“Wanna talk about it?” I reached across the bar and placed my hand on his forearm. He jerked back from my touch as it I’d burned him. I pulled my hand away quickly. Jase was elusive, but never like this.
“Do I look like I wanna talk about it?” he growled. “I came here to get a drink, not a therapy session.” The minute the words fell from his lips, I could see the remorse. He didn’t want to hurt me, but he didn’t want to let me in either. “I’m sorry. Today’s just a really rough day for me,” he shook his head as he looked away.
“I get it,” I murmured. I really didn’t get it, but part of my job was to listen to people, and for once I really wanted to listen. Jase never talked about his past. I’d tried a few times to get him to open up, but the minute I felt like I was getting somewhere, he’d slam the shutters closed and change gears. Dev had told me numerous times to be patient, that Jase had a rough upbringing, but nothing more than that. I had no details, no hints about what he was fighting deep within himself.
“You don’t get it,” he muttered. “You’ll never get it,” he lifted the beer to finish it off before sliding it in my direction and asking for another. I paused as I wondered if tonight was going to be anything like last night. Was he on a mission to get shit faced again? What was so terrible that he felt like he couldn’t talk to me?
“I’d get it if you’d talk to me,” I sighed as I handed him the fresh beer, and before he could say anything else, I walked away— saved by a new customer seating himself at the other end of the bar.
As the night wore on, Jase sat in silence, nursing one beer after the next. He wasn’t going fast enough to get drunk, but it was obvious that he did not intend to leave any time soon. Around halftime, Dev came in. He’d gotten his hair cut and shaved off the beard. Other than looking tired, he was back to his old self.
“Bout time you got here,” Jase grumbled as Dev sat down beside him.
“Wow!” Dev gasped. “What a ball of excitement you are. I’m so glad I dragged my ass down here for you.” He rolled his eyes as he shrugged out of his coat.
Jase glared at him before crooking his finger at Lena. She’d come in mid-shift and was doing pretty well holding her own. She’d been serving Jase since she got here. He’d been wallowing for so long that he was starting to bring me down. I watched from a distance as he pointed to the bottle of tequila behind her and then motioned to Dev and himself. “Crap,” I hissed. They were gonna get so trashed that I’d be helping him home again.
She served him and a coy smiled slipped into place. She was leaning over the bar watching them as she pressed her breasts out in front of her. She was pulling one of my moves, one that I’d taught her. The little bitch didn’t know who she was flirting with, and it drove me nuts that Jase was eating it up. “Doesn’t that bother you?” I tapped Sam’s shoulder to get her attention. She was checking to see if we needed to be restocked yet, and grabbing our extra register drawer. We weren’t far from closing, and Sam wanted to be able to leave with Dev tonight. I’m sure they had plenty of things they’d rather be doing than hanging out here.
“Not really,” she mused, laughing lightly. “He’s not interested.” She shrugged her shoulders as the drawer released into her arms. “He knows what’s waiting at home. It is fun to watch though,” she giggled. “The look they get when he tells them he’s married and points to me, it’s priceless.” She threw her head back in laughter as she began to walk away. Right at that moment, I chose to turn back in their direction.
Lena was now rubbing Jase’s bicep as she leaned closer, attempting to whisper something to him. Dev was laughing at whatever was being said until his eyes connected with mine. I watched the smile fall from his face as he elbowed Jase in the side and nodded in my direction. Jase shook his head as he leaned into Lena. By then, I didn’t care if I made a fool out of myself in public. I was seeing red, and all I wanted to do was remove her hand from him as fast as possible.
“Excuse me,” I narrowed my eyes on Jase as I came over beside them. “Can you start stocking everything for the night?” I batted my eyes at Lena before turning my glare on Jase. “Sam wants you to learn how to close down the bar so you can run shifts on your own.”
“Oh, ok,” Lean shrugged but kept her hand on Jase’s arm. Her eyes darted from Jase to me and back before she noticed I was glaring.
“Now, please,” I gritted out.
“Right,” she nodded as she slowly removed her hand, causing Jase to snicker drunkenly.
“Something wrong?” he smirked at me. I didn’t want him to see how hurt I was. We weren’t a couple, at least that’s what I’d been telling myself, but I thought we were something. “Are you jealous?” His head tipped to the side and I heard Dev clear his throat.
“I’m gonna go see if I can help Sam with anything. You be nice,” he scolded Jase before standing, grabbing his coat and beer, and heading toward the back corner of the bar.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I hissed as I leaned closer. “Do want her too? Do I mean that little that you would sit here and flirt with her right under my nose? I thought you cared!” I slammed my fist on the bar in front of him. “I can’t do this anymore!”
Before I could step back, Jase’s hand flew out in front of him. His fingers wrapped around my wrist and he yanked until I was hanging halfway over the wood separating us. “I do fucking care!”
“Act like it then,” I growled as I tugged, trying to get free of his grasp. His eyes darkened and his breathing became labored before he released me and stood. The stool he was sitting on skidded back, clattering to the floor as it fell over from the force. The bar was pretty much empty at this point, and Lena had done everything that could be done until we actually closed.
Jase reached back over, grabbed my wrist, and began walking toward the pass through where he could free me from my current confines. “What are you doing?” I squealed as he began walking toward the stock room. It was the only place that had a lock on the door other than the office. We kept the liquor in there, so it had to lock.
As we passed Sam’s office, she waved at me and giggled before shouting, “Don’t break anything.”
Jase practically dragged me inside, before slamming the door and pressing my back roughly into it. “I fucking care, damn it!” he growled as he pressed his hips into mine. I could feel the hard ridge in his pants as he leaned closer, putting his mouth right beside my ear. “I care more than I want to admit. More than I should. More than I can handle. You don’t know what caring does to me, what it’s doing to us.” He leaned back and looked me in the eyes. I thought I was going to see anger, but all I saw was sadness.
“Let me in. Please,” I begged. “Tell me. Anything. Anything to help me understand,” I pleaded as his eyes went from the soft blue that usually graced them to a hard navy.
“I can’t. I can’t ruin you and make you like me. I can’t ever let anyone feel what I’ve felt,” he murmured as he moved closer. “Just take it away. For one night, help me let it go and lose myself,” his lips pressed against mine, and when I opened to him, he groaned into my mouth.
My hands threaded through his hair as his tongue licked deep into the darkest corners of my mouth. The one thing I’ve never been concerned with was Jase’s ability in the bedroom. He was like a masterful composer. He knew how to play my body. He made it sing in keys I didn’t know existed. The harmonies and melodies that filtered through the air when we came together created a beautiful symphony that only we could hear.
“Please,” I begged again as he ground himself into me. “What happened today? Please tell me,” I cupped his jaw as his eyes closed and he let his forehead rest against mine.
He swallowed thickly as his entire body shuddered before his voice came out in a whisper. “My parents were murdered when I was a kid. Today’s the day they died,” his shoulders shook with the sobs that he’d been fighting with and trying to keep hidden from the world. I felt hot tears drop onto my shirt as they fell from the corners of h
is eyes.
“I can’t talk about it,” his voice cracked as the hands that had cupped my face slipped down to grip my hips. His fingers pressed into my soft flesh as he trembled with barely controlled sadness. “I can’t fucking do this with you. I can’t. I can’t lose you too,” he sniffed as he tried to get ahold of himself.
“You’re not gonna lose me. Do you hear me?” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Jase?” I begged him to look at me. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and all the rest, if you’ll let me.”
He stood there frozen, his breathing haggard from the sobs he was choking down. “I can’t,” he mumbled before his lips claimed mine in another punishing kiss. My body came to life as I surrendered to him. I knew what he was saying. He’d said the same thing to me time and time again. This was just for now. We were living in the present. He wasn’t promising me a future, and he didn’t want me to ask for one. He was taking what he needed, and apologizing for what he couldn’t give me all in the same breath.
My back arched as his teeth nipped at my bottom lip. His fingers began to work the snap on my jeans, and I ran my hands up under his t-shirt. His chest was my favorite part of him, and I silently wished we were somewhere that we could get completely naked and truly enjoy one another. He growled as he shoved my pants down my legs along with the lace thong I was wearing. I shifted as I stepped out of one leg, and wrapped my arms around his neck for balance. Before I could utter a word, Jase’s fingers dipped into me, causing all thought to fly out the window. At that moment, all I could think about was the two of us and the fireworks that were going to ensue in a few moments.
“Fuck! You’re wet!” he growled as his fingers danced over my clit. He nipped at my jaw as he slipped a second finger into me. “I need inside you so bad,” he groaned. His hand disappeared, and for a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to finish me, until I heard the telltale sign of his belt buckle jingling. He shoved his jeans and boxers to his knees as he fumbled to roll the condom on before reaching for me once again. His left hand grabbed my right thigh, wrapping it around his waist as he slammed his hips forward, spearing me.
We moaned in unison as he paused, letting me adjust. The hand on my thigh slipped up to grab my ass, tugging me closer as he rotated his hips, causing friction right on my clit. “Jase,” I panted. “I’m gonna come.”
“I’m right there with you,” he groaned as he repeated the movement. “Fuck, you feel good tonight.” He rocked his hips as his grip tightened, and a look I couldn’t place drifted across his face. It looked almost like remorse. Maybe a silent apology for shutting me out? I couldn’t tell, but it disappeared as fast as it had shown up.
“Take it,” I begged. “Whatever it is that you need, take it. I’m not going anywhere. Do you hear me? Take it!” I shouted. “I’m here. I’ll be here tomorrow. Take it!” I pounded my fist on his chest as my orgasm rushed to the surface. I shook violently in his arms as the world around me darkened into a blissful haze. Jase sped up, chasing me over the edge as his fingers squeezed my ass, holding me to him. His head dropped to my shoulder as he wrapped me in a tight embrace. His body shook, and at first, I thought it was from the release he’d just had, but soon realized it was so much more when I felt the tears though my shirt. “I’m here,” I whispered as I slid my arms around his waist and gripped his shirt against his back. “I’m not going anywhere. Let me in,” I murmured as I held him to me like a mother would a child.
Jase had convinced himself long ago that he couldn’t have a tomorrow with anyone, and as we stood wrapped in each other’s arms in the dark stock room, I was determined to prove him wrong if it was the last thing I did. I was in love with Jase Stevenson, and he was in love with me, he just didn’t know how to admit it.
Chapter 3
Tiffany
After a little convincing on my part, Jase came home with me last night. We did little talking, and after another round of sex, I passed out. I was emotionally spent and wasn’t sure how I’d managed to stay upright all day. Jase was confusing as hell. He put on this tough exterior, but inside, he was just a sad little boy who had to grow up too fast. I knew very little about his past. The only things I’d managed to pry out of him were broken pieces of facts that he’d let slip when he was drunk.
My eyes fluttered open as I rolled from my side to my back and stared at the ceiling. My arm swept across the sheets, finding no one there. It was normal, but I kinda hoped that after last night, he would’ve stuck around. I’d never woken up in Jase’s arms. No matter how hard I tried, he always managed to slip away in the night. After hearing some of Sam’s stories about Dev, I knew what she’d gone through. Having a relationship with a UC wasn’t easy. You never knew who you were talking too. One would think that they’d be themselves around their loved ones, but Jase wasn’t himself around anyone.
A single tear slipped from the corner of my eye, and I wiped at it angrily. I wasn’t this girl. I wasn’t the girl that pined after the guy, hoping for a piece of him. I didn’t settle for the scraps or the leftovers. I was always strong willed and determined, so what was it about Jase that turned me into this? Why did I let him make me feel like I’d never be enough and I should settle for what I could get? My arm ghosted over the rumpled sheet where his body had been only hours ago. It still smelled of his woodsy cologne. I rolled toward the pillow and hugged it tightly as the night before began to play through my mind once again. The feel of his lips on my neck. His hands gripping me tight against him as he rocked into me, showing me that sweet taste of what forever could be. The sadness that engulfed us as he ran from the bliss that I was trying so hard to provide.
Jase and I were something that I’d never had before. The way he acted when I was in his arms, it was like I was this precious thing to him. He treated me better than any man ever had. But his detached side all but killed me. When we would finish, he had a habit of removing himself. It was as if reality crashed back around him, telling him to get away before something happened. I still didn’t know what he was so afraid of, but last night gave me a glimpse. He’d said he couldn’t lose me. I didn’t know how he thought he would. He was the one always pushing me away. I wasn’t running, or hiding, or anything. I kept coming back for more. The harder he pushed, the more I clung to what I could get. I was that needy girl, the kind I hated, and it was all Jase’s fault.
After taking a shower, I shuffled out into the kitchen of my apartment. My hair was twisted in a towel, and I’d slipped on a pair of yoga pants and a CPD sweatshirt that Jase had left here once. I don’t think he even knew that I had it, but he wasn’t getting it back now. It was the one thing that seemed to soothe me when I was licking my wounds from his dismissal. I rubbed at my eyes as I reached blindly for the coffee maker. I was still half asleep, and coffee was top priority at the moment. I paused when I felt soft petals brush against the side of my hand.
My eyes opened and I stared, confused at what it meant. There on the counter, sitting on top of a torn piece of paper was a single white lily. Its blossom was fragrant, causing my whole kitchen to smell of its sweet aroma. I lifted it to my nose as I gripped the paper. In messy handwriting were the words that finished breaking what was left of my heart. “I’m sorry. I can’t be what you want. I can’t give you tomorrow.” My heart sank as the tears came full force. He was breaking whatever this was off. He was pushing me away and telling me that he wasn’t coming back.
My knees buckled as I sank to the floor, dropping the flower and note on my way down. My back pressed against the cabinets behind me as I drew my legs up in front. I wrapped my arms around my knees and dropped my head, the tears poured down my face. My breath was coming in gasps as the reality of what was happening settled in my shattering heart.
This was it. I’d pushed too far, and now he was locking me out completely. I’d never find out what happened to him that left him this hollow. He was worried about tomorrow when at this very moment, I was more worried about today. He
claimed that he couldn’t lose me, couldn’t hurt me, couldn’t let me in, but at this very moment, it felt as if he’d obliterated my heart to the point that it would never be whole again.
ooooooooo
Jase
After Tiff and I had made love in her bed, I waited for her to fall asleep. When her breathing became deep and steady, I slowly began to slide from the bed. She sighed and tried to snuggle into me, but I managed to push a pillow into her grasp. Her lips curled up in a half smile in her sleep, causing my heart to stumble in my chest. She was so perfect. No matter how hard I tried to keep her away, she always came back. I could see in her eyes what she was afraid to tell me. I knew she was holding the words back because I hadn’t said them either. I knew that I couldn’t say them, no matter how true they were.
But what was worse? I knew that I had to set her free. I couldn’t let her keep coming back to my fucked up life. I couldn’t drag her down in my sea of loss. I’d never let myself fall in love, and Tiff was trying her damnedest to crack open the lock I’d put on my heart at sixteen. It was rusty, and the harder she pulled on it, the more it began to loosen. If I didn’t get away now, she was going to succeed in breaking it loose.
I slipped out of her room, and shuffled into the living area, sitting on the couch. It was dark still, and the only lights illuminating the area were coming from the street outside. Tiff didn’t live in rough area, but she was right on the edge of it, and it worried me. I don’t know how long I sat there staring at nothing. My bare feet tapped on the floor nervously as I rubbed my palms up and down my thighs, firming my resolve at what I was about to do. All I’d done when I slipped out of bed was put on my boxers and jeans. My shoes and t-shirt were still in a trail from the door where we’d torn at each other’s clothes earlier in the night.
Hours passed, and the street lights were slowly beginning to go off as the sun began to rise in the distance. I knew my time was running out, and if I wanted to escape undetected, I needed to do it now. I shoved myself up, quickly finished dressing, and made my escape.
Promise Me Tomorrow: Book 3 in the Witness Series (Volume 3) Page 3
