She went to carry Dingo out of the pen and came back to the porch to face Barbara, arms crossed on her chest. “You really won’t help me?” she asked, a look of disapproval on her face.
“My days organizing any kind of fancy event are over, sis. I won’t change my mind. I’m not even attending them anymore,” she explained for the thousandth time as she walked past Barbara through the patio door her sister had left open. She put Dingo down on his dog bed and handed him his favorite toy before she turned back to Barbara, who’d followed her inside.
“That’s very selfish of you,” Barbara spat out.
“Perhaps, but that’s the way it is.”
“God, Joy, have you listened to yourself lately? You sound like Heather when she was a teenager. Are you going through some kind of midlife crisis?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m past midlife, but call it what you want. I won’t let you or anyone else dictate my schedule anymore. Would you like a mimosa?”
“All right, all right, I’ll stop trying to convince you. And yes, please. But go easy on the orange juice.”
Joyce didn’t feel guilty for using alcohol to divert Barbara’s mind. She’d helped her organize so many events in the past that she’d lost count. It was a boring and time-consuming task that required her to spend time with people from her former life. She wasn’t going back, not even to help her sister.
They went to the kitchen where Joyce grabbed two champagne flutes out of the cupboards, orange juice from the fridge, and a bottle of sparkling wine from the wine cooler. She made a mental note to stock up on wine the next time she went to the store. Barbara took her usual spot at the breakfast bar and whined about the list of errands she had to run today. She didn’t stop until Joyce handed her a mimosa. “But I couldn’t get anything started before I stopped by to see you. It’s been a while. I haven’t seen you since your outing with Dingo’s vet.”
“I know. I figured you were busy,” Joyce stopped short of adding that she had no complaints. She knew all too well what Barbara had finally showed up to find out.
“So?”
“So what?” she asked, pretending she didn’t know what her sister was asking.
“Joyce Allen, you’ll be the death of me. Quit acting stupid, it doesn’t suit you. Is our young veterinarian a lesbian, yes or no?”
Never had Joyce been so tempted to lie. She desperately wanted to keep Amanda’s sexuality a secret so she could keep her all to herself. Just a little longer. If she introduced Amanda to Heather and a flame sparked between them, Amanda wouldn’t have time for Joyce anymore. And if things didn’t go well and Amanda ended up getting hurt, she might blame Joyce for her broken heart. Either way she lost. How much she’d lose was all that remained to be seen. She didn’t want to get involved in this mess, yet she couldn’t lie to her sister. “She’s gay, but I don’t think she’s Heather’s type.”
“Duh. Of course she’s not Heather’s type. She has a brain. Our goal here is precisely to make Heather fall for someone who’s not her type. Have you forgotten?”
“That’s your goal, Barb, not mine. I don’t see why Heather would suddenly fall for someone like Amanda if she’s never fallen for intelligent and independent women before. Do you think her aunt setting up this blind date will be that much of a turn-on for Heather? Because I, for one, really don’t think so.”
“Oh Joy, my dear sister, how you underestimate me. You’re right. If Heather smells so much as a hint of a setup, she’ll never go for it. But she’ll never know we’re trying to set her up.” She tapped the side of her head with her index finger. She had a plan. “I have it all figured out, trust me. But for this to work, I have to make sure of one thing first. Is your vet at least moderately good-looking?”
Joyce couldn’t help but smile and she hoped she wasn’t blushing. “She’s gorgeous. She’s definitely not a bimbo like most of Heather’s girlfriends, but she’s undeniably beautiful.”
“Good. As long as she’s somewhat attractive, that’s all we need for Heather to like her. God, that’s sad. So here’s what we’re going to do. You’ll have me, Heather, and Amanda for dinner here Saturday night.”
“Don’t you think Heather will suspect something if Amanda’s here for dinner? Why would I invite my new friend to have dinner with my sister and my niece? It doesn’t make sense.”
“Hear me out. Heather won’t suspect a thing. Because your invitation was officially for Sunday night.” She made air quotation marks with her fingers. “But you know me and my forgetful mind, right? Especially with that gala to organize, I can’t keep track of things. I’ll tell Heather the invitation was for Saturday and we’ll show up a day early.” Barbara winked and grinned mischievously.
“That’s a big mix-up, Barb, even for you. I don’t think she’ll fall for it.”
“Don’t forget you’re talking about me, here. The same woman who showed up a week early for her last doctor’s appointment. The same woman who called her daughter in a panic over having her car stolen at the mall until said daughter reminded me she’d dropped me off at the mall and kept the car. The same…”
“Okay, okay, I get it. You’ve completely lost your mind. I remember now.”
“Hey now, watch it.”
Joyce laughed until she realized what Barbara was asking her to do. She was expected to invite Amanda to her house without telling her Barbara and Heather would join them. “So wait, you want me to trick Heather and Amanda? I can’t do that. Amanda is very anxious around new people. I can’t trap her like that.”
“Oh yes, you can, and you will if you love me, dear sister. Amanda will get over it when she’s in Heather’s arms. They all fall for her. You know it’s true. She’ll thank you, trust me.”
Yes, all women seemed to find Heather irresistible, but somehow Joyce didn’t think Amanda would ever be grateful for being tricked into a blind date. It didn’t seem possible. Even if she did fall in love with Heather, which she couldn’t imagine without getting knots in her stomach. “I’m not convinced. Besides, I can’t this Saturday anyway. I have plans.”
“Next Saturday then? I beg you, help me find a good prospect for my daughter, for your goddaughter. Please.”
“I’ll think about it,” Joyce answered. She figured it was easier to postpone the discussion than to argue about Barbara’s ploy for the next twenty minutes.
“I knew you’d do it,” Barbara said before she emptied her glass, grabbed her purse, and walked around the breakfast bar to lay a loud smack on Joyce’s cheek.
“I didn’t say I’d do it. I said I’d think about it.”
“Whatever you say. I’ve got to run now, but I’ll call you.”
Joyce followed Barbara to the front door and closed it behind her. She leaned against the closed door and sighed heavily. She then went to the living room and picked up Dingo from his dog bed. She needed some kind of comfort. “How am I going to get out of this, Dingo? There’s no way I can do this to Amanda.” Dingo licked her cheek before he laid his muzzle on her shoulder. “What have I done to the universe to get stuck with such a manipulative sister?”
Chapter Fifteen
Joyce picked up Amanda at her apartment at four p.m., and they drove to the casino. Amanda was more excited about seeing her than she was nervous about the casino crowd until Joyce stopped the engine of her Subaru in the parking garage. Her breathing became shallow, her hands cold and damp. She closed her eyes to focus on taking deep breaths, and she felt Joyce’s hand on hers. “Are you okay?”
“No, but I’ll get there. Just give me a minute,” she said through heavy breaths as she turned toward Joyce and smiled weakly. She hated that she was putting her through this again, which made her even more anxious. She didn’t want her to regret taking her to the casino. She really wanted to go, but she needed a moment to calm down. Staring into her peaceful, carbon eyes, was helpful. Joyce looked at her in the eye, as if she knew she had a calming effect on her.
Joyce was dressed even more elegantly t
han usual. She wore a light blue sleeveless dress that ended above the knees with a long, darker blue vest, also sleeveless, over it. Her silk scarf was the same dark blue as the vest. Impeccable makeup and a beautiful yet simple silver bracelet completed the look.
Amanda felt underdressed with her own black Capri pants, black tank top, and dark gray sweater. She also felt self-conscious about her same old ponytail. She started to lose control of her nerves again and had to remind herself that fashion was merely another social game she refused to play. She hoped Joyce didn’t mind.
Joyce held her gaze and gently rubbed her hand to comfort her. “I have an idea,” she said. “Why don’t we go pay our respects to Paul Bunyan before we go in? The fresh air will do us good.”
“Paul Bunyan?” Amanda asked, puzzled. She didn’t know who Paul Bunyan was, but she doubted being introduced to a stranger now would help calm her in any way.
“Yes, Paul Bunyan. The legendary lumberjack. We have a giant statue of him on Main Street. It’s not even a five-minute walk. Don’t tell me you haven’t paid a visit to Paul yet.”
Amanda sighed with relief and even chuckled. A giant statue, she repeated to herself. Joyce had a way to lighten up the most anxiety-provoking of situations. “I haven’t.”
“Oh my god, Amanda. That’s a sacrilege. Let’s go right now. You have to meet the man.” Amanda laughed more freely and felt herself relax as she watched Joyce walk around the car to open her door. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go.”
“Right now? You’re serious?”
“Of course I’m serious. You can’t live in Bangor without knowing about the giant lumberjack and being properly introduced to him, young lady. Besides, he’ll bring us luck.” She winked and Amanda accepted the hand she offered to help her out of the car.
The fresh air outside of the parking garage soothed her almost immediately. The walk that took them to the giant statue of Paul Bunyan might indeed be very short, yet Amanda wondered how Joyce managed to walk in heels that appeared to be at least four inches high. She moved along as fast and easily as Amanda did with her Keen slip-ons. Of course, the length of her legs probably helped her keep up the pace.
It didn’t take long before they saw the statue. Amanda didn’t dare laugh but the statue did seem funny from a distance. The bright green of the lumberjack’s pants, the red and black of the plaid shirt, and the smiling bearded face all seemed too cheerful and colorful at first glance, as if the statue belonged in Disney World rather than in downtown Bangor.
“You’ll learn to love it,” Joyce said next to her, as if she’d read her expression. “Might as well,” she added with a wink. “It’s not going anywhere.”
“It’s huge. Pretty impressive,” Amanda admitted as they got closer.
“It’s thirty-one feet tall. And it’s made of metal and fiberglass. It was given to Bangor by a group of New York builders in 1959, two years before I was born. I grew up with it. I loved it when I was a little girl. I found it so imposing. And I was fascinated when my dad told me there’s a time capsule in the base.”
“Really?”
“Yes. But I doubt we’ll be around when they open it.”
“When will that be?”
“2084,” Joyce answered as she examined Amanda. “Come to think of it, you might still be around,” she added with a smile.
Amanda didn’t want to think of a time when she might have to live without Joyce in her life. The realization scared her. She’d never feared anyone’s death before, not even her mother’s. How did people live with the threat of losing the ones they loved? She assumed it was the price to pay for letting herself get close to anyone. She didn’t like how vulnerable it made her feel, but she couldn’t go back now. The time she spent with Joyce was too precious. “If I’m around I’ll find a way to tell you what was in the capsule, don’t worry.”
Joyce smiled and leaned against the base of the statue. “Is that a promise?”
“It is,” Amanda said as she leaned next to her, close enough for their arms to touch.
“The funny thing is I don’t doubt you’ll find a way to keep that promise. You’re a special kind of woman,” Joyce said softly before she bumped Amanda’s hip with her own and straightened up to face her. “Are you feeling better now?”
“I am, thank you. The fresh air worked.”
“It’s the lumberjack, dear.”
“Oh yeah, of course. It’s all thanks to Paul.”
They laughed and Joyce offered her hand again, this time to pull Amanda from the statue and start walking toward the casino. “Okay then, now that we’ve touched him, Lady Luck will be with us.”
As they walked side by side Amanda couldn’t stop thinking about death and how it could so cruelly separate people from their loved ones.
“How did you do it, Joyce? After Evelyn passed away. How did you find a way to go on?” She covered her mouth with her hand as soon as she realized what she’d said. “Oh god, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to answer that. It’s a very personal question, I know.”
Joyce frowned briefly, clearly taken by surprise, but then she turned to Amanda and smiled. “No, it’s okay. It’s personal, yes, but I don’t expect superficial from you.” After a few more steps, she continued, “It wasn’t easy. I was deeply depressed for several months. I even thought I wanted to die. And then I started to learn how to be alone.”
“How did you do that?”
“I made conscious efforts to reconnect with myself. I told you last time I didn’t like the person I’d become toward the end of my relationship with Evelyn. Well, finding myself alone forced me to face that fact and to take steps toward discovering who I truly am and want to be.”
“But how?” Amanda felt compelled to ask.
Joyce laughed. “You remind me of my niece when she was a little girl. One answer inevitably brought up another question.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry,” Amanda said as she lowered her gaze to the ground. She wanted to find out so much more, but she had to give Joyce some space.
“You’re not prying. It’s okay. You’re genuinely interested, and that’s a nice change. Don’t be afraid to ask. If you go too far I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, good.” She took a deep breath. “So tell me, how did you get started on that process?”
“First I retired. Evelyn and I worked at the bank together—we met there as you know—and I couldn’t move forward while I kept working there. Everything in that place was her, not me.” She paused to look at Amanda, who nodded her understanding. Then she smiled tenderly. “Once I retired, I adopted Dingo. I’ve always wanted a dog and Evelyn didn’t, so that was the first logical step. I needed a dog in my life. And I needed the company.”
“They do make great companions.”
“Oh yes. I never regretted adopting him. In fact, every time I look at him I’m grateful he’s in my life. Even if that injured leg of his is costing me a fortune.” She laughed and turned to Amanda again. “Besides, without him I wouldn’t have met you.”
Amanda looked to the ground again as she felt her cheeks heat up. She wanted to tell Joyce how happy she was that they’d met too, but she couldn’t find the right words, so she kept her line of questioning instead.
“And then? After you adopted Dingo, what else did you do to find your true self?”
“Well, then I took classes.”
“What kind of classes?”
Joyce laughed and shook her head, almost embarrassed. “Everything. Painting, yoga, numerology, pottery, piano…I tried so many things that I lost count. I also read a lot of self-help books, but I found they all sounded the same in the end. Classes were more fun, more interactive, and they allowed me to experience new things and discover different facets of myself.”
“Did you like any of them more than others? Did anything stick?”
“I still do yoga every day, and I paint every chance I get. Painting was an old love of mine. One I’d forgotten and was glad to redisco
ver.”
“The Creative Child,” Amanda said, remembering the first day they’d met. Joyce turned to her with a puzzled expression until she finally remembered talking with her about numerology and smiled.
“That’s right. Born on March third. Double three. We make quite a pair, you know, you and me. The Seeker and The Creative Child. With curiosity and creativity we could get through just about anything, don’t you think?”
“I do,” Amanda confirmed with a smile. The more she learned about Joyce’s journey the more she admired her. She’d managed to mourn her wife and come out of it stronger, with a newfound will to learn and to better herself.
“I hope I get to see your paintings some day,” she said. She wondered what Joyce’s favorite subjects were, what her style was, what medium she used, which colors were her favorites.
“I’m sure you will eventually,” Joyce assured as they came to the casino entrance. “But for now, are you ready to win big bucks?”
Amanda nodded and took a deep breath. She was calm and ready to face the crowd. With Joyce.
“Win or lose, I’m ready. Let’s go in.” Joyce opened the door for her and let her walk into the building first, placing hand on her lower back to encourage her forward.
Joyce remained close to Amanda as they moved into the casino crowd. She seemed nervous, but there was no sign of panic yet. She was taking in the scene, studying the numerous slot machines and game tables. As she watched, she saw her briefly cup her hand over one ear, adjusting to the sounds that were bombarding them. It was obvious she’d never been to a casino before. Joyce personally enjoyed the sound the slot machines made and how it mixed with the music coming at them from everywhere. It didn’t harmonize, but the cacophony gave Joyce a unique kind of rush. She wasn’t a compulsive gambler, but she had fun visiting the place once in a while. She hoped Amanda would have fun too.
Dingo's Recovery Page 9
