by Nancy Adams
"Okay," she said, "ready or not, here I come." She leaned slightly forward, once again letting her arms take her weight, and wheeled her foot forward. Just like before, her right foot moved the way it should, and then her left foot followed. Each step took about five seconds, so she wasn't going to win any foot races; on the other hand, she would soon be able to get around better on her own.
Another benefit of a walker would be that she would be standing a lot. At that moment, doing simple things like reaching for a cup in the cabinet meant calling for help, simply because she was too low to reach anything that was more than three feet off the floor. Like so many things about her condition, that left her frustrated, so the thought of being able to hold onto her walker and stand while she reached for that cup in the cabinet was one that seemed like a reward she was striving to obtain.
"Great job," Rob said, "that's two steps. Only eight more, come on, you can do it! Keep coming, it's not that much farther."
"Come on, Katie," Kylie said. "Come on, come on, you got this."
Katie made her fourth step, and then her fifth. Each step brought her closer to the opposite end of the bars, but she knew that it also got her closer to being out of that wheelchair forever. That was her goal; that was what was driving her today. She hated that thing, not so much because of the discomfort as because of what it represented. A wheelchair, to her, meant weakness, and if there was one thing Katie was determined not to ever show again, it was any form of weakness.
She made it to the end, and without saying a word she turned and started back, one foot after the other. Rob and Kylie kept cheering her on, and despite the fact that her arms were starting to hurt, she found herself laughing. She'd never reached the point of considering this to be fun, but it definitely beat sitting on her butt in that chair.
"Look at that, look at that, you're almost halfway back," Rob said. Katie looked up at him and smiled, and the smile she got in return made her think again about what it might be like to have him interested in her romantically, but like always, she pushed that thought aside. She'd happily settle for seeing him smile as he encouraged her, and secretly keep hoping that he would notice her little sister.
She made it! She reached the end of the bars where she had begun and started to turn to sit down, but something made her stay on her feet. She was standing as she had in the beginning, her back to the chair, the bars ahead of her, and without saying anything to Rob or Kylie, she simply started walking toward the other end once more.
"Oh, my God, Katie, are you sure?" Kylie asked her, but Katie just kept going. One foot after the other, one step following the one before, and before she knew it, she had reached the other end again. She turned, but this time it was a strain. Her arms were tired and aching, so when she turned around and started walking back, she was trembling. Still, she pressed on, and though it took her almost three times as long as the first trip through the bars, she made it back to the beginning. Rob and Kylie had to help her sit down in her wheelchair, where she sat gasping for breath, sweat pouring off of her face, exhausted but full of joy and excitement.
"Okay, I think you're going to sit there for a while, this time," Rob said. "I'm serious, I want you to sit there and rest for at least ten minutes. Got that?"
Katie smiled as she nodded. "I've—I got it," she gasped out.
Rob grinned at her. At that moment, he doubted she could get out of the chair even if it were on fire, but if there was one thing he had figured out about her, it was that she would never stop trying. He wished all of his clients had her determination, her drive to achieve and succeed. If they did, his life would be so much easier.
Rob dropped down to his knees in front of her, grabbed her right leg, and began to massage it. Since the weather was fairly warm, Katie was in the habit of wearing shorts, which meant that she was feeling his hands on the bare flesh of her calves, as he switched from one leg to the other, working and kneading the muscles to get the blood flowing in them the way it should.
Damn! she thought to herself. What is going on with me? Since when do I think about him this way? Since when is he so appealing that just touching my leg is enough to get me flustered? Oh, if Kylie sees my face right now, she will be so mad at me! Come on, Katie Lou, get a grip, and get a grip right now!
She couldn't help it, and glanced up at her sister's face. Kylie was looking at hers, all right, and it was fairly obvious that she could tell exactly what tangled emotions Katie was feeling. The funny thing was, she didn't look all that upset in fact; while Katie sat there turning red, Kylie looked her dead in the eye—and winked.
Katie Lou dropped her eyes, not trusting her face and what it might be saying. Okay, okay, Rob got to her a little bit; well, that was too bad, because Katie Lou, fresh out of a devastating breakup, wasn't about to get romantically involved with anyone! If Rob was in her future, it was a distant future, and she wasn't going to rush anything. If that was the way it was meant to be, fine, but he was going to have to wait, and that was all there was to it.
Ten minutes later, with both legs almost sore from the rough massage they'd been receiving, Katie knew she still wasn't ready to tackle those bars again. When she said so, Rob only nodded and said he had something new for her to try, anyway. He rolled her over to a corner where a post with a padded cross piece on top of it stuck up from the floor, pushed her chair right up to it, then locked its brakes and lifted her legs so that her knees were on top of the pad. He reached over onto a rack and picked up a couple of small ankle weights, and quickly wrapped one around each of her ankles.
"Katie, what I want you to do is simply lift each ankle, each leg, and extend it straight out for as long as you can. Just hold straight for as long as you can manage, and then let it down and try with the other leg."
Katie grinned. "So now my legs get to be weightlifters?" she asked. "I thought you said they were strong enough, but just needed new ways to get the message about what they were supposed to do?"
"That's exactly right, and this isn't about building up the muscles, it's about teaching you to work against resistance, teaching your legs to remember how to push through even when something is trying to hold them back, like gravity. Don't worry, you'll do fine. Just remember that sometimes, exercise isn't about building strength as much as it's about telling your legs who's boss. In this case, that your brain is their boss and they must do what it tells them to do."
Katie nodded, and began lifting each leg, stretching it out in front of her the way he'd told her to do. Rob watched for a moment, then patted her on the shoulder and said she was doing great and he would be back. As he walked out of the room, Kylie knelt down beside her.
"That leg rub get to you a little bit, did it?" Kylie asked her, and Katie turned red again.
"Hey, I couldn't help it," she said. “You try not to feel a little rush when a hot guy starts rubbing on your bare legs.”
Kylie laughed. “Relax, Katie Lou, I know. On the other hand, it's becoming pretty obvious that he can't even see me, as long as you're in the room. His eyes never leave you, not for a second.”
Katie laughed. "Well, duh," she said. "I think that has more to do with the fact that the insurance is paying him a hundred and twenty dollars an hour than any appeal I might hold for him. Kylie, think about it. He's a great-looking guy, and in great shape. Why in the world would he be interested in someone like me, someone who’s broken?"
"Oh, but you forget," Kylie said, shaking her head. "Rob was also broken, remember? He knows exactly what you're feeling, what you're going through. You think he doesn't feel some emotional investment in you, if nothing else just because of that? Trust me, Sis, that man's got it for you, even worse than I had it for him. You ought to go for it."
Katie froze for a moment, forgetting to continue her exercises. She looked up at her sister and smiled sadly, shaking her head. "Kylie, I want you to understand this. I'll grant you he's a great guy, and under other circumstances I'd probably jump at the chance. Trouble is, this isn't
other circumstances; I'm broken, damaged goods, and even worse than that, I'm trying to struggle back up to life from nearly drowning in a relationship that I thought was real, but obviously wasn't. The worst thing I could do, the absolute worst thing I could ever do, would be to get involved with a nice guy while I'm trying to get over one who broke my heart. Neither one of us would end up happy, that I'm sure of." She went back to flexing her legs, the way she was supposed to, turning her head to watch her feet rise and fall. "Kylie, honey, he's all yours. My time will come, or at least I hope so, but this ain't it."
The two of them grinned and winked at each other as the door opened and Rob came back into the room. He smiled as he saw Katie working at her exercises, then patted her shoulder. "That's it," he said, "keep it up, keep it up. We'll have you on that walker in no time. I get the impression you're not going to miss the old wheelchair, are you?"
Katie grinned up at him. "The only way I could miss this wheelchair," she said, "is if somebody bumps my elbow as I'm squeezing the trigger. Seriously, the only good use I could think of for this thing would be target practice."
Rob laughed, a delightful laugh. "Oh, no, no," he said. "Believe me, I know people who would jump at the chance to have that chair, because the one they've got is falling apart out from underneath them. Yours is almost brand new, and you haven't put any real wear or tear on it. I just figured, as bad as you hate it, you wouldn't mind donating it to someone who needs one but can't afford it."
Katie Lou made a face, but it had a grin in it. "Listen, I'll be glad to donate it to anyone who needs it. To be completely honest, I can't get rid of it soon enough. Don't you think I'm ready for the walker today?"
Rob scrunched up his own face, as if he were thinking about it seriously. "Well, I don't think so quite yet," he said, "but I think there's a very good chance we can have you on it by this weekend. Like I said, it's only Monday. You keep going like you've done today the rest of this week, and there's no doubt in my mind. You can do it, Katie Lou, I know you can."
He had her keep going with the ankle weights for the rest of their session, but she insisted on walking the bars again before she left. Rob grinned as he helped her get onto her feet. She was still tired from her previous efforts, but he had to admire her determination.
"Girl," he said, "you amaze me! It's a good thing for me they don't have a book out there on do-it-yourself physical therapy, or you wouldn't even need me at all."
Katie winked at him, and flicked her eyes towards Kylie and then back to Rob. "Of course I would," she said innocently. "If I stopped needing to come over here every day, poor little Kylie would waste away from a broken heart over not getting to see you each day."
Rob stifled the grin that was trying to burst across his face, while Kylie turned to glare at her sister. Rob caught Katie Lou's eye and winked back, then said, "Oh, well, we can't have that, now, can we?" He turned to Kylie. "Kylie, would you think me too forward if I were to ask you if you would be willing to accompany me to a dance this Saturday? There's one at the country club, a benefit for a local charity, and I would love it if you would be willing to be my date. I was thinking that we could go out to dinner beforehand, because while the dancing and refreshments will be great, I'm not that fond of the cooking out there." He stood there and looked at Kylie, expectantly.
Kylie, in return, was simply staring at him. Her eyes were wide, and her lips slightly parted, as if she couldn't quite believe what she had heard. Rob's face began to look slightly flustered, as if he suddenly was afraid she would turn him down, so Katie Lou came to the rescue.
"Kylie? Kylie! Snap out of it! Good grief, girl, the man of your dreams just asked for a date! The least you could do is let the guy off the hook and help him stop worrying that you're going to say no! Tell him yes, for goodness sake!
2
"I can't believe you choked up," Katie said. "You've been drooling over that guy for two solid weeks now, and when he finally asks you out, you just freeze up and stare at him. How pathetic is that?"
Kylie rolled her eyes as she drove them toward their home. "I know, I know," she said. "Oh, Lord, I'm surprised he didn't back out and tell me to forget it. If someone had done me that way, I probably would have."
"Well, then you had better be glad that he's a better person than you are, hadn't you? Hey, chill; at least now you know he does like you, and he hasn't completely ignored the fact that you've done everything but throw yourself on the floor in front of him to try to get his attention."
Kylie whipped her face around to look at her sister for a split second, then snapped it back to watch the road ahead. "Oh, come on, I wasn't that bad!"
Katie laughed. "Kylie, there were a few times you were throwing it out there so hard, I thought I was going to have to throw a bucket of ice water on you to cool you off. Come on, relax, he's a hot guy and it's understandable. Just don't—you know—make things too easy for him."
"Okay, this conversation is getting a little too intimate for my comfort level," Kylie said. "You’re my sister, not my freaking therapist. And you can relax, because I don't plan on making anything all that easy, not for him, or anyone else, for that matter. Believe it or not, there's still a lot of the old-fashioned girl inside me, and I happen to like her. While I'm not going to say I haven't made a mistake or two in my life, there are some things I believe should be saved for the right time, and sometimes that right time is after the wedding."
Katie grinned. "See, I knew I was a good influence on you all those years. It's about time you admit it."
They pulled up at the house, and Kylie got the wheelchair out of the back of the truck and brought it around to Katie's side. She opened her sister's door, and held the chair steady as Katie swung herself out of the truck and into it.
"Okay, old wheelchair," Katie said, "if all goes well, you'll be getting a new home in a few days. I wish I could say I'll miss you, but I'd be lying if I did. Hopefully, the next owner you have will be someone who appreciates all you do for them, but I'm afraid you're really just not my type."
Kylie chuckled, but of course, she understood exactly what her sister was trying to say. The wheelchair, while it was a necessity at the moment, was the first and most devastating symbol given to her of her disability. Katie had once been a cheerleader, the girl who was always at the top of the pyramid, the one who got tossed into the air, the one who always got the most attention at every football game. To have something thrust on her that simply reminded her over and over of what she could no longer do was like shoving salt into the wound until it tore and became even bigger. Just to wake up every morning and see the monster waiting for her was bad enough, but to realize that she was absolutely, unavoidably dependent on it had to eat at her self-esteem and self-respect.
Kylie pulled the wheelchair back a bit, and Katie pushed the door closed, then reached down and grabbed the wheels and began pushing herself toward the ramp. When she got to it, she quickly spun the wheelchair around and went up the ramp backwards, something she had discovered was easier than trying to push her way up it forward. Once she was up on the deck, she spun again so that she could roll forward through the door into the house.
One of the most amazing things, to Kylie, about the whole situation was that Katie had adapted to it so quickly. While she might have hated the wheelchair, she was actually quite good at maneuvering it around. Just the day before, she had insisted on going shopping, and she'd had no real trouble wheeling herself through the aisles of the stores. Kylie was sure that if it had turned out she needed to stay in a wheelchair forever, Katie would've adapted to it with no problem whatsoever.
“So,” Katie Lou asked as they entered the house, “what do you feel like making for dinner? I told Mom we'd have it ready when they got home, and I've sorta got a taste for chicken, myself. Maybe a chicken stir fry?”
Kylie slid the door closed behind her and shrugged her shoulders. “I could live with it, unless you could handle plain old fried chicken. We've got time, and I'
ve had a yen for mashed potatoes and gravy the last few days.”
Katie smiled. “Fried chicken sounds fine,” she said, “but you'll have to run to the store and get some. All we've got here is canned chicken and some frozen chicken tenders. Ooh, and get some cream-style corn, that goes great with fried chicken!”
Kylie laughed as she passed through the kitchen. “No problem. You wanna go?” Katie Lou didn't say anything for a moment, and Kylie stopped and looked around at her. “Hey—you okay?”
Katie suddenly smiled and nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “I was just thinking. It's been a while since we were all here together, y'know? And it's been a while since you and I were so close. As much as I hate this wheelchair, the accident has brought the family back together, hasn't it?”
Kylie came back into the kitchen and sat down at the table. “Katie, what are you getting at? I was gone to college for a while, but so were you, and we're both adults, now. I think it's normal for a family to sort of, I dunno, spread out a bit, as the kids grow up? Don't you think? I mean, yeah, I can see how we're all back to being more like we were before you and I grew up and went off to school, but I think that's just a normal reaction to—to something happening in our lives that affects us all. It could have been one of a million other things.”
Katie nodded. “I know, I'm not trying to say it's all about me,” she said. “I'm just saying it seems like we've gone back in time. In some ways, it feels nice; in others, I catch myself wishing it hadn't ever happened, and not just because I got hurt. Part of me wishes that my life hadn't been shattered this way, that I was still about to be Mrs. Allsip, that I was still moving to St. Louis to be the wife of a hot young lawyer with political ambitions.” She wiped a stray tear from her eye. “Then again, it's those political ambitions that are what really ruined my life. I wonder what would have happened if this accident came along after we'd been married for five years. Would he still have gotten rid of me?”
