by B. A. Wolfe
I had to get to the bottom of it.
Mom and Dad went to bed early so I searched the house for Cassie. First to a vacant basement, then to an empty living room, and finally a soft voice took me to the porch. I held my ear against the door and listened.
“Like a diamond in the sky.”
She sang a quiet rendition of Twinkle Twinkle as she rocked back and forth in the swing. The night breeze blew through her hair as she continued to sing. I watched her for a few minutes and then cracked the door, startling her.
I stepped over her extended legs and lowered myself to sit next to her. Jase was sound asleep in her arms. I wanted to lean close, pull the hair away from her neck, and press my lips to her skin, right beneath her ear. I loved kissing that spot on her. But I didn’t move.
“Are you avoiding me?” I asked, breaking through the quiet night air.
“No, why would you say that?” Her eyes continued to avoid mine as she peered down at Jase.
“You barely said anything during dinner and now you seem off.”
“I was letting you and Moose catch up during dinner, and honestly, I’m just really tired.” A simple shoulder shrug was all I got.
“Are you sure that’s all?” I wasn’t an idiot; tired in woman world was generally a lame excuse. She seemed distant, and my worst fear was that she regretted crossing the line.
Finally, she looked up. I released the breath I held and smiled. “There you are.”
“Hi,” she responded, sounding unsure of what to say.
“What’s wrong, Sweet Tea?” It stabbed me to ask, but I had to.
Her shoulders fell and her hazel eyes drifted down as the swing continued to rock.
“Did I upset you in some way?” I asked, leaning into her space, trying to look at her or at least get her to look at me for more than five seconds.
Her head tilted, shifting her gaze partially on mine. “No, I just—” she paused and chewed on her lip. “I just don’t know how to act right now.”
What? She didn’t know how to act? I wanted her to act like herself. Before I could answer, she rose from her spot and headed inside.
Nope. Tonight would not end that way. I expelled a loud breath and almost snickered at the situation. Would I always be chasing her? I knew the answer. I’d chase her around the world if I had to.
Cassie stood in the kitchen filling a glass of water. She’d put Jase in his swing. I cautiously eased behind her, her body relaxing as I did. “I only want you to be yourself and nothing else,” I whispered.
“Okay. I’ll be myself,” she whispered back. I still wasn’t convinced she understood how much I wanted her to act normal around me.
I kissed the back of her head and stepped away, leaning against the fridge.
“When are you going home?” Sadness laced her words.
I couldn’t deny I was depressed at having to tell her the answer. “I have to leave early tomorrow. I can’t miss work Monday.”
She didn’t respond with words, instead she set her glass down, and wrapped her arms around me.
Carter was right. Women were the hugs, the O’s. I loved when her arms held me and I loved it even more when they tightened around me. It made me feel like she needed me, that she wanted me. And the tighter she gripped, the more it made me feel like she never wanted to let go. That type of hug could bring a man to his knees.
“I love when you hug me.” I’d never told a girl that before. It wasn’t me, but never had a woman’s embrace had this effect on me.
A smile spread across her lips. I placed a kiss on her forehead as she pulled me in tighter. My heart was about to combust.
“I love when you kiss me,” she whispered.
And Carter struck again. The man was the X’s, the kisses. I didn’t know what his mom taught him, but she sure knew what she was talking about. It was ridiculously crazy, but it was true.
I reached behind me and brought her left hand between us. She stretched out her neck to watch me trace an X on her palm. I’d always be the X to her O, and vice versa. She’d be the X to my O. And now she’d see it too.
“What is it?” Her voice was quiet.
My lips curved to the side as I said, “X’s and O’s. You know, hugs and kisses. I drew the X, the kiss.”
I softly pressed my lips to the imaginary X on her palm, then pulled it to my chest. Her eyes lit up and her smile widened. She knew exactly what it meant, and the fact that she did drove the pounding in my chest harder.
I pulled her into my embrace once more. “I’ll be your X’s and O’s,” I whispered into her ear.
She released a soft breath as she nuzzled against my cheek. “And I’ll be yours.”
She squeezed her arms around my waist and a shiver ran the length of my body. There was no questioning how I felt about this woman in my arms. And every time we were together, the feelings only grew stronger.
I flattened the blanket around me and peered at the white ceiling. I couldn’t stop thinking and I couldn’t sleep. I needed a reprieve, so I rolled to my side and grabbed my phone from the dresser.
Me: XO
Two simple letters were all I sent her. It was ridiculous, yet I couldn’t stop smiling. Two heavy breaths later, my phone pinged.
Cassie: XO
That was all it took to have me smiling more than a kid on Christmas morning. I left my phone next to me, as if I was pretending it was actually Cassie beside me. Someday.
Cassandra
I SAT AT THE DARK cherry wood kitchen table in our apartment and stared at the wall in front of me. My fingers lightly tapped on the keyboard. My mind drifted back to Aidan and our kiss. It was only a day ago, but I still couldn’t stop thinking about it.
It wasn’t easy to submerge myself into my homework with aftershocks of a kiss, but it was due tonight; therefore, I had no choice. I plugged away. As I typed the last words for my short story assignment, I couldn’t help but beam. Done! Jase was still fast asleep as I stole a quick glance at the baby monitor. I clicked save on my assignment and dove straight into my assignment for work.
Vibrations radiated across the table, interrupting my concentration. The name Parker crossed the screen, causing my stomach to drop. I stared blankly at my phone. As much as I wanted to answer it and rip his ass a new one, the other part of me was weak, hurt, and not in the mood to deal with him.
Within a minute my phone stopped and the screen faded to black, almost like it never happened—until it vibrated twice more. The bastard had left a voicemail. I slid my hand over my phone and shoved it behind my laptop. Out of sight, out of mind.
I had finished half a work assignment when the door burst open and in stomped a grumbling Mel.
I turned my neck to catch a glimpse. “You okay?” A loud thunk of her bag against the floor answered my own question. “What’s wrong?”
She came around the corner with a disgruntled look and tired eyes. “Shitty ass day. I swear, I’m over that place.” She pulled out the chair next to me and slumped onto it. “All weekend I worked and then Greg wanted me to stay late tonight. I told him to piss off.”
My jaw fell to the floor. “You told him to what?”
“You heard me. I told him to piss off,” she said, marveling in her attitude. “Let’s change the subject. How was Keaton?”
I shrugged in a nonchalant way.
“What’s with you?” Mel asked with a snarky grin.
My lips couldn’t hide their happiness.
She slapped the table with her hands. “Oh my god! You slept with him, didn’t you?”
My cheeks flushed. “No! It didn’t get that far. We just kissed.” I shut my laptop off and closed the lid.
“Just kissed. Come on, it’s Mr. Rub a Dub Dub who whispered sweet nothings in your ear. It’s not just a kiss. Tell me it was epic. I need to know all the details. How did his lips feel?” Mel got comfortable in her seat, resting her head in her hand.
I traced the outline of my mouth as I stared ahead at the wall. “I
thought I was going to flat line as I waited for him to kiss me, but when our lips collided, oh god, Mel. And then his hands, they didn’t let me go, they gripped me with such intensity that it made me hold onto him tighter.” I looked at Mel, with her eyes closed and her lips curved up.
“Dreamy, right?” I asked, interrupting her daydream.
Her eyes popped open and she fanned herself. “Completely epic. I told you. I knew he would be one amazing kisser.”
With a smile, I scooted my chair back and left the table, putting my laptop in my work case. Mel followed me to the living room, staring me down until I sat next to her on the couch. “But it didn’t go any further?”
“You sound disappointed.”
Her shoulders fell. “With all the sexual tension between you two, I find it hard to believe you had the willpower to stop.”
“Yeah.” There wasn’t any willpower. That was the problem. I didn’t know how far it would’ve gone if it hadn’t been for Trish coming inside. I turned toward my friend. “Hey, Mel?” My voice was hesitant.
“Yeah, babe.”
“You think all of this is okay?”
Worry lines creased her otherwise smooth forehead. “What are you getting at?”
I tucked my knees to my chest and rested my chin on them. “It doesn’t weird you out? It doesn’t make me look like a girl who can’t make up her mind?” I’d already made it up the minute I told Aidan to cross the line, but it still didn’t take away that his last name was the same as Jason’s.
“Why is it so hard for you to believe someone likes you? You can’t stay in Jason la la land for the rest of your life. If you do, you’ll miss out on living your life and living it with someone who’s actually there to talk to you. I’m not in your shoes, so I don’t know what it feels like to lose someone you loved, but I am in my own shoes, and I see a girl who needs to start living the life she wants so badly. Let the sparks between you and Aidan tingle your skin like you know they do. It’s okay to love again, Cass. And it’s okay to say goodbye to Jason. I’m not telling you to let go of the memories, but you need to live again. And Aidan . . . what you have with him, Cass, seems wonderful. You seem so different. Happy. Every time I see you smile, I know it’s not because of something I did. It’s Aidan, and you know it.”
My eyes drifted to my palm, where Aidan had drawn an imaginary X. My heart kickstarted as I remembered how something as simple as an invisible letter made me want to hold him forever that night. I needed him. “Mel?”
A knowing look crossed her face, along with a sassy grin. “Go. I got Jase. He and Auntie Mel can hang out tonight.”
I dropped my knees and threw my arms around her. “I won’t be long.”
“Sure you will,” she sang as we hugged. I kissed Jase goodbye and I flew out the door.
Cassandra
I STEPPED OUT INTO the warm evening air. Aidan only lived about twenty minutes away if I walked. My mind swirled with everything from telling myself to walk faster, to turning around and going home, and finally . . . to smiling.
I wanted this.
That last thought had a larger than life smile splashing across my face as I forced my legs to walk faster down the sidewalk. Cars buzzed by, the sun began to set, and my body wouldn’t stop shivering. It wasn’t even cold out, but I couldn’t contain myself. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket as I headed into his apartment building, sent off a text with two simple letters.
Me: XO
Two quick vibrations buzzed my hand; I looked down to read the response.
Aidan: XO
My lips curled up so hard my cheeks were sore.
Me: I think I need an X
Aidan: I need you
My already overworked lungs huffed, climbing the stairs until I reached the second floor. I veered left and stopped. With a quick glance at Moose’s text with Aidan’s address, I matched the numbers on the door and tucked my phone back in my pocket. My body flashed with waves of heat. Deep breath in and slow breath out. I put my hand to the wooden door and knocked three times. I was doing it. This. Was. It. Breathe.
The door flew open and Aidan, clad in a pair of dark jeans, grey tee, and bare feet stood in the doorway. His eyes looked me over in one fluid motion as if to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Those same eyes peered into mine and I shrugged shamelessly. “I need you too.”
A pleased grin swept across his face. I didn’t even think twice as I closed the space between us and jumped into his waiting arms. I planted my mouth on his, my lips welcoming the warmth against them. There’s nothing like a first kiss, until you had your second. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hooked my legs around his waist as he carried me inside. I was up against the door the second he closed it.
Both of his hands moved to either side of the door. My lips parted and his tongue slid in, caressing mine with a heat I never knew existed. I snaked my hands up his neck, my fingers threaded through his hair, pulling as his tongue flicked against mine. I moaned into his mouth, grinding against his pelvis, needing more of him before I ripped his clothes off like a desperate animal. In fact, that wasn’t a half-bad idea.
I untangled my hands from his hair and scrambled for the hem of his T-shirt, breaking our kiss only to tug it over his head. I threw it to the side, then moved my greedy hands over his chest, gliding over the contours, memorizing every square inch.
My thoughts, my focus, and my lips froze as his hands slid down my sides and cupped my butt with a firm, kneading grip. He smiled against my mouth. Not two seconds later, my back was up against the wall across from his couch. Aidan released his hold on my ass and I descended down his body, grinding into his arousal that bulged against his jeans, both provoking and teasing him.
His eyelids flickered closed and reopened with a look that was anything but the sweet Aidan I knew. His pupils grew wide and predatory, his swollen lips seductively tipped up in one corner. I returned his fervent grin as my feet touched the floor, my almost numb legs keeping me upright.
Forceful hands gripped my waist, taking the hem of my shirt with them as they traveled north. In one swift movement, my shirt was off and lying on the floor. Aidan’s piercing eyes gazed deep into mine, hardening the goose bumps that covered my skin.
His fingers were gentle as they removed the bra straps from my shoulders, letting them hang loosely on my arms. Warm lips hit my left shoulder, trailing the indentation where the strap once was. His soft lips kissed a path across my collarbone, leaving a fire blazing in its wake as he made his way to my right shoulder. A quiet whimper escaped me as he rammed his hard body against me. Lips, tongue, kiss. Lips, tongue, kiss. The hypnotic rhythm of his mouth to my skin had my legs clenching together as the heat grew intensely between them. His body eased from mine, as did his mouth.
His hands moved to the wall on either side of me as his lips formed a grin that told me I was in for it. It only made me want to rip his pants off. I moved my hands from his hips and went for what I wanted.
His stomach muscles contracted as my fingers brushed the waist of jeans, grazing his skin in the process. I fumbled for his zipper, ready to lower his jeans and release him. His hand immediately covered mine as he separated our lips, stopping everything. With jagged breaths, Aidan leaned his forehead to mine.
“I won’t be able to stop . . . I only have so much willpower.” He breathed his words out one at a time.
I sucked in a much needed breath and closed my eyes. “When I said I needed you, I meant it. I need all of you, Aidan. I want all of you. Please, for the love of God, don’t stop.” I peeled my eyes open, and witnessed a dark chocolate color taking over his irises. “Please. Don’t. Stop,” I whispered.
“Say it again.”
“Don’t stop.” I grinned before I pressed my lips to his jaw, leisurely trailing nibbles down his throat. A growl rumbled from his chest and my lips smiled against his flesh. I loved that I did that to him.
A deep voice echoed in my ear, “I won’t.” He snaked his arms arou
nd my waist and pulled me closer.
I arched into him, needing him—right now. I clawed at his waist, silently pleading for him to just take me against this wall. I sucked in a breath. His fingers traveled to my back and with one hand the clasp of my bra unhooked, freeing my breasts from their lacy confinement. My arms dangled loosely as I let the straps fall the rest of the way down.
I should’ve felt self-conscious because my breasts weren’t what they used to be after having Jase, but I was beyond caring. Aidan was about to give me everything I’d dared to crave and more. I’d never longed for a touch so deep, so consuming. A desire so strong it threw the world out the window, saying goodbye to everything that ever existed. Leaving only a hunger so desperate to devour all your thoughts.
His hands finally succumbed to my need as they cupped my breasts. I bowed toward his touch, impatiently begging for more. As if on cue, his teeth nipped at my nipple and a soft cry escaped my mouth. He didn’t miss one beat as his skillful tongue showed the same love to my other side.
Before I could pull him up to my greedy lips, his head lowered to my waist and he knelt in front of me. His hooded eyes peered up; darkness was replaced with a lustrous hazel. The green that swirled through them was more vibrant than I’d ever seen as they pinned me to the very wall I didn’t think I’d ever be able to leave.
Those eyes continued to suck me in as his fingers meticulously unzipped my pants, working my jeans down my thighs with a gentleness that had my panties more than damp. The ache between my legs grew desperate as the last of my jeans were off and piled next to my bra. I stood before him in nothing but a pair of black lace panties.
My heart raced with trepidation. The notion of being naked in front of Aidan replaced all my excitement and need with insecurities. My breaths started to come in short waves as reality hit. My post-baby body wasn’t anything I was proud of. My stomach wasn’t tight like it used to be, and suddenly I wished I could cower behind my clothes. What was I thinking? I inched my hands over my stomach to hide my small mommy tummy.
