toward the house, but suddenly, she halts and I stumble. When I blink the rain from my lashes and my vision clears, she’s got her arms held out at her sides, head tipped back, eyes closed. Her face is pointed to the sky. “Oh, no.”
