by B. A. Wolfe
“What in the hell just happened?” Moose stood stiff in the doorway. “I came down to tell you Trish was looking for you, and a sobbing Anna about shoved me down the stairs.” His eyes shifted from me to Mel, waiting for an explanation.
Next time lock the damn door, Cassandra.
“Skank bag just got a little taste of her own medicine, that’s all,” Mel answered.
His eyebrows lowered as he looked at me. I didn’t have an answer. I’d just slapped the piss out of his childhood friend. What was I supposed to say? I shrugged. “Why’s Trish looking for me?”
He flashed an amused grin. “We’re leaving, headed to the cemetery, and she didn’t want you to think she abducted your son. You ladies ready?”
I gazed down at the damn dresser drawer, knelt beside it, and slammed the empty thing shut. It wasn’t my time to know what Jason had held close to his heart. I stood, nodded to Moose, and we left, closing the door behind us.
Cassandra
I HOOKED JASE’S CAR SEAT inside the stroller and pulled the cover down so the sun stayed out of his sleeping eyes.
“What did Anna say to you? Do I need to talk to her?” Moose asked.
I gripped the stroller handle a little too tight as a vision of Anna’s ugly mug stole my thoughts for a second. “No. She got what she deserved. I’m not proud, Moose. But I’ll be damned if I take her shit anymore. I handled it.”
“You might not be proud, but I sure as shit am.” He nudged my arm as he practically shoved my hands off the stroller, his large palms taking their place. “I’ll push the little guy.”
“The hell you will. He’s my little guy to push.” Melanie met us at the curb, eyeing Moose as she approached. “Move it, bucko.”
He playfully swatted her hand away as she tried to budge him. “I don’t think so, woman.”
“Play nice, you two. I don’t have it in me to patrol all three of you.”
Mel retreated, snarling at Moose as she stepped back and strode beside me. “Fine, let the animal push your precious cargo.” I didn’t respond, only snickered. Those two never ceased to make me laugh.
It was decided we’d all make the short walk to the cemetery, in honor of Jason. Herds of people filed out of the Bradley’s, spilling out from every doorway. Everyone made small talk as they headed down the sidewalk, one by one, two by two, family after family. The day turned out to be gorgeous; you couldn’t help but warm over the fact that even the weather had cooperated. It was all in honor of Jason today. The beauty of it was breathtaking; the heartache of it was earth-shattering.
Mel and I made mindless chitchat. Keeping the conversation clear of what we were actually headed to do. With each step forward, every inch closer to the cemetery, my body grew heavier. My pace slowed, and Moose was now eons in front of us, walking next to Aidan. My heart had already sacrificed itself once this weekend as it said hello and goodbye to a cold stone that read Jason Dean Bradley, months of anguish coming out all at once. I couldn’t do it again.
I assumed Mel sensed it as her arm laced through mine, holding me close to her. “We don’t have to go,” she said, hushed as if it were our little secret.
“What are we going to say?” I asked. The last of the people in front of us shrunk to the size of ants, they were so far ahead.
“We don’t have to say anything, babe. I think they’ll understand.”
I nodded. In a few short minutes we’d be making our way to the notorious tree. I told Mel we should stop there and wait it out. The spot held meaning. Hell, the whole town did, but I could handle this memory.
“Seems we weren’t the only ones who couldn’t do it, either.” Mel’s voice was faint as we walked up on two guys and a stroller.
A smile broke my frown. Aidan’s and Moose’s eyes caught ours as we made our way to them. Our four broken hearts circled the infamous tree—the one I’d crashed into. The first place I met Jase.
A smirk erupted from Moose as he palmed its trunk. “She missed you, Cass.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. She’s probably just glad I walked here and didn’t drive.” The four of us laughed. The nervous type. The kind that was grateful someone made a joke instead of bringing up another sad story. Everything about this damn beast of a tree reminded me of Jason, but it also had a way of making me smile. It was a happy memory. It was okay to be sad about the memories that broke me, but the memories that were happy, they needed to remain that way. I told myself that as I wrote our story.
We all investigated the legendary tree, which had with a multitude of initials carved into its rough bark like it was an exhibit at the national history museum. I palmed over a few that were enclosed in hearts, remembering that Jase had told me they were good luck for those in love.
A lone tear slipped from the corner of my eye as I came to my initial alone in a heart. I covered it with my hand and closed my eyes as if I could will a miracle to happen, that a letter would appear next to mine, or a certain someone would to stand next to me. Telling me it was all going to be okay, that this too shall pass.
“Hey.” At the sound of Aidan’s easy tone, my body tensed. I had thought he was with Moose and Mel who were off chatting away from the tree. I was wrong . . . he was close. His voice sent a shiver down my spine as I sensed him getting closer. With my hand still covering my initial, I opened my eyelids and met his eyes.
“Hey,” I replied, smiling.
He stood only inches away with his arms crossed over his chest. A quick wink flashed from his eye as he said, “Thanks for not avoiding me.”
My gaze lowered to the grass. “I couldn’t go, Aidan,” I murmured. I wasn’t even able to banter with him. Remorse nestled inside me. This weekend was all about admiration for a special man, and I didn’t even have the strength to go. I thought the tree would be a safe haven from the alternative.
A finger hooked under my chin, tilting my head up to meet his face. “Stop,” he whispered. “None of us could go, either. It’s not that we don’t love him or that we’re bad people.” He moved closer, his body snug against the wide tree trunk. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Cassie.” My heart spiked in speed at the mention of the nickname Jase had given me. People were slowly using it more often. It wasn’t out of the norm for me to be called that, but it was his first time.
I stared at him, for probably too long.
“You’re going to be okay. Stop beating yourself up. I can see what you’re doing, and you don’t deserve it. He’ll still be there when you’re ready.” The smile he wore reached his eyes.
Whether it was the speech, his presence, or the fact his finger blazed heat under my chin, for the first time this trip, I felt okay. I was doing my best. I couldn’t go, but he was right. Jason would be there when I was ready to see him again.
“Thank you,” I whispered. The moment we shared felt powerful and prevailing, and intimate, only meant for the two of us.
He flashed another sexy wink and his hand covered mine on the trunk. I contained a small gasp as his palm warmed the top of my hand. The word friend meant touching like this wasn’t allowed. Or maybe because a small part of me wished things could’ve been different and wanted more than friendship, the small gesture of his skin touching mine meant more.
“It’s your initial, isn’t it?” he asked, removing our hands from the tree, baring a lone ‘C’ inside a heart carved in the flesh of the tree. My head answered yes as I peered at it.
I watched as he traced the ‘C’ with his index finger. “It’s empty.” His voice trailed off.
“Yeah. Jase carved it for me, leaving just my initial in the heart.” Aidan stayed quiet as he listened to my short story. His eyes traveled from the tree and locked on mine. I swallowed back the slight lump that grew in my throat. “He said when I found the right guy his initial would go next to mine and the heart would bring us good luck.”
“You haven’t found the guy yet, have you?” he asked in a voice that sounded breathy-intimate.
“Not yet. Jase said he had a feel
ing he was close by, though.” As I said it, that sentence had never held more meaning or power behind it than it did at that very moment.
His grin swept to the side. “He always had a way of seeing things others didn’t. I bet your guy’s a lot closer than you realize, Cassie.” His eyes pinned me to the spot I stood in and wouldn’t release me. He had me.
My heart raced as each second passed, etching this moment into my mind for life. His goddamn hazel eyes that flashed green sparks, the hair that dared to be touched, and a five o’clock shadow that you wanted to feel against your skin. I tried to control my erratic breathing as my lungs ached from pumping breaths in and out so hard.
His finger reached to the side of my face and brushed away a stray piece of hair. My skin warmed in response and then blazed as his palm relaxed against my cheek for ten long seconds. I knew how many because I counted. His touch intoxicated me. I was putty in his hands, and hell, it wasn’t even both of his hands, just one.
A smile beamed from his face and his hand retreated to his pocket before he stepped back. I knew then that I was more grateful than I realized for stopping at this tree.
The tension between us was so thick, you’d need a hacksaw to cut through it. “Wh-where’s your initial?” I asked, finding my voice, veering away from the tree and standing next to him.
He popped his brows as he said, “I carved the fucker out.”
I cleared my throat. “Well then. I wasn’t expecting that answer.”
“After Jase and I each had our hearts broken by our first loves, we vowed never to carve an initial next to ours again until we found the one.”
“Whose went next to yours before you went all George Washington on it?”
“Shay’s,” he muttered, shaking his head. “We didn’t end so well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” No I’m not.
“Don’t be. It was too perfect of a relationship.” His eyes met mine. “Shall we?” He nudged his head toward Moose and Mel.
I nodded and began walking. “So, what’s wrong with perfect?” I eyed him as he strolled beside me.
He ran a hand through his touchable hair. “It only exists because there are too many secrets being hidden. I’d rather have truths and imperfection. Raw, real. Anything but lies and fake perfection.”
I had never thought about it that way.
His hand went behind me as we made our way toward the sidewalk. “That’s not to say perfection doesn’t exist. It does.” He leaned in, close to my ear as he spoke quietly. “You just have to find the right perfect for you.”
I hung onto every word he spoke as if I were a damn puppy.
Mel flagged me down the minute she saw us. “Dude wants to carve my name in the tree, Cass.” Her finger was in Moose’s face. “Who the hell does that? He tried to give me some lame speech about a legend of the town.”
“Mel, it’s all in good fun. You need to lighten up a little,” I told her, wiping my sweaty palms—probably caused by Aidan—on my capris.
“We all have our initials carved there, Mel,” Moose told her, pointing back to the tree.
Aidan shook his head and laughed. “Not everyone.”
“Ah-ha. See!” Mel shouted, almost jumping in the air. In her mind, her point had just been proven. I knew how she operated, and there was no getting her to think otherwise now.
“Not exactly the same case, Mel. He carved his out.” My eyes found Aidan and the uncontrollable chuckles returned.
“Something like that,” Aidan said.
Mel shook her head. “Let’s head back. Point is, my initial isn’t going in the tree. End of subject, TJ.”
Moose grabbed a couple of beers out of the cart in the stroller, handing one to Aidan and keeping the other for himself. Moose gestured to us with his beer. Mel accepted and I declined.
Lifting the cover to the car seat, I found Jase wide-awake with his binky. Mel and Moose may not have been parents, but no one could deny their love for my son or their parental instincts. I closed the cover halfway and let Moose continue to push.
I looked around, hoping to make more small talk with my friend Aidan, but he was nowhere to be found. I searched the area surrounding the tree once more with no luck, then I looked back and saw him. Aidan was crossing the street and headed to the grass in front of the abandoned library. I avoided that area for a reason. That place, unlike the tree, held way too many memories not ready to be touched yet. Call it my inquisitive mind, or my need to be close to him—I followed anyway.
Crossing the street, I looked back to see Mel and Moose chatting away, for once getting along as they pushed Jase down the sidewalk. I smiled and made my way to Aidan, who sat in the grass with his legs sprawled out and his head back.
I snuck up on him. “Hey, what are you doing?”
He lifted his head and met my stare with a smile that made me glad I came over. “I’m not really in the mood to go home. I’m just gonna sit right here and drink the rest of my beer.”
“Why don’t you want to go home?” I knew there were problems, but it still hurt to think he didn’t want to go to a place like his home. He didn’t realize what some others had for parents.
“It’s complicated, Cassie.” And there it was again, rolling off his tongue with ease. It made me giddy, and there were no denying it sounded good coming from his mouth.
“I’m pretty smart; I bet I could follow if you tried,” I said, a hint of sarcasm behind my voice.
He smirked. “You’re right. You are pretty, and I bet you’re very smart, but I’m just not up for talking about it right now.” His lips went back to his beer bottle.
My insides were doing things I hadn’t felt in a long time. This man had just called me pretty and it wasn’t the first time, but it was the first time that it wasn’t okay. It didn’t matter anyway; he’d made it clear he didn’t want to talk so I turned to walk away.
“I didn’t say you had to leave.”
My feet stopped dead in their tracks as if they had suddenly been cemented into the ground. I didn’t have to leave? Did I want to stay?
Yes, I did.
Something inside wouldn’t let me walk away. “Okay,” I replied with a smile. I retraced my steps and sat next to him, but not too close. I slipped my sandals off and let the bottoms of my feet tickle through the long-bladed grass—something I hadn’t done since I was here a year ago.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his eyes questioning me.
I looked down at my feet and then back to him. “Enjoying my moments. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” But a part of me wanted to scream, kick, and rip out the grass that cushioned my feet and ass. How could I enjoy it if it always reminded me of Jase?
Aidan held the neck of the bottle between his fingers, swinging it back and forth slowly. “This, meaning what?”
“My moments,” I spoke quietly as I wiggled my toes in the grass, fighting the urge to cry and smile at the same time.
He chugged a swig of beer down. “Your moments?” he asked, his eyes gazing down at my feet.
I sighed softly. “Have you ever stopped to enjoy them?”
“I thought I was.” He gestured with his hands around him.
“No. Like really stopped and enjoyed them. Soaked in the area around you. You know, the little things. Like sitting here in the grass—”
“With you,” he interrupted me.
My stomach knotted at his words and my eyes trained on his. “Take off your shoes,” I demanded, pointing to his feet.
“Do what?” His mouth dropped open a little.
I giggled. “You heard me. Take them off.” Somehow re-creating that small moment I had here once myself was all I could think about. He had to experience it, too.
I glanced over and saw a pair of bare, sexy, masculine feet sitting, waiting for instruction. My lips curled up as high as they could go.
“Is this it?” he asked, smirking.
I shook my head. “Stand up.”
He held
his hand out for me to grab and with his help we both rose to our feet. I peered down and paused a moment, then sank my toes into the lawn, relishing the coolness of the blades against my skin.
“It feels good, doesn’t it?” I asked. His feet were buried in the grass too.
“Wow,” he murmured. His eyes drifted closed while his feet continued to soak in the soft, cool turf. It wasn’t until I felt a strong grip that I realized our hands were still intertwined. My focus couldn’t stray from it. I gripped back as if to say ‘I’m here,’ but then nerves took hold and something fierce inside of me told me to let go, not to ignite that spark. I released our hands.
His eyes opened and a sheepish grin swept across his face.
“Pretty awesome, right?” I asked him.
“You have no idea.”
Excitement ran through me as if I had just won an Olympic gold medal. “I think I do,” I told him, returning to the grass and digging my feet into it as I waited for him to sit.
“Thank you for that.” He lay back, leaning on his elbows as he crossed his ankles. It seemed comfy, so I assumed the same position.
“You’re welcome.” Our bodies were a little closer than I’d have liked, but we were friends; we could sit close.
“Talk to me. How are you doing? The last time you were in Keaton was . . .” As I went to respond I felt his fingers sweep across mine.
“You don’t need to remind me,” I said quietly, watching his large fingers linger over my smaller ones. Something about them staying on my skin felt, well, okay. I wished it didn’t, but I’d be lying if I said otherwise.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up.” He pulled his hand off mine, leaving a cool feeling in its place.
I released the breath I’d been holding. “I don’t know how much Jase told you, if anything, but everything in my life was finally aligning, like the stars in the sky. Things were going too well; I should have known, right? When it all happened, it was bad—I couldn’t grasp what reality had just dealt to Jase, or to us. I felt cheated. I felt like life was taking away the only thing that was beginning to make sense.”
Aidan nodded once, watching me closely.
