by Claire Angel
Mom’s face softened. “I know, baby girl. Is he boyfriend, or even husband, material?”
Suddenly all the weight that I left behind in the accountant office climbed back onto my shoulders again. I felt my shoulders sagging and I felt weak. “I don’t know, Mom. I feel so confused. It was supposed to be a simple contract and we were supposed to stay friends, but I think I’ve started to fall in love with him.”
“Business and pleasure should never mix, my dear. If it is at all possible not to get your heart involved, it would be best for both of you. That is, unless he gives clear signals that he feels the same way. It’s harder for men to show their feelings.”
“That’s the problem. I’m getting mixed signals from him. One moment we’re business partners and then the next he treats me like a princess. He even tried to kiss me once.” I didn’t want to admit there’d been a few more attempts at kissing. I felt ashamed and desperately needed Mom’s approval.
“What is your part of the deal?” I knew I had to tell her everything; from his divorce, little Kayla, the judge’s requirements and that I’d agreed to act as his wife until he got full custody. The whole time I was telling her the story, I realized how upside down the idea is. Mom was quiet throughout the entire explanation and when I was done, she took my hand in hers.
“Thank you. That is very noble of you, but for now, you have to keep your heart protected. Yet, I have a feeling it is already too late for that.”
I rested my head on my mom’s hand and just breathed deeply, incredibly relieved that she wasn’t angry or upset. But she was right; I had to be careful and protect my heart. I had to stick to my original rules, no matter what Mimi thought. I couldn’t drool over him; I couldn’t let him know that I was in love with him and there could definitely be no sex. First instincts were always right, but which came first, the rules or my attraction towards him?
Chapter 15
Xander
I had a good feeling about this morning’s meeting. We’d been in lengthy discussions now and I was of the opinion that we’d presented a solid case to these developers. We had the hardware, the assembly line and the money; all they had to contribute was the software. The sky was the limit with this invention and along with the few enhancements that I had in mind, I was sure this would be a very successful venture.
The guests had already arrived and I saw that my branch manager had just stepped into the boardroom. I was a firm believer in making a lasting impression with each entrance and as my audience was fully accounted for, it was my cue to step onto the stage one last time. Maybe this confidence that I felt just before a meeting is what turned the tables in my favor, or perhaps I had brilliant ideas. Either way, I was very excited to be part of the future in nautical advancements.
“Good morning, gentlemen. Last time we were here, we were on the brink of a very successful partnership. I hope we are still on the same page. But I can only speak for myself and I have high hopes and great expectations for our collective future. So let’s get into the gritty details and while we are there, please enjoy some snacks and coffee. This is an exciting moment.”
At the end of a long three-hour meeting, everyone was smiling and I was shaking hands with the last partner of our new venture. As they all left, I literally had to hold onto the back of a chair to keep from jumping up and down. Huge success! I had to tell Diane.
The thought caught me in a vulnerable state. Is there no one else I would want to share this other than Diane? Jared came to mind, but quickly faded back into the mist. No, I only wanted to tell Diane.
How to celebrate this victory? Let me count the ways. A smile formed on my face and I just knew what I wanted to do.
I picked up my phone and called Diane. “Hi.”
“Hey, hi Xander.”
“Diane, would you like to join me for the rest of the day? I know this is short notice, but I have some great news and I want to celebrate it with you and Kayla. Are you up for it?”
“Yeah! Sure. I would love to celebrate the good news.”
“Can you come to the mansion in half an hour?” She agreed and then I called Becky to pack Kayla’s bag and get her ready for the day as we were going to yatch.
Kayla was running towards me on her still wobbly legs as I parked the car in front of the garage. As I climbed out, I was embraced by the warmest little arms in the whole world. I sat down on my knees to kiss my little princess and she kissed me back. I felt like the luckiest father in the world.
“Good day, sir. I have packed her swimsuit, dry clothes, towels, and some toys. I have also organized a bag for you with all your usual necessities, but I wasn’t sure what to pack for Mrs. Diane.”
Becky looked slightly perplexed and I just smiled at her. “Don’t worry, I’m sure we can wait a few minutes for her to pack her bag.”
I could see Becky relaxed and she returned into the house. Just then, Diane’s car showed up and a thought ran through my head. I have to get her something befitting a lady of this house.
As she parked her car, Kayla asked, “Who’s car is that?” But before I could answer, Diane was out and a small high pitched scream almost ruptured my eardrum as Kayla realized who it was. She pushed herself out of my arms and before I could put her down on her feet, she was already waddling her way to Diane. Diane picked her up with just as much joy to see Kayla, hugging her small body and I could see there was real deep affection between them.
“Becky has already packed our bags, but she didn’t know what to pack for you.”
Diane looked up from her embrace with Kayla. “No worries. I don’t need a bag, what’s the plan?”
“Oh, sorry, I was planning on spending the rest of the day on the yacht out on the lake. It is such a beautiful day and I don’t want to waste it. So I recommend grabbing a swimsuit and a towel, at the very least.” I felt like teasing her and added, “Or you can go without. I won’t mind.”
I watched her try to suppress a smile, but she just shook her head and went into the house. When she came out we boarded on the car, played some hip hop music. Kayla and Diane, both were shouting the lyrics and dancing on the back seat. And I didn’t miss any chance to get a sneak peek of Diane.
An hour later we reached and we boarded the yacht. Kayla was already halfway up the steps when Diane picked her up from behind and carried her the rest of the way to the pool. The captain was ready to sail and by the time I got to them after making all the necessary arrangements thinking of changing Kayla’s clothes first.
When I entered the pool area, I swallowed hard. Diane was wearing a bikini and was helping Kayla get her swimsuit on. Before I could stop myself, I whistled at her. Looking at her sexy body overwhelmed me and the only way to express it appropriately in this setting was a whistle.
Diane looked up at me, an adorable rosy red bloomed on her cheeks and her little freckled nose. Little Kayla tried to whistle as well, but it was more of a spitting and blowing performance than any sound forming from her lips. It made Diane laugh.
I picked up my bag and walked towards the changing room behind me. While I changed I heard them getting into the warm water with splashing and laughter. The day was going great and I felt so happy to have Diane around.
In the doorway, I turned to see what they were up to and both of them were laughing and splashing each other. Kayla was holding Diane tightly with the one arm and slapping the water with the other. It was truly rewarding, watching my two girls enjoying the day. And once again, my thoughts made me realize the truth that I was just too stubborn to admit. I had already accepted Diane as mine, as a part of my life.
I jumped into the swimming pool as Kayla clapped and shouted, “Daddy! Daddy!” I went underwater and reached Kayla just to surprise her. I leaned into kiss Kayla and she kissed me back. And then I moved towards Diane. I teased her as pretended I was about to kiss her. She lowered her gaze, “You look so hot in this Bikini,” I whispered in her ea. She looked back at me and blushed. I couldn’t stop smiling and I loved
that rosy red color on her soft flawless cheeks. Kayla put her one arm around my neck and other around Diane’s. It felt perfect to be with both of them. We had Kayla’s toys with us and I never thought it would feel so good to play with the toys in the pool. Every time my body touched hers while playing around, there was a spark and It was getting harder for me to control myself.
It felt strange to even like a woman, never mind letting her creep into my heart. I wondered what had happened to my deep hatred for all women. Has Diane found a loophole or she is just been slowly worming her way into my heart?
Yet, I didn’t know if I could allow my heart and my thoughts to venture into that direction as she was going to walk out of mine and Kayla’s life in less than two months after I got full custody. Maybe we should just be friends as we originally agreed; it would be safer that way for everyone. So, I kept a distance for rest of the time.
On the way back home, dusk had already turned into the early evening. Kayla was asleep on Diane’s lap and I was sitting next to her. She asked me about the deal I made today and I explained all the details of the project, what our part would be and what input my new partners would have into the final product.
Although Diane had her own room to stay in, she had opted to stay at her own place during the week and at my place on the weekends. And I knew once we reach home, she would get into her car and drive back to her home. Something in me didn’t want her to leave.
“Please don’t think of this as weird. I know we have agreed that you’d stay at your place during the week but what are the chances that you can stay over tonight as well?” I blurted out.
Diane looked at me for a moment and then I saw a frown on her face. And then she looked down at Kayla, breaking the eye contact. Suddenly a whirlwind of thoughts whisked through my mind. She didn’t want to stay over and she didn’t know how to tell me, but she didn’t want to be rude like I was yesterday. Diane had probably fallen for Ricardo. How did he catch her interest so effortlessly and quickly and I had to wine and dine her to just get a smile out of her? Well, if she wanted to waste her time on protecting his honor, she should just stay away from me.
The limo stopped and she still hadn’t answered me, so I decided to make it easy for her, “Forget it. Forget I asked anything. It’s fine.” I picked up Kayla from her lap, got out of the limo and walked to the front door without looking back, not caring what she did or where she went.
Chapter 16
Diane
How was it possible to feel so confused? My heart told me that he cared for me; he did love me in a way and I knew I cared about him dearly. Xander was a good man; he just got caught up in a world where he got to have everything he wanted. Then again, if Xander couldn’t have it, he turned around and acted as if he never really wanted it in the first place. It was so immature, but what could I do?
I couldn’t just walk over to him and tell him that I was available if and when he told me the right words. Didn’t that make me a hypocrite? I wished love was easy and that I could have a fool-proof way of confirming if my feelings were real and that they would last this time.
I was still a free person and I had my own mind to make up. Why couldn’t he allow me just a minute to think about it and make my personal decision? I didn’t want to hurt him, but he was so rash that a second longer and I would have agreed. Maybe it was fate that kept me from speaking and that made him reveal his real heart.
I allowed Andrew to take control of my life. I had promised myself that I would never let that happen again. Maybe if I explained myself to Xander, he would understand. But again he was a all grown-up man and should know that a woman that has been single for a long time, has her own mind to make up. He couldn’t just push me into a corner and expect me to fall to my knees and submit to him.
Everything was turning into a gray storm in my head. All my thoughts were swirling together and I didn’t know which ones I should hold onto and which ones I should label as lies or only fantasies that could never be true.
Fine, let’s go through the facts; he needs me to be his wife so that he can get full custody. No, not entirely true, he needed a wife to prove to the judge that he could provide Kayla with a stable home with a mother figure. Any woman could fulfill that role, but for him to turn this marriage into a long-lasting home for Kayla to grow up in, he had to open his heart and allow himself to love me.
Oh, why did I keep on mixing fact with fantasy? He could love any woman and any woman could be Kayla’s mom. But I kept feeling like that was my space, my territory and that wasn’t just the signed documents, but my heart speaking. Maybe I didn’t understand motherly love completely, but Kayla was special to me in a way I never expected. I wanted to see her grow up to be a strong, beautiful and independent woman. I knew that Xander was a good father and he really did have her best interests at heart, but what if he later chose the wrong wife to be her mother? What if he wanted the wrong woman to be his lover?
What if I lost both him and Kayla forever?
The day flew by in a blur. The café wasn’t full, but my thoughts were running away with me and I didn’t seem to focus on any one work. After a few cups of coffee, I gave up and told the new waitress that I had to get out of the cafe for a little while. As I walked along the street just looking into the windows of the shops without going inside, my phone rang. Xander. For a split second, I didn’t want to answer. Then I felt scared he would hang up, so I answered. “Hi, Xander. What do you want?”
“I want to apologize for last night. I feel like a complete jerk. I shouldn’t have asked you to stay in the first place, but I was enjoying your company and I wanted it to last, even just a little longer. I messed up. I know.”
“So, do I understand correctly that you didn’t really want me to stay over and that is why you got cold feet?” I needed to understand his apology which I never expected.
“No, please. That’s not what I meant. Can we please meet somewhere? This is a delicate topic and I think we should speak face to face. Otherwise, we could get our lines crossed and misinterpret ecah another.” I could hear the sincerity in his voice and pause under an awning.
I thought about what he said and even though I knew he was right, I was skeptical if I wanted to see him after all the turmoil in my head this morning. “Can we maybe talk tomorrow? I just feel perplexed at the moment and I need some time alone. Please don’t be angry. I just need a bit of time.”
“I’m not angry, I understand. Can I call you tomorrow?” He sounded resigned but I didn’t hear any anger in his voice. Xander sounded sad, in fact.
“Okay.” We ended the call and I leaned against the wall between two stores to playback the conversation. I was so confused, but it hit me what to do.
I needed to speak with Mom because she’d know what to do. I called the café and told the new waitress I’d be out for the rest of the afternoon, but I’d be back around five. I walked to my car and drove straight to the hospital.
Mom was sitting in the chair next to her bed when I came in, eating some of her lunch that was leftover from earlier. "Sweetheart. What a surprise." She smiled at me and I could see the color was back in her cheeks. She almost looked healthy, except for her missing hair.
“What’s the matter, sweetie?, You look like there is a storm in your head,” Mom observed as I shook my head slowly at her.
“How do you know me so well, Mom?” I smiled weakly and stared at her, wanting to get everything out so she could help me.
She gave me that knowing smile and a wink. “A mother knows what her children still have to learn.”
“Wise words and maybe you can help me with the trouble that I’m in.” I prepared myself to spill the story.
“You don’t have too much more. I know you love this man but this silly agreement that you two have put in place, it is far from helping you two being happy. It’s a stumbling block.”
I sat on the edge of her bed and nodded as she spoke, admitting that everything she said was right. “But how
to know if he loves me back? And if he does, how would I fix it? Or should I wait for him to fix it?”
“Ah, the age-old question. To be hunted or to be the hunter? What type of man is he? Does he want to hunt, or would he be fine being hunted?”
“I don’t know. I think he would like to be the hunter, but every time he doesn’t get his way, he acts like a spoiled brat and turns around the other way.”
Mom placed her fork and knife on her tray and then she moved the little table away from her. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Are you sure, Mom?” I wasn’t sure if she had the strength for such a thing, even if she did look better.
She just beckoned me closer and I helped her stand up, “Just to the bench in the park and it’s not far from here. The nurses help me there and I’ve got enough strength back in my body.”
“Do you need a wheelchair?” I checked with her, sliding an arm around her waist.
“Not now. If I need one, you can get one later,” Mom assured me with a smile.
I helped her towards the door that led outside and she pointed towards a bench that had a little shade of a tree. “That is my favorite bench in the whole world.”
I felt confused and looked at my mom with a question on my face, “What do you mean, Mom?”
“Of course, I don’t know how the other benches in the world feel like and I know there is a more comfortable chair at home. That’s a chair and not a bench. My world consists of the things I interact with. I don’t know if there is an exact bench or an even better bench in other countries, but in this space that I call my world, this is my favorite bench.” I thought about what she said for a moment, letting it sink in.
“Okay, I see what you mean. So, in my world with the people that I know, if Xander feels like my favorite bench, then he is the best bench in my world?” She smiled at me and didn’t respond. Instead, she just looked up at the blue sky.
