by Marilyn Lee
“No! Nothing and no one is going to keep us apart again.”
She blinked. “What?”
“The spirits be damned.”
She sucked in a breath. “Look, Aleksander, I’m sorry if I led you astray, but…”
“But what? You’re no longer interested?” He gave her a cool, hard stare. “I know better than to believe that.”
Damn his arrogance. She lifted her chin. “Since you know so much, you might also know that I prefer to date black men.”
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Yes, Erin. Why?”
“Why? Well, because I…”
He glanced briefly to his left and right. “Do you really want to continue this conversation in the hallway when you’re nearly naked?”
She didn’t, but she feared losing her remaining control if she invited him inside the apartment. “No, but—”
“Then invite me in.”
She wanted to invite him inside. She also wanted to invite him into her life, her arms, and into her body. “As you so ungallantly pointed out, I’m not exactly dressed for company.”
He arched a brow. “Your shyness is charming, but this wasn’t exactly the first time I’ve seen you naked,” he pointed out.
“Yes it is! I had all my clothes on the last time we saw each other.”
He shrugged. “That’s not what I meant. I’ve had the pleasure of seeing you naked on many previous occasions.”
“You have not!”
He sighed. “If you only knew how much I’ve endured for the opportunity to see you again, you’d take pity on me and ask me in.”
Responding to a sharp edge of pain and loss in his voice, with which she was all too familiar, she relented. She stepped inside her apartment.
He followed her inside. He leaned against the closed door, staring at her. “Now tell me why you think you prefer to date black men.”
She shrugged. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“No. It’s not. Explain it to me.”
She saw sincerity in his steady gaze. How could it be possible that he didn’t understand her preference? “I…well…”
He stared at her in silence for several moments before he responded. “Please go on. I don’t understand. Why should something as inconsequential as the color of my skin be an issue between us, Erin?”
“Why should the color…?” She moistened her lips. “Because…”
“Yes? Because what?”
“If skin color is so important to you, why would you find my having a similar preference to date black men strange?”
“What?”
“You said Aja Miller’s skin wasn’t dark enough to suit you.”
“It’s not.”
“Well? Yours is too…”
He stared at her. “Too what? White?”
She compressed her lip.
“It’s not only Aja’s skin color which turns me off. She’s also skinny with no curves worth mentioning. And she’s conceited enough to imagine she’s irresistible. You are the only woman I find irresistible.”
She ignored the thrill his words generated. “What makes me so different?”
“I admit that the color of your skin and the texture of your hair is what originally attracted me to you.”
“Then why do you imply my preference for black men makes me shallow?”
“I didn’t say you were shallow, but you must know that skin color is no basis for choosing a life mate.”
“Yet that’s what attracted you to me.”
He shrugged. “Surely you’re not going to admit to being as shallow as you apparently think I am.”
“You like full-figured black women?”
“I’m not talking about black women, in general, of any size, Erin. I’m talking about you in particular.”
Hell. He sure knew how to cut right to the chase. “If you’re going to talk like that, Aleksander, you’re going to make it impossible for me to remain firm.”
He grinned. “That’s the idea.”
“Aleksander—”
He stroked the backs of his fingers along her cheek. “I think you are beyond beautiful. At home, everyone is very ordinary with fair skin, blue or gray eyes, and straight hair. All the females are thin with a distressing lack of curves. There’s not a decent-sized ass or a pair of large breasts anywhere.”
“Not many black people in Scandinavia?”
“Scandin…” He frowned. “What makes you think I’m from Scandinavia?”
“Aren’t you?”
“No.”
“You’re not Norwegian?”
“No. I’m not. Why did you think I was?”
“Well…you’re very fair, blond, tall, and Rica calls you my…” She trailed off.
“Your Norseman?” He smiled. “So she, at least, knows we belong together.”
“I…she…never mind what she thinks she knows.” Clearly Rica had called to get her out of the bath so she’d be in a position to answer the door with just a towel when he arrived.
“All right. When I first saw you…I’ve already admitted I’m shallow enough to be moved by your physical beauty, but I know your beauty is more than skin deep. You are far too generous of spirit to hold something I can’t change, such as my skin color, against me. My skin tone doesn’t govern anything about me except the way some people perceive me.”
He rubbed his thumb against her lip. “Don’t let it be more important to you than what kind of person I am or how I treat you, Erin. Shouldn’t that be more important than skin color?”
She shook her head. “I don’t want you to misunderstand me, Aleksander. I’m not…” She paused. He was right. What difference did the color of his skin make when some elemental part of her had been drawn to him the moment they met? That something went beyond the purely physical attraction she couldn’t deny. Given that, why should she allow anything to stop her from exploring an attraction and desire that felt so natural?
Or it would if she didn’t feel as if she had unresolved issues with another male she could neither quite remember nor fully forget. Until she came to terms with herself and her possible past, how could she give her heart to Aleksander or any other man?
He sighed. “You’re not ready yet to give me your heart?”
“I wish you wouldn’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Invade my thoughts.”
“I just want to understand you so I can be everything you want and need in a man.”
She flashed him a quick smile. “That’s a sweet sentiment, Aleksander, but at the moment, I’m not sure what that is.”
“Okay, so you’re not ready to part with your heart. I want it, and I’ll have it sooner or later, but for now I’ll make do with possessing your beautiful body.”
His seductive words made continued resistance difficult. She struggled to retain a sense of balance. Why did she feel this sense of belonging and coming home with him? It would be so nice to lean against him in total surrender.
She curled her right hand into a fist in an effort to stave off the urge to stroke it down his chest. “I need some time to think this through, Aleksander.”
He shook his head. “No. No more time, Erin.”
She stared at him. “That wasn’t a request.”
“It’s also not going to happen.”
“What?”
“Why bother thinking when you can feel?” He trailed his fingertips along the tops of her breasts.
She shivered and overcame the urge to close her eyes and lean into him. “Aleksander…please…you’re making this very hard for me.”
He lifted his fingers from her skin. “Do you want me to stop?”
She swallowed hard to still the “no” trembling on her lips. “I…I don’t know what I want.”
He touched the top of the towel covering her body. “Then why shouldn’t I help you decide, since there’s no doubt at all about what I want and need?”
She pushed his hand away. “Alek—”
He pressed a finger against her lips. “I’ve waited so long for you. If I have to wait a little longer to win your heart and soul again, so be it. However, I’m not waiting a moment longer for your body. That, I’m going to have now.”
“Your impatience is flattering, but you haven’t been waiting that long. We’ve only—”
“You still have no idea how long it’s been for me.”
“It’s only been nine months since we met, and you took your own sweet time to invite me to have a drink with you.”
“It’s been far longer than nine months.” He sighed. “I had hoped you’d started to remember.”
“Remember what?”
He shook his head. “I’m forbidden to tell you.”
“What? Forbidden by who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Oh, I think it does.”
“No. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters at this moment except your giving yourself to me.”
Her heart raced and her legs shook. “Aleksander—”
“No more talk.” He bent his head, brushing his lips against her neck. “I want your body right now.”
Chapter Six
She pressed her hands against his shoulders. “Aleksander—”
“Shh.” He slipped his arms around her as he rained warm, hungry kisses along her neck.
She trembled. “Aleksander…you’re making it so hard to say no.”
“That’s the plan.” He dragged his tongue along her neck. “Don’t say no. Say yes.” “We belong together. Recognize that fact and say yes, my lovely. Say yes now.”
“Say yes now.” The words seemed to resonate directly into her thoughts. She couldn’t ignore or deny them. Nor did she want to. She leaned against him. “I want to surrender to you, but a long time ago…” She trailed off. How could she admit she half believed herself in love with a man who had lived and died hundreds of years earlier without sounding crazy?
He cupped a palm against her cheek.
She stared up at him.
He spoke to her in a language she shouldn’t have understood but did. “He’s dead to you.”
Although softly spoken, the words sliced through her with the pain of a sharp knife thrust deep into her heart. She caught her breath, jerking away from him. “No!”
“Yes. Yes.”
She shook her head.
“It’s true.”
In his gaze, she saw his knowledge of her belief in the past and her desperate hopes for the future. But was it a future with Aleksander or him? She shook her head. “I can see what you’re trying to do, but it’s not going to work.”
“You’re misunderstanding me, Erin.”
“No. I’m not. You’re trying to destroy my belief in the past.”
He responded in a gentle voice. “The past is gone, and he’s dead to you.”
She caught her breath. A part of her subconscious knew who they were discussing and ached with a long-held grief at the mention of his death. “But he’ll live again—just as I have. He’ll find me. He has to.”
“I have no wish to cause you grief, but living beings die.”
“I know that, but dreams and real love don’t ever die.”
He sighed. “I wish that were true. But it’s not. Sometimes choices made result in the death of both. Sometimes, a lucky few are given a second chance to experience a love of a lifetime.” He caressed her cheek. “You and I once had a love like that. We can again.”
The tender words surged along her nerve endings, sending a shiver of need and longing through her. She felt weak and hungry for him. Or was it the other male who inspired the feelings?
As she met Aleksander’s voracious gaze, her resolve strengthened. She shook her head again. “No. A love like that only happens once in a lifetime. It’s already happened for me with him.”
His shoulders slumped, and he briefly closed his eyes. When he met her gaze again, she noted the determination there. “At this point I’m not asking you to forget him completely. I’m only asking for a chance to show you what we can mean to each other again.”
“Again? Why do you insist on talking as if we’ve had a past relationship?”
“Because we have. That’s why we were both so drawn to each other when we met again in the laundry room.”
“I think I’d remember if that were true, Aleksander.” She compressed her lips. “Now I’d better get dressed.” She half turned away.
He reached out to turn her back to face him. “I know what you shared with him was special, but we can make memories together that are just as special. We did it once, and we can again. I can become your new one—as you are and always have been my only one. For you, I would gladly surrender my eternal soul.”
Why did the thought of being his one fill her with such delight and joy? “I…I can’t, Aleksander. My heart is already taken. I’ve tried, but I can’t seem to love anyone else.” Which probably explained why ending her relationship with Mark hadn’t been more difficult.
He spoke in a low, almost growling voice. “My patience is nearly exhausted. I’m going to need you to try a little harder, Tanginika.”
She stiffened. “What did you call me?”
“I called you by your true name, Tanginika.” He cupped her face between his palms and stared down into her eyes.
“My name is Erin, and I’ve already given my heart to him.”
“If you’ll search your memories, you’ll remember how unselfish he was. You’ll remember how much he loved you. He’d want you to be with someone who loved you more than he did his freedom and his life. That’s how he loved you. It’s how I do as well.”
Her heart beat a wild tattoo against her rib cage. His words resonated with a deep-seated need inside her. Yet her desire felt disloyal. She should step away from him. Desire for him consumed her instead.
As she struggled with her conflicting emotions and needs, she recalled the dream she’d had where her former lover had encouraged her to love again. He’d been there urging her on when she and her new lover made love for the first time. But who had been that new lover?
She looked up at Aleksander.
He nodded. “Remember, my lovely, and give your body and your love to me again.”
Unable to resist the desires he stirred in her, she rested her palms against his chest. “Alek…”
“Give yourself to me.”
She leaned into him, her lips parting. “What are you doing to me, Aleksander?”
“I know you’re confused and conflicted. I was lost, lonely, and confused for a long time until I realized that sometimes a being is lucky enough to enjoy an enduring love more than once. That’s the kind of love you and I were about to explore when we were torn apart. It’s the kind of love we’ll share now and for all eternity.”
“No.” Even as she whispered the denial, she moistened her lips and stared up into his eyes.
“Yes, my lovely. I’ve loved once like that. I thought it was once for all time, and I nearly lost my sense of self and will to live when I lost you. Then I was freed to seek you out again. The moment I saw you again, I felt renewed and reborn. I spent far more time than you can imagine living in hell without you. But that’s over now.”
He took a deep breath. “Reward me for all the pain and anguish I’ve endured, Tanginika. Tell me you’re mine at last with no shadows, ghosts, or lost loves between us.”
“Nine months isn’t that long, Aleksander.”
“I’ve waited a long time—even by my people’s standards.”
She smiled. “Your people? Do Scandinavians measure time differently from everyone else?”
“I’m not from Scandinavia.”
“Where are you from?”
“Some place much farther than Scandinavia.”
“You say that as if you’re talking in code, Aleksander.”
He sighed. “If I tell you I’ve lived for a very long time, you’ll begin to doubt my sanity.”
“I think you’re forgetting
who you’re talking to.”
He caressed her cheek. “Every second of every year, since I first saw you, I knew you were the one individual in the universe—the only one who could and did complete me, my sheenea.”
Sheenea. The word carried a sweet, familiar intimacy that made her heart and spirit sing with joy. She needed no explanation from him to know the depth of meaning vested in the word sheenea. She knew the joy of being his sheenea. But how did she know that?
“Because your heart and your inner being tell you so.” He trailed a finger down her face to her cleavage. “Just as they must surely tell you that it’s time to give yourself to me.”
She wasn’t sure her heart told her that, but her body certainly did. She lifted her chin, parting her lips slightly. “What…do you want?”
“I want your pussy. I want to fuck it and you until we’re one again.”
“Oh…Aleksander…”
He turned her so that she stood with her back against the closed door.
Her heartbeat quickened.
He pressed his body against hers as he bent his head.
She swallowed hard.
He brushed his lips against hers in a soft, brief kiss.
Tiny embers ignited in the pit of her belly.
Aleksander traced the outline of her lips with the tip of his tongue. “Mine. Be mine again. This time all mine for all eternity.”
A surge of electricity jolted through her. She rubbed her hands against his shoulders. Realizing what she was doing, she pulled her lips away. “Aleksander…”
He sighed. “I can’t wait any longer. I need you to be ready for me now.”
The pain in his voice stirred an almost hidden similar emotion in her. “I want to, but—”
“But you never got to say a proper good-bye to him.” He raked a hand through his hair. “You need that sense of closure before you can accept what you and I can mean to each other, don’t you?”
“You said he was dead. How can I possibly say good-bye to a dead man?”
He shuddered. “If I give you a chance to say good-bye to him and to spend a last few hours of love with him, will you then be ready to be mine as we both know you should be? You must be, or I’ll lose my mind and do something I shouldn’t.”
