“Great. Please make yourself comfortable in the living room. I’ll be right back.”
Joyce walked toward the kitchen and she went to the living room, followed by Dingo. She sat on the leather couch and picked up Dingo so he could sit by her and she could make sure he wasn’t attempting to lick his leg. His presence also relaxed her. She did want to know what Joyce needed to talk to her about, but she was also extremely nervous about the conversation to come. Whatever was bothering Joyce had been serious enough to keep her from calling for several days, after all. She caressed Dingo’s neck and back, knowing that she needed to remain calm for Joyce’s sake. As anxious as she was about their talk, she knew it had to be worse for Joyce.
Joyce walked into the living room and handed Amanda a tall glass of iced tea before she seated herself with a goblet of white wine on the other side of Dingo and started petting him too. He didn’t seem to mind the extra attention. In fact, he turned to his side to give Joyce access to his belly while Amanda continued to rub his back. They giggled at his change of position. Then Joyce took a large gulp of wine and sighed.
“Whatever it is, Joyce, you know you can tell me. Please. What is it you’ve been trying so hard to work out on your own?”
Joyce sighed again before she started. “It’s nothing new, in a way. It’s our age difference.”
“Oh, no. Did Barbara get to you again?”
“No. Well, yes, but it’s my own insecurities I need to talk about. I won’t let Barbara keep me from seeing you, but my own doubts are what keep me awake at night. It’s freaking me out.”
“Okay, but why? I told you your age didn’t matter to me. Don’t you believe me?” She could feel panic beginning to settle in. What could she do to make Joyce understand their age gap didn’t matter to her? What did she have to say for her to finally believe her?
“I believe you. I believe my age doesn’t matter to you, at least not right now.”
“Right now? Why would it change?” Joyce abandoned Dingo’s belly, picking up her wineglass and moving her fingers nervously up and down its stem. Realizing that her questions were raising Joyce’s level of anxiety, Amanda took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m being defensive. I’ll be quiet and listen, okay? Please explain.”
Joyce nodded and took another sip of wine before she continued, staring down at her goblet. “I believe you when you say my age doesn’t matter to you. I really do. But the truth is that you’ve always seen me with my hair and makeup done and…” She paused, cleared her throat and met Amanda’s gaze, “and dressed.”
Joyce’s vulnerability was heartbreaking. Amanda felt moved to reassure her but remained quiet and listened instead. “When our kisses became, well, more intimate the other day at your place, when you tried to kiss my neck, I panicked. I don’t wear these scarves because of the way they look,” she explained as she pointed to the pink silk she wore around her neck. “I wear them because they hide my wrinkly old neck. When you kissed me there, I realized if we keep going the way we are I’ll have to let you see me without it at some point. Without anything at all. What I’m trying to say is I look very different when I’m naked, Amanda, and I’m not convinced you won’t care about my age when you really see it.”
In the silence that followed, Joyce finished her glass of wine and set it down. “So I guess that’s it. I want us to move forward. I really do. I love kissing you and I feel good with you. But I’m scared. I’m terrified I’ll get hurt and that fear is holding me back. There you have it. That’s what I was trying to figure out.”
Amanda reached over Dingo and took Joyce’s hand. She was relieved when she didn’t pull away. On the contrary, she held on to her hand and moved closer to her on the couch. Amanda thought carefully about her next words. She couldn’t condemn Joyce’s insecurities. They were justified and trying to convince her they were not would be fruitless. Instead, she chose to come clean about her own insecurities. “You know, when you stopped me from kissing your neck, a part of me was relieved.”
Joyce looked puzzled at her confession. “Really?”
“Yes. You were not the only one who was scared. You know I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve never made love. Hell, that was the first time I ever kissed someone. I was scared I wouldn’t know what to do next. Besides, I may be younger but my body’s far from perfect. I have a bit of a belly and cellulite on the back of my thighs.”
Joyce started laughing out loud, shocking Amanda. She hadn’t expected her to laugh as she exposed her fears and the interruption offended her. “Oh my god, I remember when I first started dating Evelyn and I was so concerned about my cellulite. If that’s all I had to worry about now it would be nothing at all,” she explained as she kept laughing.
Amanda pulled her hand away and protested, “I bet it was a big deal back then, though, wasn’t it? I’m trying to tell you I have fears too, Joyce. You can’t dismiss them any more than I can dismiss yours.”
Joyce stopped laughing and reached out for her hand. She didn’t resist the touch. “You’re right. It was a big deal to me back then and I understand it’s a big deal to you now. I’m sorry I reacted that way.”
They looked at each other and slowly managed to smile, their fingers intertwined. “So what do we do now?” Joyce asked.
Amanda took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eyes. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to let my fears hold me back from this relationship. I’ve never met a woman like you before. I want to be with you more than anything. I can’t let my lack of experience and my silly cellulite stop me. It’s up to you to decide if your fear of what I’ll think when I see you naked is stronger than your desire to be with me.”
Joyce moved closer yet, until Dingo was squeezed between them. She almost whispered her next words. “You make it sound easy.”
Amanda lowered her voice as well, trying to focus on her words as her gaze dropped to Joyce’s lips. “It’s not easy, but it’s my choice. I can’t make a choice for you, though. So what will it be?”
The answer came in a brief but firm kiss that left Amanda unfulfilled. “Right now, I think kissing you is the only choice I can make,” Joyce murmured before she pressed her mouth to Amanda’s again.
Amanda realized Joyce couldn’t possibly have been relieved of all her insecurities yet, but they were moving in the right direction. She’d missed her lips, her tongue, her taste, more than she could express, and having feared that she might never get to enjoy them again, this kiss was a welcome surprise. Joyce’s mouth became more insistent. She heard Dingo jump off the couch, which allowed Joyce to lean against her. Soon she found herself pushed against the back of the couch, Joyce’s upper body pressed against hers. She focused on controlling her arousal and letting Joyce take the lead. It wasn’t easy when all she wanted to do was to pull her even closer, to explore every inch of her body with her hands, but their conversation had made it clear to her Joyce needed to set the pace.
Joyce ended their passionate kiss, but Amanda still felt the weight of her body on hers when she spoke. “Thank you for understanding. I’ve never met anyone like you before either, Amanda. You’re a beautiful, unexpected gift from life, and in case that kiss didn’t make it clear, I’m choosing to fight my fears with all I’ve got.”
“Thank you.”
Joyce stood from the couch and offered her hand to Amanda to help her up. “I’m also choosing to feed you dinner before we forget. You’ve worked all day and you need to eat something. Let’s go, young lady.”
Amanda giggled and gladly followed her to the kitchen. She had to admit she was getting hungry. Dingo followed them. His leg still appeared to be dry.
After dinner, Amanda insisted on doing the dishes, refusing any help from Joyce. She argued that she had already done her part when she cooked. Joyce objected that there wasn’t much cooking involved in the tandoori chicken salad she’d made, but Amanda wouldn’t listen. She reluctantly sat at the breakfast bar and watched Amanda work, sippi
ng her coffee. She’d drunk only one glass of wine during dinner and she didn’t want to drink more. She preferred remaining sober.
Their dinner conversation had turned around parks Amanda wanted to visit with her and Dingo and concerts she wanted to attend with Amanda. They’d also briefly discussed Australia and she’d learned that Amanda might be interested in accompanying her. The thought of traveling with Amanda delighted her.
She was glad they’d gotten the talk about her concerns out of the way earlier. It hadn’t solved everything, but it had helped tremendously. She was sincere when she’d told Amanda she wanted to fight her fears. She still thought she might run away once she saw her naked, but the possibility that she might not was worth the risk.
Their easy conversation over dinner and the kiss they’d shared before it had Joyce thinking she would know sooner than later. She couldn’t resist Amanda any longer. She needed to make love to her, to feel her skin on hers. She wanted to please her. It was a desire she felt all the way to the tips of her fingers. The need to touch, to build her partner’s pleasure until she reached climax. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so driven by that urge. It was more intoxicating than any wine she’d tasted.
“Well, that’s it. All clean and dry. I can put it away if you tell me where,” Amanda announced.
“Not now,” Joyce replied as she stood from the stool she was sitting on and walked around the breakfast bar to join Amanda. “I’ll do that later. Right now all I want is to resume what we were doing before your hunger got in the way,” she teased.
“Oh, it was because of my hunger, was it? I don’t remember complaining or asking you to stop.”
“Shh,” Joyce simply said as she placed her index finger on Amanda’s mouth. She loved being taller than her. It helped her be more assertive, which she was learning to enjoy. She leaned forward and replaced her finger with her mouth to kiss her thoroughly. She met no resistance when she slid her tongue into her mouth, welcomed by Amanda’s own eager tongue and a deep moan that intensified Joyce’s appetite and vigor. She put her arms around her waist and pulled her to her hard, at the same time feeling Amanda’s hand on the back of her neck pulling with matching strength. There was no way they could stop this train now. They didn’t want to and there was no reason to. She left Amanda’s mouth with great difficulty to catch her breath and Amanda started kissing her nude shoulder, skipping over the spaghetti strap of her camisole only to stop at the pink silk scarf she was wearing. There they were again. It was time to face the monster.
Joyce delicately pushed Amanda away. “I’m sorry,” she said quickly before trying to reach for Joyce’s mouth again.
Joyce stopped her with a hand firmly placed on her chest. “No, it’s okay.” She took a deep breath and felt her mouth and fingers tremble apprehensively when she began removing her scarf. Slowly, she moved the light and soft fabric from around her neck, until her neck was fully exposed. She felt completely naked. Tears blurred her vision as she tried to focus on Amanda’s reaction.
“You’re beautiful, Joyce,” she heard her whisper. “So beautiful.”
“No, I’m old. You can’t deny it when you see my neck.”
“Shh. You’re beautiful,” she repeated, using the tips of her fingers to caress Joyce’s neck.
Joyce closed her eyes and focused on Amanda’s fingers as they moved from her shoulder up to her ear on one side, down her throat to her cleavage on the front, and back up to her jaw on the other side. The sensation was both exquisite and terrifying. In equal measures. Feeling for some reason that she should put a stop to Amanda’s gentle touches, she endured the excruciating pleasure instead. When her lips soon followed almost the same exact trajectory as her fingers had, fear slowly gave in to sensuality until all Joyce was able to feel was arousal. Only then did she grab her face and force her to look into her eyes. “Come upstairs with me. Please.”
“Gladly,” Amanda replied with a simple nod. Joyce took her hand and guided her upstairs. A different form of anxiety lodged itself in her chest when she opened her bedroom door and pulled her inside. The only woman she’d been with in this room, in this bed, was Evelyn. She wished she’d redecorated the room or at least rearranged the furniture. Then Amanda started kissing her again and she reminded herself that she’d been sleeping alone for three years. She’d waited long enough. Surely even Evelyn would agree. She closed her eyes to chase away thoughts of Evelyn and focused on Amanda’s kiss. Whether she’d waited long enough or not, she couldn’t wait any longer.
She pushed Amanda onto the bed until she was sitting on the mattress. She was intimidated by her youth but still wanted nothing more than to feast her eyes on it. She grabbed the bottom of her gray sweater and pulled it over her head. Underneath it, Amanda was wearing a fitted tank top. Joyce stopped to admire her, realizing she’d never really seen her figure before, hidden as it had been under ample sweaters. Her breasts were larger than she’d imagined.
“You’re gorgeous,” she murmured, looking up to meet Amanda’s gaze. She appeared embarrassed, self-conscious. Recognizing how much the young woman was affected by her own insecurities, she resolved to be more sensitive. But…she needed to see more of her.
“May I?” she asked as she slid her fingers under the hem of the light gray top. Amanda nodded with hesitation. She moved to pull the garment over Amanda’s head, gasping when she saw she didn’t wear a bra. Her breasts looked as round, firm, and perfect as they’d looked in her tank top. She did have a small, adorable belly, but she was so damn beautiful. No flabby skin anywhere.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous, you take my breath away,” Joyce said as she pushed her on her back. Removing her dark-framed glasses and setting them on the nightstand, Amanda placed her hands on the back of Joyce’s neck. Her kiss was hungry but a little more hesitant than before. She was obviously nervous, but she was still offering herself to Joyce.
The kiss deepened as Joyce took one breast in her hand. She hummed at its tautness. Amanda’s moan was even louder, however, reminding Joyce that she was the first person to touch her breasts in such an intimate way. She moved her hand in delicate circles over the sensitive skin, played gently with an erect nipple. Amanda trembled under her touch and, panting, soon had to end their kiss.
Joyce watched her take pleasure in every touch, realizing that she would be the first person to give this amazing young woman an orgasm. The thought was overwhelming. It was a great responsibility, a deed more important than any doubts she had about her own body. She was Amanda’s first lover and she focused all of her thoughts and energy on being the best she’d ever have. She deserved nothing less.
Joyce smiled at Amanda’s face, contorted with pleasure. Then, lowering her mouth to her neck, she kissed her way to the breasts she’d been caressing. When she took one nipple into her mouth, Amanda’s entire body twitched. Joyce waited for it to pass before she licked the hard nipple softly. Another strong spasm followed, accompanied by a loud gasp. Joyce waited again, amazed and thrilled to find that she was so responsive. She took her time kissing, licking, loving her breasts until the sensations became more familiar to Amanda and her body settled in calm exhilaration.
Keeping her mouth to Amanda’s breast, she risked sliding a hand down her stomach and began to unbutton her jeans. Amanda jerked again and Joyce felt her muscles tense up. She caressed her stomach instead. Her small belly had flattened out now that she was on her back and her flesh was firm and soft. Joyce obeyed her urge to kiss that tender flesh, moving down to press her lips above Amanda’s belly button before gently licking a circle around it. When her chin pushed against the black underwear the unbuttoned jeans had left exposed, Amanda gasped louder than before as she pushed her pelvis against Joyce’s chin. If Amanda was still nervous, her level of arousal had obviously risen to a point where she no longer cared. She was begging Joyce to touch her there, to move to the center of her want. Joyce was happy to oblige.
She got on her knees so she could easily p
ull down the jeans and underwear that were in her way, meeting no resistance when she parted Amanda’s legs so she could comfortably settle in between her thighs. She breathed in the smell of arousal, unique yet familiar, and lowered her mouth to Amanda’s wanting sex. She meant to slowly explore every fold, but the first brush of her tongue against her clitoris precipitated a first, long overdue orgasm. She moved her mouth to her inner thigh and kissed her tenderly until the spasms subsided and her muscles relaxed. Then she focused on Amanda’s sex again, loving it with her mouth, carefully penetrating it with one finger. She took her time, moving slowly and delicately, then faster and harder, until a second, more intense climax arrived in a wave of muscle contractions and a loud cry of joy.
Joyce moved up to kiss Amanda, who kept whimpering against Joyce’s mouth. When she ended the kiss to look into her face, she recognized complete satisfaction in the brandy-brown eyes and smiled with pride. “That was…” Amanda’s voice trailed off and she chuckled.
“That was what? Okay? Good, maybe?”
“It was beyond my wildest expectations,” Amanda concluded with a wide smile before she crushed her mouth to hers for another passionate kiss. “I only hope I can do half as well,” she added as she attempted to push Joyce under her.
Joyce resisted. “You don’t have to worry about that now. Relax and enjoy for now.”
“I won’t relax until I make love to you, Joyce Allen. Please, let me love you the way you just loved me.” Amanda’s tone was playful, but Joyce knew she wouldn’t back down. She was set on giving as much as she took. When Amanda gently pushed her down this time she accepted the invitation and lay on her back. She let her kiss her neck as she’d done in the kitchen. She enjoyed the attention but was unable to fully let her guard down. Her concerns were back in full force. Now that she’d seen all of Amanda’s body, she felt more insecure than ever about her own.
She was overwhelmingly tempted to stop everything, but she’d promised Amanda she would fight her fears, so she resisted her impulse. She let her remove her camisole and she even helped her with her bra. She let her kiss her chest and tried to focus on the pleasure she wanted to take from her nipples being nibbled so tenderly, but all she could think about was how Amanda had to notice how limp and droopy her breasts were compared to her own.
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