“No, I don’t. I wasn’t thinking straight, and even though I was hurt and confused, I was still planning on having that pretty little hand of yours wrapped tightly up in mine while watching a sunset that night. I never once thought that wasn’t going to happen. I just wanted to get out of that place and clean up for my girl.”
“Oregon was the best place to take a shower?” I ask, still upset. He runs his hands down his face.
“I had no idea when I got in that car I would be on my way to Oregon.”
“And whose car would that be?”
“I was with Grace,” he answers. My eyes go wide. “Yeah, I was shocked, too. I was sitting, waiting for Landon, and Grace showed up. I didn’t know if she was dead or alive, so when I saw her walking toward me, looking like a different person—”
“A different person?”
“She doesn’t look like the Grace I grew up taking care of.” He adds, “I just wanted to get my bike and some clothes, then I was coming straight home to you. But, as soon as she got on the freeway and told me she lived in Oregon, I didn’t know what to do. She said if I wanted my bike, I’d have to go there to get it. I just thought if I could get my bike, then back to you before you knew I had been released, everything would be okay.”
“That’s not what happened, Jace. You could have called me and told me what happened.”
“I was scared to call you! I knew I had already let you down, and I just wanted to get back to you.”
“Four days, Jace?”
“There were circumstances to why it took me four days to get back to you.” Letting out a breath, I walk around him to open my door. I unlock it and walk inside. He starts walking behind me, and I stop him. “You aren’t coming in.”
“I want to come home,” he begs. I shake my head no. “We aren’t done talking. I need to tell you why I wasn’t back—”
“Maybe I already saw the reason why.”
He tilts his head to the side, and his hair falls over his forehead. He throws it back. “You don’t know why. I want to come home. We need to talk.”
“You hurt me, Jace.” I stand in the doorway. “Did you sleep with that girl in the picture?”
“What?”
“You were hurt by what Landon told you. Did you sleep with that girl because you were hurt by what he said?”
He reaches to pull me into his arms, and I back away. “I would never touch another girl! I did not let that girl take a picture with me… I had no idea she was taking that picture…but I can assure you these hands and these lips have only ever been on you.” I start to cry, and he comes closer to me. “Let me hold you. Please, let me make us right again.”
“Maybe because you were drunk! You looked wasted in it!”
He steps back, and his eyes get big. “It wasn’t like that… I…”
“Oh my God, you admit it!”
“No, Shay! Let me explain.”
“No!”
“No? I don’t get to explain? You have pictures that look like you are kissing a movie star, the guy you stayed with last night! You walked away from me and left with him!” His jaw tightens, and his eyebrows pull even tighter. “Did he touch you?”
“Are you questioning my loyalty to you?”
“You’re questioning mine. I know what I did when I was away from you. I don’t care what picture is out there of me with some girl I met at a bar.”
“So, you admit you were at a bar with a girl?”
“I was at a bar that had a girl bartender. Now that I remember, she wanted a picture of Shay Stark’s fiancé. I told her who my girl was. There is nothing more to that picture than her snapping one of me when I was leaving the bar, and I didn’t allow her—”
“But you were drunk with her?”
“No, I wasn’t. I was drunk with myself, drowning in my stupidity from disappointing you. I didn’t even know she was taking my picture until she already snapped it. You should never question my loyalty to you, Shay. You’re the love of my life.”
“And you think you need to question me?”
“You’re the one that slept at some movie star’s house last night—that you’ve been sharing a lot of time with while I’ve been away,” he says, pained. “Maybe you lost your charm bracelet at his house.”
“Nice, Jace.” Tears are flowing freely now.
He scrubs his hands over his face, and tears pool in his eyes as he drags his teeth over his plump bottom lip. “Baby.” He moves closer.
“No, Jace.”
“Do you think for one second I would ever put my mouth on anyone else’s? Don’t push me away. I can’t ever place my hand in anyone’s but yours. Ever.”
“I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” I say quietly to myself as he stares at me. “I think you should go.” Slowly, he shakes his head no, a tear falling out of each of his eyes.
“I’m not leaving you.”
“But you did.”
“I will never leave your side again,” he cries out. “I want to hold you.” I shake my head no as he reaches out for me.
“No.” I stand firm. He closes his eyes. “You could have held me every week you denied me visits, and you could have been home with me the last four days.” I wipe the anger off my face.
“I was in prison. I needed to keep you safe!”
“You weren’t in prison the last four days,” I spit out. His cries threaten to make me break. “You need to leave.”
“I want to come home to you, Shay.”
Quiet, calm words leave my mouth, and hurt and sadness glaze his soulful eyes that plead into mine.
“Did you really think I was going to throw the door open, welcoming you home after getting out of prison and not calling me to pick you up? I’ve sat here not knowing what happened to you.”
NATIONAL CRISIS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
THE PRETTIEST FACE I’VE ever seen staring at me, blocking my way home, has a nonstop journey back to her bringing me to my knees.
“I need to hold you and feel that we’ll be okay, Shay.”
“I needed you to hold me on the other side of those prison walls, and I respected your wishes. I held on to your promise to wrap your arms around me the second you were released, and you broke that promise.”
“You are my only reason to breathe, and I’ve been gasping for air since the moment they put me in that cop car and drove me away from you.” I shake my head, trying to get her to believe me.
“How hard do you think it was for me to breathe when I left that prison being told you had been released? How hard do you think it’s been for me as each day passed by with no word from you?”
“If it was half as hard for you to breathe as it was for me not being able to get to you, then I would say it was devastatingly hard.”
“National crisis of epic proportions, Jace,” she cries softly. I put my hands on my face with so much guilt for what I’ve put her through.
“We can get through this,” I tell her, removing my hands and reaching out to her again.
“Can we?” she asks, stepping back into the place she’s been making a home for us.
“It’s not an option. Don’t even say that. Of course, we can, and we will. It’s only you and me, and if I have to fight for you, Shay, I will. I will always fight for us.”
“I don’t want you fighting anyone ever again. That’s what took you away from me.”
“I promised you I would never fight again. I could have broken that promise last night when you walked away from me with Hunter, and I didn’t because I won’t ever let that happen to us again. I walked miles through the rough streets of L.A., rode bus after bus just to hold your hand and kiss your lips for a few minutes as a kid, for years. I wanted to break through metal bars, glass, and climb over barbed wire walls to get back to you. Don’t think for one second I ever want to be away from you again. I will never risk putting you through that again.” I wipe years of want and need from my face. “I’ll give you space. I will wait for you, always, but yo
u’ve got to ease my mind. Tell me you haven’t lost faith in me, in us, in our love. I know I’ve broken promises, but my love for you and our commitment to each other has never been broken.”
I NEED TO CATCH MY BREATH
“I’M NOT A PROMISE breaker,” I tell him. He lets out a shaky sigh.
“But you told Grace you would always fight for me, unless I gave you a reason not to. Did I give you a reason to give up on me, baby?”
“She told you that?”
Nodding, he answers, “I have a lot to tell you about my time away, and if you let me come home, you’ll hear everything.”
“I need to catch my breath first.”
He runs his hands through my favorite head of hair. “I’ll go to Landon’s, let you take a breath, but I’ve been holding mine for a long time, so don’t keep me away from you.”
“I don’t want to be away from you either. I just—”
“Just tell me I still have the other half of your heart.”
“You will always have all of my heart, Jace,” I say. He closes his eyes and lets out a breath. “You look tired. Go take a nap.”
“I can’t sleep until I’m in that bed you have waited for me to spoon you in.”
“That’s not happening today.”
“I know.” He lowers his head. “Do you still love me, baby?”
I nod and slowly close my door. I feel him lean against it and hear his voice telling me to lock myself in, then I slide down to the floor in a puddle of tears.
THE BIGGEST LEARNING LESSON I’VE EVER HAD
AS SHAY SHUTS THE door, I’m ready to start pounding on it to let me in. I lean into it, whispering for her to lock the door. When I hear the click of the lock, I walk back to my bike and head to Landon’s.
“Well, I see you’re back. Looks like you didn’t get a welcome home party,” Landon greets me, reading a textbook.
“Funny,” I say, plopping down on his small couch. “No welcome home party for me. She wouldn’t even let me through the front door. It about killed me not to throw her over my shoulder and take her to our bedroom she’s been telling me about. I could smell her tropical scent coming from the inside of the condo.” I moan loudly. “Fucking torture, bro.”
“I’m glad she’s torturing you. You had us fucking worried sick, man.”
“Yeah, I know. This was the biggest learning lesson I’ve ever had. I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt I will never fuck up like that again.”
“I would hope not,” he says, putting his book down. “So, what’s next?”
“I don’t know. She told me she needs to take a breath, and I told her I’ve been holding mine a long time already, so I don’t want to be away from her.”
“Well, you look like shit. You haven’t slept in a couple of days, and you’ve traveled far. Just try to sleep off the rest of the day. She’s not letting you in that house today anyway.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I just don’t like being so close to her and not having her in my arms, you know?” I close my eyes just as my phone rings in my pocket. I grab it quickly.
“That was fast,” Landon says, chuckling.
“Trust me. It’s not my girl. Jules told me she broke her phone, so at least now I know why she didn’t answer my calls.” I answer the phone. “Hi, Grace.”
“Jace, is everything okay? Are you with Shay? What time did you get there?” she asks in one breath. My eyes close again, and I feel myself start to drift off.
“I’m tired, Mom. Can I call you back?”
“Well, where is Shay?”
“Not with me.”
“Why?”
“She won’t let me in the house with her.”
“Oh no, Jace. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, Mom. She will, or I’ll break down the damn door.”
“You can’t break any doors! You’ll get arrested!”
I chuckle as I say, “I’m just kidding. Relax, Grace. I won’t break any doors. She’s angry with me, and I’m letting her be, because I deserve her anger. We’ll be fine. Trust me.”
“Okay, well, call me later.”
“All right,” I tell her, hanging up and setting my phone on my chest. I told my girl I wouldn’t sleep until I was in bed with her, but I think sleep is what I need to have the strength to get back in there. I let my body fall into a much-needed rest.
OUR BEST INTENTIONS
AFTER A QUICK SHOWER, I’m out the door to pick up my new phone.
“Did all my pictures download okay?” I ask the clerk.
“Yes, we retrieved all of them just fine.”
“Thank you.”
I walk out of the store, get back into my car, and turn on my phone. My boy’s face lights up, and I smile, then I frown when I see all the missed calls from his number. I haven’t seen My Boy pop up on my phone in a year, and it overwhelms me. He tried calling me numerous times yesterday. I scroll to the last messages he sent me before this nightmare began.
Me: Hey, baby! Don’t forget tonight is the grad party I was telling you about.
My Boy: I didn’t forget. I will be there as soon as I can.
Me: I can’t wait to see you. I love you.
My Boy: Have I told you how much you mean to me?
Me: Always.
My Boy: See you soon.
I want to text him right now, tell him how much I love him, how sorry I am that night ever happened. I would do anything to have chosen a different path that night, but I didn’t, and we will forever be haunted by what happened. I set my phone on my lap and drive to my parents’ house. Jules calls me when I reach the top of the drive.
“Don’t be mad at me. I didn’t know he was back until he called me at the party.”
“But you didn’t tell me, Jules.”
“I’m the worst best friend ever! I just freaked out, and I told him to come there because I didn’t know what to do. Then, when we hung up and I thought about it, I texted him not to come, that I would get you home. It was too late, though. He was already almost there,” she says, never stopping to take a breath.
“Well, we can’t change it now.”
“Do you still love me?”
“Yes, you dork, I still love you.” I roll my eyes, giggling.
“So, is your boy sleeping off his one-year dry spell right now?”
“No, Jules, we didn’t have sex!”
“Why?”
“Because I’m angry at him. I stayed at Hunter’s last night.”
“Oh God, tell me you didn’t do something with Hunter because you were mad at Jace?”
“Okay, now, you’re the worst best friend ever. Don’t you know me at all?”
“Okay…okay… I know you wouldn’t do that, but why aren’t you with your hot ex-jailbird?”
“Because he needs to suffer a bit for what he did to me.”
“You’re right. He does need to suffer.”
“Jules.” I soften my voice. “I love him so much, and it’s the hardest thing ever not to jump in his arms, but he hurt me, and right now, that hurt is taking over all my boy’s sweet sexiness.”
“How long are you going to make him suffer?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to be apart, but I think he needs to understand what a broken promise can do to us. Whatever kept him away didn’t keep him from calling me the second he was told he was being released. That is what hurts the most.”
“And the girl in the picture?”
“He told me a little bit about what he thought it was, and I believe him. I know, just like he knows, that our love won’t ever be tested like that, but we still need to talk about all of that.”
“Well, thank God. That would have been a hot boy tragedy if I would’ve had to kill your hotness over a mess up like that,” Jules says in her dramatic fashion. “I have to go to San Francisco. I’ll be back in a couple of days. Call me if you need me.”
“I will.” I hang up the phone and head into my parents’ house, striding past Tatum and Tri
stan, who are running up the stairs yelling at each other like four year olds and not fourteen. I walk to the kitchen where my parents are practically mauling each other on the countertop. “Seriously, aren’t you too old for that?” My dad takes his mouth off my mom’s neck, and she giggles while he pushes off her.
“Do you see how beautiful your mother is? She gets more irresistible as the years go on,” he says, giving his best Stark smile.
“Oh, Steven.” Mom blushes.
“It’s true, honey. You are the sexiest woman, and I still can’t believe you fell for a punk like me.”
“You mean bad boy, Dad,” I interject. Mom shakes her head, and Dad rolls his eyes. “Speaking of bad boys,” I add.
“Yeah, where is your ‘bad boy’?” Mom air quotes. “He’s going to get his first official Stark spanking when I see him for all that worrying he put us through.”
“Cut the boy some slack, Melody. Your punk made a mistake like that once before, too.”
“And, you never made that mistake again. Did you, Steven?”
“And, chance losing you? No way, baby,” he says boyishly, making Mom blush. Seriously, this right here, these two people are the epitome of love.
“Okay, can we seriously stop focusing on you two when I have a real-life crisis going on?” I interrupt.
“Shay, maybe what happened to your dad and me was a long time ago, but it’s still very fresh in my mind. It’s the one and only time he ever really let me down. Don’t disregard someone else’s pain because of your own. Your dad took off and left me wondering where he was, too.”
“You’re right, Mom, and if you felt half as bad as I have the last four days, then I completely take back my lack of sensitivity.”
“I’m going to let you two girls talk about your boy problems.” Dad smiles and kisses us both on the cheek.
“Umm, wait, Dad.”
“What?”
“How did Mom know Jace was back? I didn’t have a phone to call and tell her.” I pause. “Never mind. Beau must have told you guys because he was at the party that Jace showed up and surprised me.”
Questionable Love (A Love Beyond Labels #2) Page 32
